Tami Simon: Welcome to the Michael Singer Podcast, presented by Sounds True in partnership with Shanti Publications. For more information about Michael Singer’s work, access to all prior episodes and information about upcoming releases, we invite you to join us at michaelsingerpodcast.com.
Michael Singer: Jai guru dev, jai masters It’s funny When you get down to the deep, deep understanding and deep teachings, it’s always completely opposite of what you think it is. So for example, you think you need to go somewheres to get to God. The truth is you have to not go somewheres to be with God, and that is the major understanding of true spiritual growth.
What does that mean? Well, you’re caught in your mind, you’re caught in your emotions, you’re caught in your ego. You’re caught in paying attention to what your mind is saying, what your heart is feeling, what the outside world is doing to affect what your mind is saying and what your heart is feeling, and you think, “I need to get away from that.
I need to go to God. I need to go to a higher place.” The trouble is, a ship that’s anchored can try to sail all it wants, and it’s not about how big the sails are or what the wind is. It’s about the anchor is holding you down, and while the anchor’s holding you down, you’re not going anywheres. And that’s the truth about what we’re talking about.
It’s not about going to God. It’s about not hanging out with you. It’s a totally different practice. It’s a totally different technique, totally different intent of your spiritual path because your ego, what is it? It’s a problem, and don’t make believe it’s not. It’s very distracting. We’ll talk more as we go along, where it came from, what it’s doing, but it’s very distracting.
It says something, you listen, simple as that. I’ll tell you, you go to a party. You’ve been looking forward to that party for months and so on. You go there with your friends, and you get in there, and all of a sudden, your mind says, “I’m not comfortable here. I, I don’t wanna be here. I don’t wanna be here,” and you leave.
I think that’s hilarious. You know what I’m saying? You do leave. You do what it says. What does that mean? It means your consciousness, your awareness of being, the witness, call it whatever you want, your awareness of being you who’s in there gets completely distracted by what your mind has to say and what your heart has to feel.
People talk about follow your heart. That thing’s crazy. It loves one minute, and they never talk to anybody ever again, and then it thinks you’re doing great, and it thinks you’re doing terrible, and, and it is just like, that thing’s all over the place. The human heart. Now, there’s a spiritual heart, but we’re not talking about that.
We’re talking about the mess that’s in there, and it distracts you. Your heart can really distract you, can’t it? Let’s say all of a sudden it opens up, and you, you fall in love with somebody, but you’re married and have two children. We wanna talk about that. It’s like, you know, you got a problem. Whether you go with it or not, you have a problem, right?
But what if it closes and you’re married with two children? And you get all uncomfortable going home and so on, right? It gets all weird inside. You got a problem. So this thing about follow the heart, yeah, when the heart’s purified and flowing Shakti all the time, go by all means, right? But that’s not what a human being normally feel.
They feel what’s called the human heart, the personal heart. So this thing about getting away, going to God, I’m telling you, I’ve known this for what, 55 years, you’re not going anywheres while you’re distracted by what’s going on in there. You can do drugs, you can do meditation, you can do all kinds of things, go to all the retreats you want, but guess what?
You’re gonna be there when you come back. Why? Because you’re distracted by this noise that’s going on inside your mind, inside your heart, which is stimulated by what’s going on outside. You understand that? So what I wanna talk about, now that we have some foundation to this, is what can one do with ego ‘Cause you got one.
Hope you’ve noticed. Okay? You’ve got this noise in there that’s all about I, me, mine. You’ll find out that almost every other word, every sentence has to say, “I don’t like this. I don’t want it to happen. That’s my car. Get away from that. No, that’s my husband. Don’t talk to him.” The I, me, mine. That’s, that’s ego.
There is no I, me, mine. It’s something the mind does, and so it’s very powerful, and it distracts your awareness. That’s the whole key. It pulls your awareness down into what the mind is saying, what the heart is feeling. They are generally about what I like and what I don’t like, and so on. So what are the layers?
That’s what I wanna do. What are the layers of working with this? Okay? ‘Cause you got a problem, and guess what the problem is? You. And as long as that problem’s there, you can build a spiritual ego. Let’s get that straight. You can go in there and say, “Oh, I’m never supposed to have this type of thought, and I’m supposed to do this, and I’m supposed to feel love all the time for everybody,” and you just build an ego that that’s what it says.
And don’t you dare think that’s spiritual, ’cause it’s not. It’s a step along the way, but that’s a spiritual ego. If you sit there and you have a beautiful spiritual ego and everybody thinks you’re high, and they come to you and they think nicely of you and so on, then somebody walks up to you and says, “You’re a fraud,” you freak.
It’s still ego. It’s just a spiritualized ego. What is not ego? That noise isn’t going on in there. It’s quiet. But with the heart, it’s open, and it doesn’t close. It’s not pulling the consciousness down into this problematic state that you’re trying to solve. So let’s start with ways to solve the problem of living in there.
The most outward way, and it’s funny, ’cause it’s always yin-yang. There’s always two sides to it. Let’s take for a second a bully, right? You all went to school. There’s bullies. There’s bullies today all over the place, right? And they look strong. They are the weakest thing that ever walked the face of the earth Why?
