{"id":20741,"date":"2024-02-22T11:48:26","date_gmt":"2024-02-22T18:48:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/?post_type=transcript&#038;p=20741"},"modified":"2024-02-26T11:46:17","modified_gmt":"2024-02-26T18:46:17","slug":"open-expansive-and-free","status":"publish","type":"transcript","link":"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/transcript\/open-expansive-and-free\/","title":{"rendered":"Open, Expansive, and Free"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"pdfprnt-buttons pdfprnt-buttons-transcript pdfprnt-top-right\"><a href=\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/transcript\/20741?print=print\" class=\"pdfprnt-button pdfprnt-button-print\" target=\"_blank\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/resources2.soundstrue.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/pdf-print\/images\/print.png\" alt=\"image_print\" title=\"Print Content\" \/><span class=\"pdfprnt-button-title pdfprnt-button-print-title\">Print Transcript<\/span><\/a><\/div><p><b>Tami Simon:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Hello, friends. My name\u2019s Tami Simon, and I\u2019m the founder of Sounds True. I want to welcome you to the Sounds True podcast, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. I also want to take a moment to introduce you to Sounds True\u2019s new membership community and digital platform. It\u2019s called Sounds True One. Sounds True One features original, premium, transformational docuseries; community events; classes to start your day and relax in the evening, and special weekly live shows, including a video version of <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> with an after-show community question-and-answer session with featured guests. I hope you\u2019ll come join us, explore, come have fun with us, and connect with others. You can learn more at join.soundstrue.com.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I also want to take a moment and introduce you to the Sounds True Foundation, our nonprofit that creates equitable access to transformational tools and teachings. You can learn more at soundstruefoundation.org, and in advance, thank you for your support.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In this episode of <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, my guest is Nate Klemp. Let me tell you a little bit about Nate. He\u2019s a philosopher, writer, and mindfulness entrepreneur, and someone that I found, through his writing, has quite a quirky and delightful sense of humor. I\u2019m eager for you to meet Nate. He has a master\u2019s degree from Stanford, a PhD from Princeton, and he worked as an assistant professor at Pepperdine until he left his tenure-track job in 2012 to explore what he calls this crazy idea of philosophy as a way of life.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">He\u2019s the coauthor of the <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">New York Times<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> bestseller, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Start Here: Master the Lifelong Skill of Wellbeing<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and also the coauthor of a book he wrote with his wife, Kaley Klemp, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The 80\/80 Marriage<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. He\u2019s also the author, and this is what we\u2019ll be talking about in this conversation, of a new book called <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Open: Living with an Expansive Mind in a Distracted World<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Nate, welcome.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>Nate Klemp:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Thank you so much for having me. It\u2019s great to be here, Tami.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">OK. Tell me a little bit about the inner impulse. What emerged in you to take on this notion of writing a book about having an expansive mind in a distracted world?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, I feel like there are two kinds of books. There are books where I have a solution, and I want to communicate that solution through the book; and then there are books where I have a sense that there\u2019s a really big problem here and I have no idea what the solution is. This was a book in that second class.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So for me, several years ago, I just started to notice that it almost felt like the size of my mind was getting smaller. And what I mean by that is when I would experience some uncomfortable emotion or difficult mind state, I would have this almost instantaneous urge to reach out for my phone to get some quick hit of digital distraction or quick hit of political outrage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At the time, I remember thinking, is this just me? Am I the only one experiencing this? But then the deeper I looked, I started to see that on some level, I think many of us are having this experience, and that in some ways, it\u2019s the problem of our time. And yet it\u2019s almost invisible. It\u2019s often happening underneath the radar of awareness. So I thought to myself, that\u2019s exactly the project that I can get really excited about, because it feels like an adventure. I have no idea where I\u2019m going to end up, no idea what the concepts are going to be or the practices, but I know that there\u2019s something really interesting there that could be both helpful for me and hopefully others as well.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think it\u2019s very interesting that you\u2019re starting with naming this situation that I think a lot of us have felt in varying degrees and thought, I think there\u2019s something going on with me. I\u2019m more anxious than I used to be. The practices that I used to do to stay open, it doesn\u2019t seem like they work as well as they used to. It\u2019s interesting to me that you\u2019re identifying this and helping people not feel necessarily isolated in their experience, but saying, \u201cOh, there are bigger waves in the collective that are creating this situation.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One thing you write about in <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Open<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is how this phenomenon of being addicted to our screens is like a David and Goliath battle. It\u2019s that extreme. And we are that much the underdog. I wonder if you can talk a little bit about that, how it\u2019s so extreme.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, so the macro-level concept here is really this idea of closure. So when I tried to put words to the experience I was having and come up with a conceptual framework, it seemed to me like the central distinction, at least in my own experience and in the experience I was observing other people have, was this distinction between the mind getting smaller\u2014this compressed, contracted, closed state\u2014and then the more expansive state that all of us have experienced from time to time. We all have our own experiences of that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So looking [at], what are the drivers of closure? And why, for so many of us, do we feel more closed now, almost like our mind has compressed over the last decade or so? What are the drivers underneath that? There were really two that came up. One was political polarization, but the second was what you just identified, this addiction that we have to our screens. It\u2019s an addiction that I think is really fueled by an underlying sense of uncertainty and underlying sense of the world is chaotic, uncomfortable emotions, uncomfortable sensations that we feel. These technologies, though, they give us a way to self-medicate those experiences where we don\u2019t actually have to feel them directly and come into direct contact with them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So the David and Goliath piece to it is really this idea that we\u2019re at a disadvantage here, because these technologies have been programmed by many of the world\u2019s leading technologists, the most sophisticated AI algorithms in all of human history, and they\u2019re specifically designed to exploit the weaknesses of our human psychology. So I think that\u2019s just a really important point to remember as we turn to, OK. Well, how can we be a little bit less addicted to our screens? The big insight there is, it\u2019s not going to be one simple life hack that we do at the margins. We\u2019re going to have to have a more ambitious, more holistic strategy if we want to succeed in our efforts to be a little bit more [open].