{"id":20514,"date":"2023-12-13T13:32:18","date_gmt":"2023-12-13T20:32:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/?post_type=transcript&#038;p=20514"},"modified":"2023-12-18T16:31:27","modified_gmt":"2023-12-18T23:31:27","slug":"healing-principles-to-embody-in-a-traumatized-world","status":"publish","type":"transcript","link":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/healing-principles-to-embody-in-a-traumatized-world\/","title":{"rendered":"Healing Principles to Embody in a Traumatized World"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"pdfprnt-buttons pdfprnt-buttons-transcript pdfprnt-top-right\"><a href=\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/transcript\/20514?print=print\" class=\"pdfprnt-button pdfprnt-button-print\" target=\"_blank\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/pdf-print\/images\/print.png\" alt=\"image_print\" title=\"Print Content\" \/><span class=\"pdfprnt-button-title pdfprnt-button-print-title\">Print Transcript<\/span><\/a><\/div><p><b>Tami Simon:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Hello, friends, my name\u2019s Tami Simon, and I\u2019m the founder of Sounds True. I want to welcome you to the Sounds True podcast, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. I also want to take a moment to introduce you to Sounds True\u2019s new membership community and digital platform. It\u2019s called Sounds True One. Sounds True One features original, premium, transformational docuseries; community events; classes to start your day and relax in the evening; and special weekly live shows, including a video version of <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> with an after-show community question-and-answer session with featured guests. I hope you\u2019ll come join us, explore, come have fun with us, and connect with others. You can learn more at join.soundstrue.com.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I also want to take a moment and introduce you to the Sounds True Foundation, our nonprofit that creates equitable access to transformational tools and teachings. You can learn more at soundstruefoundation.org. And in advance, thank you for your support.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Hello friends and welcome. Welcome to this special edition of <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. I\u2019m here with Dr. Gabor Mat\u00e9. Gabor is someone whom I consider a friend and someone whose work I find incredibly illuminating, and I\u2019m so pleased that he\u2019s here. A year ago, we had a conversation together when his book, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of Normal<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> was published. And I felt, at the end of the conversation, that we weren\u2019t quite complete. In fact, we\u2019d only gotten part way through the many things that I wanted to talk about. And at that time I said to Gabor, \u201cWould you be willing to come on? We\u2019ll put some time in between, but could we have a second part to our conversation?\u201d And he gracefully said yes at the time. And now here we are a year later. So much has happened in our worlds and in our lives, our respective worlds and our shared world, and I\u2019m very grateful for Gabor for coming back a year later, fulfilling the promise that was spontaneously made live on the air.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Gabor is a physician, author, and speaker who is world-renowned for his expertise on the interconnection of trauma, stress, addiction, illness, and the journey of healing. And it\u2019s the journey of healing, particularly, that I want to highlight and emphasize in our conversation that we\u2019re going to have here. His books include <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, on trauma and addiction; <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When the Body Says No<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, looking at stress and illness; and as I mentioned, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of Normal<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, which explores trauma, illness, and healing in a toxic culture. It\u2019s a book that immediately hit the <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">New York Times<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> bestseller list and a book that I have to say, look, if you haven\u2019t read it, please just read it. It\u2019s a kind of book, first of all for me, what 500-plus pages? And I went through each page marking things, absorbed in a page-turning, involved kind of way. I was so impressed by the book.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Also, I want to let you know that with Sounds True, Gabor has partnered with Dick Schwartz, who\u2019s the founder of IFS, Internal Family Systems, and the approach to healing that Gabor now teaches called Compassionate Inquiry. Dick and Gabor explore together in an online series called <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Embracing All of You<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, how Compassionate Inquiry and IFS relate, look at things similarly and differently. They also both offer demos working with students. Gabor engages in the Compassionate Inquiry technique in the <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Embracing All of You<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> series, so you can learn more about that at soundstrue.com. All right, Gabor, welcome.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>Gabor Mat\u00e9:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Thank you, Tami. Thanks for the intro and for the welcome.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here\u2019s what I\u2019d like to start with. You are very forthcoming. You\u2019re a super-real person. You share yourself in a very truthful way. And a lot of times, when people ask you about healing, about what works, about what works in your life, you\u2019ll share, \u201cLook, I\u2019m a work in progress. I\u2019m still figuring a lot of this stuff out. I\u2019m still dealing with this, that, or that.\u201d And I wanted to start there, because what it brings up for me is this question of a gap that I often feel in my own life between understanding and real embodiment, especially when it comes to the healing of trauma. And I want to understand how you deal with that gap, how you understand that gap.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> There\u2019s much more to healing than just knowledge or awareness. If it was a matter of intellectual awareness, I would\u2019ve been healed a long time ago in terms of what I was aware of or what I could tell you. But embodiment is the word, and trauma happens. The disconnections that trauma imposes happen in the body and in the nervous system and in the immune system and the gut and the nervous system. And for healing, all of that needs to be worked through. And we can get to states of awareness and knowledge long before we\u2019re fully healed. In a certain sense, it\u2019s a matter of catching up to ourselves.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, recently I was introduced to a song by Leonard Cohen, it\u2019s called \u201cCome Healing.