{"id":20447,"date":"2023-10-20T13:43:11","date_gmt":"2023-10-20T19:43:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/?post_type=transcript&#038;p=20447"},"modified":"2023-10-20T13:43:11","modified_gmt":"2023-10-20T19:43:11","slug":"living-in-a-friendly-and-joy-filled-universe","status":"publish","type":"transcript","link":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/living-in-a-friendly-and-joy-filled-universe\/","title":{"rendered":"Living in a Friendly and Joy-Filled Universe"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"pdfprnt-buttons pdfprnt-buttons-transcript pdfprnt-top-right\"><a href=\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/transcript\/20447?print=print\" class=\"pdfprnt-button pdfprnt-button-print\" target=\"_blank\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/pdf-print\/images\/print.png\" alt=\"image_print\" title=\"Print Content\" \/><span class=\"pdfprnt-button-title pdfprnt-button-print-title\">Print Transcript<\/span><\/a><\/div><p><b>Tami Simon:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Hello friends, my name\u2019s Tami Simon and I\u2019m the founder of Sounds True. I want to welcome you to the Sounds True podcast: <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. I also want to take a moment to introduce you to Sounds True\u2019s new membership community and digital platform. It\u2019s called Sounds True One. Sounds True One features original premium transformational docuseries, community events, classes to start your day and relax in the evening, and special weekly live shows, including a video version of <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> with an after-show community question-and-answer session with featured guests. I hope you\u2019ll come join us, explore, come have fun with us, and connect with others. You can learn more at join.soundstrue.com.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I also want to take a moment and introduce you to the Sounds True Foundation, our nonprofit that creates equitable access to transformational tools and teachings. You can learn more at soundstruefoundation.org. And in advance, thank you for your support.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Hello friends. In this episode of <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, my guest is Nataly Kogan. Nataly is an entrepreneur, a self-proclaimed science geek, an author, an artist, a mom, and a sought-after public speaker. She\u2019s on a mission to help millions of people cultivate happiness and emotional fitness by making simple, scientifically backed practices part of our daily life.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nataly immigrated to the United States as a refugee from the former Soviet Union when she was 13 years old. Starting her life in the projects and on welfare, she went on to reach the highest levels of corporate success at companies like McKinsey and Microsoft. When she still found herself unfulfilled, she set out to discover what really leads to a fulfilling and happier life, and she shares those discoveries in her trainings, in the online projects that she creates.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And through her books with Sounds True, Nataly Kogan is the author of <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Happier Now<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Awesome Human Project<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and a new book. It\u2019s called <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Awesome Human Journal: A Tool Kit for the Tough Days, the Good Days, and All the Days in Between<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Nataly, welcome.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>Nataly Kogan:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Thank you for having me. So great to be here, Tami.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Always great to be with you and to have this chance to talk with you. And I wanted to start by talking about this whole notion of scientifically backed tools. The journal, your new release, makes these tools available to people in a user-friendly, interactive way. And you\u2019re a self-proclaimed \u201cscience geek.\u201d And throughout the journal, you have these mini neuroscience lessons. So right here at the beginning, what have you learned from neuroscience that you wish we all knew?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What a great question. It would make my physicist father so proud for me to start this interview by acknowledging my inner science geek. He is where that came from. I think, though, if I had to name one, it would be the fact that our brain, the human brain, <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">does not report accurate facts as thoughts. Our thoughts are not facts.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> The brain is not an accurate reporter of reality, and instead, what the human brain does is it chooses certain data points in our day, in our life, to focus on, because there are so many different impulses and impressions. It can\u2019t take them all in. So it chooses. And then it creates a story, a narrative based on those.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And recognizing that, I think, is one of the most important things in terms of improving our emotional fitness and well-being and just living well, because we also learn that the brain doesn\u2019t choose randomly. It chooses things that are either alarming in some way or negative in some way. Now why does the brain do that? It does that because, I always say, your brain doesn\u2019t actually care about your happiness. It doesn\u2019t care about how you feel. It cares about mostly one thing, how to keep you safe from danger, which is actually wonderful. I think being alive is great.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And so because the brain is always focusing on looking for possible danger to protect you from, it focuses on things that are alarming or negative. Because when something is negative, it might signal possible danger.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So recognizing that\u2014that your brain is focusing on the more negative things, on the more alarming things, and largely ignoring things that might be familiar but good or comforting. And then it makes up these stories, again, that are mostly more negative than positive\u2014I think is huge. Because when you recognize that that\u2019s what your brain is doing to keep you safe from possible danger, you have an opportunity to shift. And that\u2019s, I think, what largely a lot of my work is around, is offering these simple, actionable, in-the-moment ways you can work with your brain, that you can help your brain become your ally, versus being this alarmist and negativity-bias-focused activator in your life.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You mentioned that we can talk back to our brain. And you even write, you advise, \u201cSpend more time talking to your brain than listening to it.\u201d And this got my attention, because I thought, well, mostly I\u2019m listening to my brain. I\u2019m not talking back to my brain. I think my job is to listen. So what does that mean, to talk back to your brain?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yeah, I love that you pick out\u2014that\u2019s, I would say, one of the most life-changing skills that I have learned and that I teach, is this idea that your brain is not all of you, and there\u2019s this other part of you. And you can call it whatever is comfortable for you. I like to call it the wiser part of my being. It\u2019s the part of you that is aware of what thoughts you\u2019re having.