nico and devon hase: Buddhist Volcanoes In Love

May 19, 2026

nico and devon hase: Buddhist Volcanoes In Love

May 19, 2026

What if everything you believed about a healthy relationship—the harmony, the peace, the perfectly matched wheels—was the very thing getting in the way?

This week, Tami Simon speaks with nico and devon hase—married Buddhist teachers, longtime meditation practitioners, and co-authors of the new Sounds True book This Messy, Gorgeous Love: A Buddhist Guide to Lasting Partnership—about what it actually takes to build a partnership that transforms rather than just endures.

Join Tami, nico, and devon to explore:

  • Why relationships are inherently rough—and why accepting that is the first act of real intimacy
  • The three conflict styles (volcanoes, diplomats, and dodgers) and how to work skillfully with your own
  • The tightrope principle: why lasting partnership means always finding your balance, never holding it
  • The daily check-in practice nico and devon discovered during three years of solitary retreat—and why it’s deceptively powerful
  • How death contemplation can dissolve petty resentments and bring fierce clarity to what actually matters
  • The “third space” in relationship: listening to the partnership itself as its own living being
  • Body shame, shifting desire, and sexuality as an awakening path—from devon’s own retreat discoveries
  • Why bodhichitta—the awakened heart of service—might be the most honest metric for whether a relationship is worth tending

Whether you’re navigating a decades-long partnership or wondering if intimacy and spiritual depth can coexist at all, nico and devon offer both radical honesty and genuine hope.

Listen now →

This conversation offers genuine transmission—not just concepts about awakening, but the palpable presence of realized teachers exploring the growing edge of spiritual understanding together. Originally aired on Sounds True One.

This episode is sponsored by Omega Institute, a global gathering hub for lifelong learning and spiritual exploration. Located in upstate New York’s beautiful Hudson Valley, Omega offers weekend workshops, special events, rest and rejuvenation retreats, professional trainings, online learning, and more. Discover what calls to you at eomega.org/true.

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Meet Your Host: Tami Simon

Founded Sounds True in 1985 as a multimedia publishing house with a mission to disseminate spiritual wisdom. She hosts a popular weekly podcast called Insights at the Edge, where she has interviewed many of today's leading teachers. Tami lives with her wife, Julie M. Kramer, and their two spoodles, Rasberry and Bula, in Boulder, Colorado.

Photo © Jason Elias

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nico and devon hase: Buddhist Volcanoes In Love

What if everything you believed about a healthy relationship—the harmony, the peace, the perfectly matched wheels—was the very thing getting in the way?

This week, Tami Simon speaks with nico and devon hase—married Buddhist teachers, longtime meditation practitioners, and co-authors of the new Sounds True book This Messy, Gorgeous Love: A Buddhist Guide to Lasting Partnership—about what it actually takes to build a partnership that transforms rather than just endures.

Join Tami, nico, and devon to explore:

  • Why relationships are inherently rough—and why accepting that is the first act of real intimacy
  • The three conflict styles (volcanoes, diplomats, and dodgers) and how to work skillfully with your own
  • The tightrope principle: why lasting partnership means always finding your balance, never holding it
  • The daily check-in practice nico and devon discovered during three years of solitary retreat—and why it’s deceptively powerful
  • How death contemplation can dissolve petty resentments and bring fierce clarity to what actually matters
  • The “third space” in relationship: listening to the partnership itself as its own living being
  • Body shame, shifting desire, and sexuality as an awakening path—from devon’s own retreat discoveries
  • Why bodhichitta—the awakened heart of service—might be the most honest metric for whether a relationship is worth tending

Whether you’re navigating a decades-long partnership or wondering if intimacy and spiritual depth can coexist at all, nico and devon offer both radical honesty and genuine hope.

Listen now →

This conversation offers genuine transmission—not just concepts about awakening, but the palpable presence of realized teachers exploring the growing edge of spiritual understanding together. Originally aired on Sounds True One.