<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In your quest to understand openness and closedness, you took on lots of experiments. And you write about them. And this is part of your quirky way\u2014one of them was what you call \u201ca screen-consumption binge.\u201d I think most people are like, \u201cLook, I\u2019m already binging. What would a binge look like?\u201d So I wonder if you could describe that and what you learned from that experience.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, you\u2019ve probably heard that old-school parenting advice that if you catch your kids smoking, the best thing you can do is have them finish the pack or maybe even force them to have two or three packs of cigarettes. I think that\u2019s actually terrible parenting advice, so I\u2019m not endorsing that, but there\u2019s a really interesting insight underneath that, which is this idea that overindulgence can lead to repulsion. It\u2019s also an idea that we can find in the tantric Buddhist tradition, this idea of feast practice. So in some of these practices, instead of abstaining from pleasures, they would actually indulge in pleasures consciously as a way to essentially begin to burn out the desires and the cravings underneath some of these addictive patterns that we have.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So this is usually used with things like drinking or overeating or sex, but I thought it would be really interesting to apply this to my primary source of craving, which is screens. So as you said, I spent three days, all day, every day just binging on this all-you-can-eat buffet of digital distraction\u2014so my TV, my email, YouTube, news, just everything you can imagine. Out of this experience, I had two really interesting insights. One was that there is definitely a connection between sleep and screens. We hear about this a lot. I tested that as far as you could test it. Every night I was up at 2:40 in the morning, couldn\u2019t go back to sleep.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think the more interesting realization was that the thing that was driving me throughout this, and the thing that drives me in everyday life, I came to see, was novelty, the ability of my screen to give me something new, some new email, some new text, some new piece of news. And by overindulging, I was able to, in some ways, see everything there was to see\u2014to go all the way with my phone to such a degree that I was able to burn out the superpower of my phone.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I remember after this experiment, I actually woke up and I thought to myself, this is when I usually grab my phone and go to the bathroom. And on that day, the desire just completely fell flat. So there\u2019s a way in which we can use overindulgence as another way to just see our patterns and habits around screens from a different perspective. One thing we can do that I think is cool is even combine this screen binging experiment with a screen fasting experiment, again, just to see all of our habits from totally different angle, so we can decide a better way to structure them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m curious what you discovered, Nate, about what\u2019s going on under the surface in you, and therefore probably and many of us, when we\u2019re driven\u2014this craving, this addiction. \u201cI need the screen time. I need the novelty. Give me novelty.\u201d What\u2019s going on that\u2019s so uncomfortable that we can\u2019t just be with it without having that novelty distract us in some way? What\u2019s the problem?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, I think on one level, the problem is what we\u2019re dealing with here is a behavioral addiction. So it\u2019s different than a substance addiction; it\u2019s different from alcoholism or something like that. But it\u2019s in some ways eerily similar to something like a gambling addiction, where there\u2019s a behavior we\u2019re engaged in that fills some psychological need in the short term, for comfort, even though in the long term. it may undermine our best interests. It may lead us to prioritize screens over the things that really should matter more to us in our family, our career, projects that matter, things like that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So I think there is this addiction craving, dopamine-driven feedback loop, but there\u2019s also, for many of us I think, deeper discomfort with our own mind that\u2019s triggering this, that we feel some uncomfortable emotion, anxiety. We feel fear. We feel anger. We feel outrage, something like that. And our screens just give us this really easy and convenient way to shift our experience almost instantaneously from this thing that feels really uncomfortable to something that actually gives us a burst of pleasure.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So that\u2019s why I think, if we\u2019re talking about something like screen addiction, yes, we need to use certain tools and habits to mitigate these addictive tendencies. We need to create friction between us and our devices. But if we want to go all the way with a solution to the problem, then I think we really do need to investigate, what are some of these deeper emotional patterns that we\u2019re so averse to? And how can we begin to unwind and open to some of those?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You share in <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Open<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> a study that I thought really got my attention, really remarkable, about people being asked to sit idly in a room or, if that\u2019s too uncomfortable, you can shock yourself by pressing a button and you\u2019ll receive a shock. Maybe you can share a little bit about the results of this study and what was discovered.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So this study is really important, I think, because it gets to the point we were just talking about of why are we reaching out for our screens. The reason is that at a very fundamental level, many of us have a pretty strong aversion to just being with our own minds, to sitting with our own thoughts. So this research team at the University of Virginia led by Timothy Wilson, they had this exquisite experiment where first they had people sit in a room. And they had to put away their phone and their backpack and all their stuff, and they just sat there for 15 minutes. They asked them afterwards, \u201cHow was that? Was that good? Did you like it?\u201d Most people said, \u201cThat was extremely uncomfortable.\u201d But then they tweaked the experiment, and that\u2019s where I think they got the most interesting insight.