\u201d And there\u2019s a wonderful line, it begins with, \u201cOh, gather up the brokenness, bring it to me now.\u201d But later on in the poem, or I should say the song that has been said to that poem, he sings, \u201cOh, troubled-ness concealing an undivided love,\u201d which means underneath the troubles that we experience on the surface, there is an undivided love, which we may not be always in touch with, but it\u2019s what guides us. And then he says, \u201cThe heart beneath is teaching to the broken heart above,\u201d so that we can be broken-hearted on one level, but there\u2019s a whole, full heart that\u2019s teaching that broken heart. And it takes a while for that heart beneath to get through to the broken heart above. And that\u2019s the process of healing. And all I ever do is when people ask me is I signal where in that journey from heart to heart do I experience myself?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">From a somatic perspective, working with the body, what have you found is effective to connect with that underlying full heart that\u2019s underneath our broken heart? Because I don\u2019t hear you talk that often about body-based interventions that you use yourself. And I\u2019m very curious about that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, actually, Compassionate Inquiry is very body-based, and we engage more with people\u2019s state of being rather than the material that they\u2019re carrying in their mind. And so to bring that\u2014<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019d love to understand that more.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To bring that to myself personally, my mantra, one of my mantras is: wherever there\u2019s tension, it requires attention. If we\u2019re discussing a political topic, like what\u2019s happening right now in the world, and if I\u2019m noticing a lot of tension in my body, then before I continue that discussion, if I want that discussion to be one that connects us, I better pay attention to what\u2019s going on in my body. If I experience tension inside, I better just notice that and put attention on it rather than just try and push my way through it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think it\u2019s what Gendlin would\u2019ve called a felt sense of actually just being present to what\u2019s happening in the body and not to try and elide it, not to try to move through it or move past it or to ignore it. If I were to check in with myself right now, what am I experiencing? There\u2019s a fair degree of calm, I\u2019m in a safe space talking to a friend, and there\u2019s some tension, perhaps anxiety. Will I live up to my billing? Will this hour that we spend together be worthwhile for the participants, and so on. So I would say I\u2019m aware of both. I\u2019m calm and there\u2019s some bit of tension in the middle of my chest. That\u2019s what I would report. And I need to pay attention to that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Just to go a little deeper into it, because I notice tension a lot in my body, a lot. And it\u2019s one thing to pay attention to it, but you seem to indicate it\u2019s not about focusing on letting it melt away or dissolve or using the force of gravity so that it sinks into the earth. What are you doing when you\u2019re paying attention to tension?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You\u2019re noticing it, because that\u2019s all it needs. That tension has nothing to do with the present moment. Let\u2019s talk, say, about my anxiety that this conversation won\u2019t be as useful as I\u2019d like it to be. OK, so what? Do I have to be perfect all the time? Can I be forgiven if this is my third teaching session of the day? What if I\u2019m not at my best? I\u2019ll still be good enough, so what\u2019s the tension about? It\u2019s an old fear of mine<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014i<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">t\u2019s got nothing to do with the present moment<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">of not being good enough. Now, that part of me that fears not being good enough is the child part. All that child ever needed was attention<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">didn\u2019t need reassurance, just needed to be held. I don\u2019t have to make it go away and tell myself mantras or spiritual techniques or anything to evaporate it. I just have to, \u201cOh, there it is. Well, here you are. I notice you. I see you. Thanks for showing up.\u201d That\u2019s all.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">OK, Gabor. But I\u2019m going to dig in here and I\u2019m going to be confessional at the same time, which is you\u2019ve shared from your own, I hope this is good enough<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">lives up to the billing. And I remember when you and I went to lunch not that long ago, and I shared with you that I was nervous about being with you, and I\u2019m nervous about having this conversation. And in our conversation, you identified that I was projecting something about my relationship with my father where I needed to earn his affection. And I\u2019m very aware of that, so I\u2019m aware of that coming into this conversation. I have the insight. I know that\u2019s exactly what\u2019s going on. I know that. And it hasn\u2019t actually helped reduced my anxiety. I\u2019m just aware of it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, I\u2019ll tell you what I would say, arrogant as it sounds, you just haven\u2019t had the right kind of therapy yet. I know you\u2019ve been in therapy forever, we all have been, but it\u2019s something that hasn\u2019t been&#8230; Let me put it non-negatively, that you haven\u2019t done the right kind of therapy. Let me say that there\u2019s something you haven\u2019t worked through yet. You\u2019ve understood it intellectually, but you haven\u2019t worked it through. So in the moment, is there tension there for you?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s interesting, because I don\u2019t want to make it only just about me and about you, and I want to make sure that our listeners are tracking with this. I noticed that in sharing it<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nice try.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s deflection, I know. But I noticed in sharing it, there was a dramatic reduction in in tension, and that naming it really helped. I think that\u2019s an important point.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, I think that\u2019s the key point actually, because what are you doing when you\u2019re naming it? You\u2019re just accepting it. You\u2019re recognizing it, which is all you ever needed as a child, but you didn\u2019t get it. You weren\u2019t seen, so you give yourself that scene. If you want that tension to go away, you\u2019re basically saying to a part of yourself, go away, leave me alone. In other words, you\u2019re rejecting yourself, which was not necessarily ever your father\u2019s or your mother\u2019s intention, but it was your subjective experience of not being seen, of being demanded more of than you could provide. If you can see yourself and just name it like you just said, of course the tension will abate. Now, what if you were to do that on a regular basis? \u201cHere you are again, you\u2019re still afraid, aren\u2019t you? Well, I got it.