This episode is sponsored by Omega Institute, a global gathering hub for lifelong learning and spiritual exploration. Located in upstate New York’s beautiful Hudson Valley, Omega offers weekend workshops, special events, rest and rejuvenation retreats, professional trainings, online learning, and more. Discover what calls to you at eomega.org/true.

Being Single as Spiritual Practice: An Intentional Exp...

What if being single was not something to move past, but something to meet with awareness? Time alone can reveal patterns, emotions, and inner rhythms that are often missed in the presence of constant connection. In that space, being single can become a meaningful experience rather than an empty one.

For decades, we have shared spiritual wisdom from leading teachers and practitioners, offering a living library of insights that support presence, self-awareness, and transformation. Our work is rooted in real conversations and teachings that invite people to turn inward with honesty and care.

Here, we look at being single as a spiritual growth as an intentional practice, and how intentional singleness, self discovery alone, and spirituality support a deeper connection with yourself.

Key Takeaways:

  • Clarity Through Solitude: Being single, spiritual growth offers space to observe patterns and build deeper self-awareness without external influence.
  • Intentional Living: Intentional singleness supports emotional clarity, personal agency, and a stronger connection to your inner life.
  • Spiritual Alignment: Singleness and spirituality together foster presence, helping you cultivate a grounded sense of wholeness over time.

Awaken Your Inner Healing Power with Guided Practices by Sounds True

Being Single: Spiritual Growth Through Intentional Singleness

Being single, spiritual growth begins with a shift in perspective. Instead of something to move beyond, singleness becomes a space for awareness. Intentional singleness invites direct experience through presence, where we begin to notice our thoughts, emotions, and deeper patterns more clearly.

Without the pull of external expectations, a quiet honesty emerges. We start to see what has been beneath the surface, even when it feels uncomfortable. Staying with these experiences becomes a practice, helping us meet uncertainty and recognize moments of natural ease.

In this way, being single is less about becoming someone new and more about being present with who we already are, steady beneath changing circumstances.

Intentional Singleness as a Path to Self Discovery Alone

Intentional singleness opens a doorway into self discovery alone that feels spacious and grounded. It becomes a time not of isolation, but of listening more closely to the inner life.

Turning Inward with Clarity

As we settle into intentional singleness, attention shifts inward. Thoughts and emotions become clearer, making it easier to notice patterns like seeking approval or avoiding discomfort.

These insights arise through presence, not force. Self discovery alone unfolds naturally when we allow ourselves to simply observe what is here.

Creating Space for Authentic Growth

Growth unfolds differently when it is not shaped by external expectations. Intentional singleness creates room for experimentation, for curiosity, and for rest.

In this space, we can explore what truly feels aligned. This might include creative expression, spiritual practice, or simply learning how to be still. These explorations are not about achieving something. They are about discovering what feels real.

Over time, this kind of growth supports a deeper sense of authenticity. We begin to trust our own experience. We begin to move through life with a little more ease.

Self Discovery Alone in the Context of Singleness and Spirituality

Self discovery alone deepens when it is held within the wider field of singleness and spirituality. It becomes more than a reflection. It becomes a direct encounter with our lived experience.

Meeting Yourself Beyond Roles

Relationships often invite us into roles, some conscious, some not. When we step into singleness, those roles begin to soften. There is less structure around who we are supposed to be.

This can feel unfamiliar at first. Without those familiar identities, we may wonder who we are. Yet this question carries a quiet power. It opens a space where we can meet ourselves more directly.

In singleness and spirituality, this meeting is not about defining ourselves. It is about experiencing ourselves as we are, moment by moment.

Deepening Awareness Through Spiritual Practice

Spiritual practice naturally supports this process of self discovery alone. With more time and space, practices such as meditation or reflective writing can become part of daily life.

These practices invite us to stay with our experience. They help us notice the movement of the mind without becoming caught in it. They support a kind of awareness that is steady and open.

Over time, this awareness begins to extend beyond formal practice. It becomes part of how we live. Singleness and spirituality begin to feel less like separate ideas and more like a shared way of being.

Being Single, Spiritual Growth, and the Power of Being Single by Choice

Being single, spiritual growth takes on a deeper resonance when we are single by choice. There is a sense of alignment that comes from consciously entering this space.

