Letting Go of Shame, with Rick Hanson

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October 8, 2013

For many, shame is one of the most difficult emotions to work with. It is so pervasive in contemporary life, yet it is often hidden underneath layers of more “obvious” sorts of feelings and emotions like rage, sadness, anger, and despair. Sounds True author and dear friend Dr. Rick Hanson, organizer of The Compassionate Brain free online video series, has spent decades studying shame, self-worth, and self-acceptance, as a neuropsychologist and as a psychotherapist working with clients.

Additionally, Rick is the author of a number of audio learning programs, each of which offers simple guided meditations to open you to your true nature – that of a happy, content, aware, alive, and loving human being.

To help you begin to let go of the shame you may be carrying, Rick has put together the following simple, yet very effective guided exercise. We hope that you find it helpful. If you’d like to read more about Rick’s work in the area of shame and self-acceptance, you are welcome to read his article, “From Shame to Self-Worth.”

Guided Exercise – Letting Go of Shame

Imagine that you are sitting beside a powerful river on a beautiful sunny day. You feel safe and contented and strong.

Imagine that sitting with you is a wise and supportive being. Perhaps someone you know personally, perhaps a historical figure, perhaps a guardian angel, etc. Know in your heart that this is a very wise and honest and caring being.

Imagine a small boat tied to the bank of the river, there near you. Imagine an empty and open box in the boat that you can reach easily. Alright.

Now, continuing to be centered in feelings of worth and well-being, bring to mind lightly something you are ashamed of. Represent it, whatever it is, as a small object on the ground in front of you.

Imagine that the being is telling you, or that you are telling the being, some of the many causes and conditions that led to that thing you are ashamed of. You don’t need the whole story; often a few seconds in your imagination can summarize the heart of the matter.

With that summary of the causes of the shame, see if you can feel a letting go inside.

If you like, in your imagination, bow to the object representing the shame: it exists, it is what it is.

Then put the object in the box, and let it go as much as you can.

Now bring to mind, lightly, something else you are ashamed of. Represent it, whatever it is, as a small object on the ground in front of you.

I’ll be repeating the instructions, and feel free to go at your own pace, slowing down to dwell on certain parts, or speeding up to get through them to additional things you’d like to put in the boat.

[Repeat as many times as you like.]

shame

Author Info for Dr. Rick Hanson Coming Soon

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Let it R.A.I.N – a home for all of you – w...

Dear friends, some years ago a simple, yet powerful approach to working with difficult emotions emerged out of the intersection of the fields of mindfulness and psychotherapy. Come to be known as the “RAIN” technique (an acronym for the four steps of the process), many therapists, meditators, healers, and practitioners have found it to be incredibly helpful for on-the-spot relief and support during challenging times.

Here, friend and Sounds True author, Dr. Rick Hanson, describes the RAIN practice and the benefits is offers. This article was originally published by our friends at The Huffington Post. We hope you find it helpful and beneficial in your own life – and in the work you may be doing with others.

Let it R.A.I.N. – by Rick Hanson, PhD

When you’re young, the territory of the psyche is like a vast estate, with rolling hills, forests and plains, swamps and meadows. So many things can be experienced, expressed, wanted, and loved.

But as life goes along, most people pull back from major parts of their psyche. Perhaps a swamp of sadness was painful, or fumes of toxic wishes were alarming, or jumping exuberantly in a meadow of joy irritated a parent into a scolding. Or maybe you saw someone else get in trouble for feeling, saying, or doing something and you resolved, consciously or unconsciously, to Stay Away From That Place Forever.

In whatever way it happens, most of us end up by mid-adulthood living in the gate house, venturing out a bit, but lacking much sense of the whole estate, the great endowment of the whole psyche. Emotions are shut down, energetic and erotic wellsprings of vitality are capped, deep longings are set aside, sub-personalities are shackled and silenced, old pain and troubles are buried, the roots of reactions — hurt, anger, feelings of inadequacy — are veiled so we can’t get at them, and we live at odds with both Nature and our own nature.

