Relationship as spiritual practice

March 25, 2013

My husband and I recently attended a talk that Bruce Tift gave at the Shambhala Center in Boulder titled Relationship as a Path of Awakening. Bruce Tift, LMFT, is a private-practice therapist and instructor at Naropa University here in Boulder. (In the interest of full disclosure, I must say that Bruce is also a Sounds True author with an amazing audio program titled Already Free.) In his talk, Bruce discussed at length the both magical and disturbing nature of intimate relationships and how important it is to continually nurture and accept one another, while simultaneously and unabashedly encouraging growth. He highlighted common relationship patterns that he often sees in his private practice and helped trace them back to childhood—namely survival skills that we established upon first connection with our mothers, which no longer serve us. It should be noted that Bruce was not talking about survival skills which could be considered obvious reactions to abuse or neglect from a parent. Instead, he was referring to seemingly innocent details, such as our mothers’ own self-confidence, and how those nuances come to fruition in our adult lives and inform how we ultimately view the world, connect in intimate relationships, parent our children, etc. For me, discovering how much our lives are perpetually infused by even the minutest aspects of intimate relationship was both a beautiful and terrifying realization. How can we ever be fully aware of the implications of our behavior?

In his talk, Bruce also emphasized the need for couples to develop what he calls “healthy intimacy,” which involves building a strong connection, while at the same time fostering a sense of healthy separation. In Bruce’s opinion, the juxtaposition of connection and separation encourages couples to build a sense of individual independence and to shed their own self-limiting behaviors, while also fostering a depth of adoration and understanding for one another and their collective experience. What most resonated for me in Bruce’s talk is that individual development is only as effective as collective development—for in intimate relationship, the two are ultimately one. No matter how much progress we may make individually, if we’re not progressing in step with one another, our collective experience will be perpetually fractured. While this has always been obvious to me when it comes to goals and alignment related to our outer life—finances, health, travel, family, etc.—I’ve never viewed our inner spiritual goals as those that require the most attention and ultimately make our relationship work.

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As relative newlyweds, my husband and I are continually exploring relationship and the role that intimate relationships in particular play in one’s practice or personal growth. While people typically rely on those closest for nurturing and support, it is also those close to us who are best equipped to cast light on all our shadows. But how do we strike the balance between building the nest and deconstructing old patterns? How can we encourage one another to be vulnerable and to break our hearts wide open in relationship, while simultaneously using that same openness to examine and cast each others’ skeletons out of the closet? How do we prevent the very delicateness that we create within intimacy from also being used against us? In Bruce’s words, how do we negotiate the hard fact that our most beautiful and unconditional relationships can also be the most disturbing?

Bruce Tift

Bruce Tift, MA, LMFT has been in private practice since 1979, has taught at Naropa University for 25 years, and has given presentations in the US, Mexico, and Japan. A practitioner of Vajrayana Buddhism for more than 35 years, he had the good fortune to be a student of Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche and to meet a number of realized teachers.

Author photo © Steve Zdawczynski

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Bruce Tift: Already Free

Have you ever wondered how to hold the following two seemingly contradictory experiences? On the one hand, you feel in touch with the vast expanse of being. You sense that your true nature is infinite, boundless, unconditionally loving, and outside of time. And on the other hand, you know that in certain situations (usually involving other people!), you are avoidant, dismissive, reactive, and shut down, and—truth be told—you have a lot of healing and personal growth work to do.

Buddhist psychotherapist Bruce Tift is a master at holding these two seemingly contradictory views, and—ready for this?—he does so “without any hope of resolution.” In this podcast, Tami Simon and Bruce Tift talk about how, in his work with clients, he skillfully embraces both the developmental view of psychotherapy and the fruitional view of Vajrayana Buddhism, the blind spots that come with each approach, and how combining them can help people avoid these pitfalls. 

Tune in as they discuss unconditional openness, and how it is important to be “open to being closed”; how neurosis requires disembodiment, and further, how our neurosis is fundamentally an avoidance strategy—“a substitute for experiential intensity”; our complaints about other people (especially our relationship partners) as opportunities to take responsibility for our own feelings of disturbance (instead of blaming other people for upsetting us); how to engage in “unconditional practices,” such as the practice of unconditional openness, unconditional embodiment, and unconditional kindness; and more.

