Being Witnessed In Grief Is A Powerful Balm For Healing

Holding a grudge carries a cost, and science has measured it. Fred Luskin spent decades quantifying that cost through some of the most rigorous forgiveness research ever conducted at Stanford University, and what he found changes how we think about what letting go really means.

At Sounds True, we have spent forty years building a library of more than 3,000 titles to carry teachings like this one into people’s daily lives. Our mission began with nothing more than a tape recorder and a conviction that wisdom deserved a wider reach. That conviction still drives everything we do.

Here, we will look at Luskin’s background, what his research found, and what forgiveness does and does not require of us.

Key Takeaways:

• Grudges Cost Your Health: Holding onto resentment is not just emotionally exhausting. Research shows it creates a measurable, chronic stress response that the body cannot simply shrug off.
• What Stanford’s Research Found: Years of controlled studies, tested across continents and populations, reveal that forgiveness training reliably reduces stress, depression, and in some cases, blood pressure.
• Forgiveness Is a Learnable Skill: Luskin’s method treats forgiveness as something you can build through structured practice, not something you either feel or don’t.

Who Is Fred Luskin?

Fred Luskin, PhD, directs the Stanford Forgiveness Projects and has spent more than thirty years researching and teaching the psychology of letting go. He holds a senior fellowship at the Stanford Center on Conflict and Negotiation and has taught wellness education at Stanford’s School of Medicine.

His approach grew from a core belief that forgiveness is not a moral obligation but a trainable capacity with measurable health implications. Everything from his research design to the programs he developed for hospitals, workplaces, and conflict survivors worldwide reflects that conviction.

Readers curious about how his work sits alongside that of other researchers and teachers can browse the full roster on our All Teachers & Authors page, where voices from many traditions and disciplines come together.

Inside the Stanford Forgiveness Project

The Stanford Forgiveness Project began under Luskin’s direct leadership as a randomized trial involving 55 students who completed a six-session training program. 

Results showed measurable increases in forgiveness and physical vitality compared with a control group. That initial study aligned with Luskin’s core belief that most of our suffering does not come from what happened, but from the ongoing story we tell ourselves about it. The project expanded in the years that followed:

• A trial of 259 adults, the largest randomized forgiveness study conducted to date. Participants reported significant reductions in anger, stress, and depression after completing structured forgiveness training, confirming that the initial findings were not limited to a small or narrow population.
• Work with hypertensive patients showing reduced anger and, in some cases, measurably lower blood pressure after completing the program. These results positioned forgiveness squarely within the domain of preventive health.
• Training programs adapted for survivors of the Northern Ireland conflict and civil war in Sierra Leone, demonstrating that learning to forgive is possible even in the wake of profound, collective trauma.

One point Luskin returns to often surprises people: no one has to forgive. Forgiveness is a choice. As he defines it, forgiveness means releasing our suffering over a difficult situation. This does not mean returning to a hurtful relationship or excusing what happened. Even when what occurred was not acceptable, forgiveness is how we reclaim peace for ourselves.

Holding Grudges Health: What the Research Says About Forgiveness Health Benefits

The forgiveness health benefits Luskin’s research documents go well beyond feeling better in the moment. Across multiple studies, people reported reduced stress, less depression, and greater optimism after completing forgiveness training. Some trials also documented physical improvements, including lower blood pressure among people with hypertension.

One workplace study found a 24 percent increase in sales productivity among employees who completed forgiveness-focused training compared to matched coworkers who did not. That finding reflects something Luskin has long argued: unresolved anger does not stay in one corner of life. It spreads.

Conversations about findings like these, and what they mean outside a lab setting, come up regularly on our Insights at the Edge Podcast, where teachers and researchers bring science and lived practice together.

Spotlighting the Three Kinds of Forgiveness

Luskin identifies three distinct types of forgiveness, and recognizing which one applies to your situation can make the whole process feel more grounded and less abstract.

Interpersonal Forgiveness

Interpersonal forgiveness is the most commonly recognized kind. This is forgiveness directed at another person who has hurt you, a parent, a partner, a colleague. The negative effects of holding grudges are most prevalent in this area, as staying locked in blame keeps the body in a low-grade stress state, with stress hormones elevated long after the original event has passed.

Intra-Personal Forgiveness

Intra-personal forgiveness means forgiving yourself. This form is often the hardest to name, let alone practice. Shame, regret, and self-blame can be just as corrosive as resentment toward another person, and the same framework applies. Releasing blame toward yourself is not excusing past behavior. Choosing to stop letting an old wound define your present is where the real work begins.

Existential Forgiveness

Existential forgiveness arises when the hurt feels directed at life itself, at fate, or at the question “How could this happen?” This form surfaces alongside illness, loss, or circumstances beyond anyone’s control, and it is where the spiritual and psychological converge most clearly. That convergence is part of why Luskin’s research resonates so deeply in communities navigating grief and serious illness.

Applying These Findings to Daily Life

Luskin’s method does not require a clinical setting to start applying. A few grounding practices drawn directly from his work:

1. Notice where the distress lives: Current pain over a past hurt usually comes from present thoughts, not the original event itself. Naming that shift, from then to now, creates space for something different. This awareness alone can interrupt the loop of replaying a grievance and redirect attention toward what remains within your control.
2. Use a calming technique the moment old anger resurfaces: Luskin recommends bringing attention to the breath, then shifting focus to something beautiful or deeply loved. This two-step process interrupts the body’s stress response and creates room for a considered response rather than a reactive one. Practiced consistently, it becomes a reflex.
3. Match the practice to the type of forgiveness you need: Interpersonal tension calls for releasing blame toward someone else. Self-criticism points toward intra-personal work. A sense that life has been fundamentally unfair opens the door to existential forgiveness. Connecting the type of hurt to the right practice makes the work feel more approachable.

Those building a broader toolkit around stress, resilience, and healing will find rich material in our Health & Healing collection, which brings together courses and programs from teachers across many traditions. Readers drawn to self-kindness as a companion to forgiveness work will also find a natural path in our Self-Compassion collection, which pairs well with everything Luskin’s framework asks of us.

Final Thoughts

Fred Luskin’s research offers something rare in this space: forgiveness backed not by sentiment but by data collected across decades and continents. Letting go, in his framing, is less about being generous toward someone else and more about reclaiming a body and mind no longer running on old stress.

At Sounds True, our mission has always been to wake up the world, and Luskin’s work is a clear example of what that looks like when science and compassion move in the same direction. We keep returning to his research because it permits people to let go of what never served them in the first place.

Frequently Asked Questions About Fred Luskin

What is the Stanford Forgiveness Project?

It’s Fred Luskin’s ongoing series of research studies examining how forgiveness training affects health and well-being.

Does forgiveness really improve physical health?

Studies show reductions in stress, anger, and depression, with some trials also showing lower blood pressure.

Do I have to reconcile with someone to forgive them?

No. Luskin defines forgiveness as releasing blame, not necessarily reconciling or condoning what happened.

Can forgiveness be taught, or is it just a feeling?

Luskin’s research treats forgiveness as a learnable skill, using structured steps rather than relying on spontaneous emotion.

What are the Nine Steps to Forgiveness?

They are Luskin’s structured method for practicing forgiveness, which includes calming techniques and reframing past hurts.

Has this research been tested outside the United States?

Yes, including studies with survivors of conflict in Northern Ireland and Sierra Leone.

Where can I learn more about Fred Luskin’s work?

Sounds True offers books and programs from Fred Luskin, alongside those from other teachers focused on healing and resilience.