Vanessa Bennett: Mothers and Wives: Resentment Is Yours to Own

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October 14, 2025

Vanessa Bennett: Mothers and Wives: Resentment Is Yours to Own

Vanessa Bennett October 14, 2025

Tami Simon and depth psychologist Vanessa Bennett explore the psyche’s need to experience initiation in our key life transitions, using resentment as a focal point for healing, how to change our unhealthy patterns in relationships, and reclaiming personal agency.

What relationship myth causes us the most suffering? According to depth psychologist Vanessa Bennett, it’s this: “That if you’re not fulfilled by parenthood, sex, or your relationships, then there’s something wrong with you.” Why? Because it’s often the fault of our culture, and not you personally, that’s to blame.

This week, Tami Simon welcomes the author of The Motherhood Myth to discuss the hidden pressures and misconceptions surrounding parenthood and intimate partnership—and how looking at your resentments is a surprisingly direct way to discover the roots of the wounds that unconsciously drive unhappiness in your relationships.

Join us to explore:

  • At your life’s turning points, why your unconscious may invite chaos or trauma
  • The societal roots of discontent in parenthood and intimate relationships
  • How Vanessa’s own experiences—from her neighborhood’s destruction by fire to everyday life with her daughter and husband—illustrate how to grow and heal
  • “If you’re good, I’m good. And if you’re not, I’m not”—codependency explained
  • The “choose me” wound—how we abandon ourselves in relationships and how to reintegrate
  • The “Consent Tool,” a practice to help restore safety and intimacy in your relationships, and more

If you’ve ever felt frustrated about the demands of your relationships—obvious or hidden—this episode will spark a wealth of “aha!” moments and insights for change.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Listeners of Insights At The Edge get 10% off their first month at www.betterhelp.com/soundstrue.

Note: This interview originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.

Vanessa Bennett, LMFT, is a licensed depth psychotherapist, author, and facilitator known for her no-nonsense yet compassionate approach to personal growth and healing. She is the coauthor of the bestselling relationship book It’s Not Me, It’s You with her partner, John Kim, and she cohosts the Cheaper Than Therapy podcast. A former New Yorker now based in Los Angeles, Vanessa leads transformational retreats and workshops grounded in Jungian and depth-oriented psychology. Through her writing, teaching, and digital content, she helps others break generational patterns and reconnect with their truest selves. Visit vanessabennett.com for more.

Author photo © Sarah Williams Photography

 

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Founded Sounds True in 1985 as a multimedia publishing house with a mission to disseminate spiritual wisdom. She hosts a popular weekly podcast called Insights at the Edge, where she has interviewed many of today's leading teachers. Tami lives with her wife, Julie M. Kramer, and their two spoodles, Rasberry and Bula, in Boulder, Colorado.

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Also By Author

Vanessa Bennett: Mothers and Wives: Resentment Is Your...

Tami Simon and depth psychologist Vanessa Bennett explore the psyche’s need to experience initiation in our key life transitions, using resentment as a focal point for healing, how to change our unhealthy patterns in relationships, and reclaiming personal agency.

What relationship myth causes us the most suffering? According to depth psychologist Vanessa Bennett, it’s this: “That if you’re not fulfilled by parenthood, sex, or your relationships, then there’s something wrong with you.” Why? Because it’s often the fault of our culture, and not you personally, that’s to blame.

This week, Tami Simon welcomes the author of The Motherhood Myth to discuss the hidden pressures and misconceptions surrounding parenthood and intimate partnership—and how looking at your resentments is a surprisingly direct way to discover the roots of the wounds that unconsciously drive unhappiness in your relationships.

Join us to explore:

  • At your life’s turning points, why your unconscious may invite chaos or trauma
  • The societal roots of discontent in parenthood and intimate relationships
  • How Vanessa’s own experiences—from her neighborhood’s destruction by fire to everyday life with her daughter and husband—illustrate how to grow and heal
  • “If you’re good, I’m good. And if you’re not, I’m not”—codependency explained
  • The “choose me” wound—how we abandon ourselves in relationships and how to reintegrate
  • The “Consent Tool,” a practice to help restore safety and intimacy in your relationships, and more

If you’ve ever felt frustrated about the demands of your relationships—obvious or hidden—this episode will spark a wealth of “aha!” moments and insights for change.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Listeners of Insights At The Edge get 10% off their first month at www.betterhelp.com/soundstrue.