Sure, the processes of the psyche need some regulation. Not all thoughts should be spoken, and not all desires should be acted upon! But if you suppress, disown, push away, recoil from, or deny major parts of yourself, then you feel cut off, alienated from yourself, lacking vital information about what is really going on inside, no longer at home in your own skin or your own mind — which feels bad, lowers effectiveness at home and work, fuels interpersonal issues, and contributes to health problems.

So what can we do? How can we reclaim, use, enjoy, and be at peace with our whole estate — without being overwhelmed by its occasional swamps and fumes?

This is where R.A.I.N. comes in.

How?

R.A.I.N. is an acronym developed by Michelle McDonald, a senior mindfulness teacher, to summarize a powerful way to expand self-awareness. (I’ve adapted it a bit below, and any flaws in the adaptation are my own, not Michelle’s.)

R = Recognize: Notice that you are experiencing something, such as irritation at the tone of voice used by your partner, child, or co-worker. Step back into observation rather than reaction. Without getting into story, simply name what is present, such as “annoyance,” “thoughts of being mistreated,” “body firing up,” “hurt,” “wanting to cry.”

A = Accept (Allow): Acknowledge that your experience is what it is, even if it’s unpleasant. Be with it without attempting to change it. Try to have self-compassion instead of self-criticism. Don’t add to the difficulty by being hard on yourself.

I = Investigate (Inquire): Try to find an attitude of interest, curiosity, and openness. Not detached intellectual analysis but a gently engaged exploration, often with a sense of tenderness or friendliness toward what it finds. Open to other aspects of the experience, such as softer feelings of hurt under the brittle armor of anger. It’s OK for your inquiry to be guided by a bit of insight into your own history and personality, but try to stay close to the raw experience and out of psychoanalyzing yourself.

N = Not-identify (Not-self): Have a feeling/thought/etc., instead of being it. Disentangle yourself from the various parts of the experience, knowing that they are small, fleeting aspects of the totality you are. See the streaming nature of sights, sounds, thoughts, and other contents of mind, arising and passing away due mainly to causes that have nothing to do with you, that are impersonal. Feel the contraction, stress, and pain that comes from claiming any part of this stream as “I,” or “me,” or “mine” — and sense the spaciousness and peace that comes when experiences simply flow.

R.A.I.N. and related practices of spacious awareness are fundamental to mental health, and always worth doing in their own right. Additionally, sometimes they alone enable painful or challenging contents of mind to dissipate and pass away.

But often it is not enough to simply be with the mind, even in as profound a way as R.A.I.N. Then we need to work with the mind, by reducing what’s negative and increasing what’s positive. (It’s also necessary to work with the mind to build up the inner resources needed to be with it; being with and working with the mind are not at odds with each other as some say, but in fact support each other.)

And whatever ways we work with the garden of the mind — pulling weeds and planting flowers — will be more successful after it R.A.I.N.s.

Rick Hanson, Ph.D., is a neuropsychologist and author of Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence (from Random House in October, 2013; in 4 languages), Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom (New Harbinger; in 24 languages), Just One Thing: Developing a Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time (New Harbinger; in 12 languages), and Mother Nurture: A Mother’s Guide to Health in Body, Mind, and Intimate Relationships(Penguin). Founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom and an Affiliate of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, he’s been an invited speaker at Oxford, Stanford, and Harvard, and taught in meditation centers worldwide. A summa cum laude graduate of UCLA, his work has been featured on the BBC, NPR, CBC, FoxBusiness, Consumer Reports Health, U.S. News and World Report,and O Magazine and he has several audio programs with Sounds True. His weekly e-newsletter – Just One Thing – has over 91,000 subscribers, and also appears on Huffington Post, Psychology Today, and other major websites.

