{"id":20048,"date":"2023-03-31T13:48:09","date_gmt":"2023-03-31T19:48:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/?post_type=transcript&p=20048"},"modified":"2023-03-31T13:48:09","modified_gmt":"2023-03-31T19:48:09","slug":"speaking-with-a-damn-good-coach","status":"publish","type":"transcript","link":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/speaking-with-a-damn-good-coach\/","title":{"rendered":"Speaking with a Damn Good Coach"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"image_print\"Print Transcript<\/span><\/a><\/div>

Tami Simon:<\/b> Hello friends, my name\u2019s Tami Simon and I\u2019m the founder of Sounds True, and I want to welcome you to the Sounds True podcast, <\/span>Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i>. I also want to take a moment to introduce you to Sounds True\u2019s new membership community and digital platform. It\u2019s called Sounds True One. Sounds True One features original premium transformational docuseries, community events, classes to start your day and relax in the evening, special weekly live shows, including a video version of <\/span>Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i> with an after-show community question-and-answer session with featured guests. I hope you\u2019ll come join us, explore, come have fun with us, and connect with others. You can learn more at join.soundstrue.com.<\/span><\/p>\n

I also want to take a moment and introduce you to the Sounds True Foundation, our nonprofit that creates equitable access to transformational tools and teachings. You can learn more at soundstruefoundation.org. And in advance, thank you for your support.<\/span><\/p>\n

In this episode of <\/span>Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i>, my guest is Andrea Owen. Andrea is an author, a global keynote speaker, and she\u2019s a professional certified life coach, who helps high-achieving women maximize unshakeable confidence and master resilience. Her books include <\/span>Make Some Noise, How to Stop Feeling Like Sh*t<\/span><\/i>, and <\/span>52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life<\/span><\/i>. She\u2019s taught hundreds of thousands of women tools and strategies to empower themselves through her speaking appearances, her consulting and coaching services, and her wildly popular podcast.<\/span><\/p>\n

With Sounds True, Andrea Owen has created a new audio teaching series; it\u2019s really an audio immersion workshop. It\u2019s called <\/span>Getting Damn Good at Life: Strategies for Managing Your Inner Critic, Growing Confidence, and Experiencing More Happiness Now<\/span><\/i>. I have to say I love talking to Andrea, because she\u2019s the kind of person you can share your mind with, you can share your heart with. You don\u2019t have to hold back, and she doesn\u2019t hold back her responses either. Here\u2019s my conversation with a damn good life coach, Andrea Owen.<\/span><\/p>\n

Andrea, I\u2019d love to begin, if you will, with the origin story, however you want to tell it, of the work you do today. What do you trace as the antecedents that led to you doing the type of coaching, and speaking, and teaching work that you do?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>Thank you for asking that. And it\u2019s a kind of dramatic story. I was not born an evolved person, like many of my colleagues are. But I have always been interested in personal development. When I was in my twenties\u2014this was back in the \u201890s\u2014and I was interested in life coaching, and it was a very, very new career at that point. Hardly anyone knew what it was. And the long and short of how I got here was, I knew that to be a life coach, you needed life experience, and I didn\u2019t have a whole lot back then. And I was married at the time, and my then-husband and I had been together for many, many years since we were teenagers. We always knew we wanted to start a family, but he had an affair with our neighbor and got her pregnant as we were discussing having our first child. I was devastated.<\/span><\/p>\n

We did split up, and I started dating someone whom I fell madly in love with, which was probably a mistake right out of the gate of my divorce. And it turns out that the long and short of that, sadly that person conned me, basically, and was a drug addict, and it was very sad. And I found myself on the floor in my apartment in the fetal position asking myself, I think, that question that so many people ask themselves, is \u201cHow did I get here? I am the common denominator in all of this.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

So what\u2019s also interesting, and how this is such a full-circle moment for me, having this conversation with you, is that in that moment on the floor in my apartment, I decided to change my life, and I threw myself into personal development. And Sounds True was one of\u2014I mean I used to get the catalog. Back then there were MP3s\u2014I think there were CDs back then, but it was the genesis of audio. And I had it all the time on my walks, and just threw myself into personal development, which led me to getting certified as a life coach. And then that was in 2007 when I decided to change my life, and here we are all these years later.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> It\u2019s interesting how many people\u2019s origin story takes them back either to the floor or the bathroom floor.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>[LAUGHS] Mine was the bedroom.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> Right, the bedroom floor. Now, I do have another question for you, because I read that you have a tattoo on your foot that says, \u201cTo thine known self be true,\u201d and that was to honor your commitment to sobriety. And I was curious how sobriety fits in, in this timeline.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>So, I decided to get sober in 2011. I was a few years into my journey, and I had officially launched my online coaching practice in 2010, and it was called \u201cYour Kick-Ass Life.\u201d And I was very excited about it. I\u2019ve always been the sort of consummate cheerleader, the hype girl, if you will. And I had that whisper of, \u201cWell, maybe you\u2019re drinking too much.\u201d Maybe quote unquote \u201cnormal\u201d people don\u2019t think about drinking as often as I did.<\/span><\/p>\n

I had also seen my father get sober at 18, and I was introduced to the term \u201chigh-functioning alcoholic.\u201d So I really knew intuitively where my path was headed if I did not choose to abstain from alcohol.<\/span><\/p>\n

And so to tell you the truth, I sort of went in kicking and screaming. I didn\u2019t want to quit drinking. It was sort of like, I\u2019m like, \u201cAre you kidding me? I can\u2019t have this?\u201d But I did, and it was the best decision I ever made. And what it represents for me is listening to that inner truth and taking action even when it feels terrifying. And the way I looked at it is, both outcomes are vastly uncomfortable. Continuing to drink, which I knew as much as I tried, I could not drink like a quote unquote \u201chealthy\u201d normal person, or if I abstained. And so I made the decision to abstain, and I have 11 years now. Best decision I ever made.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> Wonderful, and congratulations on that, on that decision and sticking with it. Now, I want to ask you what\u2014I don\u2019t know, you might think this is a challenging question. But I feel a connection with you, so I feel safe to ask you this question. Which is, we used to have at Sounds True something that we called the Kick-Ass Award, and I know one of your books is called <\/span>52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life<\/span><\/i>. And we gave it to an employee, staff member who did something outstanding that week.<\/span><\/p>\n

