{"id":4555,"date":"2019-07-23T13:37:31","date_gmt":"2019-07-23T19:37:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/manyvoices.soundstrue.com\/?p=4555"},"modified":"2020-04-07T16:42:28","modified_gmt":"2020-04-07T16:42:28","slug":"bigger-isnt-always-better-and-other-cultural-myths","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/blog\/bigger-isnt-always-better-and-other-cultural-myths\/","title":{"rendered":"Bigger Isn\u2019t Always Better (and Other Cultural Myths)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"BiggerSome of our beliefs aren\u2019t even ours. Like old wives\u2019 tales passed down through generations or reflected back to us through society, we inherited certain cultural and familial narratives, adopted them, and left them unquestioned as \u201cTruth.\u201d Sometimes these inherited narratives and beliefs manifest as unquestioned traditions. For example, when making the Thanksgiving turkey, my friend\u2019s mother always cut the breast of the bird off and roasted it separately. This process was embedded in my friend\u2019s view of \u201chow to cook a turkey.\u201d When she moved to New York and began hosting her own Thanksgivings, she also sliced the top off the turkey and cooked it separately. Naturally. <\/span><\/p>\n

One year a guest asked her why she didn\u2019t cook the turkey whole, which got her to thinking. She didn\u2019t actually know why. It\u2019s just the way it had always been done. So she called her mother to ask about the tradition: Why do we cut the tops off our turkeys? Her mother replied that she had always taken the top off because her mother had always taken the top off; it\u2019s just the way she had learned how to cook a turkey. Naturally curious as to where this learned behavior all began, her mother called her mother, my acquaintance\u2019s grandmother, and asked: Why do we cut the tops off our turkeys?<\/span><\/p>\n

The grandmother, stumped, thought for a long, hard minute. \u201cOh,\u201d she remembered, \u201cthe oven in my very first apartment was too small to fit an entire turkey, so I had to cook it with the top cut off.\u201d Sixty years later, in a city across the country, my acquaintance was still cooking turkeys as a result of an oven that was too small. This is how inherited narrative works.<\/span><\/p>\n

Here are some of the narratives that I inherited over the years, in order from most helpful to least: You can be anything that you want to be. Money isn\u2019t very important. It is what it is, and it can\u2019t be changed. Men prefer pretty over smart. Asking for help means you\u2019re weak and needy. These are the ones that I\u2019ve managed to tease out; I\u2019m sure there are plenty more operating in the background that I can\u2019t see.<\/span><\/p>\n

Part of developing a wholesome or Beneficial View is identifying the stories that we live by, where they came from, and, perhaps most importantly, whether or not they are helpful on the path of waking up to our worthiness. Shariputra, one of the Buddha\u2019s chief disciples, described <\/span>Beneficial View<\/span><\/i> as the practice of identifying which of our views spring from beneficial beliefs and which spring from harmful beliefs, and then choosing which to nourish and cultivate. Sometimes this also means looking at the views of the culture that we live in.<\/span><\/p>\n

A few times every year, I host group coaching programs for a rather large online training institute with a global reach, drawing students from a dozen countries, primarily women of varying ages. These groups offer an encouraging environment in which we can speak openly about our fears and hesitations. Over the past decade, working as a coach has revealed to me just how many of us feel a chronic sense of falling behind and a nagging suspicion that we\u2019re not quite _________ enough. You can fill in the blank here with your own particular flavor of not-enough-ness. Not educated enough, smart enough, good-looking enough, likable enough, thin enough . . . You get the picture. A consistent element of these groups has been a gobsmacking number of women sharing that they view their capabilities as insufficient or lacking. Sometimes this feeling extends to the way that they view themselves as people. It\u2019s said that if one fish washes up on the shore, the scientist will call it what it is: a dead fish. Nothing of note, really. However, if hundreds of fish wash up on the shore, the biologist won\u2019t look to the fish for answers. They\u2019ll test the water that the fish are swimming in. So what\u2019s up with the water that we all seem to be swimming in?<\/span><\/p>\n