\u201d I think noticing and being with it is the working through.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Link this to the approach of Compassionate Inquiry and, for people who are hearing about Compassionate Inquiry for the first time, if you can, give them an introduction to how it works.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, fundamentally, along with my friend Dick [Schwartz], although I formulate it differently, I do believe that all aspects of ourselves, whether we like them or not, whether we judge them or embrace them, that they\u2019re there for a reason, that none of us are broken fundamentally. And my view is that if we\u2019re curious about all aspects of ourselves and of our experience, or that of our clients, and if we\u2019re curious in a compassionate way, then all will reveal itself, and we get to integrate it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If I said to you, for example, I could ask you a question, why are you tense? Now, is that a question or is it a statement? It\u2019s a statement. I notice you\u2019re tense, and I don\u2019t like it. I want you to be different. What if I said to you or to myself, \u201cHuh, I notice this tension here, what do you think that might be about?\u201d Well, that\u2019s the question. The issue is, can we approach ourselves with a sense of compassionate inquiry?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And furthermore, my belief is that we all carry the answers within ourselves. We actually do. I just read and reviewed Peter Levine\u2019s upcoming autobiography. It\u2019s entitled <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">An Autobiography of Trauma<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. And let me just actually quote something from it, if I may, because Peter\u2019s one of my mentors, and he says it so beautifully. He says, \u201cIn working with thousands of adults and many children over a period of more than 45 years, I have found that all children and most adults, with their younger Self still intact within, have the same innate pull of curiosity and exploration. It is this very vibrant impulse that can be harnessed to support our healing.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And so I believe, along with Peter, that as long as this curiosity about ourselves is alive, we can still grow. My approach is simply, there\u2019s nothing wrong with you. Every aspect of you came along for a reason to support your survival at some point. It may no longer be there to support you. It may now get in your way. You stumble over it rather than being helped along by it. But let\u2019s get curious about it. And then the answers will be within yourself. The truth is within yourself. We all carry the truth within ourselves. And with the right compassion, the right curiosity, that truth will reveal itself. Or to quote the great Jewish boy from Nazareth, Yeshua, who said, \u201cThat which you shall bring out of yourself will save you.\u201d And so it\u2019s just a matter of helping people bring out the truth of themselves.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Gabor, in my confessional moment, you said in a way that stung a little bit, but I also appreciated it, especially the way you reframed it, that there\u2019s something you haven\u2019t worked through yet, which is why this is still an active thing, and that Compassionate Inquiry would help. And my provocative question to you would be, how come the Compassionate Inquiry method hasn\u2019t, in your own life, delivered more of the results that you would like it to deliver? What do you think is that gap? Which comes back to the original question I asked, which is really what I\u2019m trying to tell myself the truth about, about my own life and trying to understand deeply.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, first of all, you\u2019re putting words in my mouth.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">OK.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When I said that you haven\u2019t fully worked it through yet, I didn\u2019t say anything about Compassionate Inquiry. All I said was you haven\u2019t worked it fully through yet. There might be any number of ways of working it through. Internal Family Systems might be one of them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sure.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Peter Levine\u2019s Somatic Experiencing might be another. EMDR might be another. Psychedelics might be another. I never said<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sure, fair enough.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I do believe it would help you, but I never said it. And I certainly never said it in exclusion of other modalities. I don\u2019t claim it to be the be-all and the end-all. That\u2019s the first point. The second point is, in terms of myself, well, Tami, did you know me ten years ago personally?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">No, I didn\u2019t.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Are you in a position to tell me where I am now as compared to where I was ten years ago?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">No, I think it\u2019s a beautiful point and\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">[CROSSTALK]<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">No, I hear your point, but I think it helps me appreciate my own journey too, because where I am now is not where I was ten or 20 or 30 years ago, even though there\u2019s so much more growth that I wish for myself. But it\u2019s a deep way of being kind to ourselves to see it that way.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Fair enough. If you ask me, am I complete yet? No, I\u2019d say I\u2019m not complete. However, I\u2019ve often said this, pardon the repetition of a joke if it\u2019s tiresome for you, but I\u2019ve often said, well, in a month and six days, I\u2019ll be 80 years old. And I say, thank God for growth and development, because I\u2019m almost 80, and I wouldn\u2019t want to be as young and stupid as I was when I was 78. It\u2019s an ongoing process, and I\u2019m not looking for perfection. I\u2019m just looking for growth. In fact, it\u2019s helped me a lot. I\u2019ve come a long way. And the other thing that\u2019s helped me is that I know you\u2019re in a loving relationship with somebody, as am I, and my partner does not want to tolerate the gap between what I know and what I present and teach and then how I live my life at home.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m constantly being called upon to walk the talk. And so both my own personal journey, which involves that compassionate questioning and other modalities<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">including yoga and meditation and reading all kinds of great teachers and occasionally reaching out for help and also being called to act what I know<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">all that is contributing to myself being far more present, far more accepting of myself, far more capable of getting to that heart below the surface than I ever used to be. That\u2019s where I\u2019m at, so I\u2019m very happy to report that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I just want to thank you, Gabor, because I think this is an important appreciation of growth that many of us can have in relationship to ourselves. I noticed it\u2019s helping me soften, so thank you. Towards myself.