Because they’re in here, they have this ego, concepts, views, opinions, preferences, hopes, dreams, everything is built up in there inside their mind and heart, and they can’t handle if it gets disturbed. So if I say to you, “Oh, is your name Peter?” You say, “Oh, why are you calling me Peter? What’s the matter with you?”
Right? Instead of, “No.” One, hit the ego, and you had trouble living with it, and so you did what? A bully, it’s way more than that. A bully cannot handle anything inside at all to where they have to use physical strength or emotional manipulation, okay? Badgering and this, that, and the other thing, to manipulate the outside world so that when it comes in, it doesn’t challenge them.
It doesn’t challenge the ego. So they’re not even willing to deal with the ego or deal with growing beyond the ego. They have to make sure that they can manipulate outside, money, power, good looks, this, that. I don’t care which one you use. You try to manipulate the outside so that when it comes in, you’re okay with it.
That means you’re not okay because you’re having to put a barrier outside, a protection field, a wall, and if it breaks their wall, you freak Right? Because you’re used to… You’re not used to being okay. You’re used to not getting disturbed by what’s going on out there. And you look at it for a moment and you say, “Why am I getting disturbed?”
Because you’re disturbed inside and you’re trying to protect yourself from yourself. That’s what a bully is doing. They’re not really picking on you. They can’t handle what you might say, what you might do. Some people can’t be wrong. I love that. If they say something and they’re wrong, they’ll defend it.
“No, I was right. You’re wrong. I’ll give you proof.” They make up stuff. The big thing nowadays, right? Fake news. Because they can’t handle being wrong, and you look at them and you say, “What’s wrong with them?” That’s what’s wrong with them, is it’s inside and they can’t handle it. What’s wrong with being wrong?
I teach that all the time. Any time you’re wrong is an opportunity for a growth experience. It means now I can learn to be- I learned something I didn’t know. I’m sitting there playing the piano and I make a mistake. That’s wonderful. Learn how not to do that. Otherwise, you’ll defend, “Oh, no, that was the right note.
Beethoven had it wrong. They copied it wrong. I’ll tell you. I’ll show you.” All right? And then they’ll go change it on the web and… Nowadays, it’s fun. Not. Okay? They can’t stand being wrong. What is that? That is a very, very weak ego that can’t handle anything, that is going outside using will, force, power, look, everything you want, anything you want, to go outside and manipulate the world before it comes in so they can handle it, and that’s the ultimate weakness.
Strength is you can handle anything. Weakness is you can’t handle anything. And do you see how it looks like strength, but it’s not? I used to tell a story that when you were in high school, you had a friend that was very meek, very scared all the time, right? And somehow, years later, you get a phone call from this friend, right?
Sounds totally different. Very confident, strong. And you ask, “How are you doing?” “I’m doing great. Why don’t you come visit me? I wanna see you. I’ve never felt stronger and better.” It’s just unbelievable, right? You say, “Okay. All right. You’re in town? Okay, I’ll come visit you.” You go to a park where he says he is, and you can’t find the guy.
And all of a sudden, you just see a bunch of very, you know, macho guys standing around with Uzis in a circle, right? And you’re looking around. “George, where are you?” “I’m in here.” “In where?” “Inside the circle. I’m not scared like I used to be. I’m not insecure. I don’t have any problem,” right? And then all of a sudden you go, “One, two, three,” and you paid all those people to fall down when you say three, and he dies of a heart attack That’s ego.
That either you’re out there fighting to protect yourself and control and manipulate what’s going on because you can’t handle anything that would come in that would disturb you, or you’re hiding. You put up those walls, and I’m just… You’re way down in there, right? And you won’t come out. You put bars all over the place.
That is the most outward manifestation of ego. But ego’s inside. No, it’s inside, but it protects itself with the outside. So we all have those tendencies in one way or another. Like, have you ever gotten defensive? That’s hilarious. What are you defending? I’m telling you, you’re defending your ego. “I’m a great guitarist.”
How do you know? “People have told me.” I’m not, by the way. “People have told me that I’m a great guitarist.” And then some people walk in and say, “Oh, what are you playing? Take your hands off my guitar. You don’t know how to play.” Oh my… I was coming back from that. I… “That’s not true. I’m really good. George said so, and Sally said so, too.
You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Bam. Anybody got that? Total defensiveness goes flying out. Why? Why? Don’t call it logical. Don’t call it sensible. It’s absurd. It’s because you in there are carrying a self-concept that if it’s not right, you freak. It gets uncomfortable in there, and therefore, you have to defend even when…
Like, but if you, if you wanna date somebody and you, you rent a car that’s way beyond what you can afford to try and impress them, you are defending yourself If you stand in front of a… Oh, I’m gonna get personal here. Stand in front of a wardrobe and take 15 to 20 minutes to pick what you’re gonna wear today, what are you doing in there?
You should ask, is it hot or cold? Is it raining or dry? There, that’s what you wear, like a normal person, right? You wear your clothes according to the weather, according to what you need. All right? But no. And not to mention if you try it on four or five times. No. Okay? What are you doing? You’re looking to see what it’s gonna feel like when you present, present your clothes?
