Reginald A. Ray: Hard Questions for a Vajra Master

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September 16, 2015

Reginald A. Ray: Hard Questions for a Vajra Master

Reginald A. Ray September 16, 2015

Reggie Ray is a lineage holder of the great Tibetan Buddhist meditation teacher Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, a faculty member of Naropa University, and spiritual director of the Dharma Ocean Foundation based in Crestone, Colorado. He is the author of several books, including Touching Enlightenment and Secret of the Vajra World. With Sounds True, Reggie has released audio learning programs such as Meditating with the Body and Meditation in Seven Steps. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon—who is a student of Reggie—poses a series of challenging and difficult questions to her instructor. (52 minutes)

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Reginald A. Ray, PhD, is the co-founder and spiritual director of Dharma Ocean Foundation, dedicated to the evolution and flowering of the somatic teachings of Tibetan Tantra. He is a lineage holder in the tradition of Chogyam Trungpa, Rinpoche. Reggie is the author of several books including Touching Enlightenment. He makes his residence in Crestone and Boulder, Colorado. For more, visit dharmaocean.org.

Author photo © Dona Laurita | Foto di Vita

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Reginald A. Ray: Hard Questions for a Vajra Master

Reggie Ray is a lineage holder of the great Tibetan Buddhist meditation teacher Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, a faculty member of Naropa University, and spiritual director of the Dharma Ocean Foundation based in Crestone, Colorado. He is the author of several books, including Touching Enlightenment and Secret of the Vajra World. With Sounds True, Reggie has released audio learning programs such as Meditating with the Body and Meditation in Seven Steps. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon—who is a student of Reggie—poses a series of challenging and difficult questions to her instructor. (52 minutes)

The Tantric Consort: Awakening Through Relationship

Friends, I wanted to let you know about a four-part online video course that we created with Reggie Ray which explores intimacy as one of the most radical vehicles of spiritual transformation. The Vajrayana, or tantric tradition of Buddhism, teaches ways of being in relationship that serve as unique gateways to spiritual awakening. These teachings on the consort represent some of the most advanced teachings in Buddhism, and have been guarded and kept secret for the most part over the last 1000 years. What Reggie has discovered is that contemporary practitioners are uniquely situated to undertake some of their deepest spiritual work in the context of intimate relationship, however lack the perspective and practices needed to do so.

Watch Reggie’s video introduction here:

Learn more and access The Tantric Consort online course here.

Who Is the Tantric Consort?

The tantric tradition asserts that spirituality in its fullest sense cannot be an isolated, solitary, purely self-involved enterprise. Rather, we make the deepest journey of transformation and ultimate fulfillment only in relationship—with our deepest nature, with our unique karmic situations, with the people in our lives, and with the living universe around us. Through being in connection with these others, we are inspired, we love, and we open. We learn at the deepest levels that we are never one alone but always two-by-two, always in connection, always in the love relationship with all that is; and therein lies our life and our realization.

The tantric consort is the ultimate other. In fact, in the tantric tradition, it is said that moment by moment, he or she represents to us the entire phenomenal world. In other words, in the consort, we most deeply and completely meet the sacred universe in its entirety—a perhaps outrageous claim, but one that experience proves. Through the practice of taking the consort as representing the sacred totality, we learn to love more deeply than we ever imagined possible: first the consort, then everything that is. We see where we habitually hold back and hide out; we practice ways to release our masks, blockages, and obstacles; and ultimately we find union, where releasing our narcissistic fixation on ourselves and discovering our profound and eternal oneness with the consort—and through him or her the world—are the same thing. Ultimately, our ability to journey on the path of the tantric consort comes down to our own willingness, bravery, and devotion in cultivating an open heart and in learning to love the beloved openly and without limit.

By sharing ancient Vajrayana teachings on the view of the consort relationship as well as guiding us through specific, powerful meditations, Reggie leads us to both an understanding and an experience of the tantric consort as the gateway to our own awakening. He emphasizes learning practices that can be carried forward into our lives, including several heart-based meditations to be practices on our own or with a partner.

Many believe that the goal of spiritual practice is enlightenment or liberation, but the human being actually longs for much, much more. Instinctually, we yearn for what we know is possible: fulfillment, joy and union with all creation. Opening to our longing to connect with the tantric consort is the gateway and learning to relate with him or her openheartedly is the path.