And then we got some feedback from some of the people at the company like, \u201cThis word \u2018kick-ass\u2019 is not a word that reflects our values of kindness and compassion. I mean, kick-ass, really\u201d And then I thought, \u201cWell, we\u2019ll change it.\u201d And now we call it the Shining Star Award. I\u2019m a bit of a word nerd, so I\u2019m just curious what you think about this phrase \u201ckick-ass,\u201d and do you still like it? Do you not like it as much? Where are you at with that?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>Yeah. Kriste told me about that, the fantastic producer of my audio. And I totally understand. The short answer of that is for me personally\u2014I think when we live in a word for so long as I have with that branding, it just becomes a little bit old. And for me, it feels a little bit dated\u2014for me. And so that\u2019s why I\u2019m not really all that attached to it anymore.<\/span><\/p>\n

So I really appreciate and honor anyone who can come forward, and like I just was talking about, speak their own truth, \u201cThat is offensive to me.\u201d It doesn\u2019t mean that it needs to be offensive to everyone else. From a practical standpoint, I do think that it\u2019s a bit of a gray area. But again, that\u2019s just my personal opinion. So I don\u2019t know if I really answered the question, but that\u2019s just how I feel about it. I\u2019m not super attached. But again, I honor anyone who feels that way about it, and that is their truth, and period.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> OK. The series that you made with Sounds True with our producer, Kriste Peoples. First of all, fabulous, real workshop immersion. You offer so many different practices to the listener. It\u2019s called <\/span>Getting Damn Good at Life<\/span><\/i>. And I was curious, I was like, \u201cOK, what does it mean to get damn good at life?\u201d And it was so interesting to me that the core theme you introduced right at the beginning that goes through the whole series is, getting damn good at life involves learning how to manage and work successfully with the voice of the inner critic, with your own inner critic. And I just wanted to start by understanding why that\u2019s such a central idea. I think for a lot of people, it\u2019s part of the work they teach, it\u2019s important, but it\u2019s not as central as it appears to be for you in this notion of getting damn good at life: figure out how to work with your critic.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>And maybe it\u2019s become central because I tend to work with women and femmes, people who identify as women or at least have grown up in the culture of being a girl or a woman. This doesn\u2019t exclude any other genders; I think we all can have that negative voice in our head, and it can manifest in different ways.<\/span><\/p>\n

I think the reason that it has become central is because partly, we don\u2019t even realize that it can be in the driver\u2019s seat of our lives. And it can come from many different areas. It can come from culture or your family of origin, and people are differently wired depending if they tend to have more anxiety or depression, or even ADHD and things like that.<\/span><\/p>\n

But because it\u2019s one of those things that can be insidious, I wanted to make sure from the start that we started from there, and I led with so much compassion. Because you cannot cheerleader your way or manage your mindset\u2014you certainly can\u2019t bully your way through that type of work.<\/span><\/p>\n

And so I get asked the question many times when I\u2019m being interviewed, if you could have one thing that you give people and want them to work on, and I always say, \u201cThat\u2019s like asking which one of my two children is my favorite.\u201d I have two. It\u2019s inner critic work, and it\u2019s understanding and knowing what your values look like. And so those two are absolutely foundational for me, and that\u2019s I think the main reason why I wanted to start there.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> And we\u2019re going to talk about both of these two principles that you bring forward. What\u2019s the connection between the two ideas, knowing what your values are and successful, good inner critic work?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>Yeah. Well, I think if you are in that place where your inner critic is sort of running the show, whether you know it or not\u2014and I think for most people, it can be an unconscious thing that\u2019s happening. Then it becomes nearly impossible to honor your values. Say you have a value around creativity, and if you are beating yourself up about putting your art out into the world, or even sitting down at your desk and making your art, it can be a major challenge if your inner critic is always in the way telling you, \u201cWe don\u2019t have time for that. Your art is terrible anyway. People are going to criticize you. Who do you think you are to even submit this piece of writing or this art to this exhibit?\u201d Or whatever it is.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So that\u2019s just one example of how it can show up in your life. Because at the end of the day, our values are the way that we want to show up in the world, and also that we\u2019re honoring what\u2019s important about the way that we live our life. And to be in that place where your inner critic is always in charge, those are completely incongruent.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> In the section in the series where you talk about your values, you talk about actually writing them down. Taking the time to write them down. And I thought, \u201cReally? I kind of know what my values are. Do I have to write them down?\u201d And then I realized, they\u2019re kind of mushy inside actually, and that writing them down would be really useful. How do you recommend people go about writing them down? Just list five, or do it with your partner\u2014<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>I\u2019m going to stop you because as a coach, I want to know more about that. [LAUGHS] Would you mind sharing? What do you mean by mushy? Say more about that.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> Mushy means I kind of know what they are, but have I actually languaged them? Have I written them down? One, two, three, four. I mean being truthful, knowing our goodness, making a positive contribution. These are all things I come back to as a person, as my core values. But have I really done a thorough, written presentation for myself? No, I haven\u2019t.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>OK. Well then, I\u2019m going to challenge you to do that. I\u2019ll get permission first, but I would love to know that you actually did it. Yes. So, I\u2019m also certified in the work of Dr. Bren\u00e9 Brown for almost ten years now. And my values work started previous to that with the Coaches Training Institute. And Bren\u00e9 Brown also talks about it too, and I love how she talks about that it\u2019s really not just about naming your values. And one of my previous books, I said, naming your values is like naming your children and calling that parenting. That\u2019s not how it works. You actually have to parent them. And values\u2014yes, of course naming them is the first step. But then what does that actually mean and look like?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So like you said, you have a value around, you said doing good in the world. Is that how you articulate it?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> Making a contribution. Contributing.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>Making a contribution?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> Yeah.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>And another person might say, being of service. And I would get curious, what does that actually look like in your life? Because what it might look like to you, Tami, might look very different to me or to someone listening to this.<\/span><\/p>\n