raindrops4

Rick Hanson: Self-Directed Brain Change, Part 2

Tami Simon speaks with Dr. Rick Hanson, a neuropsychologist and the founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom. He is the author of the books Buddha’s Brain and Hardwiring Happiness, and with Sounds True has created several audio programs, including The Enlightened Brain and the new learning course Self-Directed Brain Change. In the second half of a two-part interview, Tami speaks with Dr. Hanson about how we can move from a “red” reactive state to a “green” state of calm, how this progression aligns with the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism, and his vision for how healthy brains can change the state of our world. (63 minutes)

Rick Hanson: Self-Directed Brain Change, Part 1

Tami Simon speaks with Dr. Rick Hanson, a neuropsychologist and the founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom. He is the author of the books Buddha’s Brain and Hardwiring Happiness, and with Sounds True has created several audio programs, including The Enlightened Brain and the new learning course Self-Directed Brain Change. In the first half of a two-part interview, Tami speaks with Dr. Hanson about the ways we can “install” positive brain states as lasting traits; how we can respond in situations when we feel our basic needs are threatened; and the three ways of working with unpleasant experiences—letting be, letting go, and letting in. (66 minutes)

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Healing Trauma and Building A Resilient Life

Trauma has a way of leaving a mark by quietly shaping how we move through the world, touch joy, and weather pain. For many, it takes the form of upheaval that knocks the ground out from beneath us, or a subtle ache that lingers long after others have moved on. The journey of healing from trauma can feel overwhelming and, at times, incredibly lonely. Yet there is wisdom in remembering you are not alone.

At Sounds True, we’ve made it our mission to share spiritual teachings that illuminate the path from suffering toward wholeness. We believe in meeting pain with heart, honesty, and compassion, leaning into difficult truths while holding fast to hope and inner strength. In this exploration of how to overcome trauma, we’ll draw from timeless spiritual insights and modern approaches, honoring the resilience within each of us.

Key Takeaways:

  • Trauma’s Lasting Imprint on Body, Mind, and Spirit: Trauma shows up in physical tension, mental patterns, and spiritual disconnection. Recognizing these imprints is the first step toward healing from trauma.
  • Knowing When and Where to Seek Support: Signs like overwhelm, persistent flashbacks, or deep isolation reveal when extra care is needed. True companions in trauma recovery offer empathy, patience, consistency, and safety. A solid support network may include trusted friends who respect boundaries, family members who listen compassionately.
  • Mindfulness, Movement, and Somatic Routines That Restore Balance: Gentle practices, breathwork, mindful meditation, and somatic approaches help calm the nervous system and guide you in overcoming traumatic experiences with grounded resilience.

Explore The Emotional Healing Connection

How Trauma Shapes the Body, Mind, and Spirit

Trauma often plants itself deep within us, sending ripples that touch our bodies, thoughts, and sense of meaning. These echoes can become roadblocks that make achieving goals feel daunting and growth seem out of reach. By exploring how trauma affects the body, mind, and spirit, we begin to see why healing from trauma requires patience, compassion, and an integrated approach.

The Body Remembers

Trauma can take root in the body, sparking fight, flight, or freeze responses long after the original event has passed. A racing heart, clenched jaw, or tense shoulders may surface without warning. Fatigue, headaches, and restlessness are also common, as they are physical reminders of the story the body still carries. These signals are not signs of weakness; they are the nervous system’s way of seeking safety. Over time, unaddressed patterns can weigh heavily, making everyday tasks or long-term goals feel nearly impossible.

The Mind Holds the Story

As for the mind, trauma often reshapes the way we see ourselves and the world. Hypervigilance can keep us braced for danger even in safe spaces. At other times, numbness may settle in, leaving us cut off from our feelings. Thoughts can spiral into shame, self-blame, or confusion. These mental loops act like barriers, clouding focus and blocking progress toward the life we long to create. Healing begins when we notice these patterns with curiosity, kindness, and a willingness to practice trauma recovery step by step.