Bruce Tift: Already Free

Bruce Tift has been in private practice as a psychotherapist in Boulder, Colorado since 1979. He taught at Naropa University for 24 years and was a student of Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche. With Sounds True, he has published the book Already Free: Buddhism Meets Psychotherapy on the Path of Liberation. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Bruce and Tami Simon compare and contrast two different approaches to personal transformation: the “developmental” approach of psychotherapy and the “fruitional” approach of Buddhist practice. They discuss the blind spots inherent in each approach, as well as the ways they can be addressed. Tami and Bruce talk about the nature of neurosis and how neurotic tendencies almost always involve a sense of disembodiment. Finally, they speak on “unconditional practices,” and how unconditional kindness can transform one’s outlook on the procession of life. (70 minutes)

Bruce Tift: Buddhism Meets Psychotherapy

Bruce Tift has been a psychotherapist since 1979, a practitioner of Vajrayana Buddhism for more than 35 years, and has taught at Naropa University for 25 years. He is the author of the Sounds True audio learning course Already Free: Buddhism Meets Psychotherapy on the Path of Liberation. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon speaks with Bruce about his perspectives on therapy as informed by Buddhist insights—examining how our “neurotic organization” exists to insulate us from legitimate suffering, why much of our growth comes from acting in ways that are counter-instinctual, and what it might mean to practice psychotherapy with the view that there is no problem we actually need to solve. (66 minutes)

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Try These Mindfulness Exercises To Ground Yourself

Mindfulness is an ancient, deeply personal practice that invites you into the present moment with compassion and awareness. And yet, for many of us, simply “being present” can feel elusive. We’re managing careers, relationships, health, and the constant pull of digital life. It’s no wonder anxiety and stress have become everyday companions. Through regular, intentional practices, we begin to notice the quiet steadiness underneath the noise. That’s where grounding lives.

For over 40 years, Sounds True has been a trusted leader in spiritual education and personal transformation, sharing the wisdom of teachers like Eckhart Tolle, Pema Chödrön, Tara Brach, and many others. As the world’s largest “living library” of transformational teachings, we’ve helped millions of people reconnect with presence, purpose, and their inner wisdom through unscripted, heart-centered resources.

In this piece, we’ll explore a series of mindfulness exercises to support your return to presence, whether you’re seeking mindfulness exercises for anxiety, tools for teens and adults, or daily mindfulness exercises for stress relief. You’ll also find soulful practices like inner rhythm meditations woven throughout to help you tune into your natural flow.

Key Takeaways:

  • Learn Audience-Specific Practices: This article offers tailored mindfulness exercises for anxiety, adults, teens, and daily stress relief.
  • Find Practical and Accessible Tools: Readers will find easy-to-implement, non-intimidating exercises they can begin using right away.
  • Integrating These Exercises into Daily Life: Meditation exercises encourage integrating mindfulness into ordinary activities for long-term emotional grounding and resilience.

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Simple Mindfulness Exercises To Bring You Back To Center

Even the busiest mind can come back to stillness with a few moments of intention. These foundational mindfulness exercises are designed to be accessible, grounding, and easy to integrate into daily life.

Breathe For One Minute

This micro-practice is a gentle reminder that your breath is always available as an anchor. Set a timer for just 60 seconds. Sit or stand comfortably. Close your eyes if you’d like. Bring all of your awareness to the sensation of breathing, how the air enters and leaves your body, and how your chest rises and falls. Don’t change anything. Just notice. One minute of conscious breathing can create space between stimulus and response, making it a beautiful starting point for mindfulness exercises for anxiety or moments of stress.

Ground Through The Five Senses

When your thoughts are racing or your emotions feel overwhelming, coming back to your senses, literally, can reset your nervous system. To practice this, look around and quietly name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This kind of sensory awareness anchors your attention in the here and now, making it one of the most reliable mindfulness exercises for stress relief.

Notice Without Fixing

Mindfulness isn’t about making anything go away. It’s about seeing clearly. Try sitting in silence for a few minutes, simply noticing your thoughts, sensations, and emotions without trying to change or solve them. Let everything be as it is. This witnessing awareness is central to many mindfulness exercises for adults, a reminder that your worth isn’t based on productivity, performance, or emotional “control.” Instead, it’s grounded in the simple act of being present.

Mindfulness Exercises For Anxiety And Overwhelm

Anxiety often pulls us into the future, into what-ifs, worst-case scenarios, and mental loops that feel impossible to exit. Mindfulness brings us back to now. These exercises aren’t about eliminating anxiety, but about meeting it with gentleness, spaciousness, and embodied awareness.

Anchor To The Present With Touch

When anxiety feels like it’s spiraling, physical touch can be incredibly grounding. Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly. Feel the rise and fall of your breath beneath your hands. You don’t need to breathe in any special way, just notice the contact. This creates a direct, calming feedback loop that reminds the body it’s safe to soften. Practices like this are especially helpful when exploring mindfulness exercises for anxiety that are simple and body-centered.

