{"id":19828,"date":"2022-12-14T13:21:42","date_gmt":"2022-12-14T20:21:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/?post_type=transcript&#038;p=19828"},"modified":"2022-12-19T10:23:57","modified_gmt":"2022-12-19T17:23:57","slug":"a-personal-view-of-healing-into-wholeness-in-a-toxic-culture","status":"publish","type":"transcript","link":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/a-personal-view-of-healing-into-wholeness-in-a-toxic-culture\/","title":{"rendered":"A Personal View of Healing into Wholeness in a Toxic Culture"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"pdfprnt-buttons pdfprnt-buttons-transcript pdfprnt-top-right\"><a href=\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/transcript\/19828?print=print\" class=\"pdfprnt-button pdfprnt-button-print\" target=\"_blank\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/pdf-print\/images\/print.png\" alt=\"image_print\" title=\"Print Content\" \/><span class=\"pdfprnt-button-title pdfprnt-button-print-title\">Print Transcript<\/span><\/a><\/div><p><b>Tami Simon:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Hello, friends. My name\u2019s Tami Simon, and I\u2019m the founder of Sounds True. And I want to welcome you to the Sounds True podcast, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. I also want to take a moment to introduce you to Sounds True\u2019s new membership community and digital platform. It\u2019s called Sounds True One. Sounds True One features original, premium, transformational docu-series, community events, classes to start your day and relax in the evening, special weekly live shows, including a video version of <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">with an after show community question-and-answer session with featured guests. I hope you\u2019ll come join us, explore, come have fun with us, and connect with others. You can learn more at join.soundstrue.com.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I also want to take a moment and introduce you to the Sounds True Foundation, our nonprofit that creates equitable access to transformational tools and teachings. You can learn more at soundstruefoundation.org. And in advance, thank you for your support.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I am absolutely thrilled about having the opportunity to host this particular edition of <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge Live<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> with Dr. Gabor Mate. Let me tell you just a little bit about Gabor. One thing is that Hungarian born, he lives now around the corner from where I am, here in Vancouver, Canada. He is a physician who, after 20 years of family practice and palliative care experience, worked for over a decade in downtown Vancouver\u2019s East Side with patients challenged by drug addiction and mental illness. I have a deep appreciation of Gabor\u2019s work when it comes to helping us understand the journey of healing, the journey of healing we\u2019re on individually and also collectively as a culture, the challenges we face, and the empowerment that we can find. What I know is, the more I immerse myself in Gabor\u2019s writing, the more tenderized I feel, that\u2019s tender in the heart. And also the more I learn, the deeper the excavation process is related to my own personal healing and also understanding what\u2019s actually going on with other people and our society as a whole. And that\u2019s some of what we\u2019re going to be talking about today.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Gabor is the author of four bestselling books. They\u2019ve been translated into more than 30 languages. Those books include <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and what we\u2019re going to be talking about today, which is Gabor\u2019s new book. It\u2019s called <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Gabor, welcome.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>Gabor Mat\u00e9:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Tami, it\u2019s nice to be with you again.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Awesome. It\u2019s awesome to be with you. Thank you. Thanks for making the time for this. To start out, your new book, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of Normal<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, first of all, it\u2019s 500 pages and I have to say a very worthy investment of time and energy. If a nonfiction book about the deepest recesses of personal and collective healing could be a page turner, dare I say, your book is. That\u2019s how I felt reading it. I was so absorbed. So thank you. Thank you for taking the time and putting in all the energy to write it. And that\u2019s where I want to start here, at the very beginning. You mentioned in the book that there was something in you. You knew you had to write this book. So here, starting engaging in this process at age 75 to age 78 when it was published, what was that inner call?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, I must say, the process began ten years before the idea of bringing together everything I\u2019ve learned and intuited and experienced in terms of health, illness, and its context in a social, psychological, emotional, spiritual setting. That\u2019s been with me for a long time, and it took me ten years to actually gather the research. I don\u2019t even know how I did it, but I collected 25,000 different articles, medical journal reports, scientific papers, newspaper articles, filed them all, read a couple hundred books, interviewed 200 or 300 people, had them transcribed. That information is, then, what had to be then transformed into a readable book over the last three years. So the process of preparation, gestating this book, has been going on for a long time. And what was it? I just needed to bring it all together. I just needed to say it all. I just needed to take a wide-view lens of our society, of our culture, of our individual self and all the interconnections and manifest them on paper. It just had to be done. And at many times I got totally discouraged, almost wanted to give up. In fact, one point, I had a contract for this book, and I gave the money back to the publisher, saying, \u201cIt\u2019s too much. I can\u2019t do it,\u201d until the book just insisted that it be done, and it finally was.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, as I said, I want to start by taking a moment to thank you, because I\u2019m sure it was a whole heck of a lot of work. So thank you. Now, explain the title, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of Normal<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, for people who are hearing this title for the first time.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sure. So we tend to assume that what is normal is also healthy and natural. And in a certain sense, that\u2019s true, and at least in the medical sense it is. So as I\u2019ve often said, what is normal in terms of blood pressure or temperature or blood acidity, the normal range is also what is healthy and natural. And outside of the normal range, life is threatened or even eliminated. So, like, normal body temperature is also healthy and natural. Now, in society, what we used to do, we make the assumption that it\u2019s also healthy and natural. And the argument I\u2019m making is that in today\u2019s culture, what we consider to be normal\u2014in the sense that what we\u2019re used to is neither healthy or natural\u2014in fact undermines health and promotes disease. So that illness itself, whether of mind or body, is in many cases a normal response to abnormal circumstances. So <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of Normal <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">means, first of all, that what we consider to be the norm is neither healthy or natural. In fact, quite the opposite, number one. Number two, what we consider abnormal in terms of illness is often a normal response to unhealthy circumstances.