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This time, they had people go into this room for 15 minutes, and they strapped an electrode to their ankle and taught them how to self-administer a shock. So now the question became, would you rather sit there with your own mind or essentially engage in a form of self-torture by self-administering a shock to yourself? They found 27% of women shock themselves, 67% of men shock themselves. Apparently, there was one guy who shocked himself 190 times in 15 minutes. The conclusion of their study was that there\u2019s something really fascinating going on here. We would rather torture ourselves, many of us, than just sit there idly in the present moment, which seemingly would be a nice experience, to have a 15-minute break from the day where you don\u2019t have to do anything and you can just be present. But that wasn\u2019t what they found at all. There was this drive to engage in a form of torture and control that way rather than the uncontrollable experience of just sitting with your own mind stream.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, you mentioned this notion that we want novelty, that novelty is a reward for us. And I get that. So that\u2019s what we\u2019re moving towards when we take out our phone after X number of seconds. But we\u2019re also moving away, and you said this, from something that is uncomfortable. What I want to learn more about from you, Nate, is what you\u2019ve discovered about how to be with that, whatever it is, which is uncomfortable in a way that, oh, I can just sit here. I can sit here, 15 minutes, idly in a room, sure, of course. Longer. Sure, no problem.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think you\u2019re exactly right. There\u2019s a turning away that\u2019s happening. So to your point, we need to think about, well, OK, if it\u2019s so hard for us to be with our thoughts, be with uncomfortable emotions, then what are some of the strategies we can use? What are some of the tools we can use to essentially develop this skill of being? Pema Ch\u00f6dr\u00f6n calls it staying. How do we develop that skill? Really, a lot of this project in the book was about exactly that. What are the tools we can use?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So there were a number of different strategies and tools and things that I was looking into. One was psychedelic assisted therapy. The other was opening to my political enemies, people on the other side of the political spectrum. Meditation, what I call street opening.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I would say though, at a moment-to-moment level, probably the most powerful practice is an applied form of meditation, where in that moment we\u2019re just allowing our awareness to expand and to include everything that\u2019s happening, even if it might be uncomfortable or disagreeable to us, doing it nonjudgmentally and just seeing if we can stay there for even just a couple minutes.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In the \u201cStreet Opening\u201d chapter, I talk about doing this when you\u2019re in line at the grocery store, you\u2019re stuck in traffic, or you go to your local mall. You just use that as an opportunity to develop this skill of opening. I think we have all sorts of moments built into our day where this is available to us, moments where we\u2019re waiting, moments where we\u2019re experiencing idle time. The key problem for most of us, the barrier, is that those are the very same moments where we tend to grab our phone and seek out some other source of digital distraction.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In describing opening, you talk about these three different shifts, and I thought this was a very helpful architecture, if you will. I want to make sure that this is clearly communicated. One we\u2019ve talked about, which is the attitude of our mind when it\u2019s open, which is that we\u2019re not withdrawing from what\u2019s painful, that we\u2019re willing to be with it. But you also talk about how the focus of our mind changes and the size of our mind. So talk about the focus and the size.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is\u2014you\u2019re seeing my inner philosopher here. All of my academic training was in philosophy, and one of the things we were really trained to do is this conceptual analysis, really getting clear, what is the concept? What\u2019s the definition we\u2019re working with here? So this was actually an interesting part of the project, because I was engaging in this nebulous quest to understand opening versus closing, but at a certain point, I also realized we have to have some definitional structure here. So even though the city of opening is just so vast and beyond concepts and beyond words, I felt like we did need to create some structure around it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So the basic idea is that first stage or first shift that happens from a closed to open mind, it\u2019s really about the focus of the mind or where our attention rests. And in a closed state, our attention is often caught in this experience that we\u2019re all having all day, every day, but often not aware of, which is what psychologists call mind wandering. It\u2019s that state of just time traveling through random stories about the past and the future. When we open, though, we\u2019re experiencing something like what psychologists call meta-awareness, where there\u2019s a little bit of space now between us and our thoughts, us and our emotions. There\u2019s a disidentification that happens there. So that\u2019s the first piece.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The second piece, which you alluded to, is this shift from avoidance to approach, which is that whole idea of turning toward rather than turning away from the things that might be uncomfortable. I really think the essence of opening and the magic of opening is this idea of size. When we\u2019re closed down, and I think we\u2019ve all had this experience, when you\u2019re really stressed, frustrated, closed down, it\u2019s almost like you\u2019re looking at life through this long and dark tunnel, and all you can see is that one problem or that one person that\u2019s driving you crazy.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That opening involves this kind of expansion of the space of the mind, such that the problem might still be there, the person might still be there, but there\u2019s more space around it. I think that\u2019s the real power of opening, is that it\u2019s not a shift that\u2019s designed to get rid of our problems. It\u2019s not a shift that\u2019s designed to have us live in this amazing utopian state of bliss all day, every day. It\u2019s more of a shift that\u2019s designed to give us bigger perspective, so we don\u2019t have to change the world or the way things are around us, but we\u2019re just changing the lens through which we view life.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s interesting. I noticed when you talk about the size, I experienced that not just as the size of my mental processes or something, but almost like the size of the energy field, if you will, that I\u2019m occupying and how that field of being can become more expansive and extended in every direction. I wonder if that\u2019s also your experience, this experience of openness as in the size. I don\u2019t know if I\u2019d call it your aura or something, but it\u2019s like a feeling that you can occupy a really huge space of being, something like that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yeah, I think that\u2019s absolutely my experience. Even we\u2019ve been talking now for, I don\u2019t know, 20, 30 minutes. When we first started talking, I could feel a little bit of contraction, a little bit of closure in myself. As we\u2019ve been talking, I\u2019ve been having this experience of just a little bit more space. For me, the best concept for that, to wrap around that, is something like awareness. It feels like the space of my awareness or my perception is just getting a little bigger. And instead of being really compressed down, where I\u2019m caught in this little tiny room and you\u2019re over there, it feels like, well, maybe we\u2019re actually a little more connected in some way.