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Good.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And I also just want to check in. You and I, we\u2019re OK, right? We\u2019re good?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What makes you ask that?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Because we had a fiery exchange.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Is this what you call a fiery exchange? Oh, boy.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Oh, boy.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You haven\u2019t seen me in fire exchanges, if you thought this is fire. I thought this was one of the most gentle discussions. I\u2019m wondering what you were experiencing during this exchange. I wasn\u2019t experiencing any fire. I experienced a disagreement, but so what?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Very good. Very good. OK. You quote, A. H. Almaas, a friend of ours. And there\u2019s several times that you quote him in <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of Normal<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> that really got my attention, really helped deepen my understanding. And I\u2019m going to pull out one of them here: \u201cLack of compassion is a suppression of hurt.\u201d And I thought this was really an important light bulb for me that went on in times\u2014even here, when I\u2019m talking about not being compassionate towards my own development and how long it\u2019s taking me to grow in certain kinds of ways and the frustration I feel underneath it, I\u2019m just like, I\u2019m just so hurt. I can\u2019t believe I\u2019m still going through all of this. Lack of compassion is a suppression of hurt. I wonder if you can explain that more for people.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, Almaas, as you know, and as we have discussed, is one of my great teachers, mostly through his writings. But I\u2019ll quote another teacher of mine who\u2019s no longer alive, sadly. His name is Jaak Panksepp, P-A-N-K-S-E-P-P. He was an effective but also affective neuroscientist, which means he studied the neuroscience of emotions. And he points out that our brains are wired for a whole slew of emotions. We have brain circuitry for various emotions, which include grief and fear and lust and anger and caring and curiosity and playfulness and so on. We\u2019re born with these systems in place in our brain. They need to develop, but they\u2019re there and we share them with other mammals.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Care, which is, if you want to put it in different words, the compassion for the vulnerable, because that\u2019s what helps a parent look after the helpless infant. It\u2019s something that\u2019s wired into us, so it\u2019s unnatural for it not to be there. What happens? Caring is vulnerable. If I care for you, then if you suffer or die, or let\u2019s just say suffer, that hurts me. For caring, there has to be vulnerability. But what if I was really hurt when I was small, so hurt I can\u2019t stand being vulnerable? Then out of self-defense, my care system will shut off. Then the capacity to care and then be compassionate is, to that degree, limited. And in the case of psychopaths and sociopaths, it\u2019s even totally obscured and disabled, all because of vulnerability.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And it\u2019s very interesting, what I can tell you about people who have committed murder. If you go into prisons, I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve done this or not, but I brought in a number of projects that go into prisons and work with lifers who\u2019ve killed people. Once they work through their stuff, they become the sweetest, most gentle people in the world. Unbelievable, but I\u2019ve seen people in death row like that, so have others. Anybody who\u2019s worked with prisoners will tell you this.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, what does that mean? It means that they\u2019re very shut down of caring, to the point where they could kill another human being. It came out of a deep hurt. And the more sensitive you are by nature, genetically, the more hurt you\u2019re going to be. Some of the worst criminals are the most sensitive people in the world. And by sensitive, I don\u2019t mean that they\u2019re aware and care for the feelings of others. I mean that they were born so sensitive that they were hurt much more easily than others. They felt more. When they were hurt, they felt more. The more they felt, the more pain they felt, the more they had to shut down. The more they shut down, the less compassionate and the more cruel they became.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Those of them that can work through their pain and their trauma actually become very sweet and loving people. And I\u2019ve seen this repeatedly and so have many others. That\u2019s an example of what Almaas was talking about, is that the lack of compassion is a hidden hurt, is based on a hidden hurt.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Gabor, do you believe, it sounds like you do, from what you\u2019re saying, that we\u2019re born with different levels of sensitivity, that some of us are genetically more sensitive than others? And what is the research behind that?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, that\u2019s the research, that some are just born more sensitive than others. And that means certain chemical messengers in their brains are differently configurated. And it means that these people, when they\u2019re well-treated, they become creators and artists and leaders and shamans and whoever<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">joyful. But when they\u2019re hurt, they\u2019re traumatized all the more. And there\u2019s, I think a Canadian-born, but now he\u2019s working in California, a pediatrician called Tom Boyce, who wrote a book called <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Orchid and the Dandelion<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. And one of them is the very sensitive kid. And the less sensitive kid, they can endure a whole range of experiences and not be so hurt by it. The more sensitive ones, they\u2019re more hurt, so I think that\u2019s what\u2019s genetic.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When the people talk about genes for addiction or mental health issues, no. But they\u2019re actually finding is genes for sensitivity, which means that the environment acting on those sensitive genes will create more pain. And all addictions and all mental health conditions, in my view, are ways of coping with pain. And so the more sensitive you are, the more prone you are to fall into one of those diagnostic categories, not because the genes dictate those categories, but because the sensitivity potentiates the pain that you\u2019re trying to escape from. That\u2019s my understanding.