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, Gabor, for people who are wanting to understand your lens, if you will, the way you see disease, mental illness, all kinds of health challenges, and the healing process, can you just give us, right here at the beginning, kind of the big map, if you will, how you see it?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, the big map has been charted by Indigenous cultures and spiritual teachers forever. So the Buddha talked about the interconnected core rising of phenomena, that nothing arises on its own, that this dies because that dies. For this to exist, that has to exist. John Donne talked about how no man is an island. Walt Whitman says that every atom belongs to me as much as it belongs to you. Indigenous cultures here in North America, when they talk about health, there\u2019s the Medicine Wheel, which has four quadrants that includes our biology, our emotions, our psychology, our intellect, our social relationships, not to mention our spiritual nature. And modern medicine\u2014I used say modern medicine\u2014modern science has shown that it\u2019s all interconnected, that we are inseparable, that our minds and our bodies are not distinct entities. In fact, the manifestations of a single process is what they are. And emotions and physiology, immunity and psychology, they\u2019re not separable entities. Scientifically, they\u2019re not separable.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And there\u2019s literally tens of thousands of articles, scientific papers, that have shown how that fits together, not to mention the great American physician, George Engel, who in 1977 proposed what he called a biopsychosocial view of health, which means that our biology is inseparable from our psychology, which of course is inseparable from our social relationships. So the lens through which I\u2019m looking is congruent both with ancient spiritual insights, traditional wisdom, and modern science, which is completely ignored by modern medicine in practice. So that\u2019s the lens through which I\u2019m looking in. That\u2019s very much informed by my own experience as a physician, where at a certain point I couldn\u2019t help noticing all these interconnections. What I didn\u2019t know is that there was all this incredible research proving these interconnections, which doesn\u2019t enter the purview of medical practice.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the things you write about, Gabor, in <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of Normal<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, is how we can look at disease not as some kind of intruder from the outside, necessarily, but instead as some process that\u2019s happening inside of us, interacting with the outside world and what\u2019s happened to us\u2014in particular in our early childhood and challenges that we faced. Tell me how this changes our view when we don\u2019t think of disease as intruder.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, in some cases, if I am subjected to high dose of radiation or poison, you might say that it\u2019s coming from the outside, but most chronic illnesses of mind or body\u2014and I\u2019m talking about malignancy for the most part, autoimmune disease, mental health conditions, addictions\u2014we make a certain assumption even in the way we talk about them. So for example, I have this book here in my hand. I have it, which assumes that there\u2019s an I, which is one entity. Then there\u2019s this book, which is another entity. We\u2019re not synonymous. One is not an expression of the other. I can take this book, I can put it down, I can read it, I can not read it, I can give it away. It\u2019s not me. When I say, or when we say, \u201cI have depression,\u201d or, \u201cI have ADHD,\u201d or, \u201cI have multiple sclerosis,\u201d or, \u201cI have rheumatoid arthritis,\u201d we\u2019re also making an assumption. We\u2019re making the assumption implicitly that there\u2019s this thing called rheumatoid arthritis or multiple sclerosis or depression. Then there\u2019s an entity called me, and this entity is that entity, but they\u2019re separate, and they have a life of their own. So that I have a life of my own, and multiple sclerosis has got a certain prognosis that\u2019s going to go this way or that way, regardless of what happens with me.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That\u2019s not how it is. I\u2019m seeing there\u2019s no just thing as disease as a thing. I\u2019m suggesting that what we recognize as illness represents a process that reflects and manifests my life from my conception onwards and that things that have happened to me emotionally, psychologically, socially, relationally have a huge impact on my physiology. And then, so that by the time I get asthma or by the time I get rheumatoid arthritis, a whole lot of things have happened in my life, and that identified disease is simply the manifestation, the endpoint of a long-term process. So that means disease is not a thing. It\u2019s a process. If that\u2019s the case, then how I live my life may have significant impact on that process, and that gives me a whole lot of agency to deal with that particular problem, challenge what the disease represents. So I\u2019m talking about disease, what we call disease as a process rather than as sort of automatic entities.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, Gabor, in reading <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of Normal<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, as you mentioned, there are all the interviews that you did with people, and you bring many of those excerpts in. There are the scientific studies that you bring in, and then you also share quite a bit about your personal story. And maybe it\u2019s just because of the kind of person I am, the way I process information, the way I learn\u2014I noticed it was when learning about your personal story and your personal adverse childhood experiences, which were quite adverse, and the journey you\u2019ve gone through as a human being to be at this point now in your healing process, that was the part that, in many ways, furthered my own inner excavation the most, which is how I used the book. The biggest gift it gave me, yes, was this big greater understanding of our shared condition, but it also was quite an excavation tool for me in my own life journey healing process, and I think it can really be that for people who engage deeply with it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So back to you. I wonder if you can share a bit about how you linked your own early childhood experiences\u2014and help our audience understand that\u2014with some of the suffering in your life, both physical and mental and emotional. And then the part that I really want to get to is your healing journey and the breakthroughs you\u2019ve had. So if that\u2019s okay with you, I\u2019d love to make that a big part of our focus here of the conversation.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Of course. And thank you for that way of putting it, because my intention in writing the book, if I had to formulate an intention, would be to give people a map to themselves. And I didn\u2019t want them to understand or simply to understand a whole lot of concepts and correlations and facts. I also wanted them to really understand themselves. And so if the book helped you in that process, I\u2019m really gratified by that. And of course, that had to involve me because long before writing the book and through the writing of the book and since the publication of the book, this process of self-excavation is one that needs to continue. So very much I believed and have trust that the more I\u2019m willing to share what\u2019s appropriate to share about my own life, the more people will get to understand themselves. And I know that\u2019s an aspect of my speaking and writing that people appreciate. So that\u2019s the introduction.