Here is a summary of the course’s four parts:

Session 1: Relating with the Other as Sacred

The Vajrayana View of Consort Practice

Why is relationality the essence of Vajrayana spirituality? What special role does the consort play within the Vajrayana? Where do these teachings come from and how can the ancient practices of working with a consort be applied to our modern lives? What differentiates the consort relationship from conventional relationships? How does the consort appear in our life?

The guided meditation we will learn in Session One is The Thousand-Petaled Lotus Practice: Beginning to Open the Heart. Just as we establish the view on a conceptual level in order to engage in consort practice, we must also establish the ground of an open heart on a visceral level. The Thousand-Petaled Lotus Practice will become a gateway to all further consort practice for us.

Session 2: Genuine Presence

The Practice of Being a Consort

In Session Two we will discuss the qualities of a consort relationship—as well as each partner’s individual practice—that create a powerful container for spiritual transformation. Themes will include: staying close to your inspiration, becoming vulnerable, the nature of commitment in the consort relationship, courageous honesty, and relaxing the judgmental mind.

The commitment of tantric consorts to work with one another’s fullness—the brilliant array of light and dark, wisdom and neurosis, empowerment and injury that we each possess—becomes an invitation for consorts to explore their own vastness and become who they truly are.

We will also learn a meditation called Dissolving Blockages and Uncovering the Heart’s Unconditional Openness. Through our persistent, gentle practice we begin to wear away the armor that surrounds our hearts, revealing a luminous love that naturally opens to and receives our partner.

Session 3: Obstacles and Antidotes

Practices and Techniques for When the Going Gets Rough

In the consort relationship we are bound to encounter even more emotional and psychological “triggers” than in a conventional relationship, because we have explicitly committed to spiritual awakening, which requires that we go to and through the uncomfortable places; that we surf the endless waves of our own growth edges.

When those unavoidable experiences arise, how can we learn to welcome them with open arms, rather than to cower and escape into habitual behavior patterns? Session Three’s discussion will be on cultivating our bravery as spiritual warriors so we can engage these encounters differently than we have in the past.

In this session Dr. Ray will lead us through a meditation that applies especially well to moments of upheaval in relationship: Learning to Behold Our Intimate Partner with Our Heart.

Session 4: Meditation in Action

Healing Core Traumas with the Consort

It is said in the tradition that the consort “unbinds the fetters of the heart,” meaning that he or she frees us at the deepest levels of our being to love and to open that love to the world. Through consort practices, over time, the most hidden, unconscious blockages are called into consciousness so that we can see them, work with them, and resolve them. Often the emotional twists and distortions that underlie our current conscious ego prison go back to preverbal levels. Yet, as modern psychology shows us, these unconscious patterns control and limit what we can feel and see and experience, and ultimately block our ability to love fully.

This session will discuss the path of consort practice in its ability to heal and resolve our deepest wounds. Facing these traumas with the support of our tantric consort is a slow but liberating process that opens up our own capacity to experience life’s joy and fulfillment.

This session’s final guided meditation is a powerful one that can be practiced on one’s own or with a partner: A Consort Meditation for Dissolving Core Traumas and Obscurations. Dr. Ray will lead us through this meditation technique that can be applied again and again, either when core traumas arise naturally, or when we sit down with the intention of specifically engaging certain aspects of ourselves or our partner that we know need healing.

 

The Purpose of Life is to Love

Within all of the great wisdom traditions we find an emphasis on love, kindness, and opening our heart to others. It is quite natural to open in this way to our family and friends, but what the great traditions teach is that this reservoir of love inside us is unlimited, extends to all living beings, and even to the universe itself. This reality of love is not an abstract experience, notes respected meditation teacher Reggie Ray, but something that is alive the core of who and what we are. One way to envision the spiritual journey is as a pathway which unlocks the love in our hearts, thereby enabling us to become fully human.

Please enjoy this short video from Reggie on the unfolding of love.

 

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Elizabeth Stanley on Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness: Whe...

Meditation is often understood as a way to find calm by turning inward. Yet for many people, that inward focus can feel overwhelming instead of grounding. The body may tighten, emotions may rise quickly, or the mind may feel harder to settle. These responses are not a sign of failure. They reflect how the nervous system holds and processes past experiences. Trauma sensitive mindfulness offers a way to approach awareness with more care, allowing space for safety, pacing, and choice.

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  • Healing Approach: Awareness becomes effective when paired with pacing, care, and nervous system support

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What Is Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness and How It Differs from Traditional Mindfulness

Trauma sensitive mindfulness begins with a simple truth. The present moment does not feel safe for everyone. Turning inward can bring up intense sensations or emotions, and traditional mindfulness does not always account for how trauma shapes this experience.

