When I learned how to change my perceptions of my partner, I saw that my happiness lay not in what I could get from her, but in my choosing more often to love her without expectations of what I might get back. I learned that when I was able to love her without strings attached, she often became more loving. I came to understand her not so much as a separate objective reality, but often as a mirror of my own attitudes, thoughts, and perceptions. For example, if I thought critical thoughts about her, she was more likely to be critical of me. And if I thought loving thoughts of her, she seemed to be more loving toward me.