You projected yourself onto the clothes. The ego projects itself outside so that it can manipulate before it comes in, so it doesn’t have to deal with what it feels like when it gets rejected. Don’t get embarrassed because we all have this problem, right? And I like talking about it, okay? Other people just wanna talk about how to get high, how to feel wonderful.
Well, that’s like saying, “I’m not okay, but I’m gonna make believe I am, or at least manipulate a world around me so that when it comes in, I can handle it.” I’m gonna give you a clue along the way. That’s not spiritual growth. Spiritual growth is you can handle anything. Then you deal with it. Doesn’t mean you don’t deal with it.
But you don’t deal with it because you can’t handle it. You deal with it because you see a solution for everybody, for everything. The situation’s unfolding outside. I can handle it no matter what it is. Even the really deep stuff. Okay? I’ve learned to handle it. That’s spirituality. I’m not keeping it out there because I can’t handle it.
I’m letting it in, all the way in, with no resistance. Then there’s clarity that I’m not acting out of personal needs, fears. You understand that? There’s just a clear being there looking at the situation and trying to see, can I help? Not help me. That’s how we live, isn’t it? I told you, it’s all about I, me, mine.
And so that’s the first outer defense, and I love talking about it because nobody talks about it that way. It, it’s a form of suppression Watch it. What is suppression? It came in and I couldn’t handle it, so I denied it and I pushed it away. We’ll get there next step. All right? You’re just pushing it away before it comes in.
You’re suppressing the outside world’s behavior. People… Here, let’s say you just decide that she’s gonna make fun of you. You don’t know, but you just put that in your head, right? And before she says a word, “Don’t you make fun of me. I know what you’re thinking.” I’m gonna push a defensive field outside, which is equivalent…
The energy you do to do that is the same as the energy you use to suppress inside. You’re suppressing it before it gets in there. I’ve never talked about this to you guys. Do you see that? It’s an act of will that I can push it out, push it away, manipulate, control outside, because I can’t deal with it inside.
The thing is, you can deal with inside. You don’t have to do that. It’s raining out. I like the rain. It’s raining out. “Oh, I told my brother it was gonna rain today. What are we gonna do? He’s gonna be so upset he’ll never talk to me.” Ah, I see. So you can’t handle the rain, can you? It’s not that you can’t handle the rain.
You can’t handle what goes on inside of you because it’s not the way you want it to be. And I’ll make it clear. People think surrender, when I write about surrender, talk about surrender, that means you don’t ever take any action. You let everybody walk all over you. You just let it be a mess, but handle it.
No, no. Surrender is inside of not resisting reality as it came in. I can handle it. Doesn’t mean you don’t deal with it. If somebody goes to you and they, they steal your car, you say, “Oh, well, Mickey says surrender.” No. You, you call the police and do this, right? But not because you’re freaked out that you can’t handle that somebody took the car.
You handle it. There it is, car. How do I know the car’s gone? It’s gone. What do I do with it? I be clear. There’s not personal emotion and craziness and screaming and yelling going on in there, and instead, you t- you take right… It’s called right action. You take a right action. So I don’t want you to think that when we talk about I’m g- gonna work more and more inside, that it means you don’t deal with things.
A clear being deals with things out of clarity, not out of ego We deal with things out of ego. Almost everything you do is thinking about, “Will I like it? Do I like it? Can I handle it? Oh, no. How do I stop that from happening? How do I get this to happen? How do I get the raise? How do I get the corner office?”
You’re just… That’s just ego. Okay? I, I define it as follows: What if somebody got the corner office that you thought you deserved, and your reaction was, “Congratulations,” and you meant it? Why care? It’s an office, right? But if somebody got the corner office you thought you deserve, and you go to the boss and you scream, you yell, you threaten to quit, you know, big difference, isn’t it?
One is a personal reaction because of your ego. The other is dealing with the situation to the best of it, the overall of everything and everybody. All right. So the first step that we’re talking about, and I, I know we don’t ever talk about it, is protecting your ego by controlling the world, by manipulating what people say, what they don’t say, what you wear, so that they’ll say what you want them to say, right?
Every single thing is control it outside so that when it comes in, it’s the way my ego wants it to be, so I don’t have to deal with that stuff, because I can’t handle it. And some people can’t handle anything. It’s amazing to watch. Everything is just amazing. They have power, they have money, they have strength, and they can’t handle anybody not agreeing with them Have you ever seen it?
Do you see it? And so you start off there. So it’s not about going to God. You better stop doing that. As long as I get everything the way I want, I can live where I want with the money that I want. I’m totally secure and I’m being taken care of and my family’s exactly what they want to be and my children are getting A’s.
As long as all that’s that way, I can meditate. Now I’m ready. You are not ready at all. Are you kidding me? But I went deep. Yeah, but what happens when you come back? It’s all still there. You didn’t do anything to get rid of it. The question is, did you learn to handle things? No, I dropped out. I did that years ago, right?
I dropped out and moved to the woods so that I could meditate and do my thing. And it didn’t take long for me to catch on. If I ever go back to town, I’m in trouble. All right? And eventually you catch on. Wait a minute. It’s not about getting away from this thing. It’s about getting rid of this thing. And there is such a thing and don’t you dare think there’s not.