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And most of us, I think, Tami, I used to be what you just said. We just think whatever our brain thinks, that\u2019s it. We just follow along. But again, once you recognize that your brain is not really giving you accurate information, it often is causing you struggle, it often is too alarmist, you have an opportunity to step in with that wiser, aware part of you and talk back. What do I mean by talk back? I\u2019m not saying you just scream at your brain or tell it to shut up. It\u2019s not possible. But by talking back, you have a conversation with your brain in which you choose more productive, more helpful thoughts that actually help you to move forward.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So just a super quick example. I mentioned that the brain loves to focus on negative things. So let\u2019s say you are sitting there, and it\u2019s the morning, and you\u2019re looking at your calendar and you\u2019re like, oh my God, this is going to be the worst day. That\u2019s what your brain\u2019s thinking. I have full calendar of meetings. I\u2019m never going to get this stuff done. I\u2019m going to have a horrible day. Those are the thoughts you\u2019re having. You have an opportunity right there and say, OK, hang on brain. And I think it\u2019s really important to actually personify it, to talk back out louder in your head. And you say, well, hang on a second. Yes, I have a lot of meetings. Yes, this is a pretty busy day, but I\u2019ve handled busy days before. They don\u2019t have to be awful. Instead of focusing on how awful it\u2019s going to be, let\u2019s think about how I can help to make it an OK day. What are the top three things I need to focus on today? Let\u2019s think about those. Or is there anything in my calendar that I could shift?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So you\u2019re in this conversation with your brain, you\u2019re taking an active part. And that helps you to create a better relationship with your thoughts, which is core to well-being and emotional fitness. But also, it now got you out of the stress and overwhelm where your brain put you and you\u2019re choosing more productive, more helpful thoughts.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the things I\u2019d like to understand better, and I thought, I think Nataly can help me understand this better, is our default network, the default mode in the brain. And what\u2019s happening when we\u2019re just kind of relaxing, our mind is wandering, and it\u2019s going all kinds of places? I don\u2019t think particularly useful, not particularly useless necessarily. What kind of orientation would be, in your view, the most helpful when we\u2019re just in that wandering mind?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yes, so it\u2019s a great question. So just to geek out a little bit, the default modal network in your brain, it\u2019s not really a network, it\u2019s what it\u2019s called. But it\u2019s several parts of your brain that work together. And you can think of it li<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">ke that\u2019s a default<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> network. It\u2019s like you\u2019re breathing right now. You\u2019re not really thinking, OK, let\u2019s take a breath, let\u2019s breathe out. That\u2019s the network that\u2019s helping you breathe. It\u2019s helping all these other things go on, that go on without your attention.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, when the default modal network is in charge, it\u2019s usually at times when our frontal cortex, the thinker, the analyzing part of the brain, the doing part of the brain is offline, is relaxing. So a great example is, think of when you\u2019re taking a shower, right? You\u2019re not in the shower going, let me turn this knob, let me turn this knob. You\u2019re kind of on automatic. That\u2019s another way to think about it. Your default network comes online. It\u2019s also when you find yourself, maybe you\u2019re taking a walk and your mind is wandering. So that\u2019s your default network at work.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, to your question, Tami, two things. The default network, as most things in life, it has its really positive impact and negative. The positive thing is when your default network is activated, it\u2019s doing things like processing information, organizing information, coming up with creative ideas. There\u2019s a reason we often come up with ideas in the shower. There\u2019s a scientific reason for that, because your thinking is relaxed, and the default network is taking all this information that you\u2019ve processed, putting it together in unexpected ways. You\u2019re like, oh yeah, that\u2019s it. So that\u2019s the positive part of the default network. It actually helps us to be more creative. It stores things in memory.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The downside of it, it often will also ruminate on worst-case scenarios. It\u2019ll <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">often get itself self-critical<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> thoughts, because remember, the default mode of your brain is more negative because it\u2019s looking for possible danger. So the downside of letting your thoughts just run, I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve all experienced this. You find yourself like, oh my god, this isn\u2019t going to work out, I\u2019m not good at this. So we start to ruminate mindlessly.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And so what helps is awareness. If you can become aware of where your thought process is taking you, if your brain is being super creative, great. But if you find yourself in this, wow, I\u2019ve just thought about all the things that are wrong with me, that\u2019s an opportunity to shift. But that\u2019s a little bit of what our default network is doing in our brain.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">All right, tell me specifically. Let\u2019s say that when we\u2019re not thinking about anything in particular, we find ourselves going back to something that we continually worry about. This is something that\u2019s happening in my life, and I worry about it a lot. What do you suggest for interrupting that and shifting that?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So one of my favorite exercises, and this is in the journal, I actually created a template for it. And by the way, that was one of my major motivations for creating this. It\u2019s essentially a workbook. I teach all these practices and people tell me how useful they are. But then sometimes it becomes harder to implement it on the go. So when you have a template, you fill it in and it <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">forces you to edit your thoughts<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So when you find yourself\u2014worry is a really common thing for the brain because possible danger, something happens, it likes to ruminate. So it\u2019s a three-step process of editing your thoughts. The first question\u2014it\u2019s three questions. Ask yourself, is this thought true? And what I mean by this is let\u2019s say, so I\u2019ll use an example. I\u2019m a mom, my daughter is in college, so we\u2019re not together. So I worry, oh my God, she has a super challenging organic chemistry exam. What if she doesn\u2019t do well? She\u2019ll be upset. So the first thing: Is this thought true? And what I mean by that is, what are the facts you have to support this thought? In my case, what are the facts that I have? Facts, not ideas, not things that happened before, but facts to support that my daughter may not do well on the test. I don\u2019t have any facts. She\u2019s studying, she\u2019s doing her best, and that\u2019s all I have. So questioning. And again, you\u2019re really keeping your brain honest. What are the facts I have to support this?