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Having said that, when we talk about the drama of my own particular childhood and infancy, historically it was very dramatic, and I don\u2019t say unique, but beyond what most people have to endure early in infancy. Although all around the world, infants are enduring it just as much as I did, even today. Thanks to all the conflicts that are going on in the world, or going to all the conflicts, whether we\u2019re looking at children in the Middle East or children in Europe, unfortunately much of that is still going on. That\u2019s the first point I\u2019ll make.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Less than two months ago on my book tour, I was in Hungary, in my birth country, where this book has been published already. I stood on the very pavement outside the very house where, at age 11 months, my mother gave me to a stranger to look after me or to have other people look after me, because my life was in danger where we were, as Jews living in this crowded, diseased house under the Nazi occupation. And so I stood on a very pavement where this took place. And I don\u2019t have to tell you much about the genocide and the conditions in Eastern Europe during the war and particularly of the Jewish population under the Nazi occupation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But here\u2019s what I will say, and this may seem strange, but I just am compelled to say it. I\u2019m often asked why is it that a person like myself, a Jewish infant growing under really life-threatening, not growing up, but spending my first year under life-threatening, unbearable circumstances can become a successful doctor and do OK, whereas other people\u2014for example, Indigenous Canadians here in Canada\u2014so often the families are mired in addiction and suicidal events and mental illness and violence and physical illness, mental illness and so on? And this pertains to my healing. I would say that my experience as a Jewish infant under the Nazis, which ended once the Nazis were cleared out of Hungary by the Soviet army in June or April of 1945, that ended the severe adversity of my life. And although my parents weren\u2019t perfect, I grew up in a functional family where\u2014not that my, again, parents could meet all my needs. They couldn\u2019t. They were too limited by their own experience for that, but on the whole, I was held and loved and respected. And there was love in the family because our family structure wasn\u2019t destroyed. And that allowed me to gain the resilience that has helped to inform my work and continues to support me.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Other people are not so fortunate. So here in North America, what happened was that the Indigenous population was not only nearly exterminated, their culture was nearly destroyed, the lands were largely stolen from them, but also the children were put through generations and generations and generations of torment fomented by state and church. And so when you ask, not when you ask, when people ask me, \u201cWell, how come you guys did relatively OK, and why can\u2019t the natives, the Indigenous people do as well?\u201d It\u2019s because they\u2019ve been through worse. Because their agony has continued for multiple generations, with a deliberate attempt to destroy their families, which speaks to healing and resilience, that it\u2019s not an isolated individual quality. It really has to do with circumstances.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">OK. So that tells us some about your early challenges. And one of the things I noticed, Gabor, and you write about this, is how there can be this tendency to compare like, well, my pain wasn\u2019t\u00a0 bad, and look what happened to these other people. And yet there\u2019s also a process where, I\u2019ll speak for myself, each one of us just needs to honor the pain we went through and the response we had on its own terms. And I wonder if you can address that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, it\u2019s very important. I\u2019ve often had people coming to me with a chronic illness of mind or body or addictions. They say, \u201cWell, I didn\u2019t have it so bad. Yes, my parents yelled at me, but I didn\u2019t starve. I wasn\u2019t beaten. I wasn\u2019t sexually abused.\u201d And what I say to them is, \u201cImagine a five-year-old child coming to you and saying, \u2018I\u2019m scared because my parents are yelling at me all the time, and I feel alone and threatened.\u2019 Would you say to the five-year-old, \u2018Oh, kid, it can\u2019t be so bad. Think of all the other children that are starving and living in more trying conditions\u2019?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You would never do that. So why do you do it to yourself? In other words, that dismissal of one\u2019s own suffering itself is an inventory of trauma, which results in the dismissals and a lack of respect and honoring of one\u2019s own suffering. And that\u2019s a very common dynamic that I see. And so I\u2019m always insisting on self-compassion, that people honor their suffering not by comparing it to somebody else\u2019s and saying that they suffered more, but by simply getting the degree to which they suffered and what impact that had on them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You also throw out a question we can ask ourselves if we\u2019re one of those people\u2014I don\u2019t happen to be one of them\u2014who has the sense of, I think I basically had a pretty together childhood. It all kind of worked. You have an inquiry question people can look at, which I think is very helpful. Can you share that?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yeah. So it\u2019s very simple. Sometimes when I\u2019m speaking, and people tell me, I got this disease, but I had a happy childhood, I issue what I call the \u201chappy childhood challenge,\u201d which basically means, talk to me for three minutes, and you\u2019ll find out that you actually had severe pain in childhood that you\u2019re ignoring. And it\u2019s never failed yet. And the key question is this: Did you ever feel sad, lonely, angry, or any difficult emotions as a child? And of course, the answer is, yes, I did. And the question is: Who did you speak to about it? And then people will say, I spoke to my doll. Sometimes I spoke to my friend. Or, I spoke to my dog, but not to my parents. And then I\u2019ll ask them: If you are a parent and if you had a five-year-old child who experienced pain, sorrow, fear, rage, and they didn\u2019t talk to you about it, how would you explain that? How would you understand, why isn\u2019t my child talking to me? Because we\u2019re born expressing our emotions. We\u2019re born asking for help. We\u2019re born demanding that we be looked after. We\u2019re born like that. No one-day-old child ever suppresses their emotions or doesn\u2019t ask for help.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And so the question that you are alluding to is what I\u2019ve already said, is when you experienced distress, who did you speak to? In 1,000 percent of their cases, the answer is going to be nobody or nobody that could really help me, in other words, not my parents. And that\u2019s the key question.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, back to you for a moment. How did the challenges in your early life manifest in your adulthood, in terms of physical challenges and mental health challenges?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, so before the Germans occupied Hungary\u2026 And I was born two months before then. So let\u2019s forget the Nazis and the war. My mother and I are in the maternity hospital. I\u2019m two weeks of age. We\u2019re still there for some reason. My mother, I think, had a difficult birth. I had a difficult birth. And my mother writes in her diary<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">which I have a copy of, I have the diary<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">and she says, \u201cMy poor little Gabor, my heart breaks for you, but for the last hour and a half, you\u2019ve been screaming, crying for food. But I promised the doctor I\u2019d only feed you every four hours and said we\u2019d have to wait another half an hour.