The Spirit Feels the Weight

Trauma can also dim the spirit, shaking our sense of meaning and belonging. Disconnection may show up as a loss of trust in life, difficulty accessing hope, or a lingering feeling of isolation. Spiritual wounds often leave us adrift, as though the light within has gone out. Yet within this pain lies the possibility of rediscovery. By tending to the spirit, we create space for renewal, resilience, and a deeper connection to purpose.

Types of Trauma and Where They Stem From

Trauma does not take a single form, but rather it arises from many experiences, each carrying its own weight and ripple effects. Here are some types of trauma and where they originate from:

  • Acute trauma: A single event such as an accident, natural disaster, or sudden loss.
  • Chronic trauma: Repeated exposure to distressing experiences like ongoing abuse or neglect.
  • Complex trauma: Multiple, layered experiences that compound over time, often in early life.
  • Generational trauma: Pain and patterns carried through families and communities across generations.
  • Secondary or vicarious trauma: Emotional residue absorbed from witnessing or supporting others in their suffering.

Signs You Might Need Extra Support

Sometimes, despite our best intentions, the journey through trauma leaves us feeling isolated and overwhelmed. Healing is rarely linear, and even the most steadfast hearts sometimes need a guide or a helping hand. But how do you know when to reach outside yourself for extra support? Here are some signs that reaching for extra trauma recovery support may be helpful:

  • Daily life feels unmanageable: Struggling with eating, sleeping, or maintaining routines can signal that your system is carrying more than it can process alone.
  • Emotions feel unrelenting: Persistent sadness, anxiety, sudden waves of anger, or a lingering sense of numbness may point to unresolved pain seeking acknowledgment.
  • Flashbacks and intrusive memories appear: Past experiences may surface vividly, interrupting present-moment focus and draining emotional energy.
  • Hopelessness takes hold: A growing belief that life cannot change or that joy feels out of reach often indicates the need for compassionate guidance.
  • Trust feels fragile: Difficulty relying on loved ones or believing others have your best interest at heart can deepen feelings of isolation.
  • Unhealthy coping becomes a default: Turning to excessive screen time, substance use, or withdrawal from relationships may bring temporary relief but create long-term barriers to growth.
  • Connection feels impossible: Even when surrounded by friends or family, a sense of disconnection or shrinking inner world can leave you feeling unseen.

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Mindfulness and Meditation to Soothe the Nervous System

When life’s turbulence shakes us, our nervous system can linger in a state of high alert. After trauma, the body remembers. We might feel jumpy, restless, or stuck in spirals of anxiety. This is where mindfulness and meditation offer a gentle refuge. By returning to the present, these practices help soothe the nervous system and create space for resilience.

Returning to Presence Through Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of noticing what is happening here and now without judgment. Instead of forcing the mind to be quiet, mindfulness welcomes each breath, sensation, or thought with gentle awareness. A simple practice might include observing the rise and fall of the breath, or listening to surrounding sounds as they come and go. These small acts of presence remind the nervous system that safety exists in the present moment, easing the grip of fear and helping the body relax.

Meditation as Daily Restoration

Meditation builds on mindfulness by offering structure and repetition. Daily rituals—whether focusing on the breath, practicing loving-kindness, or walking with intention in nature—send steady messages of calm to the body and mind. Even five minutes of stillness can tell the nervous system, “You are safe now.” Over weeks and months, this repeated reassurance creates new patterns of ease and resilience, contributing to the long process of healing from trauma.

Practical Strategies for Soothing the Nervous System

Trauma can make stillness feel impossible at times. On those days, gentle practices help create accessible entry points into mindfulness:

  • Grounding through breathwork: Slow, steady inhales and longer exhales remind the body that calm is available.
  • Body scans: Bringing attention to each area of the body, from toes to crown, allows hidden tension to surface and soften.
  • Loving-kindness meditation: Repeating compassionate phrases toward yourself and others can gradually replace self-criticism with warmth.
  • Mindful movement: Walking slowly, practicing yoga, or simply stretching with awareness anchors presence in physical sensation.
  • Sensory focus: Engaging with sights, sounds, or textures in the environment creates steady anchors in the present moment.