All right? Do you believe that you really need to go out and control and manipulation and money and throw it all around in order to be okay? Most of you wouldn’t be here if you thought that. You’ve grown past that point. That’s tension. That’s anxiety. That’s pressure. You have to worry when you wake up in the morning.
Did you say something that upset anybody? What should you do about it? And you’re out there trying to manipulate everything. Imagine how much you have to think. People have trouble with decisions. I love that. The new book, Wisdom Untethered, has a whole chapter on decision-making. Why? Because, you know, you’re trying to make a decision.
Which one will make me happy? Which one will make me bad? I want to make the right decision, don’t I? What does that mean? The one that will make me do better, that my situation will be better outside and not the one that will make me do worse. Perfectly logical. You’re in trouble because you’ll think about it and then you’ll think about it and you’ll go to the web and look at, oh my God, I made sure of this.
And if ever you make a decision and it doesn’t go exactly the way you thought it would go, oh shoot, I made the wrong decision. I shouldn’t have done it. You can’t win. That’s not what it’s about. All right. So it started, and I hope you got it, with putting that outside wall around you like that guy that had oozy people around him.
All right. Just build an outside wall that you feel secure. That’s not security. Security is not needing the outside wall. Can you imagine not needing the outside wall? You’re secure that you can handle life. That’s what it really means. Can you handle life? Or do you n- do you worry ever? What are you worried about?
That I won’t get what I want, or I’ll get what I don’t want. There’s not a single thing you’re ever worried about that’s not that. Do you understand that? Okay? What about if you’re okay with what happens, and you deal with it, and you know when you wake up in the morning till you go to bed at night that life is unfolding, not under your control.
The planet’s not under your control. The galaxy’s not under your control. The animals are not under your control. The weather’s not under your control. Uh. That’s a whole talk I give. Ninety-nine point nine nine nine nine percent of it’s not under your control. You do understand that. Are you in control of what’s happening in Gainesville right now, in every single household for every single person?
No. But you wanna be ’cause you wanna protect yourself. You wanna manipulate it, and so you worry that it might not be the way you want it to be. I wanna help you get rid of all worries. I want to help you wake up in the morning just excited to wake up and just say, “Oh, boy, I get to do a day. I don’t care what happens.
I’ll deal with whatever happens.” You understand that? Okay. That’s where we’re going. So the opposite of that is to say, “No, I cannot deal with it. I cannot handle anything that’s not the way I want it to be, and therefore, I try to manipulate and control the environment around me at all times constantly.”
What’s the next layer? I’ll take a big jump. Next layer is you wake up and you say, “That’s a real burden to try to make everybody and everything be exactly the way I want them to, and never say what I want them to say, and always say what I want them to say, and always be the way I want them to be.” Right?
“What do you mean you don’t want to go to that movie with me? We’ve been married three years. That, that’s the movie I wanted to go to. I thought you loved me.” Oh, boy, you’re in trouble. It has to be the way I want or there’s something wrong. Okay? All right. Let’s say you grow enough spiritually, and it is spiritual growth, personal growth, spiritual growth, to say, “I don’t need to be like that.”
What do you mean? What if he doesn’t want to go to the movie I want to go to, and it looks silly that I’m gonna make a big fight of this stupid thing? I’ll go to the movie. What do I care? It’s not worth it. It’s not worth the energy that I would spend to protect what I want. All right? You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t at least get to that point with some stuff.
And so we all evolve at different levels and different things, relationship, money, job, looks, age. I don’t want to get old. Okay, sorry. And so you just get to the point where you kind of learn to handle it. Learn to handle it. I’m gonna play the piano. I don’t know how to play. All right? I sit down. I want to play Beethoven.
I really like Moulay Salona. And you sit down, and you can’t play the thing in any way, shape, or form. You never took lessons. You don’t know how to read music. Okay, I quit. I’m not good at it. There we go. You can’t handle the outside. Versus, and you’re all there, you sit there and say, “I need to practice. I’m gonna make mistakes.
I know I’m gonna make mistakes. That’s why I have a teacher.” The piano teacher comes in, and when the piano teacher says, “No, no, no. Hold your hands more in a claw position, not down flat. Otherwise, your wrists will get weak over time, I promise you.” And you sit there and say, “Wow, thank you.” Not, “I… But I like them this way.
They work better for me. Maybe you think it’s that way, but mine work better this way.” See it? You’re open. You’re open to learning. You’re open to changing. You’re not sitting there saying, “I am the way it is, and it’s… that’s how it’s supposed to be.” All right? So that’s the next layer, is you got to the point where you can let the outside not fit exact- You can still get embarrassed because you’re even in front of the piano teacher because you messed up.
“I did better before. I can…” Right? As opposed to, “Thank you.” That’s how you talk to a teacher. “Thank you. Thank you for the suggestion.” Hey, some of you guys watch football. I love watching the coaches. They scream and yell at these guys. And the guys are much bigger than them. All right? And they just literally, when they’re training, they’re not just in the game.
