{"id":19575,"date":"2022-05-09T14:28:09","date_gmt":"2022-05-09T20:28:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/?post_type=transcript&#038;p=19575"},"modified":"2022-05-09T14:28:09","modified_gmt":"2022-05-09T20:28:09","slug":"claiming-your-power-as-a-woman-business-leader","status":"publish","type":"transcript","link":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/claiming-your-power-as-a-woman-business-leader\/","title":{"rendered":"Claiming Your Power as a Woman Business Leader"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"pdfprnt-buttons pdfprnt-buttons-transcript pdfprnt-top-right\"><a href=\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/transcript\/19575?print=print\" class=\"pdfprnt-button pdfprnt-button-print\" target=\"_blank\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/pdf-print\/images\/print.png\" alt=\"image_print\" title=\"Print Content\" \/><span class=\"pdfprnt-button-title pdfprnt-button-print-title\">Print Transcript<\/span><\/a><\/div><p><b>Tami Simon:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Welcome to <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> produced by Sounds True. My name\u2019s Tami Simon. I\u2019m the founder of Sounds True. And I\u2019d love to take a moment to introduce you to the new Sounds True Foundation. The Sounds True Foundation is dedicated to creating a wiser and kinder world by making transformational education widely available. We want everyone to have access to transformational tools such as mindfulness, emotional awareness, and self-compassion regardless of financial, social, or physical challenges. The Sounds True Foundation is a nonprofit dedicated to providing these transformational tools to communities in need including at-risk youth, prisoners, veterans, and those in developing countries. If you\u2019d like to learn more or feel inspired to become a supporter, please visit SoundsTrueFoundation.org.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In this episode of <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, my guest is Iman Oubou. Iman Oubou is a Moroccan American entrepreneur, a former beauty queen, and a published scientist on a mission to change the women\u2019s media landscape through her diverse experience with business, pageantry, and STEM, science, technology, engineering, and mathematics. Iman Oubou noticed gender disparities in the workforce and an omnipresent bias across printed and digital media. She founded sway Swaay.com, an all-in-one publishing platform for women to champion the voices of female changemakers through the power of storytelling. With Sounds True, Iman Oubou is releasing a new book. It\u2019s called <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Glass Ledge: How to Break Through Self Sabotage, Embrace Your Power, and Create Your Success<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Iman Oubou found herself internalizing many of the limiting beliefs that women often encounter when we\u2019re in leadership roles in business. That power is really a masculine force, that we need to be likable, and we have to please people if we want to be successful, that competition for women is just not healthy and more. Iman investigates each one of these beliefs and more in a journey both to free herself and also to free other women business leaders so that we can become unstoppable forces of leading for good. Here\u2019s a brave, soul-searching business leader, Iman Oubou.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Iman, I know you were born and raised in Morocco and that you came to the United States when you were 15. Can you tell us a little bit about from the age of 15 coming to the U.S. the journey you\u2019ve been on that led to the writing of <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Glass Ledge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>Iman Oubou:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Yes, absolutely. I was born and raised in Morocco. At the age of 15 years old, my family decided to move to Colorado in the pursuit of the American dream. At that point, I had never really visited the U.S. nor spoken English. I wasn\u2019t at all familiar with the culture or anything for that matter. All I had known at that point was growing up in Morocco.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As you can imagine, it was a pretty tough transition for me especially as a teenager who had to make peace with leaving life as I knew it behind and moving into a country where I felt like I didn\u2019t really belong.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It wasn\u2019t actually long after that move that I began struggling with depression. At the time, I didn\u2019t really know much about mental health, I didn\u2019t understand that I was going through depression. And what made things worse is that I also didn\u2019t have many people to talk to about it. I was lucky that my aunt went through a similar transition when she was a bit older. I think she was 20 years old at the time, so she was one of the only people that helped me a little bit go through that transition.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But it was really tough on me and that\u2019s actually where I started falling in love with the idea of journaling and writing and I gravitated a lot towards poetry for some reason, but it felt like that\u2019s the only outlet I had to really purge all those feelings that I was feeling inside, all that confusion that I couldn\u2019t communicate and really put it to paper to almost drained my brain from everything I was going through.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I was forced to adapt into a new lifestyle, a new culture, I had to learn a completely new language and a new way of learning as well because going to schools in Morocco and being under the European educational system, it\u2019s completely different from education here in the U.S. So, I had to learn how to do a lot of things differently, even how to add and subtract. It\u2019s a different way of doing math here than it is back there. So, a lot of learning how to do things from scratch and unlearning how I used to do things before.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Along with depression in high school, I started developing insecurities around my self-image and, most importantly, shame for not speaking perfect English, which I think instilled in me what I call the immigrant mentality in my work ethic. I had to work twice as hard to stand out in a worthy and positive light.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Eventually, I finished high school, went to college to study biochemistry and molecular biology. As a child, I had always dreamt of potentially curing cancer or having some kind of impact like that in the world. So, automatically, I thought, \u201cOK. Becoming a doctor is a good path for my career.\u201d So, I went to school for that specifically. I went on to do medical missions around the world as well, including in South Sudan and Morocco, Ecuador, Kenya, and then went on to graduate school for bioengineering, before I got my first job as a cancer research scientist, specifically focusing on melanoma and carcinoma. And then, from there on, I moved to New York and decided to explore the other side of healthcare, which is more around communications, investor relations, public relations.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Simultaneously, I decided to follow my mom\u2019s advice and participate in beauty pageants which she thought was a great outlet for me to not only find a new hobby, but also explore my \u201cfeminine side,\u201d which she thought I wasn\u2019t doing enough of, and which was a really interesting experience for me because, growing up as a tomboy, pageantry was never really in my thoughts at all. But going through that process, and I\u2019m sure we\u2019ll talk about it as well, it has completely changed me and my perspective and had really helped me figure out myself, who I was, what I wanted to do, what was my purpose, and that\u2019s what started pushing me towards a different career path.