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The second question to ask: Is this thought helpful? I find this to be the most powerful interrupter of those cycles. So let\u2019s take my example. Who does it help if I sit here and worry about Mia not doing well on organic chemistry? Does it help Mia do better? Nope. Does it help me help her? No. Does it help me be better as a mom or in other parts of my life? No. And that awareness, getting really honest with yourself\u2014is this thought helpful? \u2014is really powerful. Those worry thoughts, I\u2019ve practiced this for years. I\u2019m never like, yes, this is really helpful. Let me worry more.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And then the third question, when you realize, OK, these are the facts. A lot of them are not facts, a lot of them are stories my brain made up. The story is not helpful. Ask yourself the third question: Given how things are, given what my brain is doing, given this is the situation, what is a more powerful thought that I could choose? What is a more productive thought or action? What is something I could do in this moment to move forward with less struggle or to shift a little bit?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And again, using my scenario, obviously there\u2019s nothing I can do to help my daughter with this organic chemistry. There\u2019s nothing I can do about the situation. But once I recognize that direction of thought is not based on fact and it\u2019s not helpful, a couple things I can do.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In my case, I did this yesterday. I wrote her a text and I was like, \u201cHey babes, I know you got this big test going on, and I know you\u2019re studying, and I know you\u2019re probably stressed out. I just want to tell you I\u2019m thinking of you and I really believe in you.\u201d That was really helpful. That was more helpful and productive than sitting and worrying about what she would do. Even if there\u2019s nothing you could do, you could choose a different direction of thought. You could say, OK, instead of worrying about this thing, let me take out a piece of paper. Let me write down, if the worst-case scenario happens, how can I move forward? How could I support myself? And that exercise is also in the journal.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So three, edit your thoughts. Three questions. What are the facts to support this thought? The rest are stories, therefore not fact. Is this thought helpful? And then if not, usually not, what is a more fueling, productive thought or action that I could choose in this moment?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now you briefly, here, mentioned this additional exercise of the worst-case scenario, and I want to bring that up, because as someone who has a tendency to think through my worried thoughts, having this worst-case scenario exercise, I was like, I love this. I love this as much as all of the, \u201cIs this helpful? Let\u2019s shift it.\u201d I was like, let\u2019s just get into it. So tell me how it is that by imagining the worst-case scenario and really bringing that into our consciousness, that helps us.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yeah. So again, a little bit of geeking out. Why does the brain worry? The brain is worrying because things are uncertain, right? Like in my example, I don\u2019t know how my daughter is going to do on the organic chemistry. So it\u2019s uncertainty, and your brain hates uncertainty. The human brain absolutely hates uncertainty. It\u2019s the worst condition. Why? Because it doesn\u2019t know how to protect us from danger when things are uncertain.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And by the way, I should say, to your brain, physical danger is exactly the same as psychological danger. So being eaten by a pack of wolves to my brain is the same danger as me being sad if Mia doesn\u2019t do well on organic chemistry. So our brain doesn\u2019t differentiate.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So uncertainty, your brain hates it. Because when things are uncertain, it doesn\u2019t know how to protect you from danger. It\u2019s one of the reasons it worries. By worrying about it and ruminating on it, it thinks it\u2019s preparing you to do something about that possible danger. So that\u2019s why it is so helpful instead of, again, you never can ignore your thoughts. That\u2019s something I just want to say, because your brain is like a little child. And you know when a little child is upset, ignoring them just makes them louder.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So when your brain is worrying about something, acknowledging, actually taking a moment and say, OK brain, you know what? Let\u2019s think this through. What is the worst thing that can happen? And you actually write it down. And I really do encourage you to write these things down. When we write things down, it helps us to be a more objective observer of our thoughts. So instead of just being the thought, we\u2019re like, OK, let me observe it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So what is the worst thing that can happen? You write it down. OK, then you think through, and that\u2019s the exercise in the journal. How could I move forward? How could I support myself if the worst thing happens? Who could I go to for help? What are actions that I could take?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And when you\u2019re doing this kind of rational analysis of the worst-case scenario, you are in control. You\u2019re showing your brain that you have control. So instead of, oh my God, this possible dangerous thing is going to happen. Everything will be awful, ruminate, ruminate, you\u2019re shifting into, OK, if it happens, here are choices that I have. Here are actions I could take. And now you\u2019re in a feeling of control.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And when we\u2019re going through stressful experiences in life, the number one factor that improves our resilience, so improves our ability to move and adapt through them, is feeling like we have a sense of control. And that\u2019s why, Tami, it is so powerful. Instead of just letting your brain run wild with the worst-case scenario, to actually take control, analyze it. Think about what could happen. What am I going to do if it happens, who could I go to for support? Because it shifts it out of lack of control and into, I have choices, there will be things I am able to do. And that\u2019s hugely helpful to your brain.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When I ponder this notion that our brains really don\u2019t like uncertainty, they really don\u2019t like not being in control, I think of the time we\u2019re in right now as a collective, and how much uncertainty we\u2019re facing as humans, and the sense of, I\u2019m not in control when it comes to climate change. I\u2019m not in control of the political division in the United States, the level that it\u2019s escalating towards. I feel so out of control. What do you suggest that will help people with their brain that\u2019s like, I can\u2019t find any certainty here at a collective level?