\u201d And she says, \u201cMy heart is breaking for you.\u201d Well, forget all the big tragedies and the death of my grandparents in Auschwitz and all the other horrors that my family went through. Just think of a two-week-old infant whose mother loves him. Her heart is breaking, but she\u2019s following social convention and doctor\u2019s orders, not picking up her child. What message do I get? That my pain doesn\u2019t matter, and I need to be with it alone.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And five, six years later, I\u2019m lying in my bed with a severe earache, or inner-ear infections I used to get, and I\u2019m whimpering to myself, not wanting to bother my parents. And 40 years later, I\u2019m a physician working really hard. And, Tami, it seems almost absurd to say now, but I consciously had the belief that other people could be stressed, but I was invincible. I was impermeable. Stress couldn\u2019t affect me. I actually had that conscious belief because I had learned to disconnect from the awareness, the messages my body was giving me. That\u2019s on the one hand. On the other hand, my mother giving me to a stranger could only lead me to one conclusion as an infant, which is that I wasn\u2019t loved and that I was being abandoned, which gives\u2026 Now, trauma isn\u2019t what happens to you, as I make the point. Trauma is what happens inside you as a result. So the trauma wasn\u2019t the separation from my mother. The trauma is what I made it mean, and what I made it mean unconsciously and inevitably is that I\u2019m being abandoned. And who gets abandoned? Somebody who\u2019s not lovable, somebody who\u2019s not wanted.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, as I\u2019ve often said, if you\u2019re not wanted, the best way to compensate for it, go to medical school. Now they\u2019re going to want you all the time. And so then you become a workaholic because you can never get enough from the outside. So the more accolades and admiration and approbation you get, the more you need<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">as any typical addiction. And so I become a workaholic doctor, not because I love medicine and want to help people, both of which are true, but because I\u2019m driven unconsciously by this need to make myself wanted. And so those are two ways in which those early imprints showed up later in my life. And of course, the effects of that on my children is that I\u2019m not available for them, and pretty much unconsciously I conveyed them much the same message that I received, because I wasn\u2019t around. Dad\u2019s not around, but why not? Because we\u2019re not worthy. So this is how it goes on.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now a big question I have, Gabor, is the journey from awareness of our situation, awareness of how we adapted to whatever happened to us, whether it was when we were in the womb or when we were first born or during our first early years and whatever, traumas big or little, that we experienced and then we created these adaptations\u2026 You described your own, workaholism, and how that created pain in your life and distanced you from your true self and also your family. So we can become aware of this, but then what is actually healing? What liberates us? Because that awareness is not the same as being free from those patterns.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Absolutely not. And Sigmund Freud, at whose doors we can lay many sins and misguided teachings, but who nevertheless had some brilliant insights, in one of his early papers said that intellectual awareness of what happened is not enough, that actually we have to work it through emotionally. So working it through emotionally and somatically is not the same as being intellectually aware. And if intellectual awareness was all that was needed for healing, I would\u2019ve been a very healed person a long time ago. But it\u2019s still a process I\u2019m working on. And so there needs to be a deep emotional working through, which can take many forms or many pathways, but essentially it\u2019s deep, painful, and very challenging emotional work. And it\u2019s in layers and layers and layers, because as the Buddha pointed out, we have what he called our habit energies, that even when we work something through, these habits are so deeply ingrained in our nervous system, in our brains, in our bodies, that they keep reasserting themselves when the conditions conduce to that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So working through is something that has to happen deeply, emotionally, and repeatedly and consistently, as I can certainly tell you. So it doesn\u2019t matter how many insights I\u2019ve had or taught, I keep running up against or I keep being instructed by something that is deeper yet that I haven\u2019t worked through yet. So it\u2019s a long-term process. Now, for some people, it\u2019s not a long-term process, but those people are very rare. I know that you\u2019ve worked a lot with our fellow Vancouverite, Eckhart Tolle, and Eckhart had this deep experience of surrender and transformation that happened almost overnight for him. And then he had to integrate it over time. For me, it\u2019s never been that beautifully dramatic or as long-lasting. So for me, it\u2019s in ongoing, continual work. And I think that\u2019s the way it is for most people.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And what impels that process, while I quote the great Greek playwright, Aeschylus, who wrote in one of his plays, the Agamemnon, that the way the master, Zeus, God created us human beings, we have to suffer into truth. And so very often it\u2019s suffering that wakes us up. And the only question is when suffering happens, do we want to run away from it, which is what leads to addiction, mental health issues, and physical health issues? Or do we want to embrace what our mutual friend and teacher A.H. Almaas calls \u201cnoble suffering,\u201d which means we\u2019re going to have the pain of transformation and facing the sources of our suffering? So it usually begins with some suffering that causes us to asking the questions as to why are we suffering.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do you feel there\u2019s some necessity to re-feel the pain, in some sense, to know it all the way through? Or is that not necessary? Or what\u2019s your perspective on that?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Life takes care of that. I mean, there\u2019s certain therapies that do that, Primal Scream, Arthur Janov, famously. I don\u2019t find that necessary or even ultimately transformative, because the nature of trauma, as I said earlier, is not what happens to us. It\u2019s what happens inside us. And what happens inside us we\u2019re carrying to the present day. So my infant pain can show up in my relationship with my wife in the present moment. I don\u2019t have to go back to that original pain. It shows up in the present because it\u2019s a wound that hasn\u2019t healed. I mean, that wound is touched. I\u2019m there with all the pain. There\u2019s an American psychologist who talks about primitive agony, primitive not being the pejorative, but our early agony. Our early agony shows up almost anytime that we\u2019re triggered. So the thing is to work with the pain that\u2019s here in the present. It\u2019s useful to look at its sources in the past, but if the pain in the present that needs to be addressed, and that pain in the present reflects the pain of the past<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014t<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">hat\u2019s the nature of trauma, what Peter Levine calls \u201cthe tyranny of the past.