And so for example, I get a decent amount of people who are in my community who say that they have a value around authenticity. What does that mean? I think there are a lot of buzzwords, too, that we hear in personal development circles, that sound really warm, but might be mushy\u2014like you said, not really sure what that looks like.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And so I ask people, \u201cOK, if authenticity is one of your values, does that mean that what\u2019s important to you is that you are your authentic self?\u201d And they\u2019ll say, \u201cYes, that sounds really good.\u201d And then I\u2019ll ask, \u201cWell, what do your boundaries look like?\u201d Because many times when we are our authentic self, we need to set some boundaries with people or have difficult conversations. And that\u2019s where the real work comes in. Because many times when we are honoring our values, we have to do uncomfortable things to actually honor them.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> So in this process of not just naming my children, my values, not just giving them a name, I\u2019m going to talk about making it operational in a certain way. Like applying it and what that actually looks like. Do you recommend\u2014how many? Because I could go on and on. What do you think?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>Sure. So someone who is feeling really stuck, you can go to Google and come [up with]\u2014\u201dlist of values.\u201d I think Steve Pavlina was one of the very first hits for a long time on Google. I\u2019m sure if you looked up, Bren\u00e9 Brown has one too. And it can be a little overwhelming at first. But I suggest print it out, circle every one that you feel is important to you, do not hold back. And then from there, you can narrow it down maybe to your top, I would say 15.<\/span><\/p>\n

And from there, what I like to do is to ask people from that list of maybe 15, narrow it down to three to five at the most. It doesn\u2019t mean that those other ones don\u2019t matter and that they need to be completely taken off your list. But just for the sake of the exercise, the top three to five that will help you light the way when you-know-what hits the fan, when your life gets maybe turned upside down. We also like to say, what can light your way in the dark?<\/span><\/p>\n

So creativity might be one of your top values that\u2019s important to you. But when things get hard, is creativity the thing that you\u2019re going to lean on? Probably not in that moment. So for me, it\u2019s going to be trust is one of my values. Partly because I\u2019ve had some trust issues. I know you\u2019re surprised considering my past with my relationships [LAUGHS]. But that\u2019s also trust in myself. Do I trust my own intuition that I can have the resilience it\u2019s going to take to get through this?<\/span><\/p>\n

For many people, it\u2019s faith or spirituality that is going to light their way in the dark. And that\u2019s where I like to start with people so that they can really\u2014it helps them see like, this is when I\u2019m really going to need it, during these dark times.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> So make it real for me how trust lights your way. Because I think sometimes when you hear it, like I circle these words on a page. And it all feels still a little bit at an arm\u2019s length. I don\u2019t quite know how else to put it. And I like what you\u2019re saying. This is what you\u2019re going to use. This is what you can rely on. So share with me from your own experience how that works. Maybe a difficult experience and you say, \u201cOK. I remember. Trust.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>So I\u2019ll give you a personal example. My father got sick in 2016. Gravely sick. And I am living in North Carolina now, and I grew up in San Diego. And that\u2019s where he was at the time, where I was born and raised. And I went out to see him and he was not well, and we knew that he was on his last few weeks. And so I flew back home to North Carolina, and then I got a call from hospice and they said, \u201cYou had told us that you wanted us to call you when it\u2019s his last handful of days, and we wanted to tell you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

And I considered not going back home to be with him while he passed away. My stepmother was there, and I felt like I got to say everything to him that I wanted to say. And I really went back and forth with going back. And what I realized was that I did not trust myself enough that I could walk towards that kind of pain and that kind of grief. And that I also intuitively knew that if I didn\u2019t go out to be with him while he died, that I would regret it.<\/span><\/p>\n

So for me was, it was knowing that I have a history of being afraid of, for lack of a better expression, opening up Pandora\u2019s box. I thought if I did that, I\u2019m never going to stop crying. This is my dad. Also, I\u2019d never lost anyone in my life before. I\u2019ve never held anyone\u2019s hand while they died. So this was going to be a highly emotional, difficult time for me to walk through. And I didn\u2019t trust myself enough that I could make it through. And that\u2019s the thing I had to admit.<\/span><\/p>\n

And so for me to honor my value, it was a matter of trusting myself, that I am resilient enough, that my truest self shows my love by walking towards the pain instead of running away from it. Because that was my history: something\u2019s too hard, I\u2019m just going to back out and run. And it\u2019s a family pattern of mine. So it was a matter of trusting that I was strong enough to break these family patterns, to be there with my father when he passed away.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And I did it. It was messy on my end. It wasn\u2019t perfect. I would like to tell you it was this beautiful ceremonial thing. It was a lot of, little bit of panic on my end at times, but I did it. And it was a way of honoring both my father during his transition, as well as my own values.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> Now, do you recommend to people that they put a list up somewhere? I don\u2019t have post-it notes all over my house\u2014<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>Oh my gosh, you should see mine.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> I don\u2019t. So I\u2019ve never really done that, but maybe I should start. But anyway, I\u2019m curious what you recommend here.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>I recommend if you\u2019re a post-it person, then knock yourself out. If you\u2019re not, then it probably won\u2019t work. But I recommend doing the values work fairly regularly. Some people do it every year as a ceremony on New Year\u2019s, or their birthday, or the onset of spring, or whatever it is. I like to do mine just randomly every few years. It\u2019s usually when I\u2019m talking about it, if I\u2019m creating the audio for Sounds True, or maybe on my 50th birthday in a couple of years.<\/span><\/p>\n

And it\u2019s interesting what comes up because what I have found for people is that our values may very well change depending on the season of our life. What was important to me when I was in college was not the same when I was a brand-new mom. And it\u2019s not the same now as I\u2019m definitely smack in midlife.<\/span><\/p>\n