All right? They just, “Do it this way. I told you. Don’t do it in your own blah, blah, blah.” And you learn to appreciate that. You respect having a coach. You don’t defend yourself So now you’ve grown. That is spiritual growth. So instead of trying to go somewhere even though you’re a mess, you sit there and try to work with yourself so it’s not a mess, so you don’t get distracted by everything and get resistant and dependent and defensive and so on.
Now you’ve come to another layer. You’re doing inner work instead of outer work. I’ve been quoting you lately from Rumi, very great Persian poet, and he said, “Yesterday I was clever, so I was trying to change the world. Today I’m wise, so I’m changing myself.” That’s what I just talked to you about. You start doing this inner work instead of protecting yourself outside, you let it come in.
Uh-oh. Y’all wanna stay and hear the rest? Okay. You let it come in, but I… There was a reason I was protecting myself, because I needed to be protected, because it wasn’t comfortable when it came in. So if you say to me, the boss says to me, “Okay, meet me at 5:00. I wanna have a talk with you Are you okay for the next three hours?
Are you freaking out trying to figure out what he wants to talk about, figure out… You– Some people will go into that meeting having decided what he’s gonna say and what they’re gonna say back. They’ve got it all prepared. They could’ve written it out, but then they go in there, and he wants to talk about their golf game.
So that’s what it means to let go, that’s the word I always use, to let go of that need to protect yourself at that level out there to at least willing to say, “Okay, I’ll find out what he wants to talk about and not have trouble for three hours. I can handle it. If he’s not happy with my work, I’ll listen.
I wanna hear what he’s got to say. If he wants to learn about golf, I don’t care. I don’t even wanna think about it. I don’t wanna figure out what he’s gonna say and what I wanna say back, have it all planned out.” What a… That’s the same as protecting out. You got it? Now you’re protecting inside. You let it come in, but you’re protecting yourself psychologically inside, preparing.
Same thing as outside. Everybody listen. If you’re gonna be my neighbor, I hope you’re the second one that can handle some stuff, right, as opposed to fighting for every single thing in the world. Okay? So it’s nicer. It’s much nicer ’cause you let go of the part of you that couldn’t handle what was happening outside.
So now you’re inside. I’m sorry, but you’re inside, and you better start dealing with that. In a sense, it’s easier to deal with the outside ’cause you can hit somebody or sue them. You can try to manipulate it at a distance. If you let it come in, you have to deal with it, and so you’re in there now. It comes in, and this is where the real teachings come.
If you were busy protecting yourself from it outside, I’m telling you, it’s not gonna be comfortable when it comes inside. The question is: Can you handle it? Handle what? The discomfort. Spirituality is not about getting what you want. It’s not about making it so you’re happy with everything. It’s about being able to handle everything.
Then you can really be happy. It’s called unconditional wellbeing. So now we’ve come inside, and stuff will unfold. You, you let it. A friend comes up to you, or the, the boss says he wants to talk to you. You’re just, “Okay, he’ll talk to me, and we’ll see what it is. Aren’t I great? I’m strong enough to wait and see what he’s got to say,” right?
And so basically, you learn to say to yourself, “I don’t wanna fight with everything outside. I don’t wanna manipulate. I don’t want…” Okay, let’s get this straight. I’m very bad when I talk about this ’cause it’s different than other people, right? Is there a power of attraction? Yes. Can I meditate and do mantras and, and do all kinds of things, including being good, really good and being careful, right, so that I can attract to myself what I want?
Yes. Why would you wanna do that? Now, you first have to figure out what you want ‘Cause you don’t want the same thing you wanted two years ago. Maybe you don’t want the same thing you wanted two hours ago. Then you have to figure out what practice you need to do to focus on that and meditate on that and do…
You’re not letting the world unfold. You decide how it’s supposed to be. You understand that? There’s a line in the Bible. It said, “Not my will but thy will.” That’s not the power of attraction. The power of attraction is not thy will but my will. I’m playing. I know you’ll attract. It’s wonderful, and I love all the teachers that teach it, but I, but I’m having fun with you, right?
Obviously, you’re saying I know better than the natural unfolding of life that’s been going on for 13.8 billion years, and everything’s the result of cause and effect. But I know I, I want it to be my way. Okay? Well, you’re gonna suffer, ’cause it’s not gonna stay your way, and you’ll worry about keeping it your way and so on and so forth.
So at some point, you wake up. It’s called waking up. You wake up and say, “I don’t need it to be my way.” That’s what I taught you to begin with. It’s not about getting your way. It’s about being comfortable with the way. You know what the word Tao means, the Tao? The way There you go, right? You’re comfortable with the way.
What way? The reality way. Doesn’t mean you don’t deal with it, but first you’re comfortable with it, then you’re able to deal with it because you’re clear enough. You’re not being an emotional and mental mess. Like I said, say it again. You don’t deal with it because you can’t handle it. You deal with it because you can handle it.
Okay, so now you’ve gotten to the point where you’re not trying to manipulate it outside. I mean, we all grow it different ways at different stages, so it’s fine. It’s not an absolute, but in general, you can handle it, and you can let it happen inside, and I’m telling you, it’s gonna get disturbing. That’s why you did the outside.
