{"id":6296,"date":"2017-12-06T08:00:01","date_gmt":"2017-12-06T15:00:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/manyvoices.soundstrue.com\/?p=3586"},"modified":"2020-04-07T17:59:46","modified_gmt":"2020-04-07T17:59:46","slug":"holiday-help-grief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/blog\/holiday-help-grief\/","title":{"rendered":"Holiday Help for Those in Grief"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

There is no doubt that the holiday season adds an extra measure of pain to people already bearing more than they can, more than they should ever have to. Death, illness, massive life events \u2014 they all sour the season in ways those outside your loss can\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n

Whether you\u2019ve always loved the holidays or avoided them as best you could, the first several seasons after a death or massive life event are always difficult. So many people want to make this a \u201cgood\u201d holiday for you, but first and foremost, you need to understand what is best for yourself during this rough time. Understand how to find a comforting place through all the chaos:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Say no a lot. <\/strong>Really. Other people will tell you you should say yes to things, get out more, be social. But if \u201cbeing social\u201d gives you the hives, why on earth would you do that? Remember that \u201cno\u201d is a complete sentence. You can say \u201cno, thank you\u201d if you must say more.<\/p>\n

Choose your gatherings. <\/strong>If you do choose to attend something holiday-ish, choose wisely. Sometimes a big crowd is easier than a small one because you can slip out un-noticed as you need to. While a small gathering might have been most comfortable in your life instead.<\/p>\n

Find ways to be alone-together with others.<\/strong> Musical offerings, candlelight meditations or services \u2014 check those little local newspapers and see what\u2019s going on in your community.<\/p>\n

Volunteer. <\/strong>If you are feeling stressed by family obligations, choose this as a good opportunity to get some space and serve others who may need some lifting up too.<\/p>\n

Have a plan. <\/strong>Before you go to a party or an event, be sure to make your exit plan clear \u2014 with yourself. Give yourself an out, whether that is a specific time limit or an emotional cue that lets you know it\u2019s time to go.<\/p>\n

Check in with yourself.<\/strong> This is true not just for events and gatherings but for every single moment of life. Take just a minute to take a breath, one good inhale and exhale, and ask yourself how you\u2019re doing. Ask yourself what you need in that moment.<\/p>\n

Leave whenever you want<\/strong>. Stop whatever you\u2019re doing whenever you want. Please remember that this is your life. You do not have to do anything that feels bad or wrong or horrifying. Even if you agreed to participate in something, you can change your mind at any time.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The holidays are going to hurt, my friend. That is just reality. Whether you are missing someone who should be part of the festivities or someone who shared your love of quiet winter evenings over raucous partying, this season will add some to your grief.<\/p>\n

Companion yourself. Care for yourself. Listen. Reach out where it feels good to reach, curl in when that is what you need. Make this season as much of a comfort to you as you can. And when it is not a comfort, know we\u2019re here. All of us who are grieving over someone we lost: We get you. We understand.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Looking for more great reads?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

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\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Excerpted from It\u2019s OK That You\u2019re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand <\/em><\/a>by Megan Devine.<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"Megan Devine <\/a>holds a master\u2019s degree in counseling psychology. Through her many articles and speaking engagements, she has emerged as a bold new voice in the world of grief therapy. She recently released her first book, It\u2019s OK That You\u2019re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand<\/a>. <\/em>She lives in Portland, Oregon.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There is no doubt that the holiday season adds an extra measure of pain to people already bearing more than they can, more than they should ever have to. Death, illness, massive life events \u2014 they all sour the season in ways those outside your loss can\u2019t understand. Whether you\u2019ve always loved the holidays or […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":5485,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_expiration-date-status":"","_expiration-date":0,"_expiration-date-type":"","_expiration-date-categories":[],"_expiration-date-options":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[386],"tags":[],"contributor":[811],"class_list":["post-6296","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spirituality","contributor-megan-devine"],"yoast_head":"\nHoliday Help Grief | Sounds True<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Death, illness, massive life events \u2014 they all sour the season in ways those outside your loss can\u2019t understand. 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