Name What’s True In This Moment

A powerful way to interrupt anxious thoughts is to name what is real right now. Quietly say to yourself: “Right now, I am sitting on a chair. My feet are on the floor. I am breathing. I am safe.” You can add more statements based on your environment or sensations. This kind of mindful self-talk offers the brain a stable narrative to hold onto when anxiety is trying to pull you elsewhere. It’s a core part of how many people approach mindfulness exercises for stress relief as well.

Return To Ritual

When anxiety is chronic or persistent, creating small, daily routines can provide a sense of continuity. This might be lighting a candle before meditation, washing your hands slowly and with full attention, or taking a short mindful walk at the same time each day. These are quiet acts of devotion that bring structure to emotional chaos. For many adults, integrating mindfulness exercises helps create a sense of calm and inner order.

For a deeper experience of this rhythm-based approach, practices like inner rhythm meditations can support a more attuned, embodied return to presence.

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How Adults Can Use Mindfulness To Reconnect

Adulthood often brings a gradual disconnection from inner life. The constant push to do more, fix more, and be more can drown out the quiet voice within. Mindfulness gives adults a way to return, to presence, to embodiment, and to what matters most. It’s less about adding something new and more about softening into what’s already here.

Practices like breath tracking, gentle movement, or body scanning help rebuild that inner relationship. These mindfulness exercises for adults aren’t about achieving calm; they’re about creating space for honesty and self-awareness. Even simple routines like morning stillness or mindful transitions between tasks can foster deep reconnection.

Supporting Teens With Mindfulness Tools

Teenagers today are navigating an overwhelming mix of stimulation, pressure, and emotional intensity, often without the tools to process it all. Mindfulness can offer teens a way to slow down, feel what they’re feeling, and build emotional resilience from the inside out.

Unlike adults, teens often benefit from shorter, more tactile practices that meet them where they are. Movement-based mindfulness, breath-focused exercises, or even mindful listening with music can help create moments of pause without feeling forced or overly formal. These mindfulness exercises for teens aren’t about “fixing” behavior, but rather they’re about helping young people relate to themselves and their experiences with more kindness and awareness.

Meditation can also be incredibly empowering for teens to choose their own practice. Whether it’s a brief body scan before school or a silent check-in before sleep, creating space for autonomy makes mindfulness feel like a supportive resource rather than another rule to follow. Integrating accessible resources like inner rhythm meditations can also help teens begin to understand their emotional patterns and physical rhythms in a more grounded, compassionate way.

Daily Mindfulness Exercises for Stress Relief

Stress thrives on momentum. It builds, layer by layer, until we’re no longer responding to life; we’re reacting to it. Mindfulness breaks that cycle. Through small, intentional practices, we create pockets of stillness that allow the nervous system to reset and the body to soften.

Daily mindfulness exercises for stress relief don’t need to be elaborate. A few minutes of conscious breathing before checking your phone, taking a mindful walk after lunch, or simply pausing to feel your feet on the floor between meetings can shift your entire internal state. These moments act like pressure valves, gently releasing stored tension before it accumulates.

Repetition is key. The more frequently you return to yourself, the more familiar that calm becomes. Over time, the body begins to recognize presence as its home base, not stress. For those who feel especially drained or dysregulated, incorporating inner rhythm meditations can help guide you back to your body’s natural flow and restore balance from within.

Whether you’re navigating a high-stress job or simply feeling emotionally stretched, these simple yet consistent practices can anchor you in a steadier way of being and offer a meaningful alternative to burnout.

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Final Thoughts

More than something to master, mindfulness is something you remember as time goes on. A gentle return, over and over again, to the breath, the body, and the moment you’re living right now. These practices don’t promise a life free from stress or anxiety. Instead, they offer a way to meet life with more presence, compassion, and steadiness.

Whether you’re exploring mindfulness exercises for anxiety, integrating mindfulness into adult life, supporting a teen, or simply seeking stress relief, the power lies in consistency. Even the smallest pause, repeated with care, can rewire your relationship to the world around you, and within you. Above all, mindfulness is not a task to accomplish but rather it’s a path to walk, one breath at a time. Every time you return, you deepen your connection to yourself, and that is where healing begins.

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Frequently Asked Questions About Mindfulness Exercises

What are the core components of a mindfulness exercise?

A mindfulness exercise typically includes intention, focused attention (often on the breath, body, or senses), non-judgmental awareness, and a return to the present moment. These elements work together to train the mind in presence and compassion.