Building a Compassionate Support Network

The path of healing from trauma often feels heavy, yet connection can ease the weight. A compassionate support network provides steady encouragement, safe presence, and spaces where your voice is honored. These relationships help you take steps forward in trauma recovery, reminding you that resilience grows through shared care.

Who Can Be Part of a Compassionate Support Network

The work of healing from trauma often grows stronger in the presence of safe and caring relationships. For example, friends who listen without judgment, family members who honor your boundaries, and mentors who embody guidance can all help restore a sense of belonging. In these connections, you find people who hold space for your story rather than rushing to fix it.

During trauma recovery, collective spaces such as support groups or spiritual communities can also serve as anchors. Shared rituals, honest conversations, and circles of empathy create reminders that you are not walking the path alone. Professional guidance from therapists and counselors adds another layer of care, bringing compassionate expertise and tools that help you process pain in fruitful ways.

When Compassion Is Missing from Relationships

On the journey of healing from trauma, recognizing who can walk beside you is as vital as noticing who cannot. While many people bring kindness, patience, and steadiness, some may unintentionally add weight to your healing. Some dismiss or minimize your experiences, leaving you feeling unheard. Others pressure you to “move on” before you are ready, or turn the focus back to themselves rather than honoring your story. These dynamics often carry judgment, criticism, or a disregard for the boundaries you need to feel safe.

During trauma recovery, awareness of these patterns matters. By noticing which relationships drain rather than restore, you protect your energy and open more space for trust and resilience. The process of overcoming traumatic experiences involves surrounding yourself with people who create safety rather than erode it, who offer presence instead of pressure, and who remind you through their actions that your healing is worthy of time.

Explore The Emotional Healing Connection

Somatic Approaches That Help Release Stress and Trauma

The body often carries what words cannot express. Tight shoulders, a clenched jaw, or an unsettled chest remind us that trauma leaves traces in our physical form as well as in memory. Somatic practices recognize this truth by inviting the body into the process of healing from trauma. Through gentle attention, movement, and breath, the nervous system can rediscover balance, offering a grounded path forward in trauma recovery.

Everyday Somatic Practices That Restore Balance

Somatic approaches bridge the mind and body through awareness of sensation. Simple routines such as body scanning, slow yoga, or tai chi invite you to notice where tension resides and allow it to soften. Breathwork, with its steady rhythm of inhaling and exhaling, anchors presence and quiets lingering agitation.

Even small gestures like placing a hand over your heart or humming softly can serve as reminders that calm is within reach. Over time, these rituals shift the body from storing pain toward cultivating safety and resilience, helping you continue overcoming traumatic experiences with steadier ground beneath you.

Learning Somatic Wisdom Through Sounds True

For those ready to explore these practices in greater depth, Sounds True offers a wealth of teachings through audiobooks and courses. These resources feature teachers who guide you in somatic routines designed to reconnect body and mind.

From step-by-step instruction in breathwork to explorations of mindful movement, the catalog brings both accessible practices and deeper study into your daily life. With consistent practice, these teachings open the door to a body that feels less like a container for stress and more like a sanctuary for healing. In this way, Sounds True extends compassionate tools for your journey of trauma recovery.

Final Thoughts

Overcoming trauma shouldn’t be about erasing the past or pretending pain never touched your life. Instead, this journey should be about learning to hold your story with tenderness and watching as spirit slowly reshapes wounds into strength. At Sounds True, we have witnessed again and again how resilience rises when pain is met with kindness, curiosity, and courage.

You are never meant to walk this road alone. Wisdom flows from spiritual teachers, trusted friends, and guides who create spaces of safety. With these companions beside you, the process of overcoming traumatic experiences becomes less about carrying a burden and more about uncovering a wellspring of resilience. In this unfolding, a life that feels grounded, heart-led, and true begins to take form.

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Frequently Asked Questions About Overcoming Trauma

What are the common symptoms of trauma?

