Nobody else possesses your unprecedented blend of gifts, experiences, and perspectives. So why have you been given this singular treasure, and what will you do with it? This is the focus of Michael Bernard Beckwith’s new book Life Visioning: A Transformative Process for Activating Your Unique Gifts and Highest Potential. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon speaks with Beckwith about the four evolutionary stages of the development of consciousness and how the Life Visioning Process works in each stage. Tami and Michael also discuss some of the biggest obstacles people experience with Life Visioning, and the importance of unconditional love as the atmosphere for the Life Visioning Process. (63 minutes)
Tami Simon speaks with Christine Stevens, the director of the music and wellness program at Remo Drum Company and the founder of UpBeat Drum Circles, which has brought music therapy to businesses, communities, and individuals around the world. With Sounds True, Christine created the home study course The Healing Drum Kit, and has written a new book called Music Medicine: The Science and Spirit of Healing Yourself with Sound. In this episode, Tami speaks with Christine about the healing properties of each of the four elements of music: rhythm, melody, harmony, and silence. Christine also explored how much we can gain by shifting from being consumers to creators of music. (50 minutes)
Though he comes from a background in nuclear physics, astrophysics, and cosmology, Claude Poncelet has been one of the world’s foremost authorities on shamanic practice for more than 25 years. With Sounds True, Claude has released the book The Shaman Within: A Physicist’s Guide to the Deeper Dimensions of Your Life, the Universe, and Everything. In this long-awaited second part of their interview for Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon and Claude discuss applying shamanic practice to one’s professional life and the advantages therein. They also talk about the spiritual underpinnings of the cosmos—from the stars to the black hole at the center of our galaxy. Finally, Claude and Tami speak on the pursuit of impeccability not only in shamanic practice, but in every aspect of life. (70 minutes)
Discover the wisdom and practical lessons Clea Shearer gained on her cancer journey. This episode offers hope, humor, and supportive insights for anyone facing a serious physical illness or any of life’s other monumental challenges.
Clea Shearer discusses her new book, Cancer Is Complicated. With host Tami Simon, the author, entrepreneur, and co-founder of The Home Edit shares her journey through a stage two breast cancer diagnosis, the emotional and physical complexities of treatment, and the surprising gifts that emerged along the way. Learn how Clea’s experience reshaped her perspectives on life purpose and helping others, and how to support yourself or someone you love in navigating physical illness or other serious challenges.
Note: This interview originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.
We live in a wild world with a wealth of information at our fingertips. This means we can read reviews, check forums, and see what other parents are saying about everything we purchase or do for our children.
But that is not always a good thing. There is such a thing as too much research.
I distinctly remember working with a client who had very high expectations around her child’s food. She was concerned with what ingredients were in the food, how it was prepared, how it was served—and anything less than “healthy” felt wrong to her. She was a self-proclaimed perfectionist who wanted the best for her child—she wasn’t going to “lower her standards” at the request of her partner or anyone else.
As a result of her food concerns, she spent hours upon hours extensively researching topics related to food such as GMOs, toxins, ingredients, and safety. Through her research, she also read that stress could decrease her milk supply—so she shut down any conversations when her family tried to approach her about this or how it had taken over her life.
This level of research was no longer about the food—postpartum anxiety was in the driver’s seat, pushing her to search for control.
It’s also important to break away from the idea that there is one “right” way to mother. Just because we have access to information doesn’t mean there isn’t room for nuance. Take “healthy food” as an example. What constitutes a “healthy” diet has been a debated topic for decades and is often a wellness space filled with fads and extremes with each approach contradicting the next. There have been more rules prescribed to our food then I can count that cause people not to trust themselves and leave them seeing food as being good or bad. Food is not black or white. Our approach doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
In my client’s case, research had gone beyond just information-seeking. Sometimes, research is just research. But other times, research is:
Trying to find the “right” or “best” way to do something
Seeking reassurance
Grasping for certainty
Feeding your anxiety
An attempt to soothe your anxiety
I have seen this pattern play out many times with many of my clients. I believe that in many ways intensive mothering prevents us from seeing signs of anxiety. When we interpret perfectionism and the need to avoid mistakes at all costs as being a good mother, we have a lot of pressure to carry. It’s no wonder that so many of us find ourselves in the research rabbit hole.
Does that mean all research is bad? Of course not. But we need to learn the difference between when it’s helping and when it’s not. Researching should be used to provide you with enough information to make an informed decision. It should have boundaries—not be all-consuming.
Excerpt from Releasing the Mother Load: How to Carry Less and Enjoy Motherhood More by Erica Djossa.