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And do you think you\u2019re one of those people who has hypersensitivity genetically?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I don\u2019t know. I see people\u2026 Well, I truly don\u2019t know. I see people far more sensitive than I am, far more affected by what happens, far more overwrought when things go wrong. Now, maybe I have more defenses in a way. I certainly am sensitive. I do feel and see things that other people often don\u2019t, but I wouldn\u2019t put myself in the most sensitive category, not compared to some people that I know.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think the question that comes up for me is, I\u2019ve heard a lot of people use \u201chighly sensitive person\u201d language to defend or explain why it\u2019s so hard for them to make healing progress in their life or this or that. And I wonder how to not use that information or that possibility as a kind of excuse for all kinds of things.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It should not be a limitation. It should actually be opening for more liberation and more creativity and more joy and more freedom, actually, properly understood. Neither are genetically determined temperament, if you like, nor should what\u2019s happened to us ever be used as an excuse for just staying static and stuck in a certain pattern. The more sensitive you are, it also means when the environment is more supportive and you take on a task of healing, you\u2019re also more capable of growth. It should on no account be an excuse.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Let\u2019s talk more about this full, complete, undisturbed, if you will, heart\u2014the full heart underneath our broken heart. How do you experience that when you do experience it? Describe it to me what it\u2019s like for you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I can\u2019t, because so rarely, if ever, I\u2019ve fully experienced it. It\u2019s a knowledge that I have that\u2019s below the level of conscious experience. Now, I don\u2019t regard myself as a spiritual teacher of any kind. The spiritual teachers who are worth their salt have all directly experienced this. A. H. Almaas, Hameed Ali, Thomas H\u00fcbl, perhaps, Eckhart Tolle, Adyashanti, these people have experienced that in a conscious level. I can\u2019t say that I have. All the more remarkable that I completely accept the truth of it. I don\u2019t know. On some level, there must be some experience there, but I can\u2019t give it to you in the kind of words that somebody with that direct experience could.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">OK, I appreciate that honesty and the interesting point that you can still state its facticity, if you will, without even knowing it wholly in your own experience. And I wonder how you can do that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I don\u2019t know. It\u2019s just what happens for me. Also, I read a lot, and I believe people. I don\u2019t believe everybody, but I have a good sense who to believe and who to not. When Moses sees the burning bush that is not consumed by the flame, I\u2019m seeing a truth that it logically doesn\u2019t make any sense, but it sustains itself. And when the Buddha talks about his experience or Thomas talks about his experience or Eckhart does or Hameed Ali does\u2014I\u2019ve talked to Adyashanti\u2014I believe them. And nothing in me mistrusts what they\u2019re telling me when I read Hafiz or I read Rumi. I believe them. I sense they\u2019re coming from a place of deep truth. Something in me senses that. Perhaps I\u2019m influenceable that way, or more likely what they\u2019re saying and how they\u2019re saying it resonates with something inside me deeper than the intellect can comprehend.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In the final section of <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of Normal<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, you devote yourself to looking at these paths to wholeness, approaches to healings. And you offer a description of six different A\u2019s. We won\u2019t go into all of them, but you talk about\u2014people should read it in the book\u2014authenticity, agency, anger, healthy anger, and then also acceptance. And then later in the book, you add in activism and advocacy, and how these are all parts of what it takes, if you will, to activate our principles of healing in our life. And in my language, I would say something like being true to who we really are, mobilizing our\u2014this is my language\u2014mobilizing our soul\u2019s force, moving it out.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And I wanted to talk to you about the activism and advocacy component, because I think often, people wouldn\u2019t necessarily associate that with personal healing. How does that connect? And I know you\u2019ve been very active, very vocal, a full participant, global citizen in what\u2019s been happening in the Mideast recently. And without going into the details of the Mideast conflict, what I want to look at instead is just this whole notion of activism and advocacy as an element of our healing.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yes. Well, those are not prescriptions, they\u2019re guidelines. Some are called and some are not. My friend Nan Goldin, the photographer, great photographer whose photography has been exhibited in museums from the Met to the MoMA to the Tate in Britain and so on. But she also used to be an opiate addict. And at some point, she realized that the Sackler family, the family that funds so many artistic institutions or medical schools, also the same ones who profited off the marketing of OxyContin as a less addictive or non-addictive opiate, and tens and hundreds of thousands of people have died. And so far for Nan\u2014there\u2019s a wonderful movie about Nan Goldin that\u2019s actually available. You can watch it online, I think it\u2019s not Netflix, but Apple TV or you can look up the title of the movie. It\u2019s something with \u201call the beauty\u201d or something\u2014it escapes me. But for Nan to say\u2014she had sit-ins and lie-ins in the museums saying, take this name off. These people profited off the death of tens of thousands. She would not have been true to herself if she had not engaged in that activism. For her, the healing process involved activism following an inner call. It\u2019s not a duty that somebody imposed on her, it\u2019s an inner call that she obeyed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s the same with my activism in the Middle East, like you say. We\u2019re not going to go into my views on what\u2019s just happening or what\u2019s been happening for a long time, but I made the decision a long time ago that I feel so strongly about this issue that if I don\u2019t express myself, I\u2019d be doing violence to myself. And so that I would express myself regardless of whether my family liked it or not.