In the Western hemisphere, there is a deeply embedded narrative of scarcity that is nearly invisible. I don\u2019t know about you, but I clearly remember playing the childhood game of musical chairs. It begins as a cheerful romp around the circle, with kids squealing and running to nab a chair once the music stops. As the game progresses, however, the stakes get higher. The chairs begin to disappear. The slowest, smallest, and most accommodating kids get disqualified. And the fastest, most aggressive kids advance amidst the dwindling resource of chairs. Good, clean childhood fun. Also, a wonderful way to implicitly teach kids this prevailing myth of scarcity: There is simply not enough to go around. And you better get yours before someone else takes it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Author, activist, and fund-raiser Lynne Twist illustrates this phenomenon exquisitely in her book <\/span>The Soul of Money<\/span><\/i>. She likens the scarcity narrative to a \u201chelmet\u201d of insufficiency that we wear throughout our day that flavors every interaction we have. For example, our first thought when getting up in the morning tends to be <\/span>I didn\u2019t get enough sleep<\/span><\/i>. As we get ready for the day, we think,<\/span> I don\u2019t have enough to wear<\/span><\/i>, <\/span>I don\u2019t have enough time<\/span><\/i>, <\/span>I don\u2019t have enough room on the subway<\/span><\/i>, <\/span>I don\u2019t have enough help to get this job done well<\/span><\/i>,<\/span> There aren\u2019t enough good men or women on Tinder<\/span><\/i>,<\/span> I don\u2019t have enough energy to meet up with my friends<\/span><\/i>,<\/span> and then our final thought before falling asleep is<\/span> I didn\u2019t get enough done. <\/span><\/i>This view of not having enough is truly pervasive. It\u2019s no wonder that the women I\u2019ve worked with consistently communicate that they don\u2019t feel like they can live up to their own, or society\u2019s, expectations.<\/span><\/p>\n

Even if we try to address the messages we might tell ourselves about what we have and don\u2019t have, we can\u2019t avoid them altogether. I was riding the subway to Brooklyn one day when a father and his daughter, who was all of five or six years old, entered the train and stood toward the center of the car. She was chatting to her dad about her day at school until one of the many subway ads caught her eye. In it, there were two juxtaposed photos of a blonde woman. In one photo, the woman was frowning while holding a lemon in each hand, which were hovering at chest height. In the other, she was holding two grapefruits, also at chest height, but she was grinning. \u201cDad, why is she happy in that one and sad in that one?\u201d the girl asked, pointing to the ad for breast augmentation. I swear the entire subway car went silent in anticipation of how her father would respond. He awkwardly and skillfully lobbed the question back to his daughter. \u201cWell . . . what do you think?\u201d The girl waited a beat and then answered, \u201cShe\u2019s happy there because she has big ones and sad there because she has small ones.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Clearly she had understood the message this poster was communicating to us all: a message of scarcity, insufficiency, and how one might always be \u201cbetter.\u201d And in that instant I understood how conditioning works. <\/span>Hello, demon of self-doubt<\/span><\/i>. Just like the fish in the ocean, we\u2019re bound to swallow the water that we swim in. When considering what it means to develop Beneficial View, and the view of our own worthiness, it can be helpful to identify why we might not feel worthy to begin with. If our cultural perspective is rooted in the myth of \u201cnot enough,\u201d it would logically follow that we would inherit this not-so-beneficial view of ourselves. Through looking at our own mind in meditation practice, we begin to take stock of the stories and beliefs that are not serving us, unraveling this myth of \u201cnot enough,\u201d and revealing the Beneficial View of our innate wholeness and worth.<\/span><\/p>\n

This is an excerpt from <\/span>Tea and Cake with Demons: A Buddhist Guide to Feeling Worthy<\/span><\/i><\/a> by Adreanna Limbach.\"Tea<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

\"Adreanna<\/a>Adreanna Limbach<\/b> is a personal coach and a lead meditation instructor at MNDFL, NYC\u2019s premier drop-in meditation studio. Her teachings have been featured in the <\/span>New York Times,<\/span><\/i> Women\u2019s Health, and Refinery29. She lives in New York City. For more, visit <\/span>adreannalimbach.com<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Buy your copy of Tea and Cake with Demons <\/i>at your favorite bookseller!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sounds True<\/a> | Amazon<\/a> | Barnes & Noble<\/a> | Indiebound<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

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\"Bigger<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Some of our beliefs aren\u2019t even ours. Like old wives\u2019 tales passed down through generations or reflected back to us through society, we inherited certain cultural and familial narratives, adopted them, and left them unquestioned as \u201cTruth.\u201d Sometimes these inherited narratives and beliefs manifest as unquestioned traditions. For example, when making the Thanksgiving turkey, my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":5485,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_expiration-date-status":"","_expiration-date":0,"_expiration-date-type":"","_expiration-date-categories":[],"_expiration-date-options":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[385,386],"tags":[75],"contributor":[426],"class_list":["post-4555","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-spirituality","tag-buddhism","contributor-adreanna-limbach"],"yoast_head":"\nBigger Isnt Always Better And Other Cultural Myths<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Part of developing a wholesome or Beneficial View is identifying the stories that we live by, where they came from, and, perhaps most importantly, whether or not they are helpful on the path of waking up to our worthiness.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" 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