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s such a relevant question Tami, and I talk about this so much, because I think it\u2019s really important. So what you bring up is such a powerful opportunity to shift from, oh my God, all these things are going on and I have no control\u2014which is very stressful\u2014to, OK, within this, what is my sphere of impact? What is something that I could do that is within my control? And that is one of the most powerful things. And I want to give some really tangible examples.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I have a dear friend, his name is Jeff. He is someone, I mean he reads about politics all day long. If you want to know anything about politics, you just call Jeff and he\u2019ll tell you. Hours and hours of podcasts and reading. And I had lunch with him the other day. He\u2019s like, \u201cI\u2019m so stressed out because things are really unstable.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And I said to him, \u201cWell, what is something you could do? You\u2019re obviously very interested in politics, but you can\u2019t snap your fingers and make everything how you like it. What is something you could do within this area that is aligned with what you want to do or what you want to make happen and is something that you can control?\u201d And we had kind of a little brainstorm, and I think he is going to start writing a blog. He hasn\u2019t started yet, but that\u2019s where we got to. He is like, \u201cYou know what? I have things I want to express,\u201d or maybe he\u2019ll do it on Facebook. I don\u2019t know. But he\u2019s going to start. He said, \u201cOne thing I can do is just share some of my reasons and thoughts, and encourage people to consider theirs.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So that\u2019s a really great example of, instead of sitting there and reading the news and going, \u201cOh my God, all this stuff\u2019s going on.\u201d What is your sphere of impact? What is something in your sphere of impact in this topic area that you could\u2014you mention climate change, right? Again, what is within your sphere of impact that you could do?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And I think that is one of the most\u2014I gave a keynote yesterday to a company that just went through a very severe round of layoffs, twice. I do the survey, usually, before I give a talk of what people are worried about. And a lot of the employees said they\u2019re feeling like they don\u2019t know if another round of layoffs is coming, and they\u2019re just unable to focus on their job.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And so I addressed this and I said, \u201cLook, can you control if the layoffs are coming? No, it\u2019s not your decision. What is something that is within your control?\u201d And I just asked this question, and people said things like, \u201cI could just focus on doing a great job,\u201d or, \u201cI could just focus on being supportive of my colleagues who are also stressed out.\u201d Again, once you choose things that are within your control, you\u2019re out of the uncertainty rumination, and you\u2019re actually focused on having a certain impact. And that is not just really great for your stress level, it actually builds agency. And agency is your belief that you can make choices that support yourself in this life.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And so that would be my advice. And it\u2019s just a question to ask yourself like, OK, I\u2019m worried about this. Or, this uncertainty about the world is stressing me out. What is something within my sphere of impact that I could do? And that\u2019s a really, really powerful shift.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I want to talk to you, Nataly, about something that\u2019s deep in my heart that\u2019s a little vulnerable. But I think this could be a very interesting conversation, which is, one of the things that I\u2019ve been sorting through personally is my own tendency to be skeptical and to not believe, and not trust, and to just kind of be like, \u201cReally, I\u2019m not so sure.\u201d And of course, there are positives in this, and OK. And this gets deep, so just stay with me here for a moment.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Part of what I\u2019m seeing is that within my own inherited family line, a Jewish family line where my mother actually believed, and just bear with me here, that there was a way that\u2014this was her belief\u2014that God betrayed the Jewish people through members of our family dying in the Holocaust. And that you always had to stay vigilant. You always had to question, you always had to be prepared for the worst. \u201cDon\u2019t trust too much. Be prepared for the worst. Keep your eyes out, keep thinking Tami, keep questioning, keep being critical.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And I\u2019m wondering, as someone with your own background, as a Jewish refugee from the former Soviet Union, what might live in your inherited family line, and how have you worked through that?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Tami, I\u2019m so grateful for your openness in asking this. You just described my mom. You literally just described my mom. So I am very close with my parents. We moved from New York City to Boston to be near them. I love them beyond words, but you just described my mom and her mom and her mom. I am grateful to still remember my great grandma, and my grandma was alive until five years ago. And my mom.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We have also brought in my family this\u2014on top of the Jewish heritage, put the Soviet Union, where trust did not exist, where the entire beingness there involved being lied to. And as Jews, we were persecuted. The first memories I have are my parents telling me, \u201cDon\u2019t trust anything you hear in school. Don\u2019t ever tell anyone you don\u2019t trust anything.\u201d So I lived this kind of duality.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So what you just described is absolutely in my DNA, and you mentioned your mom. My mom is someone who\u2014I don\u2019t think I\u2019m revealing anything private\u2014she really prides herself on having a critical mind, that she doesn\u2019t take anything at face value. She questions everything. And anything that comes from any kind of authority is immediately mistrusted, again, because in Russia, everything we got from our authority was a complete lie.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And so my mom really prides herself on that. Just as an example, if I tell my mom, \u201cI read the study about,\u201d blah, blah, blah. She\u2019d be like, \u201cForget it. There\u2019s no way. All studies are lies.\u201d And my mom is one of the most intelligent human beings I know, and she\u2019s a classical pianist, but no trust. So what you just described is so close to me.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And Tami, I\u2019ll tell you that before I went through my really severe burnout\/breakdown seven years ago, I think I was a lot like that too. And I really took that on pride. I question everything. I don\u2019t trust everything.