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So I think that is the experience for me, and it\u2019s funny, because it\u2019s not an experience that we can necessarily measure. The brain doesn\u2019t get bigger when we open. That\u2019s not the expansion of size. It\u2019s so much subtler, so much more ethereal, but I think it really does matter, because that expansion of size gives us the ability to respond instead of react when we\u2019re triggered. It gives us that space between stimulus and response, where we can build new and better habits. It\u2019s like the space of possibility, of creativity. So for me, you could say, \u201cWell, the size of the mind, who cares? Big mind, small mind, doesn\u2019t really matter.\u201d But I think that\u2019s the whole game. This expansion is really what most of us are after.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A little bit more clarity here about these three different dimensions, if you will. For whatever reason, the size dimension feels very intuitive to me. I might even say something like a field of presence that you can also sense around people, like you sense this large, vast, dissolving sense of presence around someone. But the second quality that you talk about, the attitude of our mind, that instead of withdrawing from pain, we approach it. I want to ask about that, because I was like, look, I don\u2019t know about that. I get not withdrawing, and I get accepting. I know I\u2019m splitting hairs here, but maybe not, but I don\u2019t want to approach the painful things. I\u2019m just willing to let it be there. It\u2019s OK. I don\u2019t want to approach it, but yet you\u2019re using this word approach. So help me out here, Nate, so I understand what you mean.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I love that you\u2019re pointing that out, and you\u2019re the first person to point that out. I think that\u2019s a really great idea, because you\u2019re right. Approach has this aggressive nature to it. We\u2019re consciously moving toward things that are really difficult and painful all the time, and we\u2019re living this life where all we do is run ultra-marathons, and fast, and do really hard things, and never really take it easy and just enjoy life. So what you\u2019re pointing out, I think, is absolutely true. If I had to just clarify what I mean by approach, it is a less aggressive stance, where the idea is something more like when discomfort arises, when pain arises, when challenging emotions arise, can you let go into those states, allow them to be exactly as they are? That\u2019s really the nature of turning toward versus this more aggressive stance of just seeking out discomfort. So I think that\u2019s a really great clarification.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">OK. Cool. You talked about the novelty that we find, one more time, in screen time. And I\u2019m curious what kind of novelty you think we can find in a big open mind, because I like novelty, I want novelty. Am I going to be able to find that? Maybe it\u2019s not going to come at me at the same speed, but there\u2019s a lot of novelty, yes, in our changing inner landscape of expansiveness.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yeah, I think that\u2019s absolutely right. Even right now, in this moment as we\u2019re talking, I\u2019m trying to also pay attention occasionally to the novelty of this moment. I\u2019ve been listening to your work and interviews with people for 15 years or something. So for me, this is an incredibly novel moment. There\u2019s also interesting sounds happening and things happening in the visual field that are interesting. So I think you\u2019re absolutely right that, if we turn our attention toward the present moment in an intentional way, there is endless novelty to be found.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yet I think there\u2019s this barrier of discomfort that we have to move through sometimes to get there. Because, at least for me, my screen is so easy, and the pathway toward my screen is lined with all sorts of easy pleasures and dopamine hits, whereas the pathway to the present moment, sometimes that\u2019s lined with afternoon anxiety or the feeling of my sciatica acting up in my left leg or tension in my neck. So there\u2019s a way in which, I think, that\u2019s one of the essential pieces of opening, is that there may be a little bit more discomfort. There may be a little bit of a barrier there internally that we have to make peace with or accept or be with. Once we are able to do that, then that novelty of the present moment emerges.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, Nate, you write and talk a lot about this openness in terms of the openness of our mind, the openness of our being, but I haven\u2019t heard you use a word like \u201cheart\u201d in terms of the openness of the heart center. I\u2019m curious about that, how you see that coming along with openness or not.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think the two are very related and that the open mind is synonymous in some ways with an open heart. It\u2019s interesting you point that out because, actually, after I wrote the book, I went back and read it, and I did have that thought like, oh, it\u2019s so mind, mind, mind. I don\u2019t speak that much about the heart. I think part of that is probably just a product of my own training and Western philosophy, being a very cognitive-centric person. But I think the idea of openness is that it\u2019s an expansion on all levels, and it\u2019s an expansion of the mind of awareness. And with that expansion, there\u2019s an expansion of heart. If it weren\u2019t that, and if it were just this austere intellectual practice that we were doing in our minds, I think it wouldn\u2019t be that interesting and it wouldn\u2019t have that byproduct of connection and overcoming separateness that I think is a really essential quality of the state.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think part of the reason I brought it up, Nate, is one of my favorite things you point to in <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Open<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is how we can become aware of the cues in our own life of closing. One of the best ways to bring on more openness is to notice when we\u2019re closing. So that\u2019s something for myself. I notice when my heart is closed down, and I can see the signs of it. I\u2019m curious, what are your cues or clues of, oh, I think I\u2019m closing right now?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think this is a really important practice that anybody can do, just taking a quick inventory of, what are the idiosyncratic ways in which I close down? Because we all have them, but we\u2019re often not aware of them. So anybody who\u2019s listening to this, this is something you could just do to say, \u201cOh, it\u2019s Instagram for me,\u201d or this or that. For me, I have a few different cues. One of them is definitely news binging. I just get really into the election analysis and what\u2019s happening with polling of candidate X versus Y, all that sort of thing. The other is the Denver Broncos. I get really obsessed with roster moves on the football team, things like that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Then there are also these internal cues for me. So I\u2019ve had this experience of tinnitus, ringing in my ear, my left ear, for about 15 years now. For whatever reason, when I\u2019m closing down, I become much more aware of the tinnitus, or it gets louder. I\u2019m not actually sure which. So that\u2019s something that happens. Then finally, one of the things I notice is that when I\u2019m closing down, I don\u2019t naturally seek out things like beautiful music or art. Instead, it\u2019s like I have this built-in predisposition for news or random podcasts about the financial markets or whatever. It\u2019s like I have this predisposition to check out of my current situation. So those are my cues that I use for myself.