And also, it also depends on what\u2019s happening culturally. Maybe what happened during the #MeToo movement, or the pandemic, or politically has changed how you view things, and it\u2019s changed what is important to you in your heart and in your soul. So I recommend just doing it regularly. And again, if you\u2019re a post-it person, go to Staples and stock up on some office supplies.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> Now Andrea, I want to say I\u2019m really enjoying talking with you, and I feel comfortable enough to share with you some things that I might not share otherwise. Which is why I know you\u2019re a damn good coach. Damn good coach.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>[LAUGHS] I\u2019m honored.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> One of the things that I\u2019ve thought is the coaching profession, this is the thing that\u2014it\u2019s odd that some people are really good at it, and other people I\u2019m like, \u201cWow, really? This person, they just hung up this thing. They said they were a coach. There\u2019s not a whole lot of scrutiny.\u201d This is probably true with every profession, but for whatever reason, I kind of go off on it inside myself when it comes to coaching. Because I think, \u201cGod, I wish people would actually be trained in psychology,\u201d or something like that. My judgments come up. But here I am, I\u2019m talking to someone who\u2019s a damn good coach. So I wonder what you think about it as a profession.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>I\u2019m with you, honestly. It is one of those unregulated professions, but then if you even look at the industry of therapy where they have to do many, many clinical hours and be certified within their state, and there\u2019s much more regulations put on it. I\u2019ve had some really bad therapists. I\u2019ve had a lot of fantastic ones, but I\u2019ve had one or two where I\u2019m like, \u201cYou should not be doing this,\u201d or, \u201cYou need more training.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

But for people listening who are considering hiring one, just throwing it out there, definitely do your due diligence, get referrals if you can. Have a thorough consultation with a person. Find out what their policies are, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I think that one of the things that has helped me\u2014I have big applause to the Coaches Training Institute, my alma mater. I think they\u2019re a fantastic organization and train their coaches very, very well, and certify their coaches well.<\/span><\/p>\n

The skill I think that has helped me so much is curiosity, is just genuinely being curious about other people\u2019s minds and their spirits. And one of my favorite things that the Coaches Training Institute teaches us right from the very beginning is they tell us, every single individual that you work with is naturally creative, resourceful, and whole, all on their own. And I think that\u2019s such a beautiful thing to say about humans, and it\u2019s also a beautiful thing to remind us to other humans.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I think in many ways, we are acknowledgement starved. I know I\u2019m kind of going off on a side tangent here, but it\u2019s amazing to me anytime I acknowledge someone or champion them, their face. Sometimes they\u2019re very uncomfortable. Sometimes they just crumble and you can see that no one has told them in a long time how beautiful and naturally creative, resourceful, and whole they really are.<\/span><\/p>\n

And I think so much of my coaching is about seeing that person and hearing them for what is going on in their life. Whether it is something that\u2019s more of a surface-level topic, like wanting to change their careers because they\u2019re tired of it, or someone who is hurting in a marriage that they want to leave so badly, and they haven\u2019t told a single soul yet, and I\u2019m the first person that they tell. It\u2019s just like seeing people\u2019s humanity, I think, and getting very curious about it.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> What I realize is that airing out my judgment has helped me release it. And I think this is one of the things in the series that you recorded, <\/span>Getting Damn Good at Life<\/span><\/i>. In some subtle ways, you help the listeners see where their judgmentalness might actually be an obstacle or creating more harm for them than it\u2019s creating intelligence in the world.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And one of the things you have us look at is this notion, is everyone really doing the best they can? And I wanted to talk to you about that, because somebody once said to me, \u201cI\u2019ve really come to the conclusion everyone\u2019s doing the best they can.\u201d And because of this tendency I have to be a judgmental person, I said, \u201cThat\u2019s just not true!\u201d And I talked about this person, and how they need to do a better job, and this person I work with, and how they could do a better job for sure, and blah. And I went on and on.<\/span><\/p>\n

But I\u2019ve thought about that conversation many times afterwards, and I thought to myself, \u201cWow, this is really something, Tami, you need to look at. This is about <\/span>you<\/span><\/i>. This isn\u2019t about other people.\u201d So I\u2019m curious, how did you come to this confidence, if you will, that everyone\u2019s doing the best they can? And how does that change your view of people?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>Yeah. I mean, I don\u2019t know and you don\u2019t know if everyone is actually doing the best that they can. There\u2019s no way for us to know that. And so the reason I love this notion so much is that\u2014and I\u2019ll talk from an \u201cI\u201d perspective, just to make it a little bit easier to understand. When I believe that everyone is doing the best they can, it is better for me. Because that way, I can have more compassion for them.<\/span><\/p>\n

So I remember sitting in a 12-Step meeting when I was probably in my first year of sobriety. And there was a woman sitting there who \u2014and my kids were younger at the time. So I\u2019ve been sober for 11 years, and they are 13 and 15 now. So they were quite young, my two kids.<\/span><\/p>\n

And there was another woman there who had several children, and she had lost custody of them through her alcoholism and her addiction. And she was actively working through the court system to getting custody back. And I remember sitting there and judging her and thinking, \u201cHow on earth could you let it get so bad to where you lose custody of your children?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

And using that example and accepting that she was doing her best at that time\u2014if she could do better, she would have. And she could not. And it allows me to see her in her humanity. That she is a human being doing her best, struggling as we all are. Her struggle just looked different than mine. And to have immense amount of compassion for her.<\/span><\/p>\n

Because at the end of the day, PS, a lot of my judgment was my own fear that that could happen to me. I am just one bad bender away from that happening to me as well. And I think sometimes that\u2019s the case. Not always, but sometimes that very much is the case is when we judge someone else, there\u2019s a part of us, probably unconscious, that\u2019s terrified that we could end up there.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> All right. So I\u2019m talking to a damn good coach. And you said you do a lot of interviews, and people ask you, \u201cIf you could only give us one thing,\u201d and you give two\u2014knowing your values and knowing how to work with our inner critic. So let\u2019s talk about knowing how to work with our inner critic.<\/span><\/p>\n

One of the things you say in the series is that it doesn\u2019t work to bully the bully. And I thought, that\u2019s really interesting. I think sometimes when we encounter that part of ourselves, we\u2019ll say something dramatic. \u201cI\u2019m going to behead you,\u201d or, \u201cI\u2019m going to\u2014\u201d whatever. And tell me, does that really just not work in your experience?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>I think it can feel great in the moment. We can liken it to, if we get into an argument\u2014 well, I\u2019m going to go ahead and assume that everyone listening to this [LAUGHS] has tried their best to have good arguing skills where we don\u2019t fight fire with fire. But I think the vast majority of us have been in that place where we throw daggers back at someone who has thrown daggers at us. No matter who started it, no matter who the person is, we have done that. And in the moment, it can feel good\u2014especially if we\u2019ve been shamed by someone, to throw something back in their face.<\/span><\/p>\n