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think Albert Einstein talked about that we can either live in a world, in a universe that we believe is hostile, or we can live in a universe that we believe is friendly. And so my shorthand for where I think our parents\u2014as we just talked about, they believe we live in a hostile universe\u2014and what your mom said about God and Jews, I mean, I live with that for my grandparents.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So one of the things, and this is very vulnerable and personal for me, is when I began to kind of do my inner work. And as you and I have talked about before on podcasts, I went through a really difficult\u2014I refer to it as burnout. But to me, it really was kind of a breakdown of being, because I don\u2019t think I was aligned with myself. I was living a life that wasn\u2019t aligned.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As I was going through that\u2014what we just talked about, this proclivity to not trust, to think that everything is hostile, to question everything. That was something that came into light for me. And I began to shift, and I can share how, but the vulnerable part I want to share, I think I write this in <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Happier Now<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. I felt I was betraying my family. I was betraying my heritage by becoming someone who actually thinks that we are living in a friendly universe, by becoming someone where I choose not to question everything. I\u2019m still a curious, intellectual mind, but I choose not to question some things.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And I guess in sharing this, one thing I would invite you and listeners who are nodding violently right now because they can relate\u2014and I\u2019ve said this to my mom gently because things are more sensitive when it\u2019s your mom. I think it\u2019s a powerful question to ask yourself not why you\u2019re doing it but: Is this fueling to you? Is this helpful to you in all instances? And just that question, I found very illuminating, just asking myself that question.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And again, it\u2019s my mom. But sometimes very simple things, we\u2019d be in a restaurant and my mom immediately looks for, \u201cOh my God, that waiter, he\u2019s kind of being slow. Maybe does he not like us?\u201d Just questioning everything and just asking yourself this question: Is this really fueling for me? Is this helpful to me in some way? And then there\u2019s just asking that I think creates some opportunities to let some of it go.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I don\u2019t think we can fundamentally shift that core, deep part of our identity. But I think again, it goes back to choosing some of the directions for our thoughts. And maybe on certain things, it\u2019s better to use your energy elsewhere.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And that\u2019s how I think about it. If I mistrust everything and question everything, I can\u2019t create. I can\u2019t be of help to people as much as I\u2019d like to be. I can\u2019t create new books or new talks, because I\u2019m always in that mindset. So that\u2019s how I have found, that\u2019s the practice for me.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But I guess one other thing I do want to say is, as much as we all have so much legacy of our genetics, of our upbringing that we\u2019re carrying through, I am a firm believer that we have choices. At any moment, we can choose a different thought, we can choose a different direction for our thought. And I think that\u2019s a really important reminder. And I remind myself that just because my mom is that way, or my grandma was that way, or all the Russian Jews are that way, if it\u2019s not serving me and my ability to be of service to others, I can choose differently.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You mentioned, Nataly, that seven years ago, you had a big shift in your life. You could say, I think breakdown, breakthrough. Tell us what happened and what changed for you afterwards.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So the first thing I want to say about it is, it happened when I was around 40, but as these things are, it wasn\u2019t kind of a one day, it just happened. For years, I had been burning out on a daily basis. I was living in a lot of dread, even though on the outside my life, I started this company called Happier to help millions of people live happier lives. We had a very popular gratitude app. I was in every press outlet. I mean, I was helping, people were driving to our offices to say thank you for how it changed their lives. So on the outside, life was amazing, but I had this deep feeling of dread and just darkness that I couldn\u2019t identify at the time.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And so it kind of snowballed. But what happened eventually is that I stopped being able to function. And what I mean by that is I\u2019d used up all my will. I\u2019d used up all my refugee, immigrant, entrepreneurial force. And it was very scary, Tami, to be honest, because I just was completely swallowed up by this darkness. And it was seeping into every area of my life, or rather, it was becoming clear to me that it was affecting every area of my life, from my marriage to my complete inability to lead a team or build a company.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And so just very tactically, I laid off my team and I stopped working. And I remember I write this, I think, in <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Happier Now<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, in my first book. I would Google things like, \u201cHow do you feel better?\u201d I didn\u2019t know. And I think you and the listeners of this podcast will appreciate, I started coming across different books. And one of the first books that came up, I don\u2019t even know how, but it was one of Ram Dass\u2019s books. I think it was <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Polishing the Mirror<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. I know it was <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Polishing the Mirror<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. And I ordered it and I started reading it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And at this point, spirituality was not even in my life, but I lived completely from the neck up, completely intellectual science geek. So it was so foreign to me, but I felt this opening. I didn\u2019t know what it was, right? I had no idea. And I did have this teacher that was brought to me, actually, by one of the investors in our company. They sat me down as things were getting really dark and said, \u201cYou are not OK. You need to get help. And here\u2019s this woman, her name is Janet. I need you to go see her.\u201d To which I said, \u201cI don\u2019t need a therapist. I am fine. Everything is fine.\u201d Total oblivion to anything.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet became my spiritual teacher. Thankfully, she didn\u2019t say the word \u201cspiritual\u201d for two years, because if she had, I would\u2019ve run out of there. Because to me, spirituality was for people who can\u2019t live lives in a real way.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And so it was this process that took years of me, I think, opening up to first seeing myself as a human being. And if that sounds strange, it wasn\u2019t for me. I don\u2019t think I acknowledged myself as a human being. Until then, I think I thought of myself mostly as an accomplishment machine, and just opening up to the fact that I am a human being with feelings and needs and joy that needs to be fueled. But also opening up spiritually, and opening up to this awareness that there is something greater, and there is deeper meaning. And I am living in a friendly universe.