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Shortly after winning the title of Miss New York, United States in 2015, I decided to leave my job and start a podcast which ultimately turned to be a publishing platform brand that I\u2019ve called now Swaay.com. And that\u2019s really where I\u2019m at today. And then, of course, the book came shortly after that. But that\u2019s basically, long story long, the path I took since my parents decided to move us from Morocco to the United States.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Tell me a little bit about your discovery of <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Glass Ledge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. I think many of us of course have heard of the glass ceiling, this invisible upper barrier that prevents women and other people who aren\u2019t white men from rising to the highest levels of achievement. But what\u2019s the glass ledge and how does it relate to the glass ceiling?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>IO: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yes. Well, so the glass ledge really represents the self-imposed glass ceilings we, especially as women, subconsciously set for ourselves and end up having the most impact on us.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For me, the road to shattering glass ceilings which I think I\u2019ve been conditioned to do ever since my move here as a teenager left me teetering on the edge of my own personal glass ledge as I fell victim to internalized depression and self-sabotage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I specifically came into discovering this concept after my company, SWAAY, in 2018 suffered a major setback due to the loss of a life-changing investment. At the time, my life was completely flipped upside down, as I was forced to basically reprioritize my strategy for recovering from this failure, as I called it back then. I had officially hit rock bottom. I was in a lot of debt, I was broke, I was unemployed, and I was battling severe anxiety disorder. And this is shortly after I thought I had made it and that I had finally found my purpose and that everything was going forward in the right way and that I\u2019m supposed to be unlocking more of my potential as opposed to going backwards and failing again and hitting rock bottom and starting from scratch and losing my company and being lost into what I want to do.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At the time, I didn\u2019t really know what to do and how to move forward. It\u2019s not like losing a job where you just go and apply for another job; I had put all of my financial resources, emotional resources into building that company and then overnight, our path was completely flipped.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Diving deeper into a state of reflection, my initial instinct was to blame society and the external circumstances I had to go through as a female founder, which I was very vocal about. Everything from sexism to sexual harassment, pageant bias, lack of support and resources. This is not anything new to many female entrepreneurs.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But while reflecting on these shortcomings and also journaling my thoughts, which I\u2019m very big on, my perspective began to shift a little bit from \u201cYes, things should be different, and it\u2019s not fair, and I should be treated better. I\u2019m as capable as my other male counterparts. Why am I not getting the right funding or the right resources, have the right support?\u201d to \u201cWhat can I do differently for myself right now to change my life, change my circumstances, and potentially pay it forward?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I realized that in order for me to get back on my feet and fight for my business and for the life that inspires me, I would have to first turn inwardly to dismantle the limiting belief system and eliminate the self-defeating behaviors that have been holding me back.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It took a lot of, I would say, self-work and courage to admit to myself that I do have responsibility in the way things panned out and that I should be taking accountability for where I\u2019m at and that I\u2019m the only one who can actually turn that around. It\u2019s not investors who invested in me or the ones who didn\u2019t invest in me. It\u2019s not my team. It\u2019s not my boyfriend. It\u2019s not my family. It\u2019s not society that\u2019s going to come and save me. I have to get back up and really turn things around for myself and stop adopting strategies that are holding me back.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Also, I realized that I had internalized a lot of that rejection and outside expectations that became my narrative, that became my truth. I almost started seeing myself under the light of \u201cYes, maybe after all, I\u2019m just a beauty queen with a PowerPoint and a dream. Maybe they are right, maybe I am just too pretty to be a CEO,\u201d or whatever those comments were that I was met with every time I went out there to continue growing my business. I started subconsciously adopting them as my own truth and believing it without really realizing it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That\u2019s where I started discovering the concept of the glass ledge being like most women, including myself, are conditioned to constantly be out there, shattering glass ceilings, and chasing outside validation and whatnot as opposed to really looking inwards and truly getting to know who we are at the core and acting from a place of alignment and self-assurance as opposed to panic and fear and really trying to do what society is expecting out of us.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, it\u2019s interesting throughout <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Glass Ledge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, you point to many of the inequities, and you offer lots of metrics way beyond the pay gap that point to how women founders and women in business are not given the same opportunity and yet, you seem to point to the place of power being the inner work we\u2019re doing while we\u2019re simultaneously changing the culture. And I wonder if you can talk about that, that combination of working internally and externally at the same time what that\u2019s like for you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>IO: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yes, absolutely. And I feel like what I do in my work and what I choose to build my business in is a true testimony with that is in the sense that I am a big advocate of raising awareness around the many external barriers that women face, whether it\u2019s a pay gap, whether it\u2019s just maternity policies in the workplace, being able to access funding and resources and mentorship. That\u2019s all out there now.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think more and more women are speaking up on it, which is amazing, because I don\u2019t think it\u2019s been as vocal prior to probably 2016. Many women were holding back from speaking their truth and what they\u2019re going through in real time, and I think the more we elevate those voices, the better. However, I think it\u2019s very important to be mindful not to be stuck in that echo chamber when now being vocal about those external barriers become an adaption of the victimhood mindset because that can happen and that happened to me where I felt like I\u2019m constantly fighting and I became angry and defensive and just blameful.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And then, slowly but surely, I was stuck in this mindset that I created for myself where this activism to raise awareness around women\u2019s empowerment and women\u2019s issues became more obsessed with what we can do than what we can do and then ultimately, my own self perspective was defined by those gender-related adversities and wounds. I was like this warrior from the outside, but then also from the inside, all I was thinking waking up in the morning is \u201cI\u2019m going to go fight, fight, fight.