Note: This interview originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.

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This conversation offers genuine transmission—not just concepts about awakening, but the palpable presence of realized teachers exploring the growing edge of spiritual understanding together. Originally aired on Sounds True One.

This episode is sponsored by Omega Institute, a global gathering hub for lifelong learning and spiritual exploration. Located in upstate New York’s beautiful Hudson Valley, Omega offers weekend workshops, special events, rest and rejuvenation retreats, professional trainings, online learning, and more. Discover what calls to you at eomega.org/true.

How to Find Fulfillment in a Purpose Larger Than Yours...

Finding purpose often begins as a quiet question. It can show up in moments when life feels uncertain or when something familiar no longer feels meaningful. There is a natural pull toward something deeper, a sense that fulfillment is connected to more than personal success. A purpose driven life starts to emerge when we begin to notice this pull and stay open to meaning beyond self in our everyday experience.

At Sounds True, we have spent decades sharing spiritual wisdom and amplifying the voices of teachers who guide people toward deeper awareness and authentic living. Through our living library of teachings, we support individuals in connecting with life purpose, spiritual insight, and experiencing fulfillment and purpose in a grounded and meaningful way.

Here, we look at how finding purpose can unfold through alignment with something larger than ourselves and how that shapes the way we live each day.

Key Takeaways:

  • Purpose as Practice: Finding purpose is an ongoing experience shaped by awareness, not a one-time realization.
  • Beyond the Self: Meaning beyond self deepens fulfillment and purpose through connection and contribution.
  • Daily Alignment: A purpose driven life is built through small, consistent choices rooted in presence.

Learn How your Mind Really Works with Sounds True

Finding Purpose Through a Purpose Driven Life and Meaning Beyond Self

A quiet question often guides our choices, even if we cannot fully name it. Finding purpose begins not by searching outward, but by listening more deeply to life itself.

A purpose driven life grows from this shift. Instead of asking what we can gain, we begin to sense what is being asked of us, opening us to meaning beyond self through connection and presence.

Fulfillment purpose unfolds through this participation. It is not a fixed destination, but an ongoing experience shaped by our willingness to stay present and respond to what is emerging.

Life Purpose Spiritual Insights for a Purpose Driven Life

A life purpose spiritual path often begins with a quiet sense that something deeper is calling. This awareness invites us to look beyond surface-level goals and move toward a purpose driven life rooted in meaning beyond self.

Listening Beyond the Surface

Clarity comes from slowing down and listening within. As we become more present, meaning beyond self begins to emerge naturally, supporting a deeper sense of fulfillment and purpose.

Recognizing Inner Alignment

Inner alignment often feels steady and grounded, even during uncertainty. A purpose driven life grows as we trust this feeling and allow fulfillment to unfold over time.

How Fulfillment Purpose Emerges When You Embrace Meaning Beyond Self

There comes a point when personal achievement no longer feels like enough. This shift opens the door to meaning beyond self and a deeper sense of fulfillment and purpose.

Expanding Beyond Personal Identity

As we move beyond roles and labels, we begin to see ourselves as part of something larger. A purpose driven life grows from this awareness, allowing fulfillment to emerge naturally.

Allowing Contribution to Arise Naturally

Contribution becomes more authentic when it is not forced. By embracing meaning beyond self, fulfillment purpose unfolds through simple, genuine ways of showing up.

Living a Purpose Driven Life Rooted in Life Purpose Spiritual Awareness

Living a purpose driven life does not require us to step away from our everyday responsibilities. It invites us to meet them with a different quality of awareness. A life purpose spiritual perspective brings attention to how we are being, not just what we are doing.

Bringing Awareness Into Daily Life

Meaning beyond self is not limited to major decisions or life transitions. It is present in the ordinary moments that make up our day. In how we listen to someone. In how we respond when something does not go as planned.