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And it was a long process. It was a really challenging one. And in the words of my teacher at the time, Janet, she said, \u201cWhen you came in, I saw so much darkness, but you had one thing going for you. Practice.\u201d She said, \u201cIt\u2019s a miracle where you\u2019ve gotten to and a miracle is not magic.\u201d She said, \u201cMiracle is faith plus practice. And when you came in, you had no faith.\u201d I didn\u2019t, in anything, including myself. But I have always been just, if I can practice something, I do something. And that\u2019s why my work is based in practice and asking people to do these simple things, because that, I think I can say, saved my life and saved my health and my family and my marriage and my ability to do this work. But I think it was very much an awakening, both to myself and my fuller self, but also to living in a way that is aligned with who I am and what my unique gifts are and how I can best contribute them to others.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Because I think until that point, I wanted to do good in the world, but I spent not a second thinking about myself as part of that, if that makes sense. Who is it, who I am, and what is it that I have to bring? So that\u2019s a bit of what I went through.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Not just a human being, Nataly, but an awesome human being. Awesome. Now, I\u2019m curious, if you were to describe your faith now, how would you describe it?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I would say I am a deeply spiritual person in the sense that\u2014in that statement that we live in a friendly universe, I believe that there is a oneness that is around us that we\u2019re all part of. And that it is, to use the simplest word that I can, in a way, a partner in what I do and a partner in what we all do. And I try to consistently cultivate my awareness of that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And it\u2019s a really beautiful thing, because as I remember my teacher Janet saying, she said to me\u2014and at the time, again, I was just in a really dark place. I said, \u201cJanet, I feel like I failed everyone in my life,\u201d blah, blah, blah. \u201cAnd I just feel really alone.\u201d And she said, \u201cNataly, you\u2019re never alone.\u201d And I said, \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d She said, \u201cWell, the universe is always with you.\u201d And I was like, \u201cYeah, woo, woo, whatever. What is the universe?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But I really feel this way now, is that I feel that part of something, this oneness that is greater than me. And I am very grateful for having that not just belief but a knowing in myself. So that\u2019s how I describe it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You mentioned a talk you were giving just the other day to a corporation where people had been through two rounds of layoffs, and you teach a lot within the corporate sphere about what I think people would call well-being, corporate well-being, or you could say managing your energy.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And I wonder if you can address that person who says, \u201cLook, how am I going to get all this stuff done? The human accomplishment part of being me at work, and honor my well-being, the human being part of my\u2014how am I actually going to do this at the same time? I mean it sounds good, but this is expected of me, and this is expected of me. And I can\u2019t really do that and honor the needs that I have to go on all these long walks and do yoga and be with my family.\u201d And it\u2019s a contradiction. There\u2019s no both\/and there.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s a great question. And just to be really honest, and I try to do some of my work, I don\u2019t have a magic pill. I hate these articles, like, do these three things and you\u2019ll optimize your well-being for life. Life is complex and challenging, and so are we.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But a couple of things that I do want to say. The first is, as I learned and as I teach, and we discover when we practice, is that actually, very simple things that don\u2019t take a lot of time can make a huge difference for your energy level, your well-being, your emotional fitness. So it doesn\u2019t have to be an hour of yoga every day or two-hour walk. Actually really simple things. We\u2019ve already talked about a bunch of them Tami. Editing your thoughts, becoming aware of your thoughts, shifting to more helpful thoughts, acknowledging, practicing awareness. None of these things take hours or even five minutes.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So that\u2019s the first thing, and that\u2019s probably the most important message that I bring into the busy human lives. It takes a lot less time than we think. When I was going through my burnout, I had these thoughts. I was like, you know what? That\u2019s it. I have to run away to Nepal and meditate for ten years, and that\u2019s the only way that I can heal. I did not run away to Nepal. I have the same family, a very demanding job, the same mortgage, responsibility, parents. I didn\u2019t do that. So how did I do that? Because it\u2019s the small shift. So that\u2019s the first thing I want to say.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The second thing is, there is I think a saying by a Zen master about meditation, that everyone should meditate 20 minutes a day. \u201cIf you don\u2019t have 20 minutes a day to meditate, you should meditate for an hour.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What is meant by that is that when we practice some of these small things that help us fuel our energy, that help us have a more productive, helpful relationship with our thoughts, we actually gain a lot of capacity to do more stuff. I\u2019m not advocating that you should improve your well-being so you can do more. But it turns out that when you do these small things to invest in your energy level in more helpful thoughts, you actually can get a lot more stuff done.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And so I think those are two ways that I would try to convince those fellow busy humans who say it\u2019s a contradiction, there is too much going on in all of our lives, and yet there\u2019s still things that we can do. And just to name a couple really simple ones, in addition to what you and I have talked about, I define self-care as a skill of fueling your emotional, mental, and physical energy. So self-care is not going to a spa, it is not taking a trip somewhere. Those are wonderful things. Self-care is that daily management of your energy. And for example, five-minute walk outside, or five minutes of just closing your eyes and breathing, or five minutes of journaling, or just five minutes of doing something that you love. Reading a couple pages from a book or dancing to a song in front of your mirror has a huge impact on your energy. It\u2019s a net positive activity.