I can’t talk to some bully who has to make everything be exactly the way they want it to be and say, “You don’t need it to be the way you want. Just let go.” You’re kidding me? They’d freak at the thought of it. All right? And so you’ve balanced enough to where you can let it come in, so you don’t have to fight it outside.
I don’t want to belabor it, but I want you to understand that. You’re either fighting it, dealing with it outside, so you don’t have to deal with it, or dealing with it inside, and you’re gonna see eventually it’s also so you don’t have to deal with it. All right? So the next thing you know, it comes in.
It’s not gonna be comfortable. That’s why you were protecting yourself outside. And so it comes in, and it’s not comfortable. Are you okay with the uncomfortable? Are you okay with it being uncomfortable when it comes in? Because if you’re not, you’re not gonna be okay. You can’t handle it, and so you would do what?
You fight and either control inside, rationalization. He didn’t mean that. She didn’t mean that. She says she doesn’t love me, she wants to leave me, she’s packing, but she doesn’t mean it. It’s called denial. Right, you got all these fun things you can do inside, right? Denial, repression, suppression, resistance.
Now it’s come in. What do I do with it? I know what I do with it outside. I punch them. I threaten them. I do something. I get back. Now inside, what do I do? I rationalize it away. I suppress it, so I don’t have to deal with it. I just push it away inside like I push it away outside. Do you see the relationship?
And that is Freud. All those things, denial, suppression, repression, they are basically… It came in. I forgot to remind you. So it came in. Who experienced it when it came in? You did. You’re in there. How do you know it didn’t feel good? How do you know it’s scary? How do you know you feel insecure? Because, I mean, you’re experiencing it, right or wrong.
Right? Believe it or not, that’s the self You as in experiencing insecurity are not insecure. You’re looking at your ego that’s insecure. That’s witness consciousness. You’re in there. Let’s say you come to me to go to therapy, “I’m just so depressed. I’ve been depressed since she left me. I’m depressed. My heart hurts.”
You don’t wanna come to me. I won’t let you, by the way. All right? I don’t, I don’t do one-on-one. But mostly ’cause f- for you. Right? ‘Cause the question would be, after about three or four sentences like that, I’d say, “How do you know your heart hurts?” “What kind of question is that? I told you my heart hurts.”
“How do you know?” “Because I’m in here and I feel it.” But by that time, you’re yelling at me. All right? “Come on,” I mean, “what kind of person are you? I’m in here, I feel it.” Who’s in there feeling it? Did it used to feel love? Did it used to feel excitement before somebody told you something? Yes. Is it the same one that felt the love as the one who feels the rejection?
Yes. There’s just one of you in there. That is literally what’s meant by the self. Your true self. “I’m trying to find myself.” What are you talking about? You are the self. You are the self looking at a mind that’s trying to find something that’s not it. You are in there. The question is, can you handle the experience of being in there?
And the answer, of course, is no. Of course I can’t. There are things that come in that don’t feel good, and I don’t wanna do that. So what do you do? Right? And that’s when we get down to real logic, real understanding truth. Okay? So what happens? Something happens outside. Okay, you’re high enough to, you let it unfold.
There it is. Came in, right? And it’s uncomfortable. What do you do with it? You push it away. I’m telling you, I always talk right at that point. You’re in there all the time manipulating your thoughts, your emotions, everything, to try and be okay in there. You’re doing the same thing you did outside. You’re trying to be okay, trying to be okay now inside.
How do you do that? Generally, what you use is suppression, resistance. It comes in, it doesn’t feel good, what do you do? Say, “Welcome. Hi. Hi. Hi, insecurity. Hi, fear. Hi, jealousy. Hi, f- anger. Hi, oh, oh boy, oh boy, I get to feel this.” No, you don’t do that. It starts to come in, only gets to a certain point, and you resist it, don’t you?
You push it away. When you have a conversation with somebody, I want you to pay attention. You want a technique? Here’s a technique. You’re having the conversation with somebody, they’re telling you something. I wanna know what’s going on inside your head while they’re telling you something about them.
You’re thinking about how it relates to you and what you’re gonna say back when they stop talking. “Will you please stop talking? I have something to say.” You’re not listening to them, you’re listening to your reaction to what they said. Somebody says, “Oh, I got a new car.” I used to watch Mickey do this.
“I got a new car,” right? He’d say, “I don’t need one.” Nobody asked you. They just told you that they got a new car. I don’t care whether you need one or not. Shut up. You see what I’m saying? It’s like you don’t listen. You’re busy protecting yourself. You’re busy defending yourself. You’re busy… Or somebody says, “We got a divorce.”
And, “I, I, uh, I, are, are we in trouble? Should I talk to my wife?” And that was your best friend. You don’t care what that person has to say about their relationship. You care about what it hit inside of you. It causes all this stuff to go on. And so you get to the point where you realize, wait a minute, if I can’t handle it inside, I’m gonna do something to make it so I can, and generally it’s suppression.