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And relating to the pain in the present, tell me about that, how you approach that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, when I\u2019m distraught and my body\u2019s perturbed and there\u2019s tension inside me and I\u2019ve got this sense of despondence and hopelessness, the sooner I realize that this has got nothing to do with the present, but this is what I\u2019ve been carrying all my life<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">that awareness then allows me to be with that pain and to observe it compassionately rather than to just run away from it or blame it on the other person.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And so that\u2019s why I talk about triggers. So the word trigger itself is an interesting word, isn\u2019t it? Because metaphorically, what does it mean? It means this little lever that you push, but it only works because there\u2019s ammunition and a weapon and explosive charge. So I could focus on that little lever called a trigger, which is what the other person said, did or didn\u2019t do or didn\u2019t say, or I could focus on the explosive charge. What am I carrying that that little trigger set off? And so, yeah, that pain, that explosive charge, I\u2019m carrying that. And the more I realize that, the more liberated I become in dealing with the challenges of the external world.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, one question, Gabor, I had\u2014well, I had many questions in reading <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of Normal<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, but it had to do with this notion of coming into contact with our authentic self. You describe healing as a directionality, a process where we become more and more whole. And one of my questions is\u2026 I\u2019ll just say it in the\u2026 Was I ever whole? I can remember pain and trauma from when I was in the womb, or so it is in my imagination at least. And I think, am I becoming whole for the first time? Or was I ever whole? I wonder how you see that.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, first of all, if you look at two words in English language, one is \u201chealing\u201d itself, and the other \u201crecovery.\u201d So healing means wholeness. Healing comes from an Anglo-Saxon word called whole or wholeness. So healing means to become whole, number one. Number two, recovery. When people recover, especially from addictions, the word recovery itself, what does it mean? It means to find something, to find it again. Well, when I ask people who\u2019ve healed from addiction, \u201cWhat did you recover? What did you find again?\u201d\u2014you know what they always say? \u201cI found myself.\u201d Which means that self that they found never could have been destroyed or even split. I just lost contact with it. And in my view, the essence of trauma is disconnection from the self. And I don\u2019t think I\u2019m alone. In fact, I think I\u2019m in rather honest company in asserting that there is an authentic self that\u2019s got nothing to do with your life history. You can lose contact with it, but you can never destroy it, and it\u2019s always been there. And anybody who\u2019s ever had a deep spiritual experience, probably far beyond than what I\u2019ve had, will tell you about this experience of the Self with the capital S that goes way beyond the little ego.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But let me ask you a more specific question, because I don\u2019t <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">know [inaudible 00:37:27]<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> spiritual here what matters, that I sort of have to take other people\u2019s words for. When you\u2019re generous and kind to somebody, Tami, when you\u2019re openhearted, as compared to when you\u2019re scared or selfish or manipulative, what do you feel in your body? When you\u2019re open, kind and generous, what\u2019s in your body?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I feel a kind of natural goodness, if you will. I feel\u2014<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Natural goodness.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014wholesome. Wholesome quality. Yeah, purity even.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, you just answered my question. Wholesome means whole. There it is, the actual real self. It\u2019s been there all along. You just have not been in touch with it. The actual goodness you said, that\u2019s your natural state. So it is there for us. We just lose contact with it. Then that\u2019s the essence of trauma. So when I talk about authenticity from the word auto, the self, I just mean\u2014now, children have this essential need for healthy development. Amongst other essential needs is the need to have the freedom to experience all their emotions. And children who are allowed to experience all their emotions, they remain whole. They don\u2019t become disconnected. And that means their natural goodness will be present for them. So you kind of answered your question in your own words. Natural goodness, you said, wholesomeness. That\u2019s your true self, I would argue. And I think you know that. I think we all know that on some level.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, Gabor, in <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of Normal<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, you write about how you had a profound breakthrough yourself not that long ago in a series of ayahuasca journeys that resulted in you encountering, it sounded like, some kind of deep taste, touch of your \u201ctrue self.\u201d And quite honestly, I understood the circumstances, and you can share that here with our audience, but I didn\u2019t quite get a clear picture of what the actual experience was that was the breakthrough for you. So I wonder if you can share both the context, the experience, and what level of transformational change really came from it?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The context was a retreat that I was going to lead in the Amazon jungle at a particular ayahuasca facility called The Temple of the Way of Light. And professional physicians, psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors came from all over the world to work under the leadership of the well-known Dr. Gabor Mat\u00e9. And they came from four continents, 23 of them. And I\u2019d worked with ayahuasca for over a decade by then, and I helped people formulate their intentions for the ceremony. And after the ceremony, which I don\u2019t lead\u2014that\u2019s led by shamans <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">[inaudible 00:40:48]&#8230;<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> I help people integrate their experience, understand their experience, interpret it. And I\u2019m good at doing that. And so people came, paid big bucks. They come from all over the world to the Amazon jungle, and the shamans, after one ceremony, they came to me and said, \u201cYou can\u2019t take part here because you\u2019re too dense. There\u2019s something dark about you that interferes with our chanting, that doesn\u2019t let our medicine penetrate into you. And your darkness even affects the other people.\u201d So essentially, they fired me from my own retreat. And the rest of the ceremonies were done without me.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And they assigned one shaman to work with me privately in five ceremonies over the next ten days. So it was both a humbling and a liberating experience, because I arrived there very stressed, overworked, and they were quite right. But furthermore, Tami, they said, \u201cWe sense two things about you.