Category: Self-Compassion

Patrick O’Malley: Getting Grief Right

Patrick O’Malley is a grief counselor with more than 35 years of experience. He has written many well-regarded articles on grieving, including the namesake New York Times article that inspired his new Sounds True book Getting Grief Right: Finding Your Story of Love in the Sorrow of Loss. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon and Patrick discuss his unique approach to grief and how it diverts from the popularly accepted five-stage model created by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross. Patrick asserts that the Kübler-Ross model, while helpful as a foundation, can actually create an emotional cage for people as they struggle to find the acceptance and closure that they expect to end their grieving. Tami and Patrick also talk about the odd way in which the concept “closure” became entwined with grief therapy and why sharing our stories of loss can be the most important step in the process. Finally, Patrick shares his own story of loss and explains that the simple act of being compassionately heard can be the most important step toward healing. (60 minutes)

Stop Trying to Be Happy: Jeff Foster on Being Held, No...

“Your pain, your sorrow, your doubts, your longings, your fearful thoughts: they are not mistakes, and they are not asking to be ‘healed.’ They are asking to be held. Here, now, lightly, in the loving, healing arms of present awareness . . .”

There is so much pressure on us these days to “feel good.” But it’s exactly our attempts to feel good that can make us feel so bad! Conceiving of happiness as a destination rather than the all-embracing non-dual present awareness that we are, we go to war with our unhappiness and feel shame around it. We split ourselves in two and feel far away from Home. I know—I spent much of my life suicidally depressed. These days I love myself exactly as I am; I see the beauty in my imperfections, and I want to share the secrets of self-love with you.

In my new book, The Way of Rest, through prose and poetry I invite you—and this sounds like a paradox at first—to stop trying to be happy, stop trying to awaken or even “heal,” and instead courageously embrace yourself exactly as you are, including your present unhappiness—your painful feelings, your strange thoughts and longings, even your fear and exhaustion. See them all as perfectly placed pieces of you rather than mistakes or aberrations or signs of your failure.

Today, try this:

If you feel sad or afraid, or feel a tension in your body, just for a moment stop trying to “let go.” Forget about “raising your vibration” too! Instead, simply be with the discomfort. Get curious about it. Soften around it. Breathe into it. Give it space, room, some time. Forget about understanding, “releasing,” or “fixing” it today and just allow it to be here for as long as it needs to be here. Let it stay if it wants to stay. Let it go if it wants to go! Let it come back if it wants to come back. Treat it like a welcome guest in the vast Rest Home of your being, a beloved child that truly belongs.

If you’re tired of the fight, exhausted from the struggle, fed up with trying to “fit in,” I invite you to discover a deeper kind of healing: The Way of Rest.

With love from yourself,

Jeff Foster

Defiant

By Janine Shepherd

I have spent most of my life trying to hide the extent of my disability. By sharing my story in Defiant, at long last, it feels like I have ‘come out’ as a spinal patient and it is liberating. I now embrace the word ‘disability’ with pride as I consider how far I have come and what I have achieved since my accident.

I spent almost six months in the spinal ward after a near fatal accident in 1986 left me with life-threatening injuries, including multiple fractures to my neck and back. I still remember the day my father drove me out of the hospital gates, my wheelchair in the back of the car, my emaciated body wrapped in a full plaster body cast to protect my newly repaired back. Life as I knew it would never be the same. In many ways I was fortunate, and in other ways, not so.

Although I was initially told that it was unlikely I would walk again, or have children, or do the things I had done before in my days as an elite athlete, I was determined to defy the grim prognosis. I would eventually go on to learn to walk again, albeit with a limping gait that would lead to many other complications.

My remarkable recovery from wheelchair bound to walking paraplegic was a combined effort on the part of many caregivers. And the great lesson I’m privileged to share with you, in my new memoir, is that I’ve learned that I’m not my body and you, dear reader, aren’t yours.

HeatherAsh Amara: Putting your True Work at the center...

HeatherAsh Amara is a spiritual teacher and the founder of Toci, the Toltec Center of Creative Intent. Drawing from a blend of traditions including Toltec wisdom teachings, shamanism, and Native American ceremony, HeatherAsh is the author of several books and audios. With Sounds True, she has most recently published Awakening Your Inner Fire: A Step-by-Step Course to Ignite Your Passion and Create the Life You Love. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon and HeatherAsh talk about bringing our innermost values to our work. They speak on contemporary society’s unspoken assumption that we only have value in productivity, and how we can step outside this mindset to recognize our inherent worth. HeatherAsh describes how each of us can stoke our own inner fires, including the little-explored heart and spiritual fires. Finally, Tami and HeatherAsh discuss our “true work” in the world and how to bring a touch of the sacred to everything you do. (58 minutes)

LiYana Silver: “We Are Embodied Light” – Discove...

LiYana Silver is a life coach and public speaker devoted to helping women embrace their innate feminine strengths in every area of their lives. With Sounds True, she has released the new book Feminine Genius: The Provocative Path to Waking Up and Turning On the Wisdom of Being a Woman. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, LiYana and Tami Simon talk about the importance of listening to one’s deepest inner intuition—your own inner “Oracle,” and LiYana guides listeners through a meditation to invoke this Oracle. Tami and LiYana also speak on enduring difficult times and the lessons contained in the dark patches of our lives, including LiYana’s own “Year of Hell.” Finally, they discuss the necessity of accepting pleasure and how to relate to other women in their own unique embodiments of Feminine Genius. (65 minutes)

Cheri Huber: There Is Nothing Wrong with You

Cheri Huber is the founder of Mountain View Zen Center and the Zen Monastery Practice Center in California, as well as the author of 19 books including When You’re Falling, Dive and What You Practice Is What You Have. She is the founder and director of Living Compassion, a nonprofit organization dedicated to peace and service. With Sounds True, Cheri has released the audio series Unconditional Self-Acceptance. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon and Cheri discuss how your life is what you give your attention to, and how to work constructively and compassionately with what Cheri calls “negative voices in the head.” (55 minutes)