When we bring awareness into these moments, we begin to see that fulfilling purpose is already woven into our lives. Finding purpose becomes less about searching and more about noticing.

A purpose driven life grows through this kind of attention. It is shaped by small, consistent moments of presence.

Staying Grounded in What Matters

Distraction is a natural part of being human. We are constantly pulled in different directions, both externally and internally. A life purpose spiritual path invites us to return, again and again, to what feels meaningful.

This return does not require perfection. It asks for willingness. When we stay connected to meaning beyond self, we create a foundation for fulfilling purpose to deepen over time.

A purpose driven life is sustained not by constant clarity, but by a steady commitment to what matters most.

Discover the Hidden Power of Daily Meditation

Meaning Beyond Self as the Heart of Fulfillment Purpose

As our awareness deepens, we begin to recognize that fulfilling purpose is not separate from meaning beyond self. It is rooted in it. This understanding gently reshapes how we move through our lives and how we relate to our choices.

  • We begin to notice where our attention is going and gently guide it toward what feels aligned with meaning beyond self. This supports a purpose driven life that is intentional and responsive.
  • We create space for reflection, allowing life purpose spiritual insight to arise without pressure. In this openness, the fulfillment of purpose becomes clearer over time.
  • We recognize that contribution does not need to be large to be meaningful. Small, sincere actions can carry a deep sense of connection.
  • We allow our understanding of purpose to evolve, rather than holding it too tightly. A purpose driven life is not fixed. It is living and dynamic.
  • We stay connected to our inner experience, using it as a guide as we continue finding purpose in an ongoing way.

As these ways of being take root, fulfilling purpose becomes less something we seek and more something we live. Meaning beyond self is no longer an idea. It becomes a quiet, steady presence in how we relate to the world.

In this way, a purpose driven life is not defined by a single direction. It is defined by the quality of attention we bring to each moment and the sincerity with which we respond.

Life Purpose Spiritual Practices That Support a Purpose Driven Life

A life purpose spiritual path is supported by simple, consistent practices that help us return to ourselves. These moments create space to listen and notice what is true.

A purpose driven life grows through this steady awareness. As we pause and stay present, meaning beyond self becomes more accessible.

Fulfillment purpose develops gradually. Finding purpose becomes less about searching and more about staying connected to life as it unfolds.

Finding Purpose by Aligning With Meaning Beyond Self and Fulfillment Purpose

Finding purpose is often described as a goal, something we eventually arrive at. Yet in lived experience, it feels more like an ongoing alignment. It is something we return to again and again, especially in moments when we feel disconnected or uncertain.

When we orient toward meaning beyond self, we begin to experience life differently. A purpose driven life is not defined by having everything figured out. It is defined by a willingness to stay open and engaged with what is present.

Life purpose spiritual awareness supports this openness. It reminds us that we do not need to control every step of the path. We can trust the unfolding, even when it is not clear. Fulfillment purpose reveals itself in moments of connection, in the quiet sense that what we are doing matters in a deeper way.

This alignment is not something we hold onto tightly. It is something we return to with care and attention. Each time we reconnect, we strengthen our relationship with purpose.

Purpose Driven Life as an Expression of Life Purpose Spiritual Growth and Fulfillment Purpose

A purpose driven life is not separate from our growth. It is one of the ways that growth expresses itself. As we deepen in life purpose spiritual awareness, we begin to see that fulfillment of purpose is not something outside of us. It is reflected in how we live, how we relate, and how we respond to the world.

Meaning beyond self becomes a quiet guide. It shapes our choices in ways that may not always be visible to others, but feel deeply true within us. Finding purpose is no longer about defining a single path. It becomes a living process that continues to evolve.

At Sounds True, we have seen again and again that this process is not about perfection. It is about sincerity. It is about showing up, listening deeply, and allowing ourselves to be shaped by something larger than our individual concerns.

Fulfillment purpose, in this sense, is not something we reach at the end of the journey. It is something we participate in, moment by moment. As we continue to live in alignment with a purpose driven life, we begin to recognize that the very act of being present, aware, and connected is already an expression of meaning beyond self.