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But with the book, what I really advocate for is that let\u2019s leave behind that era where we\u2019re constantly fighting to bring down external barriers and let\u2019s expand our self-perspective so that we can collectively achieve that freedom for ourselves and then for our collective demographic. And then it\u2019s important to check in with ourselves on different themes that I talked about in the book whether it\u2019s your relationship with power or how likeability affect you how you show up every day at work or in your personal life, what does authenticity mean and how does it differ from your adapting self, what is your presentation and appearance look like, do you show up as the leader you want or are you letting the outside world dictate how you should show up and what your appearance and presentation should be.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Similarly, confidence and conflict. Are you comfortable with conflict? How do you handle emotions? Do you let them control you? Or do you have a way of approaching your triggers? Do you know what your triggers are?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">All of these questions we don\u2019t stop often to ask ourselves these because it\u2019s easier to ignore it than actually sitting down and doing the self-work needed to really show up with that self-assurance and that unshakable conviction in your values and your mission in life.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, yes, the book is mindful to acknowledge those statistics and research and external barriers we all are aware of, but we don\u2019t want to get too caught up in not because that\u2019s actually going to continue derailing us as opposed to helping us create change. The real change is created internally first before you can pay it forward externally.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, help me understand what happened with your company, SWAAY. You start <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Glass Ledge <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">by writing about this experience of having this investor pull out in 2018 and the difficulty you were in, but here we are, with the publication of your new book and SWAAY seems to be going strong. What happened?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>IO: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yes. Well, I think I made a decision at that point that I would never put myself in a situation again where the success of my company, my life, and the success of my life mission is dependent on someone else or some other factors that can overnight pull out, and then poof, everything\u2019s gone.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That was a hard lesson in business, too, in the sense that with the startup world, a lot of especially in new founders\u2014and this is my first company technically\u2014so I was still a new founder really understanding and navigating the world of not only launching a brand and a business, but also raising the resources for it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I was under the impression that I could continually raise funding and it\u2019s going to keep coming until I don\u2019t need it anymore. But the reality is you don\u2019t raise funding to survive. You don\u2019t raise funding to keep a company afloat. You raise funding to scale a proof of concept that is already, hopefully by that point, sustainable and generates enough revenue to continue surviving on its own with or without funding.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I wasn\u2019t in that position. I was in a very vulnerable position in the sense that if we don\u2019t raise funding, then the company shuts down because I didn\u2019t at that point realize that I didn\u2019t have a substantial revenue stream set in place. I had a great vision, I had a great platform, I had a great community, but I never really stopped and validated the business model behind all of that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That was a very hard lesson to learn as a businessperson\u2014don\u2019t put yourself in a position where you\u2019re vulnerable to a point where if funding doesn\u2019t come through then you shut down overnight. Even most successful startups who have raised multimillions in funding, they continue to be in those positions; and I see those being talked about every day in the media as some company just raised 150 million, and then a few months later, they shut down because they couldn\u2019t raise more.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Since I went through it at a much lower scale, thankfully, I was able to still continue to run the company as a one-woman show because I didn\u2019t have the means to hire a bigger team at the time. If anything, I had to lay off my team.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Instead of me going and shutting down a company and telling investors, \u201cSorry, I tried, and it\u2019s not working out,\u201d I took a step back and focused mostly on, like I said, self-work as opposed to business work because I feel like my initial instinct was \u201cAll right, let\u2019s go back to the drawing board and talk about business revenue,\u201d and all that. But I just felt like I wasn\u2019t in a good place mentally, emotionally, and psychologically to be able to focus on that unless I unlearn a lot of things I saw myself as.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, for that summer, the three months after that happened, I really focused on taking a step back, journaling, I went through therapy, I understood what I did wrong, and why I wasn\u2019t confident enough in those business meetings and those investor meetings to pull through the funding we needed. I explored my relationship with power because I just realized I was so uncomfortable when I could sense a power imbalance in the room.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I basically couldn\u2019t be a successful CEO unless I went through those few months of self-work. And after that, I was able to finally focus on revenue. A few months later, the company was up and running again, we were generating revenue, we were profitable, because, of course, I cut down a lot of expenses and I was able to be scrappy, and continuously going to put strategies in place to grow in a sustainable way without focusing on funding.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Instead of chasing investors, I started pouring myself into the community I was building, understanding our users, understandings the contributors that use SWAAY as a platform to elevate their voices. \u201cWhat are their pain points? How can I show up better for you? What features would you want on the platform? What would you pay for? What would you not pay for? What kind of support can we lend you?\u201d\u2014that kind of work I didn\u2019t do because I was too busy chasing investors. And it\u2019s true, when you\u2019re fundraising, it\u2019s a full-time job. You can\u2019t be completely immersed in your business while also fundraising. So I had to pick one or the other. And early on in my brand launch and when I launched a business, I picked going down the investor route and that\u2019s what my biggest focus was, and I didn\u2019t focus enough on the value I as a CEO and what my company brought to the table.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That\u2019s exactly what I focused on after the whole incident in 2018. And in hindsight, it was the best thing that\u2019s ever happened to me because it forced me to reevaluate how I was showing up and what strategies I was adopting that weren\u2019t working and how to essentially create a sustainable business that can last much longer than the startup culture.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For those of us who are hearing about SWAAY\u2014S-W-A-A-Y\u2014.com for the first time, can you share a brief overview of what happens at Swaay.com?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>IO: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yes, sure. So, Swaay.com is a self-publishing platform that helps elevate underrepresented voices by helping with content sharing, helping our contributors (or what we call members) tell their stories better, and really share their message.