This approach offers a gentler entry point. It considers how the body responds before asking it to be still. Instead of pushing through discomfort, it allows for choice, movement, and grounding.

Mindfulness then becomes less about doing it right and more about building a relationship with our experience. We learn to notice what feels supportive, pause when needed, and meet ourselves with care.

Elizabeth Stanley’s Approach to Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness and Healing

Elizabeth Stanley’s work brings clarity to why trauma sensitive mindfulness matters and how it can be practiced in a way that truly supports healing. Her perspective is grounded in both research and lived experience, creating a bridge between science and personal transformation.

Her Background in Trauma and Resilience

Stanley’s background includes years of studying resilience under extreme stress, alongside her own journey through trauma recovery. She emphasizes that resilience is not simply about mental strength. It is about the capacity of the nervous system to return to balance after disruption.

Through trauma sensitive mindfulness, she highlights how this capacity can be strengthened over time. The practice becomes less about observing thoughts and more about learning how to stay connected to the body without becoming overwhelmed.

The Limits of Traditional Mindfulness Practices

In her teaching, Stanley also speaks to the limitations of traditional mindfulness approaches. Many practices assume that the body can tolerate sustained attention. For someone carrying unresolved trauma, that assumption may not hold true.

Trauma sensitive mindfulness acknowledges that awareness alone is not always enough. Without support, attention can amplify distress rather than ease it. By integrating regulation and pacing, this approach creates a more supportive path that allows mindfulness to unfold gradually.

Why Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness Changes the Way We Practice Meditation

When we begin to understand mindfulness through the lens of trauma sensitivity, the practice itself starts to shift. Meditation is no longer about holding attention in one place at all costs. It becomes a responsive and adaptive experience.

Meditation Through the Lens of Trauma Sensitivity

In trauma sensitive mindfulness, meditation can include a wide range of options. A person might keep their eyes open, shift their focus between internal and external awareness, or engage in gentle movement. These choices are not distractions from the practice. They are part of the practice.

This flexibility helps create a sense of stability. It allows the practitioner to remain engaged without pushing beyond their capacity.

Creating Safety Within the Practice

Safety is not treated as an outcome. It is the foundation. Trauma sensitive mindfulness invites us to notice when something feels supportive and when it does not. That noticing becomes a form of guidance.

Over time, this builds trust. The practitioner begins to feel that they can stay present without losing themselves in the experience. Meditation then becomes a space where healing can happen at a natural pace.

When Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness Is Needed Beyond Standard Meditation

There are times when traditional mindfulness practices may not provide the support someone needs. Trauma sensitive mindfulness helps us recognize those moments with clarity and care.

Recognizing Signs That Mindfulness Alone Is Not Enough

Some people notice that meditation brings up anxiety, numbness, or a sense of disconnection. Others may feel flooded by emotion or unable to stay grounded. These experiences are not signs of failure. They are signals from the nervous system.

Trauma sensitive mindfulness encourages us to respond to these signals rather than push through them.

Expanding Beyond Stillness Into Regulation

In these moments, the practice may shift. Instead of remaining still, a person might focus on their surroundings, engage in movement, or connect with a steady rhythm like walking or breathing with sound.

These forms of regulation help restore balance. They create a pathway back to presence that feels supportive rather than overwhelming.

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The Role of the Nervous System in Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness Practice

Trauma sensitive mindfulness recognizes that the nervous system plays a central role in how we experience awareness. Before we can rest in presence, the body needs to sense that it is safe enough to do so.

  • The nervous system constantly interprets signals of safety and threat, often outside of conscious awareness
  • Trauma can leave the body in patterns of activation or shutdown that shape how mindfulness feels
  • Trauma sensitive mindfulness introduces gentle ways to support regulation before deep attention is invited
  • Small moments of ease help the nervous system learn that presence can be safe
  • Choice allows the practitioner to stay connected without feeling trapped in the experience

As these patterns begin to shift, mindfulness becomes more accessible. The body no longer experiences awareness as something to defend against. Instead, it becomes a place where steadiness can grow.

How to Practice Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness Safely and Effectively

Practicing trauma sensitive mindfulness begins with a willingness to move at the pace of the body. There is no need to force stillness or sustain attention beyond what feels manageable. Instead, we begin by noticing what feels supportive in the moment.

This might include grounding attention in the senses, feeling the contact of the body with a chair, or simply noticing the environment. At times, it may mean stepping away from internal awareness and focusing outward. These choices are not interruptions. They are expressions of care.