None of us, though, are cruel people. This goes back to your values. I\u2019m going to also assume that everyone listening to this, one of their top ten values is either the word kindness or compassion. Showing other people grace, that kind of way of living.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And so our inner critic is a part of us. I\u2019m not a certified parts person. It\u2019s called Family Systems work, where there\u2019s these different parts of ourselves. All of us have a part of ourself who is afraid. And that\u2019s many times our inner critic, this voice that tells us, \u201cMaybe you shouldn\u2019t go for that new job. Maybe you shouldn\u2019t ask that person out. Maybe you shouldn\u2019t put your art out into the world. Maybe you shouldn\u2019t ask for a raise in this economy.\u201d And so it\u2019s just scared. It\u2019s just terrified and wants to keep us safe.<\/span><\/p>\n

And so if you can look at it from that perspective of just this part of you that wants to keep you safe, that really is trying its best to not rock the boat and create any risk, emotional risk in our life. Then, would you throw a dagger at that person? Even regardless of what their intention was. No.<\/span><\/p>\n

And so that\u2019s a long way of me saying that no one beats themselves up into betterment. No one beats themselves up into eating healthier. It can go in really any direction. And take it from someone who has a fiery personality. I am all for getting the angry, fiery torch out to go to a protest. But at the end of the day, it is kindness and grace and compassion for all the parts of yourself that is going to get you to that place of betterment.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> One of the things you say in the series is we have to name it to tame it. And what I\u2019d like to hear more about here is the taming it part. I think a lot of people, they know how to name their inner critic. I can describe the voice, I can describe the kind of being. Sometimes it appears, or what comes with that voice. I can tell you all about it. What I don\u2019t know is the taming part.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>Yeah, it\u2019s consistency. And I talk about this briefly in the audio about\u2014I want to preface this with saying many times\u2014I would say all of the time, if I may\u2014it is like learning a new language. And you\u2019re essentially creating new neural pathways in your brain. And you have to be consistent, and work, and work, and work on the taming part. Again, it\u2019s like learning a new language.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And so what it actually looks like is, for example\u2014I\u2019ll give you a personal example. Years ago, I found myself on Facebook, as one does, scrolling through. And I see another self-help person, and she was posting about how she was going to London to go speak. And my speaking career hadn\u2019t even started yet. I had two little kids at the time. I hadn\u2019t even ventured off in that part of the industry. And I quickly made up a story how she would just jet-set all over Europe, and how great and glamorous her life must be. And then I started making up how my life will never be like that, and I\u2019m never going to be able to have these kind of opportunities. All the way to\u2014I was practically destitute by the end of this internal story I was coming up with.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And so in that moment, I realized fairly quickly that I was doing it. Again, because I try to be as consistent as possible in this work. And what I do\u2014and I\u2019m not sure if we\u2019re we\u2019re getting to this or if I\u2019m jumping ahead\u2014I encourage people to have a very neutral mantra. It doesn\u2019t necessarily have to be a positive affirmation. And it\u2019s certainly not a negative one like we just talked about. I use the one, \u201cWell, that just happened.\u201d That\u2019s what I say to myself, \u201cWell, that just happened.\u201d So I\u2019m acknowledging that I was making up stories and thus beating myself up. And I just say this neutral thing. If I can, I say it out loud to myself. And it\u2019s interrupting that pattern. It\u2019s interrupting that thought pattern right in its tracks. That\u2019s the taming.<\/span><\/p>\n

And what I hear sometimes when I give this exercise, if I\u2019m doing it in a workshop or in a group program, people will say, \u201cOK, I had an inner critic attack and I said my mantra. And then two hours later, my inner critic was back talking to me.\u201d And I was like, of course! You have to practice the language. You don\u2019t take one Spanish class and then you\u2019re fluent, going to a Mexican restaurant and ordering for everyone at the table. You have to keep doing it over and over again. So that\u2019s sort of a clip of what the taming process looks like.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> When you say, \u201cWell, that just happened,\u201d or some other kind of neutral phrase. I don\u2019t know. Maybe give me some other examples that people could try.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>Some people say the word stop. And especially if you\u2019re a more visual person, they like to imagine a red hexagon stop sign in their mind. That is incredibly helpful for them. Some people say, \u201cThank you for sharing.\u201d [LAUGHS] So it\u2019s like they\u2019re acknowledging like, \u201cOh, OK, you\u2019re here again. Thank you for sharing that noise. I appreciate it. But not today.\u201d \u201cNot today\u201d is another one. I\u2019m trying to think of some other ones. So stop, not today, thank you for sharing. \u201cI heard you. I hear you. And I\u2019m going to go in a different direction.\u201d That\u2019s another example.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> So I think that\u2019s all really helpful, a helpful what to do on the spot. How do you help people understand what the inner critic is trying to do to keep you safe? That kind of archeological process, if you will. To really understand, it keeps coming back for a reason. It has this job it\u2019s trying to accomplish.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>Yeah. I think anytime we dig in\u2014I should say many times what it comes down to is our inner critic is trying to help us avoid any kind of exposure. It\u2019s trying to help us avoid any kind of emotional risk. And it\u2019s trying to avoid us any risk of shame as well. Because at the end of the day, shame is the thing that\u2014especially many, many, many years ago\u2014that could ostracize us from a community or a tribe that we were in. And it could mean death. It\u2019s very understandable that this very subconscious part of our brain is wanting us to avoid that. Of course it is.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But we have evolved to a point where that\u2019s not necessarily the case. And, we have also evolved where we do have resilience and are able to bounce back from things. But I just want to say it\u2019s understandable that our inner critic thinks these things. So usually, it\u2019s a very short line to avoiding failure, criticism, judgment, which could lead to shame. And that\u2019s what it is that we\u2019re trying to avoid.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> And share with me a bit about your own journey with that. And I\u2019m going to give you an example. I\u2019m just going to try to make this really real. In our conversation, I\u2019ve been thinking, \u201cWhy did I ask Andrea about the word \u2018kick-ass\u2019? Why did I do that? Why did I share my judgment about coaches? Why am I doing that? Why am I exposing myself like this? Couldn\u2019t I just ask her questions without exposing all of these things about me? Jesus, come on.\u201d And obviously, this is this fear of exposure, and I understand that.<\/span><\/p>\n