Just sit there and push it away inside. There are things that you hold inside that happened to you over the course of your life that have no reason in the world logically to be still in there, and you start accumulating, that’s Freud’s suppression, you start accumulating circumstances that bothered you yesterday, an hour ago, five years ago, 20 years ago, and they’re still in there.
Why? ‘Cause you held them in there. There’s only one of you in there. So you did, you resisted the experience that came in. You pushed it away, and you stored it. Now it comes back up, and it feels the same as it did 20 years ago. Okay, so now we understand what’s going on in there. You’re doing the same thing you did out.
It’s nicer, at least to the outside world. You’re able to handle things. You can do better. Keep a job. That’s nice. Keep a relationship maybe. We have trouble with them, don’t we? Okay, you get it. I don’t think we should go down to detail for you, right? So now you’re in there doing that. You’re in there looking at what it feels like in there and doing the same things you did outside, you’re doing it inside.
Manipulating, controlling, suppressing, you know, just whatever. And you’re trying to build an inside that works for what the world is doing. And in order to do that, you need to struggle. You struggle inside. You were struggling outside, now you’re struggling inside. And if it gets too bad, you struggle outside.
I tell you right now, okay? I can handle things. I can’t handle that. Oh, chairs are flying all over the place. Doors are slamming. What does that mean? No, I couldn’t handle that. I tried. So you see the difference about the inner suppression and the outer resistance? You’re resisting inside, resisting outside.
Okay, what’s the next layer? The next layer isn’t resistance. There’s no peace in there struggling with myself and struggling with everybody else to be the way I need them to be. Have you noticed? There’s anxiety, tension, fear, insecurity, all kinds of stuff, worry. You do not have to live like that. Don’t you dare think you have to live like that, because you do not have to live like that.
And the solution is not to go outside and manipulate everybody else to be the way you want them to be. So now you’ve let it in. What’s the next layer? Ooh, it’s getting scary. Acceptance. You step back and you say, “Maybe I shouldn’t be resisting reality. Maybe I should be learning to accept reality. Maybe if you come to me and you say, ‘I need to talk to you.
I’m so mad at you,’ maybe there’s a reaction inside of me of fear and insecurity, and maybe I can handle that.” You step back behind your personal self, and you look at it, and you say, “If she starts saying I’m not happy with something you did,” you let go of the reaction that would have pushed back, and you breathe, and you say, “I wanna hear.
I wanna hear. I don’t want to defend myself. I want to hear what bothered you It’s not gonna be the same thing I thought bothered you, ’cause you’re different than me, ’cause you had different experiences than I have. There, that’s the next step, is acceptance. Now I’m not resisting. The opposite of resistance is acceptance.
I’m not pushing it away. I’m relaxing and letting it come through, and you start living a life of deep, deep, much deeper life. And all of a sudden, things that used to bother you, you wouldn’t even think of protecting yourself outside. Well, I guess I can handle it inside. Until you can handle a lot. You can actually go through the day and handle what happened.
You don’t have to protect yourself, defend yourself, rationalize, fight, argue, nothing. It’s just, okay, it happened. It happened. It happened, it came in, it didn’t feel good. We do all kinds of things that don’t feel good. Some of you guys are athletes. I like that. You play… Let’s say you play volleyball, okay?
You know, if you really play volleyball, you could get hurt. I mean, you jump up to block the spike, and you get black and blue marks on your wrist. Not to mention football. Give me a break. And they go back out and keep playing. “Oh, no, I got a boo-boo.” Inside, you can get like that. I can handle it didn’t feel good.
I can handle she said something I didn’t want to hear. It just comes in, I learn to handle it, and then I find out that it– we’re all better off that I handled it. She wasn’t able to handle it, that’s why she’s dumping on me. But the fact that I could handle that she’s dumping on me means the relationship is gonna do much better, isn’t it?
So that’s the next layer, is the non-resistance, the acceptance. You won’t do very good at it to start with, but that’s where practice comes in. You actually practice being able to handle what didn’t feel good. Just because it didn’t feel good doesn’t mean it can’t pass through. You just kept relaxing and let go.
But I said, you still can come back and deal with it, but not because you can’t handle it. I, I said that f- like ten times today, right? You’re not dealing with things because you can’t handle them. You’re dealing with them because you can handle them. You’re the one in the room that can handle them.
Somebody that can handle things and be clear and try to look at the overall situation, not their personal stuff, big difference, isn’t it? You become that, and that’s spiritual growth. You practice being okay with things. You practice being okay. You start with little things. Practice being okay with the weather.
You can handle the weather, and you just start appreciating it’s hot. Good. I’m glad there’s sun that makes the plants grow. I’m glad there’s rain, okay? And you start appreciating and accepting and honoring instead of resisting and fighting that it’s not exactly the way you want it to be. So you learn to let go.
You learn how to handle what you used to not be able to handle. You practice playing the piano, you get better. Practice handling the weather, you get better. Practice handling the driver in front of you. I’ll use that example, and you all laugh. Anybody ever talk to the driver in front of them? “Come on, buddy.
It’s, it’s 45 miles an hour speed limit. You’re going 20. Some of us have, some of us have places to go.” They don’t hear you But you get all upset for no reason, and you start noticing the mess you are making of yourself by not being able to handle reality. And eventually you say, “That’s the purpose of my life.