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So doing something for five minutes fuels your energy. If you can do it for 20, great. But if only five is what you have, I think last podcast we did, I talked about this practice, I call it the mini fuel-up. Just like if you have a car, it either takes electricity or gas. Well, you have to plug in your car or take it to the gas station. You do the same for you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So every day, if you do something for five to 20 minutes that fuels your energy, well, that keeps your energy level in a good place and you\u2019re not going to crash and burn as I did. So that\u2019s a really small, consistent thing that anyone could do. And when I do this and I had people say, \u201cI don\u2019t even think I have 20 minutes.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cReady? I\u2019m going to play a magic trick right now.\u201d Everyone listening, if you\u2019re like, Nataly, she doesn\u2019t know my life. I don\u2019t have 20 minutes. Are you ready? Because I\u2019m going to give it to everyone. Ten minutes less reading the news, and ten minutes less social media. Boom, you have 20 minutes. We all have 20 minutes, but we have to choose to spend that time fueling our energy. So thank you for coming to my TED Talk for how even the busiest humans can fuel their well-being.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In this conversation, Nataly, there\u2019s a painting behind you, and it\u2019s a painting that you created. But you didn\u2019t start painting until relatively recently. Can you tell us about that, and how that was such a breakthrough for you, and what we can all learn from it too?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I love this question. Thank you, Tami. So my whole life, I wanted to paint. In Russia growing up, we would go to the Hermitage. I grew up in St. Petersburg, Russia. The Hermitage is probably a museum lots of folks know. It\u2019s bigger than the Louvre in Paris. So we\u2019d go there, both with our class and with my parents. I\u2019ve always wanted to paint, but I never let myself, because I thought it was this distraction. What does painting have to do with building a successful career, or taking care of my family, or being a good mom? Nothing. So I didn\u2019t do it. It literally felt like this, not just a distraction, but this luxury I didn\u2019t deserve, because it didn\u2019t have anything to do with the accomplishment.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And after I burnt out and I couldn\u2019t be the accomplishment machine anymore, I was turning 40. And with a lot of encouragement from one of my closest friends, I said, \u201cOK, you know what? I can\u2019t do anything in my real life.\u201d I signed up for this watercolor workshop in Tuscany. Oh my God, it took me months to make that decision, because spending money on myself was also something I never wanted to do, because that\u2019s selfish and self-indulgent. But I said OK. And I went, and it was brilliant, because it turned out to be a workshop for semi-professional watercolor artists. And I don\u2019t think I\u2019d ever done watercolor. But I fell in love with painting. And I came home, and I started to paint.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And at first I did it in secret, Tami. I had this little place in our basement, and it was not even a room. But I just would do it there. I didn\u2019t tell anyone I was doing it. But as I did it, I started to feel this, I wouldn\u2019t even call it joy, but an aliveness in me. And then my family, my husband and my daughter, it started to bring that aliveness to them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So first,\u00a0 I realized every time I\u2019d come up after I painted, I was a better human being. I just had better wonderfulness to share with my family, and they would take that on, and then we put my art in our house, and they would smile. And so it just started to ripple beyond me.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And then a couple of years ago, I started to put my art in my video frames behind me. Now I have slides, when I\u2019m on giant stages in front of thousands of people, my art is behind me. And the thing that I have learned, Tami, it\u2019s been nothing other than magical, is that when I started to do this thing that helped me feel more alive, helped me feel more full and joyful as a human being, it has helped so many people around me. It\u2019s rippled to so many people around me.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And I love that you asked me about this, because I am not the only person. I know so many people are listening right now and they\u2019re nodding who are denying themselves joy, or doing something that brings them joy, because they think they\u2019re not going to be good at it, or it doesn\u2019t align with what they think they should be doing. I\u2019ve met so many people like that, and I want to say this into the heart of those people, that when you do something that fulfills you, that brings you that feeling of aliveness, it is the greatest service that you can offer to others, because you become a more alive, fueled, giving human being. You have so much more to give. You also encourage everyone around you to practice that aliveness.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Tami, I cannot tell you. At this point, it\u2019s thousands of people who have, in my community or who write to me, they tell me, \u201cYou know what? You\u2019ve been sharing your art and talking about how you\u2019re doing art just for joy. I started playing the piano after 20 years, and I love it so much.\u201d Or, \u201cI am now doing watercolor because I\u2019ve seen you do it and I love it so much, and I\u2019m doing it with my grandkids,\u201d or, \u201cI\u2019m doing it with my kids.\u201d And I think that we\u2019re a society that is denying ourselves a lot of our humanness and fullness and joy. And I love that you asked me this question and that I had a chance to share this, because I\u2019ve learned the opposite. When you do something that fulfills you, you have so much more to give to everyone around you. It is a true responsibility to do things that fulfill you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In a way, this is almost a sad question that I\u2019m going to ask, but I\u2019m going to ask it. What would you say if somebody says, \u201cGod, I don\u2019t even know what brings me joy anymore. I mean, I\u2019ve been so like, \u2018Well, that\u2019s indulgent, or that\u2019s not particularly useful.\u2019 And I don\u2019t even know.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s actually a very common question, Tami. It\u2019s a really common question when I speak or do workshops. And one of the exercises\u2014you have it in the journal\u2014is to do a little brainstorm about creative things that might bring you joy or things that might bring you joy. And often people say this, \u201cI don\u2019t know, Nataly.\u201d I think I would\u2019ve said this seven years ago. And so what I invite you to do, if you feel that way, first of all, do not judge yourself for it. It\u2019s not your fault, it\u2019s just you haven\u2019t practiced it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And then I invite you to give yourself a little bit of joyful brainstorm space. Think about things like, what were things that you loved to do as a kid? I used to love to draw as a kid. Whenever I could get my hands on a pencil or a marker, I would draw. What were things that you loved to do as a kid? Often those are things that bring us joy that we sort of stopped doing.