Awaken Your Inner Healing Power with Guided Practices by Sounds True

Final Thoughts

Finding purpose is less about having clear answers and more about staying in a relationship with what feels true. A purpose driven life unfolds through presence, not perfection. As we return to meaning beyond self, fulfillment purpose becomes something we live into each day, shaped by awareness, sincerity, and a willingness to listen.

Frequently Asked Questions About Finding Purpose

What is the difference between finding purpose and setting goals?

Finding purpose is about aligning with a deeper sense of meaning, while goals are specific outcomes you aim to achieve. Purpose can guide your goals, but it is not limited to them or dependent on success.

Can your purpose change over time?

Yes, purpose can evolve as you grow and your awareness deepens. Different life stages may bring new expressions of purpose without losing the underlying sense of meaning.

Is finding purpose tied to a specific career or role?

Not necessarily. Purpose can be expressed through many areas of life, including relationships, creativity, and service. It is not confined to a job or title.

How do you know if you are living with purpose?

You may notice a sense of connection, engagement, or quiet fulfillment in what you do. It often feels less about external validation and more about inner resonance.

Can someone have more than one purpose?

Yes, purpose can have multiple expressions. Rather than a single fixed direction, it can show up in different ways across various parts of your life.

What if you feel lost and unsure about your purpose?

Feeling lost can be part of the process. It may signal a transition or an invitation to pause and reflect rather than push for immediate clarity.

Does finding purpose require spiritual belief?

No, although many people connect purpose with spirituality. It can also be experienced through personal values, connection, and a sense of contribution.

How does purpose relate to happiness?

Purpose and happiness are connected but not the same. Purpose can bring a deeper sense of fulfillment, even during challenging or uncomfortable moments.

Can purpose exist without helping others?

Purpose often includes some form of connection or contribution, but it does not always have to be outwardly focused. Inner growth and self-understanding can also be meaningful expressions.

How long does it take to find your purpose?

There is no set timeline. Finding purpose is often an ongoing process that unfolds gradually rather than something achieved at a specific moment.

Michelle Cassandra Johnson is an author, activist, spiritual teacher, racial equity consultant, and intuitive healer. She is the author of six books, including Skill in Action and Finding Refuge. Amy Burtaine is a leadership coach and racial equity trainer. With Robin DiAngelo, she is the coauthor of The Facilitator's Guide for White Affinity Groups. For more, visit https://www.michellecjohnson.com/wisdom-of-the-hive.

Being Single as Spiritual Practice: An Intentional Exp...

What if being single was not something to move past, but something to meet with awareness? Time alone can reveal patterns, emotions, and inner rhythms that are often missed in the presence of constant connection. In that space, being single can become a meaningful experience rather than an empty one.

For decades, we have shared spiritual wisdom from leading teachers and practitioners, offering a living library of insights that support presence, self-awareness, and transformation. Our work is rooted in real conversations and teachings that invite people to turn inward with honesty and care.

Here, we look at being single as a spiritual growth as an intentional practice, and how intentional singleness, self discovery alone, and spirituality support a deeper connection with yourself.

Key Takeaways:

  • Clarity Through Solitude: Being single, spiritual growth offers space to observe patterns and build deeper self-awareness without external influence.
  • Intentional Living: Intentional singleness supports emotional clarity, personal agency, and a stronger connection to your inner life.
  • Spiritual Alignment: Singleness and spirituality together foster presence, helping you cultivate a grounded sense of wholeness over time.

Awaken Your Inner Healing Power with Guided Practices by Sounds True

Being Single: Spiritual Growth Through Intentional Singleness

Being single, spiritual growth begins with a shift in perspective. Instead of something to move beyond, singleness becomes a space for awareness. Intentional singleness invites direct experience through presence, where we begin to notice our thoughts, emotions, and deeper patterns more clearly.

Without the pull of external expectations, a quiet honesty emerges. We start to see what has been beneath the surface, even when it feels uncomfortable. Staying with these experiences becomes a practice, helping us meet uncertainty and recognize moments of natural ease.