It’s not to get rich. It’s not to have relationships. It’s not to get what I want. It’s to be able to handle the unfolding of reality that’s unfolding in front of me. If I can handle what’s unfolding, I can be happy.” I want you to get to the point where you can love somebody. Of course, you love somebody.
They match pretty much your energy, and they come in. All of a sudden, there’s all this beautiful love, and then they say to you, “I was faking.” All right? And you sit there, and guess what happens? It hurts. It hurts. Your ego leaned on somebody. You trusted them. It’s gonna hurt. The energy was used to flowing a certain way.
Now it challenged it and so on. Can you handle that? Uh, not can it not happen. Not can they not say they’re– they’ve had enough. Not can you not feel pain and disturbance in your heart and mind because this sudden thing happened you weren’t expecting. No, no. They do their thing. It does its thing, and you’re back here noticing, breathing, accepting, honoring, respecting the pain, respecting the heartache, respecting that, of course, the ego didn’t expect this.
Doesn’t do well with this sort of thing. But that’s okay. It’ll pass. It passes, doesn’t it? Does it pass? It passes if you let it pass. If you make a big deal out of it, “I will never forgive you. I can’t believe what you did to me. Just ’cause you did that, I will never date again. I will never marry again. I will never be anybody over again.
I’ll show you how much you hurt me.” Okay, then it doesn’t pass. You didn’t let it pass. Otherwise, I can handle the pain. I can handle the heartache. Are you okay with that? That doesn’t mean you don’t deal with it. Doesn’t mean you don’t suggest going to a marriage counselor. Doesn’t mean you don’t say, “Well, what exactly is the problem?”
As opposed to throwing things all over the place and freaking out. So you can deal with it, but not out of the reactiveness that I can’t handle me, therefore I can’t handle you. I say it in twenty different ways. That’s what’s happening, isn’t it? I can’t handle what’s going on inside of me, therefore I can’t handle what you did.
As opposed to I can handle what’s going on inside of me ’cause I worked with myself. That’s where meditation comes in. That’s where yoga comes in. That’s where mantra comes in. Not to go to God. To not go to you. Wow, that’s beautiful. All right? If you don’t get distracted by you, wait till you see what happens.
You don’t get pulled down. It’s not a matter of going up even though you’re being pulled down. That’s tension. It’s basically I’ve let go enough of– Christ said you must die to be reborn. That’s what he meant. You die the personal self to be born of the spiritual self. As you let go of you Really let go of you.
Not suppress, not manipulate and control. Relax through it. When you start to feel resistance, relax. That’s always the answer. Notice the resistance. Notice the tendency to push it away. There’s a tendency to control. Control outside, control inside, and relax. Just like yoga. You know, an asana teacher says, “Stretch more.”
“No, it hurts.” Just relax through it. Do it inside, as opposed to trying to manipulate and make it go away. Relax first. Always relax first. And what happens is some of the energy will go through. Not all, but some will go through. Plus you’ll learn how to do it. You’ll learn how to be okay with not being okay.
And then you reach… I’ll close quickly, but you literally reach a point where you don’t… You’re not trying to make things go your way. You honor and respect when they don’t go your way. There’s more growth when things don’t go your way than there is when things go your way. ‘Cause if things go your way, you’re not gonna change.
You hear me? You just try to keep them that way to get what you want. If they don’t go your way, you got some work to do, ’cause I wanna be able to handle it, okay? And so you keep letting go, letting go, and next thing you know, you can handle stuff you didn’t think you could handle. You can handle relationships, you can handle the boss, you can handle somebody took your parking spot.
All of a sudden, you just find yourself being fine ’cause you can handle stuff, all right? And then now you’re ready to go up. But you don’t do it. You don’t go up. You stop going down, and the energy naturally goes up. Its natural way is up. You’re a very high being. The truth is, you’re seated in the highest state of consciousness that ever existed.
You’re merged with God right now, but you’re being distracted by you That consciousness being pulled down every moment by your thoughts, your hopes, your dreams, your concepts, your views, your preferences being pulled down into the personal self. As you let go of the personal self, it naturally goes up.
The energy that goes up is the very energy you were wasting to push everything down, and then it starts going up by itself. Wave upon… Master Yogananda once said, “What hast thou done to me? Wave upon wave of ecstasy saturates me day and night. Throng upon throng, what hast thou done to me?” Right? I would just keep you here forever, you know that.
Well, it’s a lot to understand, isn’t it? Because we don’t live like that, do we? But you can. But just do it slowly, just like practicing piano or practicing tennis or golf. You’re not gonna be really good at it to start with. This thing called letting go, this thing called acceptance. So you practice it.
Thank you for listening. Thank you. Any work you do on yourself changes the world. If you can handle the energy of reality, next thing you know, it changed people, it changes everything, right? Mm, Jai guru dev
Tami Simon: You’ve been listening to the Michael Singer Podcast, produced by Sounds True in partnership with Shanti Publications. For more information on Michael’s body of work and all back episodes, please join us at michaelsingerpodcast.com. Thanks so much for listening. Sounds True, waking up the world.