Over time, this approach builds a sense of trust. The practitioner learns that they can engage with mindfulness without becoming overwhelmed. Safety becomes something that is felt, not something that is assumed. From this foundation, awareness can deepen in a way that feels steady and sustainable.

Bringing Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness into Daily Life and Relationships

Trauma sensitive mindfulness does not remain confined to formal practice. It naturally extends into daily life. It can be present in the way we pause before responding, in how we notice tension in the body, or in the decision to take a moment of rest.

In relationships, this awareness can create space. Instead of reacting automatically, we begin to sense what is happening within us. This allows for more thoughtful responses and a greater sense of connection.

These small moments matter. They reflect a shift from striving to be present toward allowing presence to emerge. In this way, mindfulness becomes integrated into the rhythm of everyday life.

Building Resilience Through Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness Over Time

Resilience develops gradually. It is shaped through repeated experiences of safety, awareness, and regulation. Trauma sensitive mindfulness supports this process by honoring the body’s natural pace.

Each moment of grounded awareness strengthens the nervous system’s capacity to remain present. Over time, this creates a sense of stability that can hold a wider range of experiences.

This path is not about reaching a fixed state. It is about developing a relationship with ourselves that is steady, responsive, and compassionate. Through trauma sensitive mindfulness, we begin to discover that presence is not something we force. It is something that becomes possible as the body learns it is safe to be here.

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Final Thoughts

Trauma sensitive mindfulness invites a more compassionate way of being present. Rather than pushing through discomfort, it encourages us to listen to the body and move at a pace that feels supportive.

Elizabeth Stanley’s insights remind us that awareness and regulation go hand in hand. As we honor both, mindfulness becomes a steady, healing practice that meets us exactly where we are.

Frequently Asked Questions About Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness

What makes trauma sensitive mindfulness different from trauma informed care?

Trauma sensitive mindfulness is a specific approach within the broader framework of trauma informed care. While trauma informed care can apply to many fields, such as healthcare or education, trauma sensitive mindfulness focuses directly on how mindfulness practices are adapted to support nervous system safety and regulation.

Can trauma sensitive mindfulness be practiced without a teacher?

Yes, it can be practiced individually, especially with gentle awareness and self-guided pacing. However, some people benefit from working with a trained practitioner who understands trauma and can offer guidance when difficult experiences arise.

Is trauma sensitive mindfulness suitable for beginners?

Yes, it is often more accessible for beginners because it emphasizes choice and flexibility. Instead of requiring strict focus, it allows people to ease into awareness in a way that feels manageable.

How long does it take to see benefits from trauma sensitive mindfulness?

The experience varies from person to person. Some may notice small shifts in awareness and calm within a short time, while bigger changes in resilience and regulation tend to develop gradually through consistent practice.

Can trauma sensitive mindfulness replace therapy?

It is not a replacement for therapy, especially for those working through significant trauma. It can be a supportive complement to therapeutic work, helping individuals build awareness and regulation skills alongside professional support.

What types of practices are included in trauma sensitive mindfulness?

Practices may include grounding exercises, sensory awareness, gentle movement, and flexible attention techniques. The focus is on what supports stability rather than following a fixed method.

How does trauma sensitive mindfulness support physical well-being?

By helping regulate the nervous system, this approach can reduce chronic stress responses in the body. Over time, this may support improved sleep, reduced tension, and a greater sense of ease.

Is it normal to feel discomfort during trauma sensitive mindfulness?

Some discomfort can arise, especially when becoming more aware of internal experiences. The key difference is that this approach encourages responding to discomfort with care, rather than pushing through it.

Can trauma sensitive mindfulness be practiced in short moments?

Yes, it is well suited for brief, everyday moments. Even a few seconds of grounding or awareness can support regulation and help build consistency over time.

Who can benefit most from trauma sensitive mindfulness?

Anyone can benefit, but it is especially supportive for individuals who find traditional meditation challenging or overwhelming. It offers an alternative path that honors personal capacity.

Michelle Cassandra Johnson is an author, activist, spiritual teacher, racial equity consultant, and intuitive healer. She is the author of six books, including Skill in Action and Finding Refuge. Amy Burtaine is a leadership coach and racial equity trainer. With Robin DiAngelo, she is the coauthor of The Facilitator's Guide for White Affinity Groups. For more, visit https://www.michellecjohnson.com/wisdom-of-the-hive.

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