In this way, being single is less about becoming someone new and more about being present with who we already are, steady beneath changing circumstances.

Intentional Singleness as a Path to Self Discovery Alone

Intentional singleness opens a doorway into self discovery alone that feels spacious and grounded. It becomes a time not of isolation, but of listening more closely to the inner life.

Turning Inward with Clarity

As we settle into intentional singleness, attention shifts inward. Thoughts and emotions become clearer, making it easier to notice patterns like seeking approval or avoiding discomfort.

These insights arise through presence, not force. Self discovery alone unfolds naturally when we allow ourselves to simply observe what is here.

Creating Space for Authentic Growth

Growth unfolds differently when it is not shaped by external expectations. Intentional singleness creates room for experimentation, for curiosity, and for rest.

In this space, we can explore what truly feels aligned. This might include creative expression, spiritual practice, or simply learning how to be still. These explorations are not about achieving something. They are about discovering what feels real.

Over time, this kind of growth supports a deeper sense of authenticity. We begin to trust our own experience. We begin to move through life with a little more ease.

Self Discovery Alone in the Context of Singleness and Spirituality

Self discovery alone deepens when it is held within the wider field of singleness and spirituality. It becomes more than a reflection. It becomes a direct encounter with our lived experience.

Meeting Yourself Beyond Roles

Relationships often invite us into roles, some conscious, some not. When we step into singleness, those roles begin to soften. There is less structure around who we are supposed to be.

This can feel unfamiliar at first. Without those familiar identities, we may wonder who we are. Yet this question carries a quiet power. It opens a space where we can meet ourselves more directly.

In singleness and spirituality, this meeting is not about defining ourselves. It is about experiencing ourselves as we are, moment by moment.

Deepening Awareness Through Spiritual Practice

Spiritual practice naturally supports this process of self discovery alone. With more time and space, practices such as meditation or reflective writing can become part of daily life.

These practices invite us to stay with our experience. They help us notice the movement of the mind without becoming caught in it. They support a kind of awareness that is steady and open.

Over time, this awareness begins to extend beyond formal practice. It becomes part of how we live. Singleness and spirituality begin to feel less like separate ideas and more like a shared way of being.

Being Single, Spiritual Growth, and the Power of Being Single by Choice

Being single, spiritual growth takes on a deeper resonance when we are single by choice. There is a sense of alignment that comes from consciously entering this space.

Reclaiming Agency

Choosing to be single shifts the experience from something that is happening to us into something we are participating in. This shift can feel subtle, yet it changes the tone of the entire experience.

There is a sense of ownership in the choice. We begin to feel more grounded in our own lives. This does not mean everything feels certain. It means we are willing to be present with what is here.

This willingness becomes a form of strength. It supports a deeper trust in ourselves.

Honoring Your Own Timing

Being single by choice also allows us to step outside of timelines that may not truly belong to us. There is less pressure to move toward a particular outcome.

Instead, we can listen more carefully to what feels right in this moment. This listening is not always clear or immediate. It unfolds over time.

Honoring our own timing creates space for growth that feels organic. It allows us to move at a pace that supports genuine understanding rather than urgency.

Discover the Hidden Power of Daily Meditation

Single by Choice: A Deeper Look at Intentional Singleness and Spirituality

Choosing to be single by choice within intentional singleness and spirituality creates a supportive and meaningful path for inner work.

  • It offers space to build a steady relationship with your inner world, one that is not shaped by external validation
  • It supports a deeper engagement with spiritual practices that nurture presence and awareness
  • It allows you to observe relational patterns with greater clarity, without being inside them
  • It encourages a sense of wholeness that arises from within rather than from circumstance
  • It invites a compassionate relationship with your emotional experience

These elements come together in a way that feels both grounding and expansive. Intentional singleness is not separate from spirituality. It is an expression of it, a way of meeting life directly and allowing it to teach us.

Singleness and Spirituality as Foundations for Self Discovery Alone

Singleness and spirituality create a natural foundation for self-discovery to unfold on its own. Without the constant movement of relationships, there is more space to notice the subtle layers of experience. Thoughts, emotions, and sensations become easier to observe.