Reclaiming Agency

Choosing to be single shifts the experience from something that is happening to us into something we are participating in. This shift can feel subtle, yet it changes the tone of the entire experience.

There is a sense of ownership in the choice. We begin to feel more grounded in our own lives. This does not mean everything feels certain. It means we are willing to be present with what is here.

This willingness becomes a form of strength. It supports a deeper trust in ourselves.

Honoring Your Own Timing

Being single by choice also allows us to step outside of timelines that may not truly belong to us. There is less pressure to move toward a particular outcome.

Instead, we can listen more carefully to what feels right in this moment. This listening is not always clear or immediate. It unfolds over time.

Honoring our own timing creates space for growth that feels organic. It allows us to move at a pace that supports genuine understanding rather than urgency.

Discover the Hidden Power of Daily Meditation

Single by Choice: A Deeper Look at Intentional Singleness and Spirituality

Choosing to be single by choice within intentional singleness and spirituality creates a supportive and meaningful path for inner work.

  • It offers space to build a steady relationship with your inner world, one that is not shaped by external validation
  • It supports a deeper engagement with spiritual practices that nurture presence and awareness
  • It allows you to observe relational patterns with greater clarity, without being inside them
  • It encourages a sense of wholeness that arises from within rather than from circumstance
  • It invites a compassionate relationship with your emotional experience

These elements come together in a way that feels both grounding and expansive. Intentional singleness is not separate from spirituality. It is an expression of it, a way of meeting life directly and allowing it to teach us.

Singleness and Spirituality as Foundations for Self Discovery Alone

Singleness and spirituality create a natural foundation for self-discovery to unfold on its own. Without the constant movement of relationships, there is more space to notice the subtle layers of experience. Thoughts, emotions, and sensations become easier to observe.

Spirituality, in this sense, is not about reaching for something beyond ourselves. It is about becoming more intimate with what is already here. It invites us to stay present with our experience, even when it feels uncertain or incomplete.

Through this presence, self discovery alone becomes less about finding answers and more about deepening awareness. We begin to trust that understanding will emerge in its own time. This trust creates a sense of ease that supports continued growth.

Intentional Singleness and Being Single: Spiritual Growth in Daily Practice

Intentional singleness and being single spiritual growth unfold through small moments of awareness woven into daily life. Simple pauses, quiet reflection, and mindful attention help you stay connected to your inner experience.

Each moment becomes an opportunity to observe and learn, gradually deepening your connection with yourself. This awareness continues to evolve, supported by the space intentional singleness creates.

Self Discovery Alone While Living Single by Choice with Spiritual Awareness

Self discovery alone while living single by choice with spiritual awareness brings a sense of coherence to the experience of singleness. There is less tension between where we are and where we think we should be.

Spiritual awareness supports us in meeting each moment as it arises. It allows us to stay present with both ease and discomfort. This presence creates a kind of stability that does not depend on external conditions.

As we continue to live in this way, self discovery alone becomes an ongoing process rather than a destination. There is always more to notice, more to understand, more to feel.

Over time, a quiet recognition begins to emerge. There is a sense that nothing essential is missing. There is a feeling of being at home within ourselves, even as life continues to change.

Learn How your Mind Really Works with Sounds True

Final Thoughts

Being single, approached with intention, becomes a space for awareness rather than absence. It invites a quieter kind of attention, where self discovery alone unfolds through presence and honesty, allowing you to meet your inner world with greater clarity and care.

Intentional singleness supports a deeper connection with your inner life, creating a sense of steadiness that is not dependent on circumstance. Singleness and spirituality remind us that growth comes from how we meet our experience, and in that meeting, a grounded sense of wholeness begins to take shape.

Frequently Asked Questions About Being Single: Spiritual Growth

What does being single, spiritual growth actually mean in daily life?

It refers to using your time alone as a space for awareness and reflection. In daily life, this can look like noticing your reactions, spending time in stillness, and building a relationship with your inner experience rather than avoiding it.

Can intentional singleness improve emotional resilience?