How long should I practice mindfulness each day?

Even 5–10 minutes daily can be effective. The key is consistency. Start small and gradually extend the time as it feels natural. Mindfulness is about presence, not perfection.

Are mindfulness exercises religious?

No. While mindfulness has roots in contemplative traditions like Buddhism, modern mindfulness practices are secular and adaptable to all belief systems.

Can mindfulness exercises help improve sleep?

Yes, practicing mindfulness before bed can help calm racing thoughts, ease physical tension, and prepare the nervous system for restful sleep.

Is it normal to feel distracted during mindfulness practice?

Absolutely. Distraction is part of the process. The goal isn’t to stop thoughts, but to notice when the mind wanders and gently bring it back to your point of focus.

How do I know if mindfulness is working?

Results are often subtle at first, like feeling slightly calmer, more aware, or less reactive. Over time, many notice improved emotional regulation and clarity.

Can children benefit from mindfulness exercises too?

Yes, children can benefit greatly from age-appropriate mindfulness tools, as these help them recognize emotions, improve focus, and develop emotional resilience early on.

What’s the difference between meditation and mindfulness?

Mindfulness is a way of being present in daily life, while meditation is a formal practice that often cultivates mindfulness. You can practice mindfulness without meditating.

Do I need to sit still to practice mindfulness?

Not at all. Walking, stretching, eating, and even washing dishes can all become mindfulness exercises when done with full attention and presence.

Can mindfulness help with physical pain?

Yes, mindfulness can change your relationship to pain by reducing resistance, softening tension, and increasing awareness without judgment. It doesn’t eliminate pain, but can make it more manageable.

Michelle Cassandra Johnson is an author, activist, spiritual teacher, racial equity consultant, and intuitive healer. She is the author of six books, including Skill in Action and Finding Refuge. Amy Burtaine is a leadership coach and racial equity trainer. With Robin DiAngelo, she is the coauthor of The Facilitator's Guide for White Affinity Groups. For more, visit https://www.michellecjohnson.com/wisdom-of-the-hive.

[ENCORE EPISODE] Jon Kabat-Zinn: Befriending Pain

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Current statistics tell us that 20% of the US population has some form of chronic pain, defined as severe discomfort that has continued for six months or more. That’s more than 50 million people. Jon Kabat-Zinn has received international acclaim for his leading work in bringing the life-changing practices of meditation and mindfulness into the mainstream of medicine and society. In this inspiring podcast, Tami Simon speaks with Jon about his empowering new book, Mindfulness Meditation for Pain Relief, and how we can greatly improve our lives (and our entire world) by reframing the way we relate to our thoughts, our minds, and the sensations of our bodies.

Listen in as they discuss the epidemic of chronic pain and the power of mindfulness to ease suffering of all kinds, the myth of the “good meditator,” the body as the starting point for practice, exploring your “emotionally freighted thoughts,” our longing to be who we really are, working with the mind and learning to inhabit a space of embodied awareness, the refuge that is meditation practice, letting go of our stories, befriending the sensory field of what we call pain, the miracle of life on Earth, the Buddha’s teaching on mindfulness as the direct path to liberation, surfing the waves of your own experience, unity within diversity and the arising of compassion, focusing on what’s right instead of what’s wrong, how we are all on a growth curve on life’s journey, and more.

Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Listeners of Insights At The Edge get 10% off their first month at

www.betterhelp.com/soundstrue

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  • Cheryl says:

    Thank you for this reminder! I can absolutely relate to the ambivalence you feel. I could hear Robert Bly’s voice referencing Rumi, Hafiz and the Sufi pursuit of divine connection through intimacy, here, now.
    I am a psychotherapist, of the Jungian ‘persuasion’, as well as specialize in addiction & recovery with young adult women. I only mention these because two profound tools, from my experience both personally and with those I work with, came to mind while reading your post. I think they beautifully compliment the teachings that you mentioned in your article.
    The first of which is the book Projection and Re-Collection in Jungian Psychology: Reflections of the Soul by Marie Louise von Franz. The second is Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting and Enjoying the Self by Charles Whitfield, a text I reference consistently with my clients. Its wisdom is extremely grounded, soothing, and in turn, empowering due to its ‘user-friendliness’.
    Thank you so much for your submission. It has lead me to the archaeological task of ‘Re-Membering’ which is so right for me to dig into, here, and now!

    • Jaime says:

      Hi Cheryl,

      Thanks so much for taking the time to write and for your insights!

      I appreciate your reaching out,
      Jaime

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