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Not only do we provide an outlet and a distribution channel but also we have an editorial support system that members can access when they joined the platform.We have content strategists that meet with our members on a regular basis. They have unlimited amount of time to request a meeting or one on one coaching session with content strategists, editors, even ghostwriter services for people who don\u2019t have time to create the content that they need to continuously grow their brand.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Unlike a Medium, for example, or LinkedIn Publishing where you basically just have the outlet, we also provide the content creation and editorial support that I think many creators are struggling with. That\u2019s the overview. Yes.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Iman, for someone who in their life right now is needing a rebirth of some kind, they\u2019re in the dark part of the cycle, they haven\u2019t come out yet, what would you recommend to help them have the resilience that you\u2019ve had with SWAAY?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>IO: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yes. That\u2019s a good question. I think especially following the pandemic\u2014and I think a lot of people have gone through that phase and maybe some people are still going through it\u2014and I will say, myself, I also went through it again during the pandemic just because I didn\u2019t know how to deal with uncertainty, but I think the first thing to remember is just surrender to the events that are taking place. And I know our immediate instinct usually when you\u2019re going through a rough patch is to fight it, is to right away\u2014especially with me, I\u2019m a Virgo; I like to be in control of my life and circumstances and I don\u2019t like uncertainty. So, right away, we start fighting where we are and want to find immediate solutions to change things around us. That\u2019s pretty normal.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think the best thing you could do is take a step back and reevaluate where you are and why you are in this situation in an objective way, which I know is hard to do. But that will probably give you the most insights into what is needed to happen or what can you do to change your circumstances.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For me, for example, in 2018, and even in 2020, I took a step back and I promised to fill my days with more, I would say, spiritual and thoughtful activities as opposed to picking up calls and calling more investors or calling a business advisor. It\u2019s not practical business activities that I took on, but I really wanted to talk more about what role that I play in those circumstances and how can I now take control over not making the same mistakes and switching and changing my path for the better.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Like I said, I think surrendering might be a counterintuitive approach to changing your circumstances when you\u2019re going through a rough patch. But it has been the most helpful, I would say, drastic way for me to really change my situation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Just to pick up on a thread, you said, during the pandemic, when all of us and I think during this time right now in our collective human civilization, we\u2019re faced with so much uncertainty, uncertainty about the climate crisis we\u2019re in, political instability, so many things. How did surrendering help you, if it did, with facing uncertainty? Or how have you become more to use, Pema Chodron\u2019s phrase, comfortable with uncertainty?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>IO: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think with the uncertainty, the biggest problem with that is that we put pressure on ourselves to have it figured out and that\u2019s really, I think, where the biggest problem with dealing with uncertainty is, that a lot of us are conditioned to always be doing something. We\u2019re always planning, we\u2019re always calling people, making plans. We always want to feel busy and productive, but sometimes, it\u2019s actually unproductive to just be throwing spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">With surrendering, I feel that it helps you be more creative and focus on the things that are going to be actually fruitful and life changing as opposed to just filling your mind and your schedule with just things to do to feel like you\u2019re doing something about your situation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That\u2019s what it did for me, is that I was able to also learn how to not put the wrong pressure on myself and how to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. I think the sooner we make peace with that the better we can handle failures, the better we handle things that come at us that we weren\u2019t prepared for. When you learn that process, and again, I think that process takes time and your transformation takes time, but I think the more you put yourself in practice to know how to be uncomfortable and be OK with it, the more you will be accepting the things that come into your life that you can\u2019t control.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nobody could control the pandemic, right? If you also got laid off, you can control that. We learned that a lot of things were outside of our control, and we have two choices. We either dwell on it and let that affect us or we take a step back and dive into a deeper state of reflection and think productively. Also, being OK with taking your time with it. Not every change has to happen overnight. And that\u2019s something I personally struggle with because I like things to happen almost every month. For me, I was brought up in this, especially after we moved here in the U.S.\u2014and like I said, early on in our interview, I had this immigrant mentality where I constantly need to be doing something. I can\u2019t just sit back and reflect. I need to be achieving more, I need to add more lines to my resume, I need to raise more money, I need to make more money, I need to write more books, I need to meet more people.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And living in New York also doesn\u2019t help with that mentality because you\u2019re comparing yourself to everybody else\u2019s schedule, everybody else on social media posting about all the amazing things that they\u2019re doing, all the features they\u2019ve been getting in the press, all the books they\u2019ve written. There\u2019s a constant race you put yourself in and you subconsciously don\u2019t realize that now you\u2019re on this hamster wheel that\u2019s never going to end.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s very important to take a step back and live your life according to who you are at the core not what people expect out of you, not by comparison to what others are doing. Make sure that what you\u2019re filling your schedule with, the strategies you\u2019re adopting, and the things that you want to do are because they\u2019re aligned with who your authentic self is as opposed to what you think you should be doing to keep up with the Joneses.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">[<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Advertisement<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">]<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Hey, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> listeners, I have some great news for you. Season Two of the Michael Singer podcast is now available. In these free sessions, you\u2019re invited to join the best-selling author of The Untethered Soul and the new follow up book, Living Untethered, as he shows us how to free ourselves from the limitations of what he calls the voice in our head and return to the depth and richness of our natural selves. You can learn more at michaelsingerpodcast.com. That\u2019s michaelsingerpodcast.com.