Erica Djossa
Erica Djossa is a registered psychotherapist, sought-after maternal mental health specialist, and the founder of wellness company Momwell. Her popular Momwell podcast has over a million downloads. Erica’s a regular contributor to publications like the Toronto Star, Scary Mommy, and Medium, and her insights have been shared by celebrities like Ashley Graham, Nia Long, Christy Turlington, and Adrienne Bosh. She lives in Toronto. For more, visit momwell.com
What message are you giving to yourself when you wait until you’re in crisis before you begin caring for yourself? I used to be deeply entrenched in this pattern. I’d care for myself just enough so that I could be productive again and then get back to work until my next care emergency. I’d crash from striving and producing without a thought to my needs and then stop just long enough to treat myself just kindly enough to nurse myself back to health so that I could resume my breakneck speed.
Those days were exhilarating because even in my burnout I felt so purposeful, high on how good I was at pushing my needs aside to tackle whatever needed tackling. Exceptionally good in a crisis, I felt born for running myself into the ground and then picking up the pieces just enough to get back to work. Even as this pattern started to break down for me, I could feel my ego attachment to it. I was good at getting things done. I was good at helping others. I was good at putting everyone else’s needs ahead of my own. I was good. I was good. I was good.
The tricky thing about this pattern is that needs will get met one way or another. They don’t just vanish or disappear when you ignore them. They become rowdier and rowdier, nipping at your heels as you try to outrun them. Your body is infinitely wise and makes more noise as your ache for care compounds itself. When you ignore your needs long enough, you will be forced to prioritize yourself by circumstance, illness, or burnout, bringing you abruptly to the crisis point of having to slow down.
But even in the face of that, attending to the need for sustenance can sometimes still feel impossible if you are exhausted from a lifetime of holding it all together. While the need for sustenance might seem to come before rest, [in my book Needy] I ordered these chapters deliberately [“Rest” coming before “Sustenance”] because having the energy to start asking big questions about what you need requires energy too. You’re crumbling beneath the weight of your conditioned expectations for yourself and others, and you judge yourself for not being about to do it all without a thought for the energetic capacity necessary to prioritize joy, pleasure, or satiety.
You might think, Well if it’s right, it should feel good or it should be easy. But tending to your needs can be almost boring, and having the capacity to investigate the larger picture of what you are hungry for requires energy. It requires stamina and self-awareness to develop a healthy relationship with yourself after being in a dysfunctional relationship—one that’s chaotic, intense, familiar, thrilling, and compelling even when you know there is no way it will all work out in the long run. After a dramatic relationship like that, a relationship in which you are respectful of each other, loyal, trustworthy, and committed to each other can feel boring—but that kind of steadfast love heals and rebuilds a steady foundation of trust. The same is true for your relationship with yourself.
Self-love so often isn’t a flash-in-the-pan, Instagram-worthy, wait-until-the-moment is-perfect-and-the-stars-align kind of love.
It’s about showing up for yourself each and every day and doing what needs to be done. Maybe that’s resting. Maybe that’s calling your lawyer. Maybe that’s dealing with the window that is leaking and the moldy floorboards. Taking care of yourself is showing up for your relationship with yourself each day, asking what needs to be done and doing that to the best of your abilities.
It can be mundane, but as you begin making these shifts for your own sustenance, you might find yourself softening into a rhythm and routine of caring for yourself this way.
There is a deliciousness in knowing you will be there when you need yourself. There is a sense of safety in the self-trust you build each time you choose not to abandon yourself. This work can be messy but also joyful, silly, sexy, creative, and playful. You might find yourself enjoying the celebration of infusing pleasure and sovereignty where there was none before.
And with time, you might realize that the purpose of your life is not to be good, productive, or approved by others. The purpose of your life is for YOU to live it. For you to take up space in your own thoughts and actions. For you to tend to your needs, devoting yourself to your own wholeness each and every day. For you to contribute to the world in the way that only you can. For you to love and be loved. For you to play. For your utter enjoyment and wholehearted pleasure. The purpose of your life is not to be nice and polite. It is for living—messily, humanly, in whatever way you feel is good and right for you.
Mara Glatzel, MSW, (she/her) is an intuitive coach, writer, and podcast host. She is a needy human who helps other needy humans stop abandoning themselves and start reclaiming their humanity through embracing their needs and honoring their natural energy cycles. Her superpower is saying what you need to hear when you need to hear it, and she is here to help you believe in yourself as much as she believes in you. Find out more at maraglatzel.com.