And I\u2019m just curious. Here you are, and you have come to a place where you are putting yourself out again, and again, and again, and again, exposing yourself. And I want to understand more about that capacity to handle what could be coming back at you, whatever kind of criticism, and how you work with that.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen: <\/b>I\u2019m so glad you asked this question, and thank you for being so honest and vulnerable. So there\u2019s a couple of things that I want to make sure that I mention. So I\u2019m going to jot them down right here to make sure that I don\u2019t forget.<\/span><\/p>\n

So the first part, to answer the last part of your question, \u201cHow do I keep putting myself out over and over again?\u201d Part of that, to be honest with you, I believe is how I am wired. I am someone who was born with little to no risk aversion. My mom says, \u201cAndrea likes to run around corners with her arms wide open and her eyes closed.\u201d Which is great for entrepreneurship, bad for drugs, alcohol, and relationships. [LAUGHS] I just am a high risk-taker where I learn my lessons retrospectively instead of prospectively.<\/span><\/p>\n

So that being said, it brings me to something that I go in-depth in the audio, but I want to give you a taste of it here. Because you mentioned that you were telling yourself, \u201cWhy did I ask that question?\u201d You\u2019re having your own judgments about your questions.<\/span><\/p>\n

So this points to one of my favorite lessons around what we call our unwanted identities, which are our triggers, as well as our ideal identities. So if I can explain this, I\u2019m going to break it down into smaller pieces because we all have them, and if you break it down to different areas of your life into these niches, it\u2019s easier to explain. So for the sake of this conversation, let\u2019s talk about how we show up professionally. More specifically, how we even show up to these kinds of recorded conversations.<\/span><\/p>\n

So I have an ideal identity. By ideal identity, I mean, how do you want to be perceived by other people? Because it has nothing to do with how you perceive yourself. I want to be perceived by you, a pioneer in this industry, someone who has created something so massive and successful, that has helped so many people\u2014I want to be perceived by you as someone who\u2019s experienced, who\u2019s successful, who\u2019s well-spoken, who\u2019s articulate, who is wise. And I have no control over that. I have very, very little if no control over how you perceive me. And you probably have similar ways of how you want to be perceived. Not only by me, but of your listeners. All of these people who listen to the show. You\u2019ve built this amazing reputation.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So we have those ways that we want to be perceived. And direct opposite of that is how we would never want to be perceived. I don\u2019t want to be perceived as inexperienced, shallow. I\u2019ve been told by one person, but I make up that everyone thinks this, that I talk like a Kardashian. I\u2019m using quotes. Because I\u2019m from Southern California! [LAUGHS] It\u2019s an accent that we have. And I\u2019ve had people make fun of the way that I talk, because I\u2019m very enthusiastic and I have a lot of energy. So I don\u2019t want to be perceived as someone who is just uneducated. We have all of these.<\/span><\/p>\n

So what ends up happening is inevitably, we will fall into one of these unwanted identities. A, because we don\u2019t have control over how people see us. And B, because sometimes we make mistakes. We do. Sometimes, I ask the wrong questions during interviews. I\u2019m not at all saying that you did! I\u2019m glad you asked the questions that you did. But what ends up happening, and the point to my whole explaining this is that when we fall into one of those unwanted identities, this is oftentimes where people-pleasing, and poor boundaries, and perfectionism are born. Because we tried harder to get to our ideal identities.<\/span><\/p>\n

If I fear or I have fallen into one of my unwanted identities where I start stumbling all over my words, or if I showed up late on accident, or I couldn\u2019t get my tech right, then I might go overboard trying to do this little dog-and-pony show for you, or send you a gift afterwards. Kind of brown-nose my way through, when that\u2019s not really authentically necessary, or who I am.<\/span><\/p>\n

And so that\u2019s sort of a long way of saying just how important it is to know. And in the audio, I give people a breakdown of how to do this. And I give many examples of different areas of your life, because it shows up in our relationships, with our colleagues, if we are parents\u2014all different areas. And so I think it\u2019s important for us to know what they are. Because whether or not we know them, they are running the show all the time.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> Now you mentioned how you as a person would run around the corner with your arms wide open, and your eyes closed, that you\u2019re [not] risk averse. And one of the things you talk about and you help people is to develop what you call unshakeable confidence.<\/span><\/p>\n

And one of the things that I thought was interesting that you shared in this teaching series is that it\u2019s possible to be brave and afraid at the same time. And I thought, \u201cWell, that makes a lot of sense to me.\u201d When I hear something like unshakeable confidence, I think, \u201cHmm.\u201d But when I hear you\u2019re brave, and afraid, and you\u2019re moving forward with the type of unshakeable confidence anyway, that I get. So help people understand how they relate to their own fear, to bring in the bravery at the same time. And what do you mean by unshakeable confidence anyway?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen:<\/b> Yeah. I\u2019ll start with that one. What I mean by unshakeable confidence is that my hope is that you get to a point where you cannot be shaken down. Yes, you will shake. I go up on stage to speak in front of thousands of people, you bet your butt, I\u2019m shaking. [LAUGHS] At least the first five or ten minutes, I am. I was at a conference recently, and there was a lot of peopling that I had to do. Even as an extrovert, I still get nervous meeting new people many times.<\/span><\/p>\n