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At some point, my views on this, actually in 1967 after that war, my views on that at the conflict got me kicked out of my father\u2019s house. And I could understand why, my parents being Holocaust survivors as was I as an infant. But I made this decision that for me, the activism, the advocacy, the truth-telling publicly was more important than any of my personal relationships. And that\u2019s a calling that I had, something that was calling me there. And not to have obeyed that call would\u2019ve been to suppress myself. Activism and advocacy are not prescriptions for everybody, because not everybody\u2019s called that way. If you\u2019re not called that way, don\u2019t do it. Don\u2019t force yourself into anything, but if it\u2019s there, I suggest you pay attention.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It actually sounds like, if anything, the quote unquote \u201cprescription.\u201d And I realize you\u2019re an MD that doesn\u2019t give out prescriptions in this kind of conversation very often, but it has to do with not suppressing ourselves versus the form of expression that is true for us. It\u2019s like, oh, the key is don\u2019t suppress. Is that fair to say?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Which goes back to authenticity. And there\u2019s all kinds of reasons why people suppress themselves. And you and I may have discussed this in our conversation last year, is that there\u2019s this tension that so many of us grow up with where we want to be attached to. We want to be connected with. We want to belong, held and loved. But we also just need to be ourselves. And sometimes, all too often, I think perhaps in your growing up and in I growing up and in a lot of people\u2019s growing up, they found that if they were truly authentic and express themselves, the acceptance wasn\u2019t there. Then there was this tragic conflict, what I call authenticity on the one hand, an attachment on the other.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ideally, you and I can be true to ourselves, express what we believe and feel and still remain friends and supportive of one another. That\u2019s the ideal. But what happens in a relationship, very often early in childhood, but even later on in life, where if I\u2019m being myself, that is to say, if I\u2019m expressing myself, you\u2019re not going to love me and accept me. Now I have a decision to make. Do I want attachment still? As an infant, I had no choice in the matter. Or do I want authenticity? And I often say to people, being pain-free is not an option, because you can have the pain of suppressing yourself, or you can have the pain of not being accepted. If that\u2019s what\u2019s on the table, then you have to decide which kind of pain you would rather have. Some people would rather have the pain of suppressing themselves and still being accepted. Some people would rather have the pain of being themselves and not being accepted. Now, ideally, we\u2019ll find situations in life where we can be both. That\u2019s what we\u2019re working towards. But temporarily, we\u2019re going to go through some pain in one way or the other. The question is, which pain would you rather have? And nobody can tell you which one you should choose.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You said this statement, that I wrote down and have referred to very often, in our last conversation about disillusionment: \u201cWould you rather hold onto your illusions or go through disillusionment?\u201d And I think this notion that there\u2019s a way to possibly be in the world that\u2019s pain-free\u2014is it fair to say that that is an illusion?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, I don\u2019t know if the Buddha still experienced pain after his enlightenment, but until I get to that point, I can\u2019t answer it except to say I can\u2019t envision a world in which pain doesn\u2019t exist. On a sheer physical level, pain is always going to exist. On the emotional level, I think it\u2019s\u2026 Do you know anybody who\u2019s at all emotionally alive? And I don\u2019t care which side of the political spectrum they\u2019re on, but if they\u2019re emotionally alive, do you know anybody whose heart is not broken right now about what we\u2019re witnessing and what we have been witnessing for a while now? Again, I\u2019m not making the political statement. I\u2019m saying that I don\u2019t have any option of not feeling pain, so what?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m bringing it forward because I also pulled this quote from <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of Normal<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: \u201cHealing is about unlearning the notion that we need to protect ourselves from our own pain.\u201d And I thought that\u2019s such a powerful statement, because I can see how I do protect myself from pain. I try to all the time and it doesn\u2019t really work, but it\u2019s just like a natural instinct. Of course I\u2019m going to protect myself from pain. I don\u2019t want pain. Who does?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, I forget who wrote <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, a Tibetan\u2014<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sogyal Rinpoche.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014who, as we know, was one of these characters who could convey beautiful and deep and very inspiring teachings, but he didn\u2019t exactly live the life that was consistent with those teachings. But nevertheless, what he spoke was absolutely beautiful. And he said at some point, don\u2019t run away from your pain, because don\u2019t be known that all our attempts to run away from the pain will only create more suffering and then we won\u2019t know what life is to teach us. I\u2019m paraphrasing him now. It\u2019s a beautifully stated maxim that he expressed in that book. And he says, don\u2019t run away from your pain. Protection from pain, he says, it doesn\u2019t work.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now I want to go back for a moment and not lose track of these different non-prescriptive six A\u2019s that could be calling. Because you spoke beautifully about authenticity. And then agency is something, especially as you\u2019re talking about the heartbreak of our time, I think a lot of people, and then there\u2019s also acceptance, I think there\u2019s a lot of confusion here. Do I accept what\u2019s going on? I feel helpless. I don\u2019t feel like there\u2019s anything I can do. This relates to my own health. Do I find some way to find an agentic position?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Acceptance does not mean resignation or tolerating something. It means accepting and that\u2019s how it is right now. Not resenting it, not railing against it but saying, this is how it is. Now, how would I like to approach reality? That\u2019s what acceptance means. It\u2019s not, my partner beats me and I\u2019m going to accept that. That\u2019s not acceptance, that\u2019s tolerating or putting up with or resigning yourself. Acceptance says, my partner beats me, what would I want to do about it? If I had agency, what would I do? Acceptance just says, this is how it is. Now, how do I approach it?