Any reflections on doing the resentment journal? Ex. #11

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Monica Ash
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Any reflections on doing the resentment journal? Ex. #11

Doing the resentment journal the other day showed me that I let most things go for the sake of peace.  Though I'm not a doormat, I sort of live by the adage, would I rather be right or happy?  I found out that knowing I'm right, even if the other person doesn't accept it, is enough!  I also discovered that I'm not the type of person who gets drawn into arguments.  I did discover a couple of my triggers--I don't like any form criticism nor my intelligence questioned!  One thing I thought was interesting doing the exercise was listing hurts I caused to other people.  That was hard, because I don't try to do anything to hurt another person.  But, I recognized when I was listing the slights I felt against me, that that person's intent wasn't to delibrately try to hurt me--it was an off the cuff remark that they probably never gave a second thought and I brooded on.  So then I thought, "Wow--what do I maybe say or do that I don't realize unintentionally hurts someone else?  That was an eye-opener!  It really causes you to analyze your actions and weigh your words carefully.

jan230
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Harm we might do to others

I received a reply to one of my forgiveness cards that let me know that I really did hurt this person!  I never knew!  Nor did this person say what it was that i did!  So this goes to show me that there are things I do unknowingly that hurts or harms others & this is sobering and alarming.  I, too, don't want to harm others but I do and I will have to amp up my awareness so I am more atuned to this possibility.  Part of me is curious as to what I did to hurt this other person but I do not, as of right now, have the courage to ask.  Sitting with this.....

Rabbi Rami
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Don't Let Best be the Enemy of Good

I agree with jan230 that it is ofen wise to amp up our awareness so as to avoid hurting others, but we can overdo this as well. The fact is we have no real control over what will hurt another. Sure, if I chop off your fingers you'll probably hate me forever, but most of the hurt we cause isn't so dramatic, and may not be caused by us at all. We may be the catalyst for another's suffering, and not be the cause. I once innocently commented on a friend's lack of rhythm with the intent of helping her learn how to use conga drums. It turned out that having rhythm was very important to her as it had something to do with her difficult relatiaonship with her dad who was a muscician. I had no idea, and while I apologized she could not forgive me. Did I cause her pain? No, I triggered it. The pain was already there. 

 

ogreatqueen
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The pain was already there

I am in the middle of a slowly emerging aha moment.  The difference between causing pain and triggering pain that is already there is beginning to crack open my resistance. How can I hold on to anger and righteousness for something that was already here (in me)? Something that was triggered by someone's words or actions. I suppose that in the moment the more appropriate response could be inner compassion toward our small triggered self. "What is this reaction telling me about what I'm holding on to, or not attending to?  What am I defending or safeguarding as so central and important to who (i) am or how (i) am defining myself that I'm willing to hold on to this powerful negative energy within me? The holding seems to be a misguided attempt to somehow vali date our worth internally. Would I not be better served to transform the arising feeling/reaction/energy to a positive inquiry within me? What is this anger pointing to within me that needs my attention ? That I may remember to choose to remember that I can direct the power of my attention there ( to the holding pattern/self-defining protection) instead of outward in blame is my new awareness and invitation to observe in myself.

jas288
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jas288
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Rabbi Rami
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Go Along to Get Along

I am very taken with the Enneagram, and seem to be a 9. If you're not familar with the Enneagram you might want to check it out. Let me suggest the little book My Best Self by Hurley and Dobson to get you started.  What I desire most of all is harmony. The way this plays out, sadly, is that I avoid conflict, surpress my own feelings, and fall into passive aggressive habits. Oh, yes, it's true, but please don't forget I am also an enlightened spiritual master. But, seriously, when I look at what movtivates much of my behavior it is the desire to "stay calm and carry on." This is not a healthy response (the Enneagram shows us were our worldview and motivations are distorted and how to get them right). I mention this only to support Monica discovery.

Monica Ash
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Enneagram

#3, The Achiever.  Absolutely no surprises there!  ;)

mal116
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