\u201d And you have to understand they didn\u2019t know who I was, what I\u2019d done, who I am in the world, my achievements, nothing. They just saw me as the person who was in front of them at that time. And they said, \u201cThere\u2019s two things about you that we sense. One is that we think you worked with a lot of trauma in your life and you haven\u2019t cleared that out of yourself. And secondly, we think when you were very small, you had a big scare early in your life and you haven\u2019t got over it yet.\u201d So that\u2019s the context.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Okay. And then what happened?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So then the shaman worked with me for five ceremonies. I took the ayahuasca. He chanted. He prayed over me. He put his hands on. He did an energetic work, and gradually I loosed, and I became calmer, more present, more grounded, more grateful. And when the final ceremony was over, at least, so I was, and I was feeling very clear and very grateful and glad for the experience and appreciating both the wisdom of the shamans and appreciating also my own willingness to get fired and to receive their healing. I thought it was finished, and all of a sudden I was thrown on a mat by some force. And then for the next two hours or more, I just journeyed. And this is where I have no words, because I don\u2019t remember much of the journey, except that I was gone far away. And I remember the vision at the end of it, that I shared in the book where the Hungarian word\u2014now, I don\u2019t think in Hungarian and I don\u2019t dream in Hungarian. So this came from very deep within me.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And in a blue-like sky in letters like <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">[inaudible 00:43:41]<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> of cloud, the Hungarian word, B-O-L-D-O-G, boldog, were spelled out. And I saw it in my eyes, and I realized that all that stuff that had happened to me need not define my existence, that all that had happened to my family, all that happens in the world, painful, distressing, tragic, traumatizing as it all can be, it doesn\u2019t have to define who I am or my future or my relationship to life or my relationship to myself or my relationship to anything. So a liberation from the past is what it was. But that\u2019s the closest as I can come to describing it, because it would take a better poet than I am to give it words. And some of the great poets and spiritual teachers can find the right words. By the way, I\u2019m not comparing my experience to others. I\u2019m just saying that I don\u2019t have the words to say much more about it besides what I\u2019ve just shared, or share in the book, except to say I wouldn\u2019t want anybody to believe that I had that experience and I came back a changed man. I mean, I did have a glimpse of something, I had an opening to something, but believe me, two months later, or a week after I got home from that trip, I started writing a book, and I plunged right into despair.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So it was and it remains an essential experience for me, but again, we have to emphasize the importance of integration and constant reintegration of those experiences into our lives. And I think the same is true for any spiritual experience, with or without psychedelics.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And the Hungarian word that you saw spelled in the sky means?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Happy. It means happy.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There you go.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Which is not a word that easily came to my mind when I ever thought about myself.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">No, probably not the first word most people would use, either, for you. But there you go, a gift to you, happy in Hungarian. Now, as someone who knows a lot about neurology and what\u2019s happening in our hormonal system, what was going on during these ayahuasca ceremonies in terms of creating this kind of access? And I\u2019m particularly interested, Gabor, because most of us won\u2019t go to South America and spend X number of thousands of dollars and have experiences like this. But how can we understand the template, if you will, of the human journey so that we can access this wisdom?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, out of 33 chapters in the book, precisely one is on psychedelic modality, because the last thing I want to come across as is some kind of psychedelic evangelist. I don\u2019t think they are the answer. And I don\u2019t overemphasize\u2014I mean, out of the eight healing chapters in the book, one is on psychedelics. So I think there\u2019s much more to it than that. But specifically, when it comes to psychedelics, there\u2019s no magic about it. There\u2019s no miracle about it. I describe the experience of a woman with severe life-threatening, in fact, terminal autoimmune disease who, based on her experience with psychedelics, literally she should have been dead years ago, according to the prognosis and her physical state prior to psychedelics. But the psychedelics opened for her a whole healing process that has her active and vital and creative right now, years later.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And from the point of view of Western medicine, or at least not Western science, but Western medical practice, that\u2019s unexplainable. But there\u2019s nothing unexplainable when we understand the science. So I said earlier that mind and body can\u2019t be separated, and physiology is related to psychology. And so Freud said at one point that dreams are the royal road to the unconscious, which means that when you\u2019re dreaming, your unconscious just shows up, which is what happens. Because what happens in dream state is that the conscious brain is offline, and the parts of the brain that are charged with childhood emotional memories become diffused with blood. And so they become very active. And then the mind makes up stories to account for those emotions. So for example, if you are dreaming that Nazis are chasing you and you\u2019re afraid, it\u2019s not true that you\u2019re afraid because Nazis are chasing you. It\u2019s more true to say that Nazis are chasing you because the emotion of fear has arisen in your brain, because your control system is offline, your childhood memories are enlivened, and now the expression of fear that you suppressed as a child now comes alive, and then your mind makes up a story to explain the fear.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Much the same happens with psychedelics. So if dreams are the royal road to the unconscious, I would say psychedelics are even more of a royal road to the unconscious, for the reason that under a psychedelic experience, that membrane between conscious and unconscious disappears. The unconscious floods into your awareness in the form of visions, in the form of stories, in the form of deeply felt emotions, but you are there as an adult to witness it all and to kind of work it through in a safe environment where you\u2019re guided by people who know what they\u2019re doing. And this is why the importance of environment and context, the setting, is so important. And then if there\u2019s somebody like myself around the next day, then we can talk about it, then you can actually interpret and integrate that experience even more deeply. So <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">psychedelics [inaudible 00:49:53]<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> that membrane and at the same time a lot of all that stuff that you\u2019ve been suppressing to flood into your awareness.