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Or think about, when was the last time that you really felt like that? I don\u2019t know, it doesn\u2019t have to be giant joy, but you held that moment of like, this is fun. Or, I love doing this. And think about those and don\u2019t minimize them. It could be the smallest thing. And one of the workshops I did on this, a woman raised her hand, she said, \u201cNataly, I don\u2019t know if this is the thing we\u2019re going for,\u201d she said, \u201cbut when you said brainstorm things that give you joy,\u201d she\u2019s like, \u201cI love organizing my cupboards in the kitchen. What does that have to do with joy?\u201d And I said, \u201cThat has a lot to do with joy.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So we had this whole conversation, and it turns out she loves color and color coordination, because that\u2019s how she organizes her pantry, by color. And then I was like, \u201cOK, so you love organizing things and with color. What else could that go to?\u201d She ended up, I think, taking a class on color theory. Great.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So don\u2019t minimize anything that comes up. But when you ask yourself those questions, like as a kid, what did I love to do? What are some of the things in my memory where I really felt joyful or a little bit more alive? Those are threads that you can then pull on.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your new book is <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Awesome Human Journal<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. And as I was engaging with the journal\u2014and it really puts into practice all of the emotional fitness skills that you write about in <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Awesome Human Project<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. As I was with the journal, I thought my nickname for this journal is \u201cthe befriending journal.\u201d This journal\u2019s really all about becoming a friend to myself. And I wonder if you can talk a little bit about that, that whole notion of, \u201cnow there are two of me, but one of me is a friend to me.\u201d And that\u2019s really what I felt with the journal.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I love that so much, Tami. I couldn\u2019t describe it better myself. If you asked me why I wrote this journal, I would tell you, \u201cI want you to become better friends with yourself.\u201d I don\u2019t think most of us think that we have a relationship with ourselves. I ask this question of my audiences often: \u201cHow would you describe your relationship with yourself?\u201d And most people are like, I don\u2019t know. I don\u2019t have a relationship with myself. But you do. And your relationship with yourself, it is not selfish. It is the most important relationship in your life, because how we treat others is rooted in how we treat ourselves. If you are a friend to yourself, you get to bring your full capacity to things.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So I think that it is really worthwhile to think about and become aware, what is my relationship with myself? How do I talk to myself? How do I treat myself? And for me, those were not pretty answers before I burnt out.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But that awareness is really powerful, because ultimately, if you can treat yourself with support and care that you would treat a friend, what you\u2019re doing is you are allowing yourself, then, to waste less of your energy on struggle and stress and self-criticism and overwhelm. And you can then use that energy to do all the wonderful things you do that contribute to people in your life. And that to me is the ultimate motivator.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Because I used to think that taking care of myself was selfish, that being nice to myself was selfish. It is the opposite. I see it now as my responsibility, to you Tami, to my publisher, to every single person who reads my work, to every single person listening now. Because by being a supportive human in my own life, by being in that relationship with myself where I want to support myself, where I care about myself, it then allows me to bring more of my gifts out. It allows me to have more energy to do this work that I do, that I care about.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And so that\u2019s my raison d&#8217;\u00eatre for the journal, is to help you become a more supportive, caring friend to yourself and get into those daily habits. And to recognize that when you do that, you have so much more to give to others.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You have us ask a question in the journal, \u201cWhat would your younger self be proud of if your younger self could see you today?\u201d And I\u2019m just bringing that up as an example, because I loved that. And I actually felt proud of myself from the perspective of my younger self. And I thought, oh my God, this journal\u2019s working. It\u2019s working. I feel proud. Whoa. Not something that I normally feel in relationship to myself.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yeah, I love that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Good work, Nataly. Good work.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yeah. It means a lot. Especially coming from you, that means a lot. And I love that you picked that question. It\u2019s an example of changing our frame of reference, right? And looking at ourselves through different lenses that really allow us to see ourselves more fully, versus through that very negative, critical lens that as we talked about, our brain loves to adapt on its own. And I love seeing the smile on your face as you shared that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019ve been speaking with Nataly Kogan. She\u2019s the author of the book with Sounds True, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Awesome Human Project<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and a new <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Awesome Human Journal: A Tool Kit for the Tough Days, the Good Days, and All the Days in Between<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Nataly, I want to call our conversation living in a friendly and joy-filled universe. So thank you for bringing that experience right here to <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Thank you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s an honor. Thank you, Tami.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And if you\u2019d like to watch <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> on video and participate in the after-show Q&amp;A session with our guests, come join us on Sounds True One, a new membership community featuring award-winning original shows, live classes, community learning, guided meditations, and more with the leading wisdom teachers of our time. Use promo code PODCAST to get your first month free. You can learn more at join.soundstrue.com. Sounds True: waking up the world.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"template":"","meta":{"_expiration-date-status":"","_expiration-date":0,"_expiration-date-type":"","_expiration-date-categories":[],"_expiration-date-options":[]},"class_list":["post-20447","transcript","type-transcript","status-publish","hentry"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Living In A Friendly And Joy Filled Universe - Transcript<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Read the full transcript from this Sounds True conversation with Living In A Friendly And Joy Filled Universe. 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