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And Eckhart says in one of his books, whether it\u2019s the myth&#8230; <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of Normal<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. He only wishes here wrote that book. Sorry. I meant <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Power of Now<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> or\u2014<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A New Earth<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A New Earth<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. He says in one of the books that in the situations that bother you, there\u2019s only three things you can do. You can leave it, you can try and change it, and, if you can\u2019t do either, you might as well accept it. You and I live in Vancouver right now. We might as well accept that it\u2019s going to rain here in the winter time. We may wish to travel away from it, but there\u2019s no point railing against the rain.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And as Eckhart says in one of\u2014he\u2019s so funny sometimes. He says in one of his talks that there\u2019s something in the mind that will even make the traffic jam wrong. It\u2019ll make you superior to the traffic jam, because you\u2019re resenting the traffic. Well, if you\u2019re going to be in a traffic jam, you might as well accept that you\u2019re in a traffic jam and not generate a lot of tension. That\u2019s what acceptance means, it\u2019s not tolerance or resignation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Can you just connect a link for people about when we suppress, whether it\u2019s our authenticity or our healthy anger or whatever, our emotions, we might be suppressing, bottling down, how that leads to health challenges, disease? What\u2019s the mechanism?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, that\u2019s very simple, and that is laid out in <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of Normal<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. It\u2019s also the subject of my book <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When the Body Says No<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, which is very simple. Let\u2019s say you take healthy anger. I said that we were wired for anger, which we are. Our brain is wired for anger, so is the wiring of a cat, wired for anger. You look at a mother cat and try and interfere with one of her kittens, you\u2019re going to see mother anger. And so healthy anger is simply a boundary defense. It says, you\u2019re in my space, get out. You\u2019re hurting me. Get out. Get out. That\u2019s healthy anger. It\u2019s in the moment. It\u2019s protective. It sets a boundary. That\u2019s all it is.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, the role of healthy anger is to protect your boundaries. The role of emotions in general is to let in what is nurturing and healthy and welcome and loving and to keep out what isn\u2019t. By and large, that\u2019s the role of our emotional system. Now, if I asked you a trick question, it would be this. What\u2019s the role of our immune system? Oh, it\u2019s the same, to keep out what\u2019s not healthy and dangerous and toxic and to allow in what is nurturing and supportive. That\u2019s all the immune system does. In other words, the immune system and the emotional system have the same roles. Can you see that so far? Can you get that?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I can, yeah.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, here\u2019s the news that is only news to those that are not aware of the science, which means most physicians, who are not aware of the science. They\u2019re not taught this stuff. But from the scientific perspective, the immune system and the hormonal apparatus and the nervous system and the emotional system in our brains and bodies are not different systems. They\u2019re one system. And the science that studies that is called psychoneuroimmunology. It\u2019s not even vaguely controversial.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And so when you suppress emotions, guess what? You\u2019re also interfering with the immune system. And when you look at all the people with autoimmune disease, multiple sclerosis, Crohn\u2019s, colitis, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, what else could I mention? Rheumatoid arthritis, systemic lupus, scleroderma. If you look at their life patterns and personalities, they\u2019re all people who suppress themselves, not because they wanted to, but because in childhood there was that tension I already talked about between authenticity and attachment. To stay attached, they had to suppress their authenticity. And they\u2019ve been doing it all their lives because that\u2019s what they\u2019re programmed. And that emotional self-suppression then plays havoc with the nervous system because it\u2019s the same system. It\u2019s really that simple. People that repress healthy anger have diminished activity of their immune systems.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And there was a study that I mentioned in <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of Normal<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, which is, by the way, why women get more autoimmune disease, much more\u201470 to 80 percent of autoimmune disease happens to women. Because between the genders in this culture, which was the one that\u2019s expected to suppress themselves, suppress their healthy anger, serve the needs of others, ignore their own? It\u2019s by and large women. And that\u2019s where they get all this autoimmune disease. And there was a study out of Massachusetts that looked at 2,000 women over a ten-year period. This is really interesting to me. Those women that were unhappy, married, and didn\u2019t express their emotions in that ten-year period were four times as likely to die as those women who were also unhappy, married, but they did express their emotions. Self-suppression. We pay a heavy price, because the mind and the body can\u2019t be separated. That\u2019s the connection.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Very clear. Thank you. One last thing I want to talk about, Gabor. This is something that I feel you and I have in common, to some degree at least, which is this, I would say, deep love of the truth, of truth telling. You already shared with us about your commitment to authenticity, even when it meant serious challenges within your family related to the Mideast conflict from many decades ago. And in my own life, Sounds True was called Sounds True for a reason. And when I finally made a little audio program to share my heart with people, I called it <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Being True<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And I was like, that\u2019s the one thing I can stand by is that I want to be true. It\u2019s so important to me, and I will sacrifice for that and I will speak up even when I may appear this, that, or the other way that I\u2019m concerned about. I\u2019m still going to do it, because I have to be true. I have to. I have to. I have to. And I know that in you from our interactions. What do you think that is? This is their touchstone, their thing. I just have to be a true person. That\u2019s my thing.