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What can also flood into your awareness, has happened with me in that very last experience with that picture in the sky that I talked about, is your authentic self can show up, which has been covered under layers of suffering and layers of defenses and adaptations and so on. So you\u2019re in a position, ideally speaking, to both come to terms with your suffering that you\u2019d repressed, but also with that self that you had lost contact with. So that\u2019s kind of an idealized nutshell, summation of the psychedelic experience when it works. There\u2019s different psychedelics, of course. You can\u2019t put them into one basket. As ayahuasca with ibogaine, you\u2019ll have a different experience. With an MDMA, mushrooms, you\u2019ll have a different experience. But essentially common to them all is the lifting of the veil between the conscious and the unconscious.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How do you relate now to that sort of superhero, workaholic identity that was asked to be put on hold by the shamans when they said, \u201cPlease get out of the room actually. We fire you for the week\u201d? How do you relate though to that? Like I\u2019m the superhero. I\u2019m going to bring my method, Compassionate Inquiry. How do you relate to that you, the doctor, super-talented superhero?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Intellectually I see through it, and I really see what a sad story it really is and how much suffering it can generate. In practice, I have to tell you, I\u2019m sitting here today having been shocked yesterday, the day before, by to what extent I fell into the same sand trap. As a result of\u2014I basically got myself totally identified with this book and its success and the attention of creating-<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS<\/b><b>: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">[inaudible 00:52:04].<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Yeah. Sure.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And I lost myself. And that showed up in a very dramatic way in the last couple of days. I had to be sort of shocked back into realizing how easy it is for me to don that superhero cape and to forget who I am. So that just happened. I\u2019m back to myself today. I\u2019m much quicker now at doing that, but it was a shock. It really was.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I can feel you. I can feel your heart. And I just have two final questions for you here. One is that you talk about how, when many of us get ill and we have a conversation with a medical professional, that conversation doesn\u2019t get at the kinds of interior process, what we\u2019re bringing, if you will, to whatever suffering we\u2019re experiencing right now, whatever disease process or mental health. It doesn\u2019t get at those issues. And I\u2019m curious if you were able to give some suggestions to people who work in the medical profession or, if we\u2019re getting these questions coming towards us, what questions would be helpful? What do you wish doctors would ask?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I wish that my profession just got scientific about it. And I\u2019ll tell you three diseases that are just classic. Multiple sclerosis, the guy who described it for the first time, a French neurologist called Charcot, in 1870, that this is a disease caused by stress. Rheumatoid arthritis, the great Canadian American British physician, Sir William Osler, in 1895 said this is a disease caused by stress. Breast cancer in women, a great British surgeon, in 1870, James Paget said that this is related to people\u2019s emotions, negative emotions. Now, since those pioneers have made those observations, we\u2019ve had literally tens of thousands of papers showing a relationship between emotions and physiology and stress, trauma, and disease. So a recent study out of Harvard, no less, four years ago, showed that women with severe PTSD have double the risk of ovarian cancer. We\u2019ve seen lots of evidence about\u2014a recent Danish study came out last week, the relationship of childhood trauma to adult heart disease.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I could go on forever. And yet the average physician never hears that information once, not once throughout their medical training. It\u2019s completely ignored. It\u2019s unbelievable the gap between the science, the evidence on one hand and, on the other hand, medical practice. And so what would I have physicians do? I\u2019d have them find out about trauma. The average physician does not get a single lecture on trauma and its impacts on mental and physical health in all the years of education. Unbelievable. Despite all the science. So first of all, educate yourselves. Let\u2019s educate ourselves. I\u2019m not blaming people as individuals. Institutionally, we need to develop what George Engel called for in 1977, a biopsychosocial approach. And if that\u2019s the case, when somebody comes to you with a flare-up of rheumatoid arthritis or multiple sclerosis or depression, don\u2019t just medicate it. Don\u2019t just mitigate the symptoms. Once you\u2019ve done that, ask, \u201cHow\u2019s your life? What happened to you? What emotional burdens are you carrying? Because there\u2019s a lot of evidence,\u201d we might say to our patients, \u201cthat our minds and our bodies are inseparable and our psychology very much affects our physiology. Therefore, in your healing process, let\u2019s work on your psychology and on your relationship to yourself as much as you work on the physical aspects of your illness.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And as a physician, I may not be trained to do that, but at least I recognize its existence, that mind-body unity. Let me send you to somebody who can talk to you about it. And then you can send them to somebody who does Dick Schwartz\u2019s Internal Family Systems or my Compassionate Inquiry or Peter Levine\u2019s Somatic Experiencing or Pat Ogden\u2019s work or any number of modalities of treatment psychologically that take trauma and the mind-body unity into account. So that\u2019s what I would have my colleagues do.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And then a final question here, Gabor. You have a chapter in <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of Normal<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, \u201cBefore the Body Says No,\u201d how we can tune in, if you will\u2014this is my language\u2014to kind of the whispers before we get the loud screaming \u201cno\u201d of really being flattened by something. How do we listen to the whispers?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So you and I had a conversation once before about when the body says no, when people don\u2019t know how to say no, because in childhood programming, in their childhoods, they adapted to their family\u2019s milieu by suppressing their needs, by saying yes to other people\u2019s expectations of them rather than their authentic selves. So eventually, the body will say no in the form of illness of mind or body. So now this chapter, as you say, is called \u201cBefore the Body Says No.\u201d The question is, do we want to wait for illness? Do we want to wait for an autoimmune disease or a severe back problem or depression or some other manifestations of suffering to wake us up? Or do we want to learn how to say no before our body does? So there\u2019s two things we can do here in a nutshell. I mean, the chapters are more elaborations on this theme, but a little exercise where we can keep asking ourselves: where am I not saying no, where I want to say or no, when there\u2019s a no that wants to be said, but I\u2019m not saying it because I\u2019m too worried about being loved and accepted and admired? So where, this week, did I not say no? And what was the impact on me of not saying no? Usually it\u2019s fatigue, tiredness, physical symptoms, resentment, and so on.