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">[<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">End of Advertisement<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">]<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I wanted to just track back for a moment, because you said this in passing, in that when you were seeking funding for SWAAY and you were talking to various investors, an investor actually said to you, \u201cDo you think you might be too pretty to be a CEO?\u201d Did that actually happen?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>IO: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Oh, yes. That definitely happened. And there were other comments too along those lines where I also met with a marketing agency. At the time, I\u2019m like, \u201cOK, I want maybe to hire a marketing agency to handle SWAAY social media and marketing campaigns.\u201d The head of the agency said, \u201cI think instead of creating a whole new social channel for SWAAY, why don\u2019t you just use your personal brand and your personal channels to market SWAAY, because people love to see a pretty face talk.\u201d My boyfriend was with me at the time and we both looked at each other and I was hoping that it would be like, \u201cI\u2019m just kidding. That was totally a joke.\u201d But they were completely dead serious.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It was a room full of young men. Men who created the Elite Daily, men who basically were geniuses behind the biggest marketing campaigns and the biggest viral media brands. So, I thought I was in the right room being able to partner with genius minds like that to be able to take my brand to the next level. But again, I found myself in a situation where the focus of the talk was more about my physical appearance and \u201cmy pretty face\u201d as opposed to the business I\u2019m building, as opposed to the mission I\u2019m on. It was very discouraging to hear both investors and businesspeople, marketing people, defer to that every time I would walk into a room to pitch a business idea or a partnership.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Again, I can\u2019t help but wonder if it\u2019s because I have a beauty pageant past, where automatically people associate me with a beauty business or that\u2019s the conversation where I\u2019m just another pretty face showing up or if it\u2019s just really even how other women are facing these kinds of discriminatory comments. I don\u2019t know where that all came from, but I know that it had completely affected me and my self-confidence when it comes to being a successful businesswoman one day.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some investors said to never speak about my beauty pageant background because I will never be taken seriously, and I took that to heart, and I stopped actually talking about my beauty pageant achievements even though they meant a lot to me. I talked about this in the book a lot, that I think my background in beauty pageants have actually made me the woman I am today, which I\u2019m very proud of, and it was very sad to not be able to speak on that and be proud of it. So, yes, it happened in so many ways.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A couple of questions. If someone today made a comment like that to a prospective investor or partner, what would you say?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>IO: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I would take it as an opportunity to educate them on, one, that\u2019s not an appropriate thing to say, and two, I will take back my power and say why I am not just a pretty face and \u201cLet\u2019s revert to why I\u2019m here. Let\u2019s talk about the big business opportunities I\u2019m here to pitch you. If that\u2019s not what you\u2019re interested in, then I\u2019ll just walk away,\u201d and I get up and walk away. But I couldn\u2019t really think about all of this back then when I just didn\u2019t have the experience.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You said you\u2019re very proud of your beauty pageantry experience, and I think some people from the outside might look at beauty pageants and say, \u201cGod, that\u2019s just an objectification of women. Why would a woman be proud for having participated in it?\u201d But now I\u2019m talking to you from the inside, from your experience. So, tell me what it was like being in the beauty pageants, and did you feel objectified?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>IO: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, I think before doing beauty pageants I was on the same wavelength when it comes to thinking about beauty pageants as shallow and something that will objectify women because all I had known up until then was what I saw on TV, and it\u2019s just a few pretty women walking around on stage in a bikini, and that was all I knew about it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But, for me, my perspective shifted because I personally experienced the growth and the self-improvement that I had gained from a process like that. What most people don\u2019t often see or know about is what it actually takes to get up on that stage and walk around and let people judge you or be able to answer an onstage question in 30 seconds, be able to sell yourself to judges in under two minutes of being interviewed.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A lot of that is a very, I would say, I call it a boot camp for life. I learned so many of my strengths and skills today as a businesswoman from the pageant world, and that includes how to interview, how to sell yourself, how to even figure out what your values are, what you would do as a change agent when you win and have a title like that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A title in the beauty pageant world is much more than just wearing a crown and waving at people and taking pretty photos. It\u2019s really figuring out what platform are you going to fight for, what are the different events or sharing work that you can be a part of, how do you raise money as well for these charities, how do you continue raising awareness for issues that you care about, how do you show up as a change agent and a role model to the young women in your community that look up to you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There\u2019s all this other aspect that actually makes the bulk of what a title holder is that most media outlets don\u2019t show or talk about, and I got to experience it myself; and really, it made me the businesswoman I am today, because it\u2019s a lesson in branding, it\u2019s a lesson in business, it\u2019s a lesson in philanthropy, it\u2019s a lesson in confidence, poise, communication. It\u2019s all bundled up into one main experience, not to mention competition and sisterhood.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And I talk a lot about how prior to pageantry I didn\u2019t really experience sisterhood at all in my life. I grew up with a brother, and most of my friends were actually boys. Growing up, I was a tomboy, I mentioned earlier, and I was afraid of the idea of being surrounded by beautiful smart women because I was so insecure, and I always thought that would automatically mean cattiness and competition and sabotaging each other as opposed to elevating each other.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When I entered my first beauty pageant, I was totally expecting that that\u2019s what it would be because we\u2019re all competing for one title. Only one woman is going to walk out from that competition with that crown on her head so automatically that means everyone else is competing against each other and wants that crown, so we\u2019re not necessarily collaborating or helping each other. But it was completely the opposite.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think that that\u2019s not talked about enough and now that I have experienced it, it\u2019s a completely different experience from what I had initially thought about beauty pageants. It\u2019s not as shallow as they make it look.