Trauma can show up in countless ways, both visible and invisible. You might notice flashbacks, nightmares, or trouble sleeping. Some people feel anxious or on edge, avoiding reminders of what happened, or having frequent mood swings. Others experience physical symptoms like unexplained aches, a racing heart, or stomach distress. Remember, every response is valid, and trauma shapes us all differently.

What is PTSD, and how is it related to trauma?

PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder, is a specific diagnosis that can develop after a traumatic event. It’s marked by symptoms like re-experiencing the trauma, intense emotional distress, hypervigilance, and avoidance of triggers. While not everyone who experiences trauma will get PTSD, the two are intimately connected. PTSD offers a clinical lens, but any struggle after trauma is worth honoring and addressing.

Are there self-help strategies for overcoming trauma?

Absolutely. Healing starts with small, gentle steps. Mindful breathing, grounding exercises, movement, and connecting with supportive people can all help. Journaling, spending time in nature, or practicing self-compassion are other powerful tools. You don’t have to climb the mountain in one day. Small acts of self-care can make a transformative difference over time.

What types of therapy are effective for trauma?

Several therapies have been shown to support trauma recovery. Approaches like somatic experiencing, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), trauma-informed cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and Internal Family Systems (IFS) can all be effective. Sometimes, simply being in the presence of a compassionate, skilled therapist. no matter the modality, makes the most impact.

What role does mindfulness play in healing trauma?

Mindfulness gently invites us back into our bodies, one breath at a time. It helps us notice our feelings and sensations with curiosity instead of judgment. Practices like meditation, mindful movement, or even mindful walking can foster safety and presence, making space for healing to unfold gradually and organically.

Can medication help with trauma recovery?

For some, medication can offer relief, especially when symptoms like anxiety or depression feel overbearing. While medication isn’t a cure, it can be a valuable companion alongside therapy and self-care, helping to regulate your nervous system while you rebuild inner strength. Always consult with a caring, qualified provider to explore what’s right for you.

Is it normal to feel numb or disconnected after trauma?

Of course. Feeling numb, detached, or even like you’re outside your own body is a common trauma response. Your mind and body are trying to protect you from pain. Over time, and with the right support, these feelings can soften. Be gentle with yourself; numbness often signals that you’re surviving the best way you know how.

What are healthy ways to express emotions related to trauma?

Validation is the first step, and letting yourself feel whatever arises is brave work. Creative outlets like art, music, or movement can help give shape to complex emotions. Talking with trusted friends, therapists, or support groups can bring connection and relief. Most importantly, honor your own pace, as there’s no right or wrong way to express what you carry.

Michelle Cassandra Johnson is an author, activist, spiritual teacher, racial equity consultant, and intuitive healer. She is the author of six books, including Skill in Action and Finding Refuge. Amy Burtaine is a leadership coach and racial equity trainer. With Robin DiAngelo, she is the coauthor of The Facilitator's Guide for White Affinity Groups. For more, visit https://www.michellecjohnson.com/wisdom-of-the-hive.

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[ENCORE EPISODE] Richard Schwartz, PhD: No Bad Parts

**SPECIAL ENCORE PRESENTATION**

Richard “Dick” Schwartz earned his PhD in marriage and family therapy from Purdue University. He coauthored the most widely used family therapy text in the United States, Family Therapy: Concepts and Methods, and is the creator of the Internal Family Systems Model, which he developed in response to clients’ descriptions of various “parts” within themselves. With Sounds True, Dick has written a new book titled No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon talks to Dick about the transformation that occurs when we welcome every part of who we are. He explains that even our most destructive parts have protective intentions, put in place to shield us from unprocessed pain, and details his method for accessing and mending these inner wounds. They also discuss the myth of the “mono mind,” and why the mind is naturally multiple; how “exiled” trauma can manifest as bodily pain; connecting with our core Self and letting it lead us in our healing; and how the language of “parts” can be useful in our relationship dynamics.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Listeners of Insights At The Edge get 10% off their first month at www.betterhelp.com/soundstrue.

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