And so you asked the question, how do I help people relate with their fear? One of the ways that I do it and that I\u2019ve been doing it since 2008, back when blogging was still a thing, is I talk about my fears all the time. I have been one of those people who has built a business being, what my mother would say, a little too transparent [LAUGHS] about what\u2019s going on in my life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Of course, some things are private. But for the most part, I talk about my fears and my shortcomings. And I think what it has allowed people to do\u2014and I did this with no strategy, it was completely by accident\u2014was helped people understand that they can be a continuous work in progress like me. That all of us have fears, and doubts, and unwanted identities, and times that we are triggered, and times that our inner critic comes in. And at the same time, we can walk along with those and be brave at the same time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And sometimes, we pause along that path, and we question our own courage, and we question our own bravery, and we question our own resilience. And we just take a moment to pause and breathe, and look around and realize this is what makes us human, and what Kristin Neff calls common humanity. And we can keep walking with each other.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So it\u2019s not about ever, did I want to be put on a pedestal, or be thought of in this regard where I have it all together. Because I certainly don\u2019t. I might be farther along or on a different spot on the path as other people, but I think that is a thing that has helped me guide people to look at their own fear, and understand that it is part of the human experience.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> And this combination of being brave and afraid at the same time?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen:<\/b> Every single moment. I mean, there\u2019s part of me that\u2019s even nervous to get on this call with you, because you\u2019re someone that I\u2019ve looked up to for so long. I think that if I can offer a piece of wisdom in that question, it\u2019s knowing that when you act in that place of being brave and afraid at the same time, that is the trajectory that\u2019s going to get you to that place of unshakeable confidence. Because I think many times, we think that confidence is something that we get, and then we do the thing that we want to go after. Confidence is something we cultivate by finally reading that self-help book that we bought that\u2019s been sitting on the shelf, or going to that seminar, or the webinar, or whatever it is.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And I think all of those things can be enormously helpful. What I have found through my own experience, and actually reading all those books, going to all the webinars, is that you gain confidence by doing the thing that you\u2019re afraid to do, by being brave and afraid at the same time. And a lot of it is mastery and competence, being good at the thing. But also, what I have found is that confidence is built by doing the thing and also\u2014going back to that conversation around trust\u2014is trusting that you will be resilient if and when you fail. Because you will. You will. I do all the time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And sometimes, the net does not appear and we fall on our face. But it\u2019s knowing that you will learn lessons from it. You will get up and brush yourself off. My hope is that you have people that surround you who can help you get back up and pick up the pieces. And that\u2019s what builds not only the resilience, but the confidence on the other end.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> OK. I need to ask you just two more questions about the inner critic. And one is for that person who\u2019s listening who says, \u201cI don\u2019t know if Andrea knows how strong and fierce and consistent the voice of my inner critic is. Visualizing a stop sign, or saying \u2018this happened,\u2019 and understanding that I want to be perceived a certain way\u2014none of this is working. You don\u2019t know how strong this is in me.\u201d What would you say to that person?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen:<\/b> I would first say, I totally understand. I believe you. I believe you. I\u2019m a huge fan of Kristin Neff\u2019s work around self-compassion, and the steps that she has, and the research that she has done around it. So if the person who is thinking that, who\u2019s listening to this, definitely go check out her work. I think that you have programs of hers.<\/span><\/p>\n

But also, I have a deep, deep reverence for therapy, and especially somatic therapy. I think that many times, our inner critic lies so much beneath the surface that comes down to sometimes childhood trauma or even ancestral trauma that we don\u2019t even know about. And I found years of talk therapy helpful, but then got to a place where I thought, \u201cOK, talk therapy has been helpful, and I feel like there\u2019s something more.\u201d What I do know is that trauma lives deep in our bodies, and that somatic work can be incredibly helpful. And for those that don\u2019t know what that is, it\u2019s when you incorporate integrating into your body to actually do the trauma therapy.<\/span><\/p>\n

And I have just found that at the end of the day, I would say all of us\u2014except people who struggle with severe mental illness who don\u2019t have the capacity for human connection\u2014all of us struggle with feelings of being unworthy. And most of the time, that\u2019s where our inner critic stems from. How mine looks\u2014and I say this because it might be helpful to people is\u2014because when I would hear people say, \u201cI struggle with unworthiness and not feeling worthy.\u201d And I would think, \u201cNo, I feel like I\u2019m worthy. But I feel like one day I\u2019m going to wake up and I\u2019m going to realize\u2014and people are going to tell me and be honest with me and I\u2019m going to understand, you know what? People don\u2019t actually really care about you all that much, Andrea. They might say that they do, but no one really cares all that much.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Which is the same thing basically, as feeling unworthy. It just sort of sounds a little bit different, and to me is a slightly different variation of that same thing. And once I realized that, this deep fear of abandonment, this deep fear of people just\u2014that one day, the gig\u2019s going to be up\u2014that helped me so much, to be able to untangle that in therapy. So hopefully that\u2019s helpful for someone listening, who might relate in that. I guess the bottom line of it is that if you are feeling that way as you described, Tami, that trauma therapy can be an incredible resource.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> And another question for you about this, which is your work focuses on high-achieving women. That\u2019s the primary focus of your coaching work. Have you found that high-achieving women have a louder and stronger inner critic voice than others? Or is this just we all have this, and high-achieving women are just prepared to talk about it, but we all have this?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen:<\/b> I do think we all have it. And I think that Bren\u00e9\u2019s work talks about how the inner critic and the feelings of unworthiness are universal, but they are gender-specific. Looks a little bit different within the genders.<\/span><\/p>\n

And for women, because that\u2019s been my primary focus over the last decade and a half, what I see how it comes out is that they grow up understanding the messaging that was either explicitly or implicitly given to them as they grew up that their primary job was to put everyone else before them, and that everyone else\u2019s comfort and needs were more important than their own. Never to rock the boat, never to color outside of the lines, or make a scene. Do not make people uncomfortable, do not be difficult.<\/span><\/p>\n

And they grow up also overachieving. And that might look different; it might be that this person excelled in school to the point of burnout. It might be that they grew up and decided to get married and have children and they overcompensate as mothers, or they climb the corporate ladder. It looks kind of like those are the main things that I see over and over again.<\/span><\/p>\n

And they get to a point where it feels like the dampening of the soul, where they start to wake up and think, \u201cIs this all there is? This isn\u2019t what I signed up for.\u201d And for many of them, anger boils underneath the surface. So they do more, and do more, and do more. And they people please, they have poor boundaries, perfectionism. A lot of them are numbing out with alcohol or some other process, addiction, and many of them isolate as well.<\/span><\/p>\n