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What do you think of this notion of respecting closing to some degree like, \u201cI need time to process. I\u2019ve had a big day. I\u2019ve had a lot of openness. I\u2019ve taken a lot in, a lot going on. Now\u2019s my time to do those things\u201d? You were just describing about the news or the Denver Broncos, because I\u2019m sifting and processing, and things are settling, and this is actually functional in a certain way. How do I know when it\u2019s functional and when I\u2019m just turning myself into a small, flat, claustrophobic being?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This was one of the most interesting junction points on this adventure for me, because I started out thinking opening was an unqualified good, that we just want more of this. We want to open to everything, opening is the goal, why would we ever close down? What emerged through my own experiences, through interviewing other people is this idea that opening is not always a good thing. We can overdo opening. We can overdose on this experience of the expansive mind. The way I learned that was, I decided it would be a good idea to turn down the sedation for a three-hour dental surgery and see if I could meditate through the surgery instead. It was a wild experience. I learned a lot. The main thing I learned is that it would\u2019ve been kinder to myself, to my daughter who\u2019s in the waiting room hearing me screaming to the dentist, to everybody involved to just skillfully close in that moment.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So the criterion that I lay out in the book is something like open unless it\u2019s kinder to yourself and others to close. There may be those moments where it\u2019s absolutely the right thing to Netflix binge a series or it\u2019s absolutely the right thing to go on Instagram or it\u2019s the right thing to not open to someone in your life who\u2019s causing you harm. I ended up calling this skillful closing, the basic idea being that we need to have this discernment around when is it actually too much to open to certain things.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You\u2019re saying the way to use that discernment is to ask this question, \u201cWhat would be kinder to myself and others right now?\u201d I\u2019m wondering if you have any tips, because this is one of those things where I notice I can get a little wily with myself.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Totally.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m doing, really. Am I being kinder or am I just being lazy? Because it\u2019s painful to be that open, quite honestly, and even if I\u2019m not trying to approach the pain, I know it\u2019s there waiting for me, so anyway.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think it\u2019s tricky, because we\u2019re dealing with a really ethereal nature of mind here, and we\u2019re also dealing with what you\u2019re talking about, this false consciousness problem where you might say, \u201cOh, I\u2019ve had a really hard day. I deserve three hours of Netflix,\u201d or whatever it is. So it\u2019s really tricky, and it\u2019s also tricky because a criterion like that isn\u2019t going to give us an exact answer on demand. It\u2019s not like a math formula where we can just plug in the values and we get an answer and it\u2019s really clear.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So I do think that this is the question that we have to drop into a meditation or a contemplation, that we maybe sit with for a little bit. So it\u2019s not just a one-second question in the mind, hey, is this a good time to close? but more of a longer term inquiry like, is this really skillful? Maybe I discovered the answer over the course of weeks after experimenting with different things. I like to say that one of the key learnings I had is there\u2019s actually real value in doing some of these things that close us down, but doing them consciously. For me, there\u2019s incredible value in going on Instagram, really checking in with how I feel before, how I feel afterwards, and then having that experience of being like, oh, wow, this actually really does radically change my mood in a negative direction. That, I think, can be a teacher for the next time the decision comes up for me, and I\u2019m faced with that question of, is going on Instagram skillful closing right now? Or do I need to maybe open and practice with this anxiety or fear that I\u2019m experiencing?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One thing I noticed just even in our conversation here together, Nate, when you said compared to the beginning where you felt more closed, and obviously in the beginning of a conversation like this, we\u2019re both going to be, to some level I think, a little nervous, and then we\u2019re getting to know each other. Oh, my God, it\u2019s going well, we\u2019re opening, we\u2019re both getting more spacious. I noticed also what came from that was feeling connected, feeling connected with each other. So I wonder what you have to say about that, how openness brings forth this feeling of connection between a person in their environment, a person and another person.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think that\u2019s absolutely true. There\u2019s this concept in psychology of basically, the idea being that there\u2019s a contagious nature of our mind state. Social contagion is the way it\u2019s often described. My experience has validated that insight, the basic premise that when I\u2019m really closed down and I\u2019m really struggling to stay open, there\u2019s a way in which the world reflects that back to me. My relationships reflect that back to me. My work reflects that back to me. There\u2019s also a way in which, when I\u2019m able to experience a little bit more space in my own mind, it ripples through the minds of others in this very subtle way that\u2019s hard to describe.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think connection is probably the right description of that, because when we close down, and the mind gets small, and we\u2019re all stuck in our little tiny compartments of our heads, that\u2019s an experience of separation. We\u2019re all just moving through life in this very tight container, and yet when we open and it gets a little bit more expansive, some of the edges between where you start and I begin or where your community starts, your family starts, and you begin, those edges get a little bit more blurry. I think that that\u2019s the ultimate value of this practice.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If it were just about changing your own individual state, I think that\u2019s super interesting, but we live in a time where there\u2019s so much division, and there\u2019s so much closure, and there\u2019s so much polarization that I feel like this is a practice that really could help us overcome some of that. And yeah, maybe it starts at an individual level and it\u2019s just you, but if that spreads, that becomes really interesting to me as a way to maybe start to shift some of the dynamics underlying our culture right now.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, it\u2019s interesting that you brought up our current condition of polarization, because this is a topic that you\u2019ve been interested in for quite a long time. I read that it was back in 2005, I think, when you were doing your PhD dissertation, that you actually devoted your dissertation to the topic of polarization. And it brought up for me, why is this such an important topic for Nate?