Tami Simon speaks with Soren Gordhamer, an author and teacher whose specialty is helping people find ways to reduce stress, access presence, and increase creativity particularly in relationship to technology. He is hosting a two-day conference in Silicon Valley, April 30 – May 1, 2010, entitled “Wisdom 2.0,” which is also the title of his recent book. The conference will be the first of its kind to bring together people from a variety of disciplines to explore how we can interface with the technologies of our age, from cell phones to social media, with mindfulness, meaning, and wisdom. For more information about the event, you can visit wisdom2summit.com. (38 minutes)
Tami Simon speaks with Dr. Judith Blackstone, a licensed clinical psychotherapist in New York and an innovative teacher in contemporary spirituality. With Sounds True, she has published a book called The Intimate Life: Awakening to the Spiritual Essence in Yourself and Others, and a six-session audio learning course called The Realization Process: A Step-by-Step Guide to Embodied Spiritual Awakening, in which she teaches her powerful method for attuning to fundamental (or non-dual) consciousness. In this episode, Tami has an illuminating conversation with Judith about two introductory ways of tapping into fundamental consciousness, how we can relate to others “core to core,” and the role of the body in the fullness of realization. (53 minutes)
Richard Miller is one of the world’s leading authorities on the practice of Yoga Nidra—a deep form of yogic meditation and relaxation. With Sounds True, Richard has published iRest Meditation: Restorative Practices for Health, Resiliency, and Well-Being, a comprehensive audio toolkit for the contemporary use of Yoga Nidra practices. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon and Richard talk about the use of Yoga Nidra to treat trauma—especially among returning military personnel. They also speak on the core ideas behind iRest, as well as events that led to its development. Finally, Richard guides listeners through a full iRest meditation practice designed for the reconciliation of seemingly opposite thoughts and emotions. (68 minutes)
A healthy relationship—whether that’s between two people or two nations—is not one in which everyone agrees; it’s one where it’s safe for differences, and we have the skills to honor all of our needs. In this podcast, Tami Simon speaks with renowned mediator and bestselling author, William Ury, about his new book, Possible and the insights he has gleaned through more than four decades of conflict-resolution across the globe.
If you only listen to one podcast this year, may it be this one! Tami and William discuss: Meeting animosity with curiosity; shifting perspective and the metaphor of the balcony; self-observation; how more silence leads to more cooperation; the 3A trap: avoid, accommodate, or attack; the link between creativity and conflict; why negotiation is more about listening than speaking; reaching “second order agreement”; creating a “golden bridge” across our divides; universal needs and the question, what do you really want?; humble audacity; the notion of bringing in the third side; the importance of reconciliation; and more.
Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.
In the Internal Family Systems model, the practice of speaking for, rather than from, parts when they are triggered is an important aspect of Self-leadership. When people receive a message from you, it has two components: the content (the actual words) and the energy behind the words. When your protective parts are upset and speak directly to another person, invariably they will trigger parts in the other. When, on the other hand, you listen to your protectors and then speak for them, from your Self, the message is received in a very different way, even if you use the same words that your parts are saying. Your words lose their judgmental sting or their off-putting desperation and coerciveness. Instead, your respect and compassion for the other person will be heard in addition to the courage of your convictions.
Self energy has a soothing effect on any parts it touches, whether they are in you or in another person. When your parts trust that you will speak for them, they feel less driven to take over and explode at people. What they really want is to have a voice—to be listened to by you and to have their position represented to others.
Practice: SELF-LEADERSHIP AS A WAY OF INTERACTING IN A CONFLICT
These practices—remaining the “I” in the storm or the empty vessel, and speaking for rather than from your parts—can be combined into a general way of relating as a couple when you have conflict. When you begin to fight, each of you can try the following:
Pause
Focus inside and find the parts that are triggered
Ask those parts to relax and let you speak for them
Tell your partner about what you found inside (speak for your parts), and
Listen to your partner from your open-hearted Self
When a couple is embattled and each focuses inside, as in step 2, usually they only hear from their protectors. If it feels safe enough, moving an extra step toward vulnerability can reap big rewards. That step involves staying inside long enough to learn about the exiles that your protectors are guarding, and then telling your partner about these vulnerable parts. In most cases, when one partner has the courage to reveal the vulnerability that drives their protectiveness, the atmosphere immediately softens and the couple shifts toward Self-to-Self communication.
This is an excerpt from You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For: Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships by Richard C. Schwartz, PhD.
Tami Simon speaks with Hank Wesselman, who has a PhD in anthropology from the University of California at Berkeley, and for many years studied the origin of the human species in the Rift Valley in East Africa. He is also a student and teacher of shamanic practices and is the coauthor of the Sounds True book Awakening to the Spirit World, with fellow shamanic teacher Sandra Ingerman. His new book with Sounds True is The Bowl of Light: Ancestral Wisdom from a Hawaiian Shaman. In this episode, Dr. Wesselman speaks the lessons he learned from his friendship with the late Hawaiian kahuna and wisdom keeper Hale Makua-including a technique called “the bowl of light” that can help us connect to our divine nature, and the vision of an “Ancestral Grand Plan” for humanity. (58 minutes)