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I can\u2019t rightly answer that question for you. I think that drive is in all of us. Let me go back to quoting Peter Levine again, if I may. He\u2019s talking about this capacity for truth seeking, and then he says, \u201cSadly, this primal, instinctual energy is all too often forced underground by oppressive over-socialization. We\u2019re overwhelmed by toxic stress and trauma. Nevertheless, this powerful resource lives deep within all of us and lies in wait, ready to be awakened at the right moment in spite of this pervasive trauma.\u201d He says, \u201cI believe this creative curiosity and inner sense of vitality and exuberance was always present in my life. And what helped to take me from there to here.\u201d He\u2019s talking about himself.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, I think that if I were to try and wrap my head around this question that you just posed<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">we both suffered, but I don\u2019t think we suffered so deeply that we had to completely give up ourselves. There was something in the environment that both made us aware of our suffering. And I think about the unfairness of the world, but there was enough support somewhere that allowed us to retain some connection to ourselves, which is where that search for truth emanates from. I think it\u2019s a combination of both suffering and some degree of support that allowed that suffering not to overwhelm us. That would be my answer.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And in your own life, though, just speaking for yourself for a moment, how would you answer why being true, not my word, but however you would describe that, is such a priority for you? I would say it\u2019s one of your number-one orienting principles, at least in my conversations with you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I don\u2019t like how it feels when I\u2019m not that way. When I lie to my wife or manipulate or try and hide some truth or betray what I know to be true, I don\u2019t like what it feels like. I don\u2019t like it. I like it when I can be true and open and free. It\u2019s a preference that\u2019s there for me. It\u2019s more than a preference. It\u2019s imperative for me, which is not to say that I\u2019m always true to it, but this is to say that it never disappears, and it keeps calling me back when I stray from it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">All right. I\u2019m going to sneak in a final question. I heard that you took two weeks off from digital engagement as part of a personal reset. What was that time like for you? How did it affect you? What\u2019d you do?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, it came at a time of high stress. I\u2019d just been through a difficult year for me. And I\u2019m not going to go into the details, why. When I say difficult, I mean emotionally challenging. And then I had this long intensive, more intensive than I would\u2019ve chosen, speaking and healing trip in Europe. And I came back really bagged. Then I was talking to a friend of mine, you might know her or of her, Eve Ensler, or the former Eve Ensler, V, the playwright who wrote <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Vagina Monologues<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and a wonderful author<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">and talk about activists. And she said, \u201cYou should turn everything off for two weeks.\u201d And so I did. And I turned off everything digital, didn\u2019t check my emails or messages or the ranking of my books on Amazon or who said what about who. And I actually devoted time to meditation and yoga every day and just taking care of my body, being with my wife.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And it was quite an education about how I sprinkle myself all over the place, unnecessarily, habitually spending time with things that don\u2019t make any difference at all. And so it was a real healing time for me. And it hasn\u2019t left me. And as long as I keep the practice up<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">to a certain degree. I found out what any spiritual teacher worth their salt says almost right off the bat, that you\u2019re never going to find satisfaction and fulfillment from the outside. And as Almaas says, that drive for the outside, to get satisfaction from the outside, is actually a wound to the self.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If I have to check several times a day how my books to do on Amazon, which is quite irrelevant actually, because doing what they\u2019re doing, checking doesn\u2019t make any difference. But if I need that external validation, then it\u2019s an assault to the self as Almaas points out. Because I\u2019m saying to myself, I\u2019m not enough without that external buttress. Now, that\u2019s a wound to the self, and we all wound ourselves that way. Our society inveigles and seduces us into betraying ourselves that way, to think that we\u2019re going to get it from the outside. Well, in those two weeks, I found out just how much liberation there is in not looking to the outside. And that\u2019s what all the spiritual pathways are, I think, here to teach us anyway.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Gabor, I want to take a moment to thank you and to celebrate you. Join me if you will, if it\u2019s authentic for you in this moment, celebrate our connection. Sounds True celebrates the work you\u2019re doing with us, the program we made with you and Dick, and the other contributions you make on our platform. And I just want to say the fact that you\u2019re alive doing what you\u2019re doing, it inspires me and so many people, so thank you. Thank you, friend.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>GM: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Thank you so much. And thank you, my friend. Thank you so much. It\u2019s a pleasure.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And if you\u2019d like to watch <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> on video and participate in the after-show Q&amp;A session with our guests, come join us on Sounds True One, a new membership community featuring award-winning original shows, live classes, community learning, guided meditations, and more with the leading wisdom teachers of our time. Use promo code PODCAST to get your first month free. You can learn more at join.soundstrue.com. Sounds True: waking up the world.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"template":"","meta":{"_expiration-date-status":"","_expiration-date":0,"_expiration-date-type":"","_expiration-date-categories":[],"_expiration-date-options":[]},"class_list":["post-20514","transcript","type-transcript","status-publish","hentry"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Healing Principles To Embody In A Traumatized World...<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Read the full transcript from this Sounds True conversation with Healing Principles To Embody In A Traumatized World. 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