Yes, intentional singleness can strengthen emotional resilience by helping you stay present with difficult feelings instead of immediately seeking distraction or reassurance from others.

How is intentional singleness different from simply being single?

Intentional singleness involves a conscious choice to engage with your inner life. It is less about circumstance and more about how you relate to your experience while you are single.

Is self discovery alone possible without spiritual practices?

Self discovery alone can happen without formal practices, but spiritual tools like meditation or journaling often support deeper awareness and consistency in the process.

Does being single by choice affect future relationships?

Being single by choice can lead to healthier future relationships because it allows you to understand your patterns, needs, and boundaries more clearly before entering a partnership.

How do singleness and spirituality influence decision-making?

Singleness and spirituality can create more space to reflect before making decisions. This often leads to choices that feel more aligned with your values rather than reactive or rushed.

What challenges might arise during intentional singleness?

Common challenges include facing loneliness, restlessness, or uncertainty. These experiences are part of the process and can offer insight when approached with awareness.

Can being single support spiritual growth and life purpose?

Yes, it can create the space needed to reflect on what feels meaningful to you, helping clarify your direction without external pressure.

How long should someone practice intentional singleness?

There is no set timeline. The duration depends on your personal needs and what feels supportive for your growth at a given time.

Is self discovery alone a continuous process or a phase?

Self discovery alone is ongoing. Even if your relationship status changes, the awareness you develop continues to evolve over time.

Michelle Cassandra Johnson is an author, activist, spiritual teacher, racial equity consultant, and intuitive healer. She is the author of six books, including Skill in Action and Finding Refuge. Amy Burtaine is a leadership coach and racial equity trainer. With Robin DiAngelo, she is the coauthor of The Facilitator's Guide for White Affinity Groups. For more, visit https://www.michellecjohnson.com/wisdom-of-the-hive.

The Lost Art of Wholehearted Friendship: Why Deep Conn...

Friendship is something most of us carry quietly in our lives. We stay in touch, we share updates, and we spend time together when we can. Yet even with all this contact, there can be a sense that something deeper is missing. Deep friendship is not only about connection. It is about feeling known, supported, and able to be fully ourselves. Wholehearted friendship and authentic connection grow when there is presence, honesty, and care. Meaningful friendship takes shape in these simple but intentional moments.

For decades, we have been devoted to sharing the living wisdom of teachers who speak to the heart of human connection. Through thousands of conversations and teachings, we have held space for insights on mindful relationships, emotional presence, and authentic connection. Our work centers on preserving real voices and experiences that support deeper ways of relating.

Here, we reflect on the quiet loss of deep friendship and how wholehearted friendship, mindful relationships, and authentic connection can be nurtured in everyday life.

Key Takeaways:

  • Presence Matters: Deep friendship grows through consistent attention and the ability to fully show up in mindful relationships.
  • Authenticity Builds Trust: Wholehearted friendship is strengthened when individuals feel safe to express their true selves.
  • Small Moments Shape Meaning: Meaningful friendship develops through everyday interactions rooted in care, honesty, and connection.

Learn How your Mind Really Works with Sounds True

The Quiet Loss of Deep Friendship, Wholehearted Friendship, and Authentic Connection in Modern Life

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to stay in touch, yet how rare it feels to be truly known?

Connection is constant, yet deep friendship can still feel distant. We share messages and moments throughout the day, but something essential often remains just out of reach. Wholehearted friendship asks for a deeper kind of presence, one where we are fully seen and received.

Over the years, we have listened to teachers and seekers speak from lived experience, and one truth continues to surface. Meaningful friendship is not built on frequency, but on depth of attention. Mindful relationships begin when we slow down and notice how we are showing up. Authentic connection grows from that awareness.

Many of us are not lacking relationships. What is often missing is the space for those relationships to deepen. When attention is divided, deep friendship struggles to take root, even as the longing for it remains.

Reclaiming Wholehearted Friendship Through Mindful Relationships and Authentic Connection

Reclaiming wholehearted friendship begins with how we show up. Mindful relationships invite us to slow down, pay attention, and bring care into our interactions. Authentic connection grows from this steady presence.