Spirituality, in this sense, is not about reaching for something beyond ourselves. It is about becoming more intimate with what is already here. It invites us to stay present with our experience, even when it feels uncertain or incomplete.

Through this presence, self discovery alone becomes less about finding answers and more about deepening awareness. We begin to trust that understanding will emerge in its own time. This trust creates a sense of ease that supports continued growth.

Intentional Singleness and Being Single: Spiritual Growth in Daily Practice

Intentional singleness and being single spiritual growth unfold through small moments of awareness woven into daily life. Simple pauses, quiet reflection, and mindful attention help you stay connected to your inner experience.

Each moment becomes an opportunity to observe and learn, gradually deepening your connection with yourself. This awareness continues to evolve, supported by the space intentional singleness creates.

Self Discovery Alone While Living Single by Choice with Spiritual Awareness

Self discovery alone while living single by choice with spiritual awareness brings a sense of coherence to the experience of singleness. There is less tension between where we are and where we think we should be.

Spiritual awareness supports us in meeting each moment as it arises. It allows us to stay present with both ease and discomfort. This presence creates a kind of stability that does not depend on external conditions.

As we continue to live in this way, self discovery alone becomes an ongoing process rather than a destination. There is always more to notice, more to understand, more to feel.

Over time, a quiet recognition begins to emerge. There is a sense that nothing essential is missing. There is a feeling of being at home within ourselves, even as life continues to change.

Learn How your Mind Really Works with Sounds True

Final Thoughts

Being single, approached with intention, becomes a space for awareness rather than absence. It invites a quieter kind of attention, where self discovery alone unfolds through presence and honesty, allowing you to meet your inner world with greater clarity and care.

Intentional singleness supports a deeper connection with your inner life, creating a sense of steadiness that is not dependent on circumstance. Singleness and spirituality remind us that growth comes from how we meet our experience, and in that meeting, a grounded sense of wholeness begins to take shape.

Frequently Asked Questions About Being Single: Spiritual Growth

What does being single, spiritual growth actually mean in daily life?

It refers to using your time alone as a space for awareness and reflection. In daily life, this can look like noticing your reactions, spending time in stillness, and building a relationship with your inner experience rather than avoiding it.

Can intentional singleness improve emotional resilience?

Yes, intentional singleness can strengthen emotional resilience by helping you stay present with difficult feelings instead of immediately seeking distraction or reassurance from others.

How is intentional singleness different from simply being single?

Intentional singleness involves a conscious choice to engage with your inner life. It is less about circumstance and more about how you relate to your experience while you are single.

Is self discovery alone possible without spiritual practices?

Self discovery alone can happen without formal practices, but spiritual tools like meditation or journaling often support deeper awareness and consistency in the process.

Does being single by choice affect future relationships?

Being single by choice can lead to healthier future relationships because it allows you to understand your patterns, needs, and boundaries more clearly before entering a partnership.

How do singleness and spirituality influence decision-making?

Singleness and spirituality can create more space to reflect before making decisions. This often leads to choices that feel more aligned with your values rather than reactive or rushed.

What challenges might arise during intentional singleness?

Common challenges include facing loneliness, restlessness, or uncertainty. These experiences are part of the process and can offer insight when approached with awareness.

Can being single support spiritual growth and life purpose?

Yes, it can create the space needed to reflect on what feels meaningful to you, helping clarify your direction without external pressure.

How long should someone practice intentional singleness?

There is no set timeline. The duration depends on your personal needs and what feels supportive for your growth at a given time.

Is self discovery alone a continuous process or a phase?

Self discovery alone is ongoing. Even if your relationship status changes, the awareness you develop continues to evolve over time.

Michelle Cassandra Johnson is an author, activist, spiritual teacher, racial equity consultant, and intuitive healer. She is the author of six books, including Skill in Action and Finding Refuge. Amy Burtaine is a leadership coach and racial equity trainer. With Robin DiAngelo, she is the coauthor of The Facilitator's Guide for White Affinity Groups. For more, visit https://www.michellecjohnson.com/wisdom-of-the-hive.