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So there\u2019s an exercise that guides you through working with yourself so that you recognize your patterns so that you do learn how to say no. So that\u2019s the one aspect of it. Another aspect of it, just a daily or at least weekly, conscious little check-in. What\u2019s my body saying? What\u2019s going on in my body? Is there fatigue? Are there stomach aches? Is there heartburn? Are there back spasms? Are there frequent colds? Is there dry mouth? Are there aches and pains here or there? This is your body talking to you. Are there headaches? Usually, you go to a doctor with these symptoms, and it\u2019s kind of a conspiracy, at least an unconscious one, between the patient and the physician. The patient says, \u201cI got this symptom. Please get rid of it for me.\u201d And the doctor says, \u201cI will, because that\u2019s all I know how to do, is to get rid of symptoms, but I can\u2019t deal with the underlying process.\u201d Well, let\u2019s dissolve that conspiracy. So when the body\u2019s talking to you in the form of chronic migraines or chronic headaches or fatigue, check in with yourself once a week. What\u2019s my body saying? So that\u2019s a two-pronged approach, which is kind of a simplistic explanation, but it\u2019s entirely doable. And I\u2019ll tell you, Tami, that little exercise about where I\u2019m not saying no\u2014a lot of people have told me that just doing that has totally changed their life.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I have to be honest with you, Gabor, I feel like this is the first half of a conversation, and maybe I\u2019m just hoping it\u2019s the first half of a conversation about your work on <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of Normal<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">,<\/span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">because there\u2019s so much that we could talk about. You\u2019ve packed\u2014honestly, I felt like I got a huge education in one week of reading, and I would recommend the book to anyone. Dr. Gabor Mat\u00e9, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And if you\u2019d like to watch <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> on video and participate in after-the-show Q&amp;A conversations with featured presenters and have the chance to ask your questions, come join us on Sounds True One, a new membership community that features premium shows, live classes, and community events. Let\u2019s learn and grow together. Come join us at join.soundstrue.com. Sounds True: waking up the world.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"template":"","meta":{"_expiration-date-status":"","_expiration-date":0,"_expiration-date-type":"","_expiration-date-categories":[],"_expiration-date-options":[]},"class_list":["post-19828","transcript","type-transcript","status-publish","hentry"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>A Personal View Of Healing Into Wholeness In A Toxic Cult...<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Read the full transcript from this Sounds True conversation with A Personal View Of Healing Into Wholeness In A Toxic Culture. Explore teachings on meditation a\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A Personal View Of Healing Into Wholeness In A Toxic Cult...\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Read the full transcript from this Sounds True conversation with A Personal View Of Healing Into Wholeness In A Toxic Culture. Explore teachings on meditation a\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/a-personal-view-of-healing-into-wholeness-in-a-toxic-culture\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Sounds True\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2022-12-19T17:23:57+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"40 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/a-personal-view-of-healing-into-wholeness-in-a-toxic-culture\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/a-personal-view-of-healing-into-wholeness-in-a-toxic-culture\/\",\"name\":\"A Personal View Of Healing Into Wholeness In A Toxic Cult...\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2022-12-14T20:21:42+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-12-19T17:23:57+00:00\",\"description\":\"Read the full transcript from this Sounds True conversation with A Personal View Of Healing Into Wholeness In A Toxic Culture. Explore teachings on meditation a\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/a-personal-view-of-healing-into-wholeness-in-a-toxic-culture\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/a-personal-view-of-healing-into-wholeness-in-a-toxic-culture\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/a-personal-view-of-healing-into-wholeness-in-a-toxic-culture\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Transcripts\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":3,\"name\":\"A Personal View of Healing into Wholeness in a Toxic Culture\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/\",\"name\":\"Sounds True\",\"description\":\"\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Sounds True\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/soundstrue-logo-footer-color.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/soundstrue-logo-footer-color.png\",\"width\":1035,\"height\":235,\"caption\":\"Sounds True\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"}}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"A Personal View Of Healing Into Wholeness In A Toxic Cult...","description":"Read the full transcript from this Sounds True conversation with A Personal View Of Healing Into Wholeness In A Toxic Culture. Explore teachings on meditation a","robots":{"index":"noindex","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"A Personal View Of Healing Into Wholeness In A Toxic Cult...","og_description":"Read the full transcript from this Sounds True conversation with A Personal View Of Healing Into Wholeness In A Toxic Culture. Explore teachings on meditation a","og_url":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/a-personal-view-of-healing-into-wholeness-in-a-toxic-culture\/","og_site_name":"Sounds True","article_modified_time":"2022-12-19T17:23:57+00:00","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Est. reading time":"40 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/a-personal-view-of-healing-into-wholeness-in-a-toxic-culture\/","url":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/a-personal-view-of-healing-into-wholeness-in-a-toxic-culture\/","name":"A Personal View Of Healing Into Wholeness In A Toxic Cult...","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/#website"},"datePublished":"2022-12-14T20:21:42+00:00","dateModified":"2022-12-19T17:23:57+00:00","description":"Read the full transcript from this Sounds True conversation with A Personal View Of Healing Into Wholeness In A Toxic Culture. Explore teachings on meditation a","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/a-personal-view-of-healing-into-wholeness-in-a-toxic-culture\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/a-personal-view-of-healing-into-wholeness-in-a-toxic-culture\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/a-personal-view-of-healing-into-wholeness-in-a-toxic-culture\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Transcripts","item":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"A Personal View of Healing into Wholeness in a Toxic Culture"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/","name":"Sounds True","description":"","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/#organization","name":"Sounds True","url":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/soundstrue-logo-footer-color.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/soundstrue-logo-footer-color.png","width":1035,"height":235,"caption":"Sounds True"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"}}]}},"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/transcript\/19828","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/transcript"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/transcript"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19828"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}