Returning to Presence in Mindful Relationships

Presence is the foundation of meaningful friendship. It means listening fully, allowing space, and giving attention without distraction. These small moments help a deep friendship take root.

Allowing Authentic Connection to Emerge Naturally

An authentic connection arises when we are honest and open. Wholehearted friendship does not require perfection, only a willingness to be real. Meaningful friendship grows through this shared openness.

Why Deep Friendship, Meaningful Friendship, and Authentic Connection Feel Harder to Sustain

If deep friendship feels more difficult to sustain, it is not because we have lost the capacity for it. It is often because our attention is pulled in many directions at once.

The Impact of Constant Distraction on Mindful Relationships

Distraction has a subtle yet powerful effect on how we relate. Even when we care deeply about someone, our attention may be fragmented. We may be listening while also thinking ahead, or responding while only partially present.

Mindful relationships invite us to notice this pattern without judgment. When we become aware of our distraction, we can gently return to the moment. This simple act can restore a sense of connection that might otherwise be missed.

Meaningful friendship depends on continuity. It grows through sustained attention, through moments that are fully inhabited rather than divided. Without this, even close relationships can begin to feel distant.

The Subtle Fear of Vulnerability in Wholehearted Friendship

Alongside distraction, there is often a quieter barrier. The fear of vulnerability can keep us from stepping fully into authentic connection. Deep friendship asks us to share parts of ourselves that may feel tender or unfinished.

This can be uncomfortable. It may feel easier to stay within familiar roles or to keep conversations at a safe distance. Yet wholehearted friendship invites us to move gently beyond these limits.

In mindful relationships, vulnerability is not something to overcome, but something to approach with care. When we allow ourselves to be seen, even in small ways, we create the conditions for meaningful friendship to deepen.

How Mindful Relationships Support Wholehearted Friendship and Deep Authentic Connection

Mindful relationships offer a steady foundation for deep friendship. They remind us that connection is not built through effort alone, but through the quality of attention we bring to each moment.

Listening as the Foundation of Meaningful Friendship

Listening is one of the most generous acts we can offer. In meaningful friendship, listening goes beyond words. It includes presence, curiosity, and the willingness to remain open.

When we listen deeply, we allow the other person to feel heard in a way that is rare. This strengthens authentic connection and creates a sense of trust that supports wholehearted friendship.

Over time, this kind of listening becomes a shared experience. Both people begin to feel more at ease, more open, and more connected.

Presence as a Practice of Deep Friendship

Presence is not about perfection. It is about returning. In mindful relationships, we will inevitably lose focus at times. What matters is our willingness to come back.

This practice of returning shapes deep friendship in subtle ways. It allows the connection to remain alive, even when distractions arise. Authentic connection grows through this steady attention, supported by the intention to remain present.

Awaken Your Inner Healing Power with Guided Practices by Sounds True

The Heart of Meaningful Friendship: Wholehearted Friendship, Mindful Relationships, and Authentic Connection

At the heart of meaningful friendship are qualities that we can begin to notice and nurture in our daily lives:

  • Presence that allows each person to feel genuinely seen within mindful relationships
  • Honesty that supports authentic connection without requiring perfection
  • Compassion that softens moments of misunderstanding in wholehearted friendship
  • Patience that gives deep friendship time to unfold naturally
  • Curiosity that keeps a meaningful friendship open and evolving

These qualities are not fixed traits. They are ways of being that we return to through practice. As we embody them, even imperfectly, relationships begin to feel more spacious and supportive.

Wholehearted friendship becomes less about meeting expectations and more about sharing experiences. Authentic connection and mindful relationships begin to reinforce one another, creating a sense of ease that allows meaningful friendship to grow.

In this space, there is room for both joy and difficulty. Friendship becomes a place where we can show up fully, without needing to hide or perform.

The Inner Work Required for Deep Friendship, Wholehearted Friendship, and Authentic Connection

The depth of our friendships often reflects our self-awareness. Wholehearted friendship asks us to show up fully, which begins with an honest relationship with ourselves.