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, so I did my PhD in political philosophy. I think in some ways I grew up around polarization before it was as fragmented as today. But I grew up in Boulder, which is a very liberal enclave, and just down the road from us was Colorado Springs, very conservative town. In the 1990s, there were some pretty massive battles happening over gay rights. And Amendment II was passed in the early 1990s, constitutional amendment basically barring gay rights. In graduate school, I was on the liberal side of that divide, but I was somehow fascinated by what was going on on the other side. So I actually devoted my dissertation research to going down to Focus on the Family, James Dobson\u2019s organization in Colorado Springs, and really getting to just understand, what is the difference between us? How are we arriving at such radically different political outcomes?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At the time, political polarization was a real thing, but I think over the last 20 or so years, it\u2019s gone from being phenomenon that mostly happens at the elite level of politics, pundits, politicians, things like that, to a more mainstream experience, where we\u2019re now experiencing polarization in our families, we\u2019re experiencing it at school board meetings. All of life seemingly has been politicized in various ways.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So I really started to see that this is a key dimension of closure, that we can\u2019t just think about how we\u2019re closing to our own minds. In this day and age, we have to think about how are we closing down to other people, particularly those who disagree with us. So that became a central part of this adventure for me. How can I essentially immerse myself in the other side in my own political enemies, and what happens when I do?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You took on the experiment of spending time looking at the world through the perspective of members of the NRA, the National Rifle Association. Tell us what you learned. I\u2019m so far on the other side, so this would\u2019ve been\u2026 I can\u2019t imagine necessarily being in meetings like that. So tell me what happened for you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So it is funny, Tami. Here I am writing a book on self-development and spirituality, and I\u2019m getting my concealed carry permit from the National Rifle Association. It\u2019s bizarre, and I have to chuckle just saying that out loud. But the way in which that all unfolded is I, as a left-of-center Boulder resident, thought, well, I need to find a way to really feel like I\u2019ve challenged myself and asked this question: what happens when we open to the other side? So I went to rural Colorado. I found out that even though I wasn\u2019t an NRA member and didn\u2019t have a gun, I could do this training, which would give me my concealed carry permit in the state of Colorado. I am a gun control advocate. I have just a fear, almost like paranoia, of guns. I don\u2019t like touching them. They scare me. It was just this amazing experience.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One moment that I just have to highlight is, I wore my Denver Bronco hat to this training thinking, this is going to be a way to find some common ground. I came in there and one of my other classmates walked in with a Kansas City Chiefs jacket. I made a little joke, \u201cI don\u2019t know if we can be friends. I\u2019m a Bronco fan, you\u2019re a Kansas City Chiefs fan.\u201d Her husband comes up to me and says, \u201cOh, you don\u2019t have to worry about that at all. We stopped watching the NFL five years ago after the kneeling.\u201d And I was like, \u201cThe kneeling? Oh, OK, Black Lives Matter. All right.\u201d Then our instructor overheard and he\u2019s like, \u201cYeah. I haven\u2019t donated a cent to the NFL or I haven\u2019t given them a cent since that happened.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So I had this moment of total shock, just feeling like we can\u2019t even agree on a shared passion for a modern gladiator sport. This is a problem. But then the most amazing thing happened. I walked up to a conversation between two of the folks who were there and overheard them say, \u201cI just think the right has all the best answers.\u201d And then one of the gentlemen turns toward me and says, \u201cBut we probably shouldn\u2019t assume things. What side are you on?\u201d And I was like, \u201cWell,\u201d shocked, reeling, what do I say? I told him what was true for me, which is, \u201cI\u2019m on the side of being open to all points of view.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The most amazing thing happened. Everybody started nodding. The whole energy of the room shifted. Everybody there started talking about how we need to talk to each other, we need to engage each other. These are super-far-right gun enthusiasts. So to me, that was this amazing moment where I realized we can\u2019t agree on anything except that we should be more open.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do you have any pith instructions, if you will, for people who feel polarized, say, with members of their family around certain topics that come up and it\u2019s just like, \u201cWe just don\u2019t talk about it. We don\u2019t talk about it. We don\u2019t talk about it. We don\u2019t talk about it, we don\u2019t talk about it\u201d?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, I would say two things. One is that that could be a time for skillful closing. If it\u2019s with your family members and it\u2019s a really delicate situation, that may be one of those moments where you say, \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m interested in this idea of opening, but not here, not now,\u201d and that\u2019s totally fine. If you\u2019re interested in opening up that conversation, the key distinction I would put out there comes from actually the research I did 20 years ago for my dissertation.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It comes from a man named J\u00fcrgen Habermas, a German philosopher, and basically super complicated theory, but to distill it down, he made this distinction between strategic action or strategic speech, which is speech where our intent is to win, to prove that we\u2019re right, prove that our opponent is wrong, show that our party\u2019s the better party, our candidate is the better candidate, et cetera. This, I would argue, is the default state that we fall into when talking about politics, this strategic mode of action. The alternative is really what I would call a more open approach, where instead of having this intent to win, the intent is to understand. That ends up being a radically different conversation if the intent is to really understand what is driving this position. What are the basic assumptions behind this position? It involves listening much more than telling them why they\u2019re wrong or showing them the flaws in their argument.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">From your experiment getting your concealed carry license, what did you learn, what understanding about what\u2019s motivating people?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">By the way, I do not concealed carry, so I do have my permit. I could, but I don\u2019t do that. That wasn\u2019t an outcome for me. I think what was most interesting is realizing that at the deepest level, our disagreement wasn\u2019t about guns, it was about human nature. What I mean by that is my baseline assumption living in Boulder, Colorado, a pretty peaceful, even-keel town, my baseline assumption is that most people are good. Yes, there are occasional moments where there\u2019s violence, but for the most part, life is fairly safe. And they started from a very different assumption, which was we live in a murderous hellscape. Our teacher talked about predators. That was the word he used. There are predators everywhere, there\u2019s danger lurking everywhere, and nobody else is going to help you. You have to help yourself. You have to defend yourself.