So going off on a tangent here, describing what this looks like, in hopes that someone\u2019s listening and sees themself. And just understanding that especially in the US, where we live in a capitalistic culture that tells us that our worth is wrapped up in how productive we are\u2014and many times for women, it\u2019s also wrapped up in our appearance and the way that our bodies look\u2014that catches up. It catches up. And that\u2019s usually when I am there, to be the person who can, at the very least, be the person that these women can relate to, and hopefully start to help them unpack some of that.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> OK. I just have a final question for you. I think I\u2019m going to call this episode \u201cSpeaking with a Damn Good Coach.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen:<\/b> I agree with that. [LAUGHS]<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> And what I\u2019m interested in knowing is when you\u2019re listening to someone\u2014maybe you\u2019re meeting someone for the first time as a client. What are you listening for? If you were to go inside and say, \u201cThese are the kinds of moments where I go, \u2018I\u2019m going to pull that out. I\u2019m going to pull\u2014’\u201d What are you listening for?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen:<\/b> A couple of things. The more and more I\u2019ve been doing this\u2014because I used to do this only on the phone, and as the years have gone by, we had Skype for a while, and now it\u2019s Zoom, and I love being able to see the person that I\u2019m talking to. And sometimes, not every time, I feel some kind of presence that comes into the room with me. It always comes and sits here right around over my right shoulder. And sometimes, this presence points things out, and sometimes it\u2019s not there at all but I still have intuitive hits about people. So I listen either to whatever this presence is or my intuitive hits.<\/span><\/p>\n

But I also listen\u2014I read between the lines. I watch their body language. When they\u2019re telling me something and they\u2019re hunched over, they might get emotional telling me something, or their hair is in their face, or they\u2019re covering their heart, or their throat, or their mouth with\u2014and their face, and not even realizing that they\u2019re doing it. And also, they might shift and I might ask them a different question, and their shoulders back up, and they smile about something. And the next breath, whatever it is that they\u2019re telling me that\u2019s making them smile, they\u2019ll say, \u201cBut that\u2019s totally impractical and I could never do that,\u201d when they just got finished telling me how much they miss riding horses or something like that.<\/span><\/p>\n

So a lot of it is these nonverbal cues that I watch for and listen for. And I just am genuinely curious for more information. And it\u2019s not that I\u2019m interested in the story. One of my favorite questions is, \u201cWhat\u2019s important about that?\u201d If they tell me that they want to\u2014I\u2019ll keep it simple. If they\u2019ve been on the fence about leaving their relationship, and I\u2019ll ask them, \u201cWhat\u2019s important about making this decision?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

So it doesn\u2019t really have anything to do with the story. I don\u2019t care about what their partner did or didn\u2019t do. What I care about is what\u2019s important to the person I\u2019m talking to, for them. That\u2019s one of the beautiful things about being trained as a coach, is that they teach us to ask questions that the client probably isn\u2019t asked ever. Unless they have a therapist, because therapists are trained similarly. But that\u2019s really what I\u2019m listening for, is just honestly my own intuition.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> Tell me about that presence. What is that? What do you think that is?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen:<\/b> I don\u2019t know, Tami. [LAUGHS]<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> How do you experience it?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen:<\/b> So as a child, I would hear\u2014I hate saying it like this because it makes it sound like I\u2019m not well. I would hear voices, and it was just one. And it\u2019s not as if someone\u2019s calling me from the other room, and it also doesn\u2019t sound like a thought in my own mind. It\u2019s a voice, and it is genderless. And I used to hear it a lot more as a child. And I told my mom about it many years ago. And she, without even flinching, said, \u201cOh, that\u2019s God.\u201d And I grew up in a Christian household. And it was just like, OK. But as I grew older, I hear it less and less. Which I hear is common for people who have different, one of the clairs\u2014clairaudient, clairvoyant, all of those.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And I was working with a spiritual mentor, and she very matter-of-factly was like, \u201cYou\u2019re clairaudient. You\u2019re hearing probably your guides and angels.\u201d So I\u2019ve been trying more and more to tap into that, and meditate, and just ask to open up the portal.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve seen psychics who have said, as soon as I walk into the room, they\u2019re like, \u201cThey came with you.\u201d So I\u2019m just trying to be open to what it might be. And I definitely could be more of a person who has a regular meditation practice, and I\u2019m sure it would be stronger. But I don\u2019t know. If you have any insight, I\u2019m happy to hear it, what you think it is.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> No, but I will ask a question. Does that intelligent presence have anything it wants to say here at the end of our conversation to the Sounds True audience?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen:<\/b> Yeah. I think\u2014the first thing that came to me is that every single soul that\u2019s listening to this has such beauty inside of them that if they were able to see it and hold it in their hearts, it would absolutely bring them to their knees. And my hope\u2014Andrea\u2014is that they can get to a point where they can tap into that and see it. And it is such a beautiful light that I think if even people could tap into just the tiniest part of it, the whole world would shine a little brighter.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> That\u2019s gorgeous! I\u2019ve been talking with Andrea Owen. She\u2019s the author of the books <\/span>Make Some Noise<\/span><\/i>,<\/span> How to Stop Feeling Like Sh*t<\/span><\/i>, <\/span>52 Ways To Live<\/span><\/i>\u2014I\u2019m going to say it\u2014<\/span>a Kick-Ass Life<\/span><\/i>. And with Sounds True, she\u2019s created a new audio immersion experience. It\u2019s a true workshop. It\u2019s a companion that you work with as Andrea guides you through a whole series of different contemplations, reflections, writing exercises, inner visualizations. It\u2019s called <\/span>Getting Damn Good at Life: Strategies for Managing Your Inner Critic, Growing Confidence, and Experiencing More Happiness Now<\/span><\/i>. I\u2019ve loved talking with you, Andrea. Thank you.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Andrea Owen:<\/b> Thank you so much. If I could just say one more quick thing, I just wanted to express my deepest gratitude for those people listening. I know how important people\u2019s time is. It\u2019s a non-renewable resource, and I just am so grateful that people have chose to spend it with you and me today, Tami. So thank you, everyone.<\/span><\/p>\n

Tami Simon:<\/b> And if you\u2019d like to watch <\/span>Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i> on video and participate in after the show Q&A conversations with featured presenters, and have the chance to ask your questions, come join us on Sounds True One, a new membership community that features premium shows, live classes, and community events. Let\u2019s learn and grow together. Come join us at join.soundstrue.com. Sounds True: waking up the world.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"template":"","meta":{"_expiration-date-status":"","_expiration-date":0,"_expiration-date-type":"","_expiration-date-categories":[],"_expiration-date-options":[]},"class_list":["post-20048","transcript","type-transcript","status-publish","hentry"],"yoast_head":"\nSpeaking With A Damn Good Coach - Transcript | Sounds True<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Read the full transcript from this Sounds True conversation with Speaking With A Damn Good Coach. 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