This inner work is about noticing how we respond, protect, and open. In mindful relationships, this awareness helps us stay present, even when emotions arise.

At times, we may feel the urge to withdraw. When we meet these moments with curiosity, we create space for authentic connection. Meaningful friendship grows when we can stay present with ourselves and others at once, allowing relationships to feel both grounded and alive.

Practicing Mindful Relationships to Cultivate Wholehearted and Meaningful Friendship

Practice brings these ideas into lived experience. Mindful relationships are shaped through small, consistent choices that reflect care and attention.

Wholehearted friendship develops through moments that may seem ordinary. Taking time to truly listen, expressing appreciation, or simply being present with someone can all support meaningful friendship.

These actions do not need to be elaborate. What matters is the quality of attention behind them. Authentic connection grows in these everyday interactions, where presence is offered without expectation.

As these practices become more familiar, deep friendship begins to feel more natural. It becomes less about effort and more about alignment with what we value.

Living Into Deep Friendship Through Wholehearted Friendship, Mindful Relationships, and Authentic Connection

Living in deep friendship is not a destination. It is an ongoing experience shaped by our willingness to remain present and open.

Wholehearted friendship asks for participation. It invites us to show up with honesty, to listen with care, and to remain engaged even when it feels challenging. Mindful relationships support this process by helping us return to what matters, again and again.

Authentic connection grows through these repeated returns. It is not something we achieve once, but something we nurture over time. Meaningful friendship reflects this ongoing practice, offering a space where we can continue to learn, to grow, and to be seen.

In choosing presence, in choosing openness, and in choosing care, we begin to rediscover the depth of connection that has always been available.

Discover the Hidden Power of Daily Meditation

Final Thoughts

Deep friendship grows through presence, honesty, and care. Wholehearted friendship takes shape when we allow ourselves to be seen and when we offer that same openness to others.

Through mindful relationships and authentic connection, meaningful friendship becomes less about effort and more about how we choose to show up each day.

Frequently Asked Questions About Deep Friendship and Authentic Connection

What is the difference between deep friendship and casual friendship?

Deep friendship involves emotional depth, trust, and mutual vulnerability, while casual friendship often centers on shared activities without deeper emotional exchange.

How can someone begin building a deep friendship later in life?

It begins with openness and consistency. Reaching out with sincerity, showing interest in others, and allowing conversations to deepen over time can create strong bonds.

Why do some friendships never become meaningful friendships?

Some friendships remain surface-level due to a lack of vulnerability, limited time investment, or differing expectations about emotional closeness.

Can mindful relationships exist without long-term history?

Yes. Mindful relationships are built on presence and awareness, not time alone. Even newer connections can feel grounded and meaningful when both people are attentive.

What role does communication play in authentic connection?

Clear and honest communication supports authentic connection by allowing both people to express needs, boundaries, and emotions without confusion.

How do boundaries support wholehearted friendship?

Healthy boundaries create safety within relationships. They allow individuals to show up fully without feeling overwhelmed or overextended.

Is it possible to rebuild a deep friendship after distance?

Yes, if both people are willing to reconnect with honesty and patience. Acknowledging the distance and starting fresh can reopen the connection.

Why do meaningful friendships sometimes fade naturally?

Life changes, personal growth, and shifting priorities can lead friendships to evolve or fade, even when there is no conflict.

How can introverted individuals cultivate authentic connections?

By focusing on quality over quantity. Smaller, intentional interactions often support deeper and more meaningful friendship experiences.

What are the signs of a truly supportive deep friendship?

Mutual respect, emotional safety, consistent presence, and the ability to navigate challenges together are strong indicators of deep friendship.

Michelle Cassandra Johnson is an author, activist, spiritual teacher, racial equity consultant, and intuitive healer. She is the author of six books, including Skill in Action and Finding Refuge. Amy Burtaine is a leadership coach and racial equity trainer. With Robin DiAngelo, she is the coauthor of The Facilitator's Guide for White Affinity Groups. For more, visit https://www.michellecjohnson.com/wisdom-of-the-hive.

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