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So the mind-shattering insight for me was this realization that if I had that same view of human nature, maybe if I even lived in a different place, that the logic of the rest of the argument makes total sense to me. If you really are living in this Hobbesian state of war where people are murdering each other constantly and nobody\u2019s out there to help you, I would probably do the same thing. So that was just really helpful.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Then I think the deeper thing was this realization that there is no enemy here. What I mean by that is, I just had some really cool and interesting connection experiences, like the two of us are having right now but with members of the NRA, over lunch, realizing that these are really good people. They care for their neighbors. They have projects that matter to them. They\u2019re in so many ways just like me. And that was the realization that I think really shook me and changed my experience of politics, this realization that there isn\u2019t an enemy here.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, Nate, when I asked you to talk about these different dimensions of openness, you said, \u201cWell, look, this is the philosopher in me. We can\u2019t just throw a concept out without defining it,\u201d and you\u2019ve done a beautiful job. And you also write in <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Open<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> about two of your own very early formative experiences, you could say spontaneous opening experiences that happened for you. Maybe very briefly, you can talk about the experience you had on the beach in Cuba, which is not as interesting to me as the second experience in the airplane, which I really want to get into, but go ahead and set the stage for us.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I wanted to basically make sure that this discussion of opening wasn\u2019t totally abstract and offer some examples from my own life, because I think we\u2019ve all had these experiences of expansion of mind. So I wanted to give readers a couple different experiences and show them that this experience can happen in two radically different ways. So the first portal to a more open, expansive mind is the one I think we usually associate with an open state, which is the portal of bliss. For me that was, I spent six months studying in Cuba when I was in college, and there was one particular day where I went to the beach and the conditions were perfect. At the time, I didn\u2019t really know how to meditate. I wasn\u2019t thinking about open awareness. I wasn\u2019t interested in any of this stuff, but I did just walk into the water, fall to my knees and just have this experience of the mind being wide open, just marveling at the horizon line where the sky meets the ocean.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That was one of these experiences in my life that was so different from my ordinary state of consciousness where there was a lot of anxiety and there\u2019s a lot of stress and, what am I going to do with my life? At that moment, it just felt like everything got bigger. The view is panoramic. So that\u2019s experience one. Then I guess you want me to talk about experience two.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I do.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So portal of bliss, that\u2019s one way we can open. I think there\u2019s also another portal, which is the door of suffering. For me, that happened about eight years after that Cuba experience when I was in my final year of graduate school, I got in a pretty serious bike accident where I got a concussion. In the aftermath of that bike accident, I had all sorts of anxiety, depression, fatigue, dizziness. That\u2019s when the ringing in my left ear started. Really, for the first time in my life, I had this experience of not knowing how to manage my own mind, even though paradoxically I\u2019d been studying philosophy for 10 years at some of the best universities with some of the best professors. None of those tools seemed to help me.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So all of this came to a head when I had to make this decision as to whether I was going to go visit my wife\u2019s parents over the holidays. Just to give you some context, at that point, I was experiencing such extreme fatigue that just going to the grocery store felt like it was all I could do. So this would require me to fly across the country, but I knew that if I didn\u2019t go, I could end up losing my marriage. So I got on this flight, and about halfway through the flight, the intensity of the suffering and the fear and everything that was going on got so intense that it was like a nervous breakdown type experience, I guess you could say.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It was one of those moments where I realized there was no way I could escape from what I was feeling. I couldn\u2019t go off the plane, I couldn\u2019t go to the ER, I couldn\u2019t distract myself. So what showed up for me was just basically this moment of asking for help, of just praying, \u201cGod, please help me, please help me. I don\u2019t know what to do.\u201d This moment of feeling just totally stripped down, totally vulnerable. Paradoxically, that was another one of these experiences of feeling this expansion but, again, through a very different doorway than the first one.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Would you say that the expansion came because you asked for help or because you stopped struggling or what created the expansion?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think the expansion was created by something that wasn\u2019t really under my control. So I would like to say, oh, yeah, I discovered this really cool spiritual mind hack in that moment and that\u2019s why I was able to get there. I don\u2019t think that was it at all. I think it was that my life had been reduced down to such a raw state, and every defense mechanism I had been using was just gone and eviscerated, that there was this just naked state of vulnerability out of which that openness was able to emerge, and that wasn\u2019t really me. That felt like, I don\u2019t know, maybe something spiritual, maybe God, maybe life. I don\u2019t know what the words would be. They seem to break down for me, but that\u2019s one of the things that I think is really interesting about this state of openness is that, at least in my experience, the most profound moments of this expansion of mind often happen without any attempt to control them or manufacture them or manipulate them. They happen through us instead of bias, which is one of the beautiful things about this experience.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There\u2019s two things that are occurring to me. One is it almost sounds like a hitting bottom, if you will, and turning your life over or at least turning that moment over, being stuck in the airplane to a higher power of some kind asking for help. I\u2019m bringing it up, Nate, because I always want to speak to that person who listens to a podcast like this because they don\u2019t have the ability to switch off something in their mind that\u2019s creating a whole lot of suffering for them. They can\u2019t get out. It feels like it\u2019s this claustrophobic small space, and they\u2019ve turned on to listen to a conversation like this on openness because they\u2019re seeking some way to make that shift. I\u2019m wondering, this is why I really wanted to talk to you about it, what you learned from that experience that will be helpful to someone in that situation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Tami, I\u2019m so glad you brought that up because I remember, if I go back to that state 15 years ago, it felt like there was no escape. My life was over, and that none of this was going to result in anything even remotely resembling joy or a life in a vocation that I loved. So I really have this deep connection to that feeling of stuckness. Part of the reason why I wrote this book is that ,at the time, it would\u2019ve been really helpful to just know that there are tools, there are certain paths that we can take that don\u2019t have instant results, necessarily, but they can put us on a path of gradually unwinding some of these knots and maybe starting to see our lives from a bigger perspective.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That\u2019s really been one of the most interesting things about the last 15 years of my life, is that moment where it felt like my life was ending, essentially, I now see as really the moment where my life was beginning. There was a huge transformation that started to happen, where I started seeking out different kinds of tools. I started questioning the academic approach to philosophy, wondering if that was the right approach or if there were actually some really interesting practices one could use, and that brought me to a very intensive study and practice of meditation and yoga.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So really this horrifying moment for me was an opening not only in the moment, but an opening in my life. I think without that moment, I would be a tenured professor. I would probably have a pretty interesting life, so I don\u2019t want to denigrate that, but what\u2019s happened since has been far more interesting than anything I could have planned. So I guess that\u2019s the main thing I would want to say is that there really is this paradoxical way where hitting some of those bottom experiences can be a moment of profound change that over time can result in something beautiful, even though it is impossible to see in the moment.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Would you say there\u2019s some choosing to let go that can be helpful?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think so. I think in many ways that idea of letting go is the essence of the whole game here. Because, at least for me, when I was experiencing a state like that, part of the frustration was that I would try and try and try and exert my will to control my mind and my emotions and my life. And then I would fail, and I\u2019d be disappointed and devastated and hopeless. It becomes this cycle of trying to control, not being able to control, resisting losing control, and just you\u2019re caught in a feedback loop there. I think the way out of that feedback loop is something like this act of letting go, which seems almost irrational and terrifying, and it\u2019s certainly counter-habitual, but there\u2019s something so powerful about that experience and a power that comes out of it that\u2019s unexpected.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">OK. Just two final questions for you, Nate. One, you dedicate the book to your grandma, Grandma Hilda. And tell me about Hilda and your relationship with her and the dedication of <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Open<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to her.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Grandma Hilda, she was this extraordinary woman in my life. She lived till 97, died about eight years ago. I like to think of my Grandma Hilda as my primary spiritual guru. I, actually before this conversation, was just asking her for a little bit of help. Throughout this whole journey of writing this book, she would show up in all these really interesting ways. I explored psychedelic assisted therapy, and she would occasionally just show up and remind me, \u201cAll you got to do is draft off me,\u201d like this spiritual guide. I think also the person in my life who prompted me to start asking this question, I had the privilege of watching her in some of her final days, and she kept reminding me, \u201cGod is love, Nate. God loves you. God loves me.\u201d In the final days of her life, when the pain was really excruciating, she just kept repeating this mantra of, \u201cGod, God, God.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What I was struck by was seeing this person who I love so dearly in just the most excruciating pain, but somehow carrying with her this practice of letting go and of opening. I thought to myself, \u201cIf I can get even close to that by the time I die, that will be a win in terms of my spiritual journey.\u201d So that\u2019s why I devoted the book to her, dedicated it to her.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Just a final question for you, Nate. I noticed, when I was reflecting on skillful closing and you can\u2019t be open all the time, I thought to myself, huh, the thing that I value very, very, very highly is this notion of being free. Free, that I could be free not to stay in a closed state or to choose to switch from being closed to open or open to closed. I\u2019m curious what you think about that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>NK: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think you\u2019re absolutely right. I think freedom is the ultimate value of opening. This comes from a lot of different things, from experience, from all these various adventures and explorations that I did for this book, but even just from my philosophical training. When I look at this conceptually, this idea of the range of possibilities getting smaller, the size of the mind getting smaller, our ability to experience uncomfortable emotions, getting shorter, getting smaller, all of that has this experience of just constraining the field of possibilities that are available to us, of essentially creating a state of unfreedom or running off of habitual patterns or our cravings for digital distraction, things like that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So there is a way in which expanding that field gives us freedom. The bigger the field, the more room there is to play with different possibilities. So I think you\u2019re absolutely right. That is the ultimate benefit or the ultimate aim of opening, is to have that freedom to decide when you want to close, when you want to open, whether you\u2019re OK with experiencing certain states. I think that\u2019s the real gem underneath all of this.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>TS: <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019ve been talking to Nate Klemp. He\u2019s the author of the new book, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Open: Living with an Expansive Mind in a Distracted World<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. If you\u2019d like to watch <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insights at the Edge<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> on video and participate in the after-show Q&amp;A session with our guests, come join us on Sounds True One, a new membership community featuring award-winning original shows, live classes, community learning, guided meditations, and more with the leading wisdom teachers of our time. Use promo code PODCAST to get your first month free. You can learn more at join.soundstrue.com. Sounds True: waking up the world.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"template":"","meta":{"_expiration-date-status":"","_expiration-date":0,"_expiration-date-type":"","_expiration-date-categories":[],"_expiration-date-options":[]},"class_list":["post-20741","transcript","type-transcript","status-publish","hentry"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Open Expansive And Free - Transcript | Sounds True<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Read the full transcript from this Sounds True conversation with Open Expansive And Free. 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