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the statistics I\u2019ve read in <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Glass Ledge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014and I had no idea about this, but it relates directly what we\u2019re talking to when it comes to raising money\u2014is that women founders only receive something like two and a half percent, somewhere between two and three percent of the investment dollars that are distributed in any given year. Two to three percent, that\u2019s it, for women founders. I was totally shocked by that. I had no idea. And partially, I thought, \u201cOh, I\u2019m glad I never knew that.\u201d I\u2019m glad I never calculated that because it might have made me a lot more nervous in talking to investors, but I wasn\u2019t even aware of it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What I realized, Iman, and I just want to talk to you about this, is I think\u2014this is just me being confessional here for a moment, as someone who\u2019s been an out lesbian since I was 20 years old\u2014I\u2019ve never really identified with the male gaze like, \u201cIt\u2019s on me.\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s not on me.\u201d \u201cI have to play to it.\u201d \u201cI have to not play to it.\u201d \u201cI have to care about what they\u2019re thinking, but I don\u2019t care what about their thinking.\u201d It\u2019s just never been on my radar. It\u2019s not part of my world.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In hearing your story, I realized in a way I\u2019ve been insulated from a lot of the challenges that you\u2019ve had to face, and I wonder if you can just talk about that some and perhaps if lesbian business founders in a way are saved some of this pain and struggle.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>IO: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yes. I think that number that you mentioned, two percent, I think it\u2019s a lot lower for also I would say women in the LGBTQ community and even just the LGBTQ community as a whole.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That\u2019s another issue, again, is that there\u2019s such a big underrepresentation in the startup world of all these amazing potential founders that are not getting the right resources to potentially become the next unicorn founder. I think there was probably one or two women who have ever created a unicorn at this point, which is very sad. But again, I think you can\u2019t be a multibillion-dollar founder unless you\u2019re able to raise multimillions of dollars and that\u2019s, again, the cycle that we\u2019re stuck in.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You\u2019re right. I think those numbers, when you look at them, they\u2019re so discouraging, and that\u2019s exactly what happened to me, is that not only was I personally struggling with the issue of fundraising as a young woman, but also, I saw that that number wasn\u2019t\u2014there\u2019s no hope. Why even try? It\u2019s not like other women are doing it. I\u2019m like, \u201cOK, I could see, I could see inspiration and I have a lot more chances to do it.\u201d But I think when you look at that number, you\u2019re like, \u201cWhy even try?\u201d Right? And instead of continuing to fight for it, you just want to retract and take a different route, which again is going to keep you as a small business or mid-level business that\u2019s never going to scale up to a point of being a multimillion-dollar startup.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m hoping that it\u2019s changing. But I don\u2019t know how fast, and I don\u2019t know if it is really changing as fast as we need it to, especially when you look at the numbers in terms of how many women are starting businesses these days\u2014it\u2019s at a faster rate than men. Somehow, we\u2019re still getting less funding even though we\u2019re starting more businesses than ever so.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you were talking about your own inner investigation, your own process of self-awareness about the glass ledge and your own unconscious self-sabotaging beliefs, you started, and you also start the book, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Glass Ledge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, in this place by talking about your relationship to power. I wonder if you can share some about that. What was your unconscious relationship to power? And how has that changed?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>IO: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Up until I started fundraising, I\u2019d never really sat down to explore what was my relationship with power. And when we fail to define and claim our power, we unknowingly place our worth in the wrong hands.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I was letting other people define it for me, especially people I was meeting with\u2014I would say, men in power at the time. To me, I\u2019m powerless in this situation. They could say whatever they want to me, and I\u2019d have no power over it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That was really my thought process, is that this power imbalance here I\u2019m dealing with is not ever going to\u2014the tables are never going to turn to benefit me; I\u2019m always going to be in that position where here I am with a PowerPoint begging men in power to really take me seriously as opposed to me putting myself in a position where, \u201cNo, I am a competent, intelligent, successful entrepreneur with a great opportunity, and I\u2019m here to present you with it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I didn\u2019t think of myself that way. I thought of myself as, \u201cOh, I\u2019m desperate for money and I need money. I need these men in power to side with me in order for me to create a business that actually helps women.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That\u2019s the irony, is that I was pitching a business that was fighting for women\u2019s voices and instead, the meetings I was walking to, what they continually did was prove the reason why I\u2019m doing what I do is because of those situations, because more women need that kind of support to really raise their voices and feel credible in these kinds of meetings.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Up until then, again, like I said, I didn\u2019t have much notion of what power is or wasn\u2019t to me. I also saw it as more of a negative thing. I don\u2019t want to be seen as a power-hungry woman. I also don\u2019t want to show up and act like a man in order for me to feel powerful. I have all these mixed signals in my head about how to show up as a powerful woman and also how to embrace inner power from me and how to embrace my self-worth in order for me to be able to manifest that power I was seeking.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The power I was seeking was mostly for really being able to accomplish something that can benefit all of the women. It wasn\u2019t for me to feel on top of the world, or it wasn\u2019t for me to make more money. I wasn\u2019t pursuing that type of power. The power I was pursuing is more of a collective power that can help all women rise together.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Would you say you feel comfortable at this point claiming your power?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>IO: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yes, for the most part. But I will also say that it\u2019s an ongoing work, self-work thing. You don\u2019t just all of a sudden become comfortable with it and then it just stays that way forever. I think I constantly have to also check in with myself.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m back on the fundraising trail again. I\u2019m given fundraising another shot after I wrote the book, after I reflected for a few years, after taking a break from all of that and really rediscovering myself and showing up differently. Now, before every investor meeting, I constantly repeat affirmations that make me feel powerful. I also constantly remind myself that this is an amazing opportunity I\u2019m pitching to investors and that there is no such thing as power imbalance and I\u2019m not already anticipating it before I even go to the meeting.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m also very much assertive in the meeting, too. I don\u2019t let them lead; I take control back and lead the way. I have strategies in place in terms of my pitch, my talking points, and even who\u2019s in the room and who\u2019s not in the room, to be able to really feel like\u2014before I even walk into my meeting, before I even walk into a situation, I already feel in control. [That] was never the case early on in my journey. I kind of winged it, and it was OK. That\u2019s how I did most of the things in my life and it worked out. But now I think being prepared and repeating to yourself affirmations that make you feel more in control and powerful in your own skin can seem a little cheesy, but I think it goes a long way in terms of feeling like you can embrace that power before you even walk into a situation that may potentially turn into a power imbalance situation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Can you share with me one of the affirmations that works for you?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>IO: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I say, \u201cI am secure in who I am, and I deserve to be in this room,\u201d because [I always] struggled with imposter syndrome, and that\u2019s something probably that came from my immigrant mentality, is that \u201cI\u2019m not good enough to be here, who am I to be in the same room as these high profile CEOs who have made fortune. I\u2019m not that accomplished.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I make sure that I say that to myself: \u201cI am worthy of my success, and I do deserve to be in this room. I am secure in myself, in my own skin. I am secure with my own power. I have a great opportunity that many people can benefit from.\u201d And just repeating that to myself has completely helped me switch that flawed perspective I had of myself before walking into meeting.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Iman, at Sounds True, we have a program it\u2019s called the <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Inner<\/span><\/i> <i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">MBA,<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and it\u2019s a nine-month virtual learning program, online immersion learning program, training people in the inner skills they need to be successful at work.<\/span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In hosting this program now for two years, one of the things that I found is that many of the women in the program confess that they have a challenge speaking up, they have a challenge speaking out, that they end up keeping their mouths quiet at work even though they have important and valuable things to say. I wonder, from your work at SWAAY, what you\u2019ve learned about how to help women have the courage and confidence to speak up more.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>IO: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Right. I have definitely experienced that with a lot of the women that we coach and meet with that are on the platform. Many of them are first time writers or thought leaders, but who are trying to be more vocal and speak up more about their stories about the issues they care most about, about their experiences whether they\u2019re positive or negative, and they want to do it too in a way that\u2019s not playing the victim or complaining, but rather educational and a way to also pay it forward and be an inspiration to other women who might be in similar situations.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But the first thing I ask them is, \u201cWhy haven\u2019t you written about your story before or why haven\u2019t you told the story before?\u201d Or \u201cWhy haven\u2019t you contributed some articles or blogged about this issue that you care so much about?\u201d The first thing they say is, \u201cWell, there are so many people out there speaking on it, why does my voice matter?\u201d Or \u201cI don\u2019t know that my story really is that great for me to share. I\u2019m not that accomplished.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, right away, you\u2019re seeing that they\u2019re discounting themselves before they even give it a shot. It\u2019s a condition. That\u2019s a very self-sabotaging thing to do\u2014\u201cBefore I even go out there, I\u2019m going to tell myself that I don\u2019t matter, that my story isn\u2019t great, that it\u2019s not worth being shared, that my voice isn\u2019t incredible,\u201d things like that that you tell yourself that hold you back from doing things that could potentially be life changing.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I was, of course, one of them, but also, I think I didn\u2019t have much of a choice. When I did win the title of Miss New York, U.S., I was forced to be an advocate and be more vocal, because of the platform that I had for myself, which is women\u2019s empowerment, especially women\u2019s entrepreneurship, and I had forced myself to create a podcast and be comfortable with being uncomfortable about speaking up.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s not an overnight thing that you just got to be comfortable with it and speak up. You have to constantly push yourself to do something that\u2019s different and that you have to tell yourself that your story matters. It\u2019s that simple.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your story matters. You have a purpose of some sorts.\u00a0 What\u2019s the worst that can happen? What if it all works out for you? Why don\u2019t you take the negative affirmation or negative things you tell yourself and turn them into positive affirmation? So instead of saying, \u201cMy story doesn\u2019t matter,\u201d say, \u201cMy story matters.\u201d Or \u201cWhy would people listen to me?\u201d or \u201cPeople should listen to me.\u201d Small tricks like that that would start getting you more and more comfortable in your head first with being OK with speaking up.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The first time you\u2019re going to do it, it\u2019s going to feel maybe very cringey for you or very uncomfortable. But that\u2019s the whole point, is that pushing yourself outside the comfort zone is the way to change your ways and it\u2019s the way to change your life.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Iman, in the book <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Glass Ledge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> you offer 10 different types of limiting beliefs\u2014we could say categories of limiting beliefs\u2014that hold women back. Which of these, would you say, of the 10, has been the hardest for you to really bring into consciousness and make changes around?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>IO: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I would say likability.<\/span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And I was very, very shocked to think that. Actually, before I even wrote the book, I had never really realized how much I struggle with just the likability syndrome because I\u2014<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Wanting people to like you, being a people pleaser, yes.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>IO: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yes, exactly. For me, it was always the extreme. Either seek to be liked way too much and that was at the forefront of my decisions or lack thereof, or I would say, \u201cWhatever. Screw this.\u201d I\u2019d go the opposite side and I just become unlikable completely. There was no balance in terms of being liked and respected, but also not letting that affect your life and your decisions and the things that you want to do and your career.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think maybe that also played into initially when I first hired my initial team, because I don\u2019t have experience in the media world and I had to bring in experts, people who had a lot of experience in running media companies or great editors from other media companies that are successful, and I just felt like my leadership was driven by the need to be liked which was not really fruitful for the company or productive at all for our bottom line.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, without really realizing it, I was trying to become their friend as opposed to their leader, as opposed to someone who can lead them in the right direction to benefit the company, to benefit the shareholders, to benefit them and help them grow as employees and as people as well. I was constantly trying to be showing up in ways that make me likable as opposed to respected.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It started showing up in the way they treated me in meetings. Also, when I demanded things to be done, they weren\u2019t done. They got too comfortable with me as a friend as opposed to treating me like the leader I was supposed to be. But again, it was my fault. And I never really saw it that way.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At first, I blamed them for it, and I became a little bit more not aggressive, but defensive in every meeting. I started retracting. So, it just wasn\u2019t a healthy way to lead at all. And again, this was early on in my journey of being a boss. Up until then, I never really had a company. I never hired people. So, I didn\u2019t know how to show up. But that\u2019s again, why I took a step back and figured out what is the kind of leader I want to be and what are the different themes I need to master before I\u2019m able to be that successful leader. And likability was probably my least favorite one.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What I noticed in reading <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Glass Ledge, <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">when I got to number eight, competition, that really got my attention, and especially the way that you wrote about it that it\u2019s possible instead of seeing competition as a bad thing, especially for women, competitive, that there would be a way to, in your words, compete in the right way and maybe this is something you learned from your beauty pageantry time. But tell me a little bit about what that means to you, healthy competition or competing in the right way.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>IO: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yes. So I think when I started running SWAAY as a women empowerment platform, and especially with a message that we\u2019re all as women have to support each other and collaborate with each other which is also at the height of the women\u2019s movement, I think people, especially women around myself, we started retracting back from embracing competition as a way to grow, it was almost looked down upon if I felt a little bit competitive with my fellow female founders who were in the same industry or the same career path.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It was almost like \u201cyou can\u2019t compete with women,\u201d which I don\u2019t think is the right mindset here. I think there is a way to be able to compete in a healthy way while also supporting other women and also being collaborative and rising all together. Just because we\u2019re in an era where it\u2019s all about women supporting women, it doesn\u2019t mean that you don\u2019t want to compete anymore, because competition for me has always been a way to self-improvement.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You were right. I was able to really understand that better when I competed in pageants because that was when I first experienced true sisterhood and true collaborative environment, but also, we were competing at the end of the day. We all wanted to be better, not better than each other, but better than we were yesterday and show up in a much better light and be OK with that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I wanted to really talk about that in the chapter because I\u2019ve seen many women completely choose to not compete at all. Or also to maybe choose to not be open about it. You feel ashamed to say, \u201cOh, this woman raised more money than me. That motivates me to go back and raise more money. It\u2019s not me taking away from her success. If anything, it shows me that it\u2019s possible and it\u2019s healthy for me to want to compete with her because I\u2019m only going to be better than what I was yesterday and I could use that competition as a way forward.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Finally, Iman, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Glass Ledge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, it\u2019s a beautiful book about how we can each take responsibility for ourselves so that we are leading with healthy competition, confidence, our authenticity. We\u2019re owning our own power, etc., regardless of the environment that we\u2019re in, even in these difficult and toxic work environments, we can take that ownership. You\u2019ve done a beautiful job in writing <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Glass Ledge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">My question is, if you were to take a moment and envision a cultural context in which there wasn\u2019t a glass ledge, where there wasn\u2019t a glass ceiling for women, what would that be like? Can you envision what that would be like?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>IO: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That\u2019s a really interesting question.<\/span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I would. I think what that would look like is just all of us being able to show up with self-assurance and feeling some sense of control and autonomy over our career path.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">From a cultural perspective, that would mean the media not pitting us against each other or the media not spreading this mentality that we need to look a certain way to be successful, or we need to be a certain way to be successful or be seen as successful. So really stripping away that outside cultural societal preconceived expectations of what womanhood is and letting us define it for ourselves.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019ve been speaking with Iman Oubou. She\u2019s the founder and CEO of Swaay.com, and the author of the new Sounds True book <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Glass Ledge: How to Break Through Self Sabotage, Embrace Your Power, and Create Your Success<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Iman, wonderful to talk to you and best of luck with SWAAY.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>IO: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Thank you so much for having me again.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Thank you for listening to <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. You can read a full transcript of today\u2019s interview at SoundsTrue.com\/podcast. And if you\u2019re interested, hit the Subscribe button in your podcast app. Also, if you feel inspired, head to iTunes and leave <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> a review. I love getting your feedback, being in connection with you, and learning how we can continue to evolve and improve our program. Working together, I believe we can create a kinder and wiser world. SoundsTrue.com: waking up the world.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"template":"","meta":{"_expiration-date-status":"","_expiration-date":0,"_expiration-date-type":"","_expiration-date-categories":[],"_expiration-date-options":[]},"class_list":["post-19575","transcript","type-transcript","status-publish","hentry"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Claiming Your Power As A Woman Business Leader - Transcript